Am I doing the right thing? I feel terrible.

Sprogladite01

Sprogladite01

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I've made a decision to put my mare on sales livery. She is a gorgeous, affectionate 7 year old ISH and I love her to pieces, but we need different things from each other.
She needs an experienced person to take her out and about and show her the world, give her a nice varied routine beyond just schooling and hacking.
I need a horse who isn't sharp, doesn't need constant work and who can look after me when I'm nervous.
I've poured my heart and soul into this girl and now that I'm speaking to a lady about sales livery I feel like such a failure. She is such a cracking mare but I've had a few falls now due to her sharpness and it's really knocked my confidence.
Thinking about selling her has me in tears but logically it's fairer to both of us for me to sell her. I don't have the land and she's too young to be a field ornament anyway.
It just really sucks.
Has anyone had anything similar and gone through with it, and felt it was the right thing looking back? Or am I making a huge mistake not pushing through?
Help :(
 
You're doing what is right for you and that's all that matters. Your horse and your decision. It's supposed to be fun and if it isn't then you are absolutely doing the right thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Why spend all that money, time and effort on her if you don't enjoy it.

Don't beat yourself up at all !
 
I sold a lovely talented 5 year old at the beginning of the year as we’re doing a major house renovation and I knew I couldn’t commit the time to her. She also wasn’t the type who was ok after a few days off. I felt a failure and was criticised by YO for selling the dream potential event horse to buy a low level pony club pony.

I bought an absolutely charming cob x who’s everything I wanted and more. He’s a delight to do everything with and doesn’t care if he has a week off.

The 5 year old is now a mother daughter share and is absolutely doted on. I get regular updates from them and they're having a wonderful time with her.

I don’t regret my decision at all 😊
 
Loving both my horses, either would do what you'd want. I've just done another update on Rigsby's thread...

https://forums.horseandhound.co.uk/...t-cob-introduction-feed-advice-photos.795026/

I had a competition type mare prior and I stopped enjoying her when mum was ill, I was stressed and was mum's only LPA.

No regrets selling. Two lovely, kind horses who love going to the pub, having fun and helping out where they can.

The two of them together cost less than the competition mare's sale price. bargains, the pair of them!!!
 
I would imagine your mare is quite happy with schooling and hacking BUT she doesn't sound the right horse for you right now. I've struggled on in the past with horses that weren't quite right for me and to be honest it is meant to be fun so I think there is absolutely no shame in admitting that you aren't compatible and find her a good home.
 
I bought a lovely four year old and ended up selling her at six after struggling over and over to get decent help with her and the wheels coming off and not enjoying it all. Constant worry and stress trying to get out and ride/lunge whatever so she wouldn't be too sharp to ride did not fit with my nerves or my sometimes stressful job.

I never thought I would have to sell a horse, I dreaded the decision, umed and arred, sent her away for training for six months hoping that we'd click in that time, but when I finally made the decision and she was sold I felt so much relief it was absolutely the right thing to do.
 
JGC said:
I bought a lovely four year old and ended up selling her at six after struggling over and over to get decent help with her and the wheels coming off and not enjoying it all. Constant worry and stress trying to get out and ride/lunge whatever so she wouldn't be too sharp to ride did not fit with my nerves or my sometimes stressful job.

I never thought I would have to sell a horse, I dreaded the decision, umed and arred, sent her away for training for six months hoping that we'd click in that time, but when I finally made the decision and she was sold I felt so much relief it was absolutely the right thing to do.
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This is almost exactly my experience, I bought her when she was 5, she turns 7 tomorrow. Stressful job, now facing limited hours to get her worked and worrying all the time about how much exercise she's had and whether it's 'enough', my nerves are being shredded. I never used to be nervous at all but I'm definitely nervous now.
 
It sounds like a perfectly sensible decision to me; not all partnerships work out, and sometimes, our life circumstances change and turn a good fit into a bad one. She sounds great, and I'm sure she'll do well; you can then look around for something that suits where you are now.
 
I think if the horse is not right for you then it is the most reasonable thing to do to sell her on (I do realise that reasonable can sometime contradict what the heart feels). I have seen several riders come to the brink of stopping riding only to flourish with a different horse. I suppose you could look at it a bit like a work relationship: if you start dreading going to work and feel sick every time you receive an email from a certain person, it is time to move on. Perhaps it is time to move on from being your horse's rider / carer. In this case you do need to find your own replacement before handing in your notice. Your mare is a nice age and sounds like she might suit someone else very nicely. Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
It sounds a really sensible decision and admitting that you and a horse and what you want to do don't match is hard. I made the decision a couple of years ago and it was the best decision I ever made.

My only thought is that the market seems less strong at the moment so you might not sell her for as much or as quickly/ easily as you might in the spring.
 
It sounds like the right decision. I used to have a horse that couldn't miss a day of work without going dotty. She was fabulous and probably one of the most talented animals I've ever sat on - a jump like no other and brave as a lion. However there is no way I could cope with that level of horse, or that level of commitment now. I'm older, have less time and the time I do have I want to spend enjoying myself and not stressing about whether a horse is going to be too sharp that day.
 
I think it’s a very brave decision and more people should be like you!

Horses are supposed to be fun, and however much you love her if she is that bit too sharp for you and it’s affecting your confidence you’re doing the right thing admitting it, both to yourself and to other people. There are a lot of people out there who are overhorsed, have to psych themselves up to get on and won’t even admit to themselves that they would be better off with a steadier ride instead.

You haven’t failed her, it sounds like she’s had a lovely life with you but as you say she’s young enough to have plenty of fun in front of her with the right person.

Good luck, I hope you find a fabulous home for her and a new friend to boost your confidence too when you’re ready.
 
Assuming the rehab of my current horse goes well I will likely be making the same decision; I love her and have had some fun with her but she needs riding regularly to keep her sensible and that doesn't fit in me working full time. It may be that now she is not in pain things are different but I think that is the likely plan. I have been riding some other horses recently and not worrying about the what if. Owning a horse is overall meant to be fun. I think you sound very sensible and are doing the right thing for you and your horse. I sold a horse two years ago primarily because she needed more than we could give her, and she was too small for me. She is now with a more experienced riding out competing on a regular basis.
 
I sent mine off for schooling and sales livery a couple of months back. In the run up to it I was inconsolable, constantly questioning my decision - it really didn’t help that my mare was such a nice person to be around.

Then, once she had gone (and after a lot of tears), I was suddenly ok with it. The enormous pressure I was under was lifted - and I quite liked it!

I went to visit her and she barely looked up from her haynet (until I got some treats out!). She couldn’t have cared less that it was me standing there. That really helped, tbh, if she had called or nickered at me I think I’d have taken her back on the spot 🤣

I’m really enjoying getting her updates as she progresses, and I’m now sure she’ll be perfectly happy in her new home. I’ve heard lots of good things about the ability of the yard owner to match a horse to the right person, so I’m as confident as I can be that she’ll end up in a good home 🤞🙏
 
Not every single person gels with every single horse, its that simple. You have realised that she is not for you but she will be perfect for somebody. That is a brave thing to do and well done for trying everything you could too. Something will come along that is for you and you will absolutely love. ❤️
 
Thank you, you are all lovely ❤️ ive spoken further with the sales livery lady, who has been highly recommended to me by multiple people and I'm going to visit the yard over the weekend. If all goes well, she will go there on Monday 💔 I think if i don't move quickly I will be umming and ahhing all winter and people are less likely to buy the more 'winter'ish it gets. I still feel awful, I'm looking forward to the relief kicking in...
 
I’ve only ever sold one horse and he was a tb. He wasn’t sharp when I got him, the opposite really. We had several good years but the better conditioned and fitter he got the sharper he got. This coincided with my friend and hacking partner becoming too pregnant to ride and his separation anxiety being mixed in with it and i came off a whopper..that knocked me and I could never get back to where I was before. I sold him and I didn’t regret it after the fact though had waves of panic before doing it as I loved the bugger. He went to a lady who kept him for the rest of his days. I now have a blob of a horse and while he’s no plod he’s never had that feeling of “I don’t know what you are about to do” and that is priceless.
 
I kept mine in the same situation and now wish I hadn't. He stayed with me until he got old and was PTS, but I never really got back into riding regularly and losing my nerve spoilt my enjoyment. In hindsight, he'd have been just as happy with someone else and I could have found something more suitable.
 
So, my girly is going at 2pm today. Feeling sad, and guilty, but think it's the right thing. Stressing about getting it all done between work meetings now - not just sending her off, but moving her companion so he isn't left on his own once she's gone. Also praying she sells quickly because it's about 4x more expensive putting her on sales livery than it is keeping her at home!!
 
Sprogladite01 said:
She has gone and my yard is horribly empty. Her companion is calling for her from the field next door and I feel horrendous. She was so good loading bless her 😭
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Think of it as the next chapter, you would be doing yourself no favours by keeping her, you made the hardest but best decision and now you can look for something you want. She will find a fantastic home with someone who will keep her on her toes 🥰
 
Pleased to say my girly has sold and passed her vetting, so she will be off to her new home shortly. Just wanted to say thank you for all the kind words as I was really wavering on my initial decision! Feeling sad it hasn't worked out with her as she is such a sweetheart on the ground, but must admit I do feel relieved!
 
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