Am I Being Unreasonable to Sharer?

[Snowy1]

I am not sure if it is me or i am being to hard? I have a lovely 16.1 top class gelding that i bought to compete. Unfortunately due to serious health reasons i can not ride for the forseeable future. I could not afford to send him away at the moment and be competed professionally and i still wanted to keep my hand in So i got a sharer, what they get is to ride whenever they want, compete and in return they go to yard when they like. I will go in the morning or evening and do everything. All feeds and haynets are prepared ready, so they either have to muck or skip out and contribute a small amount (ie around £20 a week). I pay for all feed, hay, bedding, shoeing, rugs, provide all tack and it is very expensive tack and rugs. Will go to shows with them and help and do all i can to help within reasons of my health. Yard we are on is lovely and has everything you can wish for. Current sharer keeps mentioning that the horse is sharp to ride, certain things are done that i have asked not to be done? Is this wrong of me should i allow her to do all that she pleases? The horse is sharp because it is obviously very cold (he is fully clipped) and in his stable more than normal due to the weather. I am really trying to help but i know this horse well and he has always had the same regime.

 

[AmyMay]

It sounds like more than a generous 'package'. And no, she shouldn't be allowed to do all she pleases if it is against your wishes (regardless of what they are). It's your horse at the end of the day.

 

[rhino]

Sounds an absolute bargain, more of a loan with most things paid for and a groom to boot! At the end of the day decisions are down to you, if she wants anything done differently she should always ask. Did you get a decent contract drawn up when she began sharing?

 

[joeanne]

Your horse, your decision.....end of.
If sharer doesnt like it she can always find another horse. What you are offering would appeal to many.

 

[Magicmillbrook]

I wouldnt say you are being unfair - sound like your sharer has a very good deal. Try having a chat about it (if you havent done it already), if she is doing things you dont want, or if she is unhappy perhaps you shopuld find a new sharer. Ultimately he (or she) who pays the piper calls the tune!

 

[glamourpuss]

Ahhhhh some people just want the moon on a bloody stick!
No you aren't being unreasonable & I'm sure there are lots of people who would kill to have a deal like what she has.
It's your horse & if she isn't happy with how you do things maybe sharing isn't for her & she would be better with her own horse.

 

[Spotsrock]

Be firm.

Plenty of people want horses who can't afford them and would take your arm off for that deal AND respect your wishes.

 

[Biscuit]

I think this sounds like a very nice arrangement for your sharer.

At the end of the day you should make all the decisions, because it is your horse. However if she is sensible/experienced and does spend a lot of time with your horse I'd also discuss any suggestions she may have.

If the horse is sharp, perhaps a change in feed (less hard feed, more hay) could help.

 

[jhoward]

IME people have an inability to listen, or to have any respect.

I think you need to sit her down and say look, this is my horse and this is how things are done, depending on what she is doing wrong maybe be a round to keep an eye for a while, if its ridden wise, maybe offer to get her a few lessons as a thankyou/xmas pressie.

from what everyone else says a good sharer is hard to find, so i think its worth trying to find out where the issue is with communication no doubt she will feel a bit put out so maybe ensure you also get across that you do appreciate her.

 

[welsh horse rider]

I agree with everyone above that you are being more than reasonable xx

 

[Ranyhyn]

Sounds like a cracking deal they have - maybe they could do with exercising the horse more and asking before they change things around? Hope you get it worked out!

 

[Snowy1]

I know this horse well, bought him as a 3 year old and have done everything with him, prior to my health falling apart. I have already cut his feed down and addressed other issues, i just feel that people are quick to blame the horse and fail to look at what they are doing wrong first. It is such hard work and i sometimes wonder why i have bothered at all. If someone had offered me this deal years ago i would have snapped their hands off!!!

 

[indi4]

Sounds like your sharer has an amazing deal, but he's your horse and the sharer should respect that, and shouldn't be doing things your not happy with, or checking with you first. I'm currently riding a horse for someone and would never do anything without checking with the owner first. He is extremly sharp and spooky at the moment, but that's because she wants him in 24/7 and he only gets his legs streched when i ride him, which currently is only 3 or 4 times a week, have have spooken to the owner about my concerns, but thats how she wants the horse kept so i'm going to see how we get on, but the owner is aware that if he gets any worse i'll have to stop as carn't risk falling off. Have you spoken to your sharer about your concerns and about how the problems can be made better or reslove?

 

[PaddyMonty]

If sharer is doings things you have asked NOT to be done then no, you are not being unreasonable. However, a sharer has to decide if he/she can work within the owners rules(whether they agree with them or not), if not then its time to end the agreement.
I walked away from a fantatstic horse as owner and myself had very different views on what should be happening and despite several discussions the situation could not be resolved.
At the end of the day the owner calls the shots, the sharer either complies or leaves.

 

[Wagtail]

No, you are not being unreasonable. Your sharer has a fab deal. I would tell her to lunge him before riding if he's sharp. I lunge all the horses here before I ride at this time of year. Some because they are sharp and others just to warm them up so I can save my energy for the proper schooling once they have warmed up.

 

[PaddyMonty]

You dont actually say what it is that your sharer has done that you disagree with. What I have learnt from 47 years around horse (most riding for owners) is that some have very strange ideas of what they want done with their horses. Not saying you fit this category but without further info any response is very likely to miss the mark.

 

[Welshie Squisher]

You don't actually say what it is the sharer is doing that is bothering you.
All you say is your sharer keeps mentioning your horse is sharp.
If your sharer keeps mentioning this, its obviously an issue. If changes are related to this, then a big part of the storie is missing.
I can only go on the information given, perhaps you could be more specific

 

[fatpiggy]

I wouldn't discount the horse is being sharp because he has a different rider. Some horses get nervous when they aren't with their regular partner. I used to do equitation classes with my fruitcake mare and occasionally the judge would ask us to swap with the person next in the lineup and my mare used to go round with a very worried expression - not half as worried as the poor rider who had to get on her though!!

 

[skydancer]

You are def not being unreasonable - your horse - your decisions!

 

[PaddyMonty]

You are def not being unreasonable - your horse - your decisions!

How can you say that when when the OP hasn't stated her 'decisions'?
Her expectation that her decisions are to be followed is not unreasonable but the decisions themselves may well be. With the information given its impossible to tell.

 

[Ibblebibble]

agree with this, on the surface it sounds like a fantastic deal for the sharer, but without knowing what rules and stipulations there are it's hard to say if either party is being unreasonable

 

[cazrider]

Difficult one. However, as an owner who has had a sharer, I'm very much of the "Your horse, your rules" opinion.

Having said that, if they feel you are being unreasonable, it is the sharer's privilege to walk away. So, if you like her as a sharer, and good ones are not easy to find, it's probably worth talking it through.

I had a sharer once who bought my horse, without asking me, a pale blue leather bridle, so think yourself lucky. I was not amused. Quite apart from anything else, he looked a twit in it, as everyone from the yard told me with great glee.

 

[Snowy1]

The being unreasonable, is that they want to change feed, tack, rugs, put out when i have asked for him to stay in due to weather/ground. I appreciate that everyone does things differently, but i have been around horses a long time and know how i like things done. So if someone asked me to do something a certain way i would make sure that was done that way. Little things can add up and then you start getting bigger issues and i don't want that. I just want the horse to be happy. I don't think my requests are harsh or out of the ordinary either.

 

[Snowy1]

Oh and there are no rules and stipulations. You ride when you like, you get everything provided for you, you do not have to collect any feed etc as it is all supplied by yard. If you can't get to yard i will go morning and night, basically you get to treat the horse as your own as long as he is kept the way he should be. I think that is fair.

 

[AmyMay]

The being unreasonable, is that they want to change feed, tack, rugs, put out when i have asked for him to stay in due to weather/ground. I appreciate that everyone does things differently, but i have been around horses a long time and know how i like things done. So if someone asked me to do something a certain way i would make sure that was done that way. Little things can add up and then you start getting bigger issues and i don't want that. I just want the horse to be happy. I don't think my requests are harsh or out of the ordinary either.

All sounds very reasonable to me (you that is).

 

[Kenzo]

Your horse, your rules.

Sharer is on a very good thing here, gosh I'd give my right arm to be in their position and have the chance to ride and compete a lovely competition horse without all the costs but all the support from the owner!

If they don't like it or are doing thigns you don't agree with, they can go elsewhere, I doubt very much you'd would stuggle find another suitable sharer put it that way.

 

[wyrdsister]

It sounds pretty reasonable from what you've said so far. I shared my now loan mare for a while and was of the view that since her owner was being kind enough to let me ride/look after her, I should put up and shut up and do things her way regardless of how I would choose to do it myself!

I did make a couple of suggestions on LM's care, once about feed, which her own chose not to alter and once about tack, because I was genuinely concerned that the saddle didn't fit. It didn't, so the owner had it altered, the saddler made a mess of it and together we came up with a temporary saddle that would work until the mare could be bought a new one.

As long as you're willing to explain your reasons to your sharer and perhaps ask for hers in turn to see if there's a compromise to be made or if you can show her why you're doing things the way you are, you should be able to work things out.

Good luck.

 

[indi4]

The being unreasonable, is that they want to change feed, tack, rugs, put out when i have asked for him to stay in due to weather/ground. I appreciate that everyone does things differently, but i have been around horses a long time and know how i like things done. So if someone asked me to do something a certain way i would make sure that was done that way. Little things can add up and then you start getting bigger issues and i don't want that. I just want the horse to be happy. I don't think my requests are harsh or out of the ordinary either.

Sounds like your being reasonable to me. He's your horse so it's up to you how you want to looked after/cared for him. I'm currently riding a horse for someone, and i woundn't look after my horse in the same way and don't agree with everything she does, but it's her horse so it's up to her how she wants him looked after, so i have to respect that.

 

[TGM]

Reading between the lines, it sounds like your sharer is a little nervous and is finding your horse a bit much for her. She knows she is onto a good deal though, and is trying to find things (like more turnout, less heating feed) that might mean the horse becomes less sharp and will her allow her to continue riding it confidently.

However, it is your horse and it would be wrong of her to try and change his management without your approval. You have to decide how much you need a sharer, and how easy it will be to find a substitute, before you decide whether you want to compromise in any way at all.

 

[Ladylina83]

It could just be that yo don't have the right rider ! If he's consistantly sharp that would explain why she wants to change tack and turn out more, I can't blame her, I doubt she wants to give up the horse she's just looking for ways to sort out her problem. She's clearly not enjoying his sharpness - you say you want your horse to be happy so either have a chat with her about getting some lessons to sort out his control issues or find a different solution / sharer

I know everyone is saying your horse your rules but can you not work together to find a solution that works ?? The secret to a good share is communication after all. My sharer is on pretty much the same deal as yours but I wouldn't dream of snubbing her ideas