am i being unreasonable?

[Natch]

Last in, first out.

... except the baby

I have ditched a bloke who got jealous of me and a horse before now. Its obviously not straightforward for you but given what you've told us, he can go and move back in with his mum. Have you got a brother/friends/father etc who can be there? I would tell him to pack and go again, and if he ignores you do it again the following night in company.

 

[AmyMay]

Having read your update, just a thought and probably not an issue, but if he is at home when you aren't and he resents the dogs, is there any chance he would abuse them?

That would be my concern and I would take steps to protect them. He needs to man up - get a job that gets him out of the house and take the pressure off of you a bit, never mind telling you what you can and can't do in your own home FFS!

Crossed my mind too.

 

[AMH]

Understandably more difficult because of your baby, but you're in the box seat with the house and the job.

Sounds to me as if there might be a bit more to this than just the dogs - given his circumstances is it possible he could be suffering from depression?

PLEASE don't everyone jump on me and tell me I'm making excuses for him, because his ultimatum is out of order, and in the OP's shoes I'd probably have told him to sling his hook too!

 

[ghostie]

Don't put up with his nonsense, if he's doing this when you've not even lived together for a year he'll be a nightmare in 10 years! If it were me I'd be evicting him if he refused to go - your local Citizens' Advice Bureau can advise you on the procedure. If he loves you he should respect that you love your animals. If the dogs are trying to eat the baby then fair enough, but they're not.

I have two very high maintenance bengal cats (think dogs on speed in a cat's body) and my OH knows that the cats were there first, so wouldn't dare complain about them despite the fact they howl if they're shut out the room, walk on his head in the middle of the night and steal anything they can pat with a paw or fit in their mouth the minute your back is turned.

 

[TallulahBright]

He likes like a total ****er and you need to get rid!

 

[evj]

Spoke to him again and he says he knows he's having a go at me about every little thing at the minute but its because he's miserable. I do think he's depressed but he refuses to get any help so i can't do much more. when Im st work he keeps the dogs in the kitchen and i really don't think he would hurt them.He says he wants us to stay together and hell change but we'll see.

 

[Fransurrey]

Understandably more difficult because of your baby, but you're in the box seat with the house and the job.

Sounds to me as if there might be a bit more to this than just the dogs - given his circumstances is it possible he could be suffering from depression?

PLEASE don't everyone jump on me and tell me I'm making excuses for him, because his ultimatum is out of order, and in the OP's shoes I'd probably have told him to sling his hook too!

Completely agree with this. It's very easy for self-esteem to take a nose dive when you lose your job (I had to take redundancy last year). Being 'let go' is bad enough, but when you're indoors a lot, you become 'institutionalised' and go out less and less. This was happening to me before Christmas, when I broke my arm. I was incredibly ratty and snappy with my OH and things that I put up with previously really got on my nerves. So, I'd be asking, is this a recent thing? One would assume so, as I wouldn't be having a baby with someone who wanted me to get rid of my cats (any such man would be drop kicked into touch).

 

[AMH]

Spoke to him again and he says he knows he's having a go at me about every little thing at the minute but its because he's miserable. I do think he's depressed but he refuses to get any help so i can't do much more. when Im st work he keeps the dogs in the kitchen and i really don't think he would hurt them.He says he wants us to stay together and hell change but we'll see.

I lived with a depressive for several years and it was extremely hard (he was receiving counselling and medication on and off during that time). Please think very long and hard about your future in this relationship - I wasted some of the best years of my youth thinking things would get better, and they didn't. And I didn't have any children to consider.

My ex used self-esteem to control me - he would periodically tell me I was overweight (I'm not!) and he didn't think he could stay with me. It was like constantly living in the path of an oncoming train - I knew he'd say something horrid at some point but just couldn't quite see when. It was far more about him than me, but I couldn't see it at the time - deep down I knew he shouldn't be treating me that way but I always made excuses for him.

If your fiancee's depression is due solely to his circumstances, then that's one thing, but if he was displaying this kind of behaviour before he lost his job then it's possible it's a more deep-rooted problem, and alarm bells would be ringing for me.

Good luck, I really hope it works out xx

 

[evj]

Its been since he lost his job.He has been feeling guilty about the fact that I've missed out on my maternity leave and is finding being a dad a bit challenging.

He HAS changed from being very sociable and happy to not leaving the house and hating every thing. Think i need to wear him down till he'll see a doc as i would like us to stay together however my dogs and horse are going no where!

 

[Honey08]

Its been since he lost his job.He has been feeling guilty about the fact that I've missed out on my maternity leave and is finding being a dad a bit challenging.

He HAS changed from being very sociable and happy to not leaving the house and hating every thing. Think i need to wear him down till he'll see a doc as i would like us to stay together however my dogs and horse are going no where!

Ah this makes it a very different picture and changes things. Depression is an illness. Definately getting him to the doctor is important and could change everything. I would keep stressing what a good job he is doing with the care of the babay/children etc - he sounds to be feeling useless and lashing out. There are always some times when you have to work at things in a relationship. I too would be livid if my hubby suggested getting rid of the dogs, but if he was depressed and down, and I did want to stay with him, I would work at things (but the animals would stay!!).

Good luck to you. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate.x

 

[AMH]

Ah this makes it a very different picture and changes things. Depression is an illness. Definately getting him to the doctor is important and could change everything. I would keep stressing what a good job he is doing with the care of the babay/children etc - he sounds to be feeling useless and lashing out. There are always some times when you have to work at things in a relationship. I too would be livid if my hubby suggested getting rid of the dogs, but if he was depressed and down, and I did want to stay with him, I would work at things (but the animals would stay!!).

Good luck to you. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate.x

This, 100%