am i doing the right thing

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estrelaslave23

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I bought my first horse from my riding stables. A 15hh cob who everybody says is the kindest, safest horse in the stables. I have tried for 2 years but i am scared of her. I make excuses not to go down there and am not happy on my own with her. Am i doing the right thing selling her on to someone who will want to be with her? I listened to everyone who said i didn't want a pony but i really think i should have stuck to my instincts and got someone smaller. Am i a bad person for giving up on her? How long does it take to click
 
I feel for you, it must be causing you a lot of stress and guilt feeling this way. I think firstly I want to tell you that you not to feel bad, and that its ok. We all spend a lot of money and time on horses and so I think if you're still feeling this way after 2 years then its time to do something about it.

You mention that you're scared of her; why is that? does she do anything to make you feel that way? or is it just her size? Have you tried enlisting the help of someone more experienced with you, to see if they can help the two of you get along better?

Bottom line is after 2 years then you should know her well and have clicked. Don't feel bad selling her (as long as she's not some crazed loon anyway!) and Im sure there will be someone who will want her (if she's a safe kind 15hh cob I'm sure there will be plenty). It may be better for the two of you if you part company.

Good luck and keep smiling :)
 
The most selfless and kindest thing you can do for her, is to sell her. Give her a chance with an owner who is right for her. No one clicks with every horse, you might then, be able to find a horse that is perfect for you.
If its at all possible, get someone who is knowledgeable and experienced to bring her back into work, get her smartened up and take some good photo's for an advert, so she is able to attract a suitable new owner. She may make someone very happy- and be happier herself in working home.
Don't feel guilty, you tried and it didn't work out.
 
I'll admit that the horse I own now scared me for the first year I had him. He was a lot sharper than the pony we'd previously owned (which, ironically is the reason I bought him!). I used to dread riding but I grew to understand and trust him and have owned him for 7 years now. If you are still not happy after 2 years than it is time to sell and move on. It could be that you don't just click together (I remember looking at a horse for sale that was perfect but i just didn't click with her).

Also don't be ashamed in wanting something smaller - I much prefer them! ( I also think geldings are easier to love but that's my opinion). But as everyone says, it's an expensive hobby not to enjoy.
 
Thank you for your replies. I think the problem is her size, i find her intimidating although she is a very kind horse. She is on working livery so is well looked after if i am unable to go and see her. We just haven't clicked i suppose.
 
You are doing entirely the right and responsible thing. You have given it a long time to work and it hasn't. Not her fault. Not yours. Not every horse suits every rider and this is too expensive a past time to keep flogging on. It is a hard thing to come to - especially the first time. But it actually happens to most of us at some point in our riding lives. Sell her on and find something that works for you.
 
estrelaslave23 said:
Thank you for your replies. I think the problem is her size, i find her intimidating although she is a very kind horse. She is on working livery so is well looked after if i am unable to go and see her. We just haven't clicked i suppose.
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The fact that you bought her from the RS, that she is still being used by the RS pretty much as before you bought her, will be part of the problem, as well as her being bigger than you wanted in the first place, you probably do not really feel like her owner, she certainly will not know you are, I would sell her back to the RS if possible and look for a pony of your own, not one that is already there find one that you want, that you will enjoy, that is your choice, don't feel bad about making the decision she was probably never going to really work out and you have given it long enough, time to move on.
 
2 years is along time to have a horse that you don't get along with, however in your case I'd look into trying to overcome your fear of being intimidated of her size before selling, it sounds as if you've been avoiding her rather than pushing yourself a bit? Perhaps take over her care totally for a while, have one to one lessons with her - these could be on the ground if riding is an issue initially, having lessons on the lunge would probably be useful for you, build up to doing a fun ride or something like trec, do different things such as long lining etc. I find most people tend to get used to a larger animal eventually. The problem is that you might get something smaller that doesn't have the temperament of your mare, smaller ponies can often be sharper, not always of course, but sometimes the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. If you still feel the same after a concerted effort, then I'd agree that the best thing is to sell.
 
estrelaslave23 said:
Thank you for your replies. I think the problem is her size, i find her intimidating although she is a very kind horse. She is on working livery so is well looked after if i am unable to go and see her. We just haven't clicked i suppose.
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If she is on working livery, she probably doesn't see you as anyone special anyway, so she won't care whether you sell her or not. In fact if you find her an owner who wants to take her off working livery and look after her themselves, she's be a lot better off, I think.

How tall are you? Fifteen hands to me is a really tiny horse, so I'm guessing you are a child? But if you are an adult, then I wonder if you bought your own horse too soon and aren't really ready for it? Because if a quiet fifteen hand horse intimidates you then I'm not sure you're going to feel any different with a smaller one, which may not be as quiet.
 
cptrayes said:
How tall are you? Fifteen hands to me is a really tiny horse, so I'm guessing you are a child? But if you are an adult, then I wonder if you bought your own horse too soon and aren't really ready for it? Because if a quiet fifteen hand horse intimidates you then I'm not sure you're going to feel any different with a smaller one, which may not be as quiet.
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This was my first thought too. Although I don't think of fifteen hands as tiny, I can't see an adult, on a practical level, being suited to something significantly smaller. I'm 5 ft 6', and I tend to like my horses to be around the 15-16hh mark, as that feels like a good size for me. I don't mind, and have had, bigger horses in the past, but riding anything much smaller actually makes me feel less secure and a little out of balance. Yes, you could probably go down to about 13-13.2hh on something like a Highland or a really chunky cob, but even then I think that you'd struggle to find a saddle that fit you both (I know they're out there, but it can take time and quite a bit of money to find one). Even if you're a teen, I'm guessing that you're at least thirteen, so buying a pony still wouldn't be a good long-term solution.

If I were you, I would follow touchstone's advice and just spend some time riding and handling her by yourself. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, try and do it supervised first, and then slowly progress to doing a little more by yourself. Give it a month or two and if you still don't feel any bond, then I'd look at selling her. However, I don't think you're going to find anything suitable which is markedly smaller, nor better suited temperament-wise (from what you've said), so maybe try taking some time out and having some more lessons at your riding school before looking for another horse.
 
In answer to the queries, i am not a child. I am a short, slightly stocky middle aged woman and think i could probably suit a short, slightly stocky pony.

My issue with the horse is on the ground. I can ride her with no problem. She is a tall 15h and seems to be able to grow a foof if something scares her. I had a nasty accident on her just after i had her resulting in an operation which i got over. Unfortunately she is a slightly nervous nelly and i think we feed off each other and just wind each other up.

I think i need to let her go to someone who will appreciate her though do feel guilty and depressed about it.
 
Your last message makes me wonder if she isnt quite as quiet as your told by others on the yard, after all as a working livery they wouldnt want to loose her from the yard. A quiet pony sounds idea :)
 
And dont feel guilty im sure the right person will love her to bits, as a riding school pony im sure she would love a one to one home
 
Don't feel guilty - you can't expect to like every person you meet no matter how nice someone else thinks they are - so the same is true of horses. Sometimes we just don't click. Its not as simple as sharpness or quietness - Although I am a not all that brave I often feel safer with sharper horses because they react fast to what you do, where as I am scared on something docile and nonreactive because its like they don't always notice you. I own and ride two horses - one is easy and quiet and could be ridden by quite a novice rider, the other is sharp off the aids, naturally speedy and reactive and is certainly not a novice ride. But which one do I trust as much as one ever should trust a wild animal? It's not the quiet one. which horses we get along with is as subtle as which people we get along with. SO no guilt - find her another home perhaps she has a fan at the riding school? And keep on looking for your soul mate so to speak and when you are looking trust your instinct and make your own choice - good luck
 
My own 15.1 can be quite intimidating if you don't know him or are a bit nervous (coltish behaviour in field) and also grows a foot if there's something to look at so I completely understand why you might be scared. Don't feel bad about wanting a change - if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

I am 5'4" and knocking on a bit and a 15 - 15.2 suits me in terms of height. Don't rule out another 15hh when you start looking - they come in as many different types and temperaments as ponies so you may well find one that is exactly right for you and you will wonder why you ever thought size was an issue.

Good luck!
 
If you don't enjoy her then yes, parting company is the best thing to do, provided you advertise her honestly to give her the best chance of a new home.

I have been there, and traded my 16hh warmblood in for a 14hh cob, and it's the best thing I have ever done. He has gone to a pro rider and I have a lovely little cob who is a dream to handle and ride, life feels so much easier and I actually look forward to going to the stables again.

Not all adults are suited to a 15hh horse, some of us are just shorter!
 
Hi OP, We did the same as you but our "problem" is a little different and a probably common one these days. Our boy was in the RS for years, we bought him but kept as working livery to make the costs manageable and to ensure he would be looked after well when we can't get to the yard (not all the family are horsey!) Although he has a few different riders on his work days he definitely knows his "mums", me and DD, and we have been able to educate him in terms of collection/working forward not to mention coping with the big world beyond the school arena! When he goes somewhere new he grows a hand or so, and can be a little spooky if hacking alone, but he is kind, friendly and safe to handle. Unfortunately my daughter is still growing, and also hankers after something younger/sharper...but I don't want to end up "holding the reins" of something I trust less and won't enjoy as much! So basically I feel for you, but agree you need to feel happy about the animal you spend your precious time and money on (not to mention the emotional investment...love/guilt/worry if they are ill or injured). So if it is just a case of needing something closer to your original ideal height-wise and easier to handle on the ground then definitely sell and look for another. However you mentioned a nasty accident and if something specific has knocked your confidence then that should be addressed before you buy again. Maybe finding a highland/cob type pony to loan or share could work for you for now? As for selling your mare, see if any other RS clients would like a similar arrangement to what you have had. Sorry for the ramble, but good luck with whatever you decide!
 
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