Am I Being Unreasonable?

Nocturnal

Nocturnal

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I have a bit of a conundrum, + feel a pr*t for posting about it, but I'm not sure what to do. I've had my loan horse for 5 months, and now that summer's rolling around, my sister keeps mentioning that she wants to come for a ride. I'm not from a horsey family, though my sister did used to ride regularly at a riding school (about once a week, mostly hacking with some lessons). This was about 15 years ago, though, and since then she has only been on a handful of rides, and always at a riding centre.

So, getting to the point, my horse is a 16.2 TB ex p2p, rising 7. I just don't think it's a good idea for her to be riding a horse like that with her limited experience. He's a lot calmer now than when I first got him (he was unrideable at first), but he can still be sharp, and he's not at all like a riding school horse. I suggested that she have a lesson first (there's a riding school at my livery yard), but she doesn't want to pay for something she feels she can get for free. I admit that I feel slightly offended that she views my horse as a bit of fun (I'm working hard on schooling him ready for BE).

Am I being unreasonable in not letting her on? Part of me wonders if maybe I'm being a horse snob, or something, and that she'd be fine. But it concerns me that she refers to herself as 'an experienced rider' when she's clearly a novice. Tbh, it's my horse that I'm concerned about as well as my sister; I don't want him socked in the mouth if (when) he goes faster than she'd like. Is my horse likely to be upset by a novice rider, or am I mollycoddling him? Does anyone else let their non-horsey relatives ride their competition horses?

Oh, and to cap it off, my sister has an electric bum! Anyway, sorry for the essay, and stawberries and cream to anyone who's gotten this far! Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
 
Actually I think you sound very sensible. I'm not sure its a good idea for a nervous just got his confidence tb to be ridden by a lady whose not ridden in years.

I'd offer to take her to a riding school or someone who has a bomb proof horse to have a sit on first.

If she decides to get back in the saddle proper I'd then give her a go when she's more proficient.

More my concern though would be losing the trust of the horse you've only just built up a relationship with.
 
Ditto post above.

Though just to keep family ties happy, could she have a quick ride on the lunge on him or something, just say walk and a bit of trot or something?
 
Just wondering - you say the horse is on loan to you? Does the loan agreement state you are the only person who can ride him? Perhaps tell your sister it states that (even if it doesn't). (I sound really devious don't I!)

It sounds like you've been working really hard on him and I don't think I would want to allow anyone on him at the moment if I were in your position.

:)
 
Totally agree with other replies. I think you are being very sensible. You have worked hard in a short space of time and risk going back to square 1 if your sister sits on him. Don't know how you get on with your sister but would suggest saying that although she has ridden before she is out of practice and has only ridden school horses in the past. (Don't mean to offend all those amazing school horses, some of who I rode in the past to get where I am :) ) Try getting a compromise - share a lesson on him with her or something similar.

I can tell when my dad's ridden my horse as he behaves differently for dad than me and is usually a livewire after dad's electric bum has been on him. :D
 
Thanks for all the replies :) Most of me felt I was being sensible, but being surrounded by people who just don't understand why I wouldn't let her on, I was beginning to doubt.

It doesn't mention anything like that in the loan contract, but I may be buying him soon, so I'll have no excuse then! :p

I could perhaps let her have a ride on the lunge, but he's never been lunged with a rider, and it may confuse him. Also, my sister can be quite tenacious, and I'm not sure I could rely on her to listen to me if I ask her to get off. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm sure it's a bad idea.

Thanks everyone for quelling my doubts! :)
 
Ballybo stick to your guns, it is your sister who is being unreasonable & very foolish to boot.

Totally unfair on the horse and may well undo some of your hard work.

Benji1 - electric seat is what us oldies used to refer to as a hot seat, in other words a rider who manages to make any horse they sit on become edgy and over heated. Odd phenomenon and very unfortunate for those affected.
 
I don't think your being unreasonable at all.

I would tell your sister that your horse is a highly trainer athlete in a strict training regime and not available for anyone who feels like a jolly to ride. If she is really interested about riding again then go do it like everyone else and do it sensibly by getting some lessons first on a school master to get back in to the swing of riding. Once she proves she has the skills to manage your highly trianed athelete without hurting either herself or him then she can have a go.

...Just my thoughts but I am in a no nonsense mood today
 
Stick to your guns, my sister was older and non horsey parents over rode my concerns, sister ended up with a nasty fall which ruined her confidence for many years.
 
I'm sure my OH would love to have a sit on both of mine but has been told in no uncertain terms that they are not novice rides and it would be too dangerous - he accepts this and is fine with it, your sister needs to do the same
 
You are being absolutely sensible and your sister is being completely unreasonable. It would be grossly unfair on your horse (and on you after all your hard work with him) to allow him to be yanked about and wobbled on. However experienced your sister thinks she is, after all that time not riding she will be unbalanced and not sufficiently sensitive for your horse.
You stick to your guns. Sis may not like it but she'll get over it. If she is really keen to start riding again then she'll go and get lessons. If she doesn't then she can't be that keen. Tell her your horse is unsuitable for lessons and I would happily say loan agreement limits riding to you.
My OH grumps about not being allowed on my baby, but I've told him when she's more experienced and he's more balanced we'll review things. He complains but so far we're still speaking!
 
I personally wouldn't only because if she's got a 'hot seat' she may partially make it harder for you for a bit (not too long) when you come to get back on him again and like posts have said previously, you may end up losing some of his trust. Also if she hasn't been riding for a bit she won't be very balanced/used to the movement and may put him off his own balance slightly so could end up looking or acting worse than he normally is (as he's trying to compensate)

Is there such a thing as a "cold seat" cause I've got one of those! The sharp ones turn normal and the normal ones turn into plods!
 
What sort of riding does she want to do? Are we talking jumping, a fast hack out, or just walking a bit? Even if she has had a long break, if she has ridden lots in the past I don't see why she would not be ok to walk around in the school, unless the horse is a complete maniac.
 
No I don't think you're being unreasonable especially if there is a risk she'll be a bit too big for her boots and not listen to you when she's on him. I've had a couple of friends of mine who have had lessons when they were younger make comments about having a sit on my boy when they come and visit - erm, which part of "just broken baby" makes them think it's a good idea, even if he is cute and furry! Similarly when my parents came to visit my mum offered to lead my boy in from the field whilst I brought his fieldmate in. At the time I think they thought I was being OTT as I refused and walked next to his head whilst mum lead him. Same pony has recently lept so high in the air (for a 13.2hh) that his front foot connected with my elbow whilst bringing him in - lesson, don't underestimate the fat hairy pony!! Stick to your guns, it'll be safer all round!
 
While he's your loan horse you have a valid excuse/reason. Just quote insurance at her - he's not insured for anyone else to ride. & when you buy him - well its cheaper to get the insurance if only one named rider.(!!!!!!!!!!)
You're being very sensible & obviously make it look easy if she thinks she can just get on & go! You could tell her you'll give her a ride on him but she has to muck out/clean tack/poo pick/whatever, first. If she does the work take her for a lead rein ride & make out she's helping you do groundwork with him.
 
bedbug said:
I don't think your being unreasonable at all.

I would tell your sister that your horse is a highly trainer athlete in a strict training regime and not available for anyone who feels like a jolly to ride. If she is really interested about riding again then go do it like everyone else and do it sensibly by getting some lessons first on a school master to get back in to the swing of riding. Once she proves she has the skills to manage your highly trianed athelete without hurting either herself or him then she can have a go.

...Just my thoughts but I am in a no nonsense mood today
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Brilliant reply! Your sister is being totally unreasonable and at the end of the day, the horse has got nothing to do with her or anyone else, but you and his owner. As a personal moan, I do hate the way people think they can have free rides if you own a horse. I used to own a total sweetie and I was shocked at the amount of non-horsey people who used to think they could help themselves to her when they wanted a ride in the summer. Including one of the mums in my daughter's school who informed a friend of mine she would be riding Velvet over the summer to try out horse riding - I don't even know the woman!

EDT: Sorry, I've stopped frothing at the mouth now! :)
 
You're all absolutely right, thank you! It's clear to me now - as riders we must always be on our horse's side; the only way they have of sticking up for themselves is through bad behaviour, which benefits no one. So as well as always riding with sympathy and patience, we must make all our desicions regarding our horses with the same understanding. Then we'll all have happy, relaxed horses who are free to work without tension and resistance :cool:. If and when I'm happy that my sister's riding will not cause stress or confusion for my horse then of course she can ride him, but only then.

I've explained this to my sister, but she doesn't understand, or thinks I'm being silly or pretentious. It's clear now, from our conversation, that she has no respect for my horse, or the work I've put in to get him where he is, so I'm glad I've tackled the issue now. I've suggested lessons, but she doesn't want to pay for them, so obviously she's not that serious about riding!

Anywho, thanks for all the advice everyone :)
 
No I would not either, I think your just looking out for your sisters safety which is the main thing, also it wouldnt do your horse any favours neither.

Your the one putting the work in and spending the money looking after it, if she wants to ride horses she'll have to get it into her head that it costs money at the end of the day and dig in her own pockets and pay for proper lessons, sounds harsh but its true. :)
 
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