Am i in the wrong?

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blackgold

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Right, Basically I have been mates with my friend for about 7 years and she's always had a horses in this time. but about 2 years ago she got a new field with no water so containers are to be filled and pushed up in a wheel barrow to fill up the bath(very hard work especially in the summer!) now when she physically couldn't do it I would do it as i am her friend and i wouldn't let the horses go without. now she's recently become single from a bad relationship and has been more round to horses then ever! which i love it's nice to have my friend back as it was rare for me to see her as she has children and other commitments. now my problem is as last minute she said she was going away for a couple of days and asked if i could watch them which i have no issues with at all! however on the day she left i went up to the horses to find they had no water whatsoever! now this hit a nerve with me as i'm my eyes you've basically just not even checked! the weather was due to rain later that day and the water would run off the shelter into a bath. so i sent her a text message asking if she had checked.

no reply until the day after (it had rained overnight) she texted saying it should be full now.

Now this angered me as i replyed saying they had absolutely nothing and her reply was *****- it should be full now though.

now i sent a rather nasty text back well what if it hadn't rained i would have been left to do it yet again!

to her reply was "i checked the forcast"

now this really boiled me so my reply was " you'll check the forcast but not your horses!? i think your taking the P*SS when you couldn't do it you know i would but you have every opportunity to do it before you left but didn't.

her reply was "look I'm sorry you feel that way!"

now my question is how do i react now? as much as i don't want to fall out with her i really don't want to be taken the micky out of and to make matters worse I've been training and schooling her nutty welsh for nothing as she was scared of her so i helped out.. i don't want to let the mare down :(

HELP
 
Is it really worth falling out about ? Either you want to be friends or you don't and it sounds like you are heading for a childish split.
 
There's no excuse in my eyes for leaving any animals without water, unless your excuse is that you've actually died. Also, forecasts are often wrong! Two days ago we were meant to have heavy rains and a thunderstorm, and instead we had a fine day of 16 degrees. I can't even rely on forecasts for my rugging/de-rugging plans, let alone my horse's water source!?!
 
well my only problem was the fact she left her horses without water? i don't want to fall out but i don't want to be taken for a ride either. :/
 
I wouldn't get too wound up about it. You've made your point. If she asks you to look after them again ask her to make sure they have enough water before going but otherwise let it go. As far schooling the mare, if you enjoy it, carry on, if it's a chore tell her you don't have the time any more, but there's no need to fall out over it.
 
I agree with you, but the way you're writing to her is more on the aggressive side than the constructive side which is why the falling out is happening. Maybe you could lay out your terms to her clearly - e.g. you don't want to fall out, you are happy to check her horses, but you don't think it's reasonable to leave them without water. You'll overlook it this time but in future you hope she'll be more careful. etc.
 
@ Morgan i must admit my reply was rather aggressive but this isn't the first time she's done this. i just don't know what to say to her she knows how to look after her horses i shouldn't have to remind her to fill up the bath it just didn't seem like she was bothered. i just don't know what to say to her now. i haven't seen her since
 
Yes it's frustrating when people have to be told obvious things isn't it!! I would do just that though - tell her where you stand, that you think it's unreasonable and you expect her to improve, and you're drawing a line under it now but you won't help her out in future (or something along those lines, said politely).
 
that is what i shall do thank you i think i just needed to vent. it just angers me when horses are last on a priority list they can't do it themselves!
 
If she's your friend and going through big upsets in her life then bite your tongue, fill the water up and support her for a while until things settle down for her. Hopefully she will do the same for you then , if you need it one day.
 
She has a duty of care for her horses under the recently amended 'Animal Act' and keeping her horses without a fresh supply of water is a major issue and she could find that she is in serious trouble.
I would suggest that she does something about this such as get a mains water supply installed with an automatically filling water trough.
There is no excuse at all for keeping horses without a fresh supply of water.
 
Obviously she should always ensure her horses have water. However I'm surprised at how aggressive your texts were. I would never text anyone in that tone, all you had to say was: when I arrived the horses had no water, next time I look after them can you please make sure they have been checked and that they have water. This is an unnecessarily catty argument.
 
Poor lady has been through a load of cr*p from a relationship, is a single mum trying to get a couple of days away, cut her some slack

Your last text seems an argument for the sake of it, yes she can check the forecast from a phone in a couple of seconds, it has no bearing on checking the horses

Yes she should have checked, yes she should have made sure, yes she should have filled it but its never worth losing a relationship over

Personally I would text to clear the air, something like 'sorry I snapped, I hope you are having a good break' leave it at that and if a conversation needs to be had about her habits do it when she is back
 
There is no excuse for horses (or any animal) not having water! I also have to take water in containers, or use what falls on the shelter. Its a pain, but if you cant be bothered then don't keep horses. If they are frequently left without enough water its a welfare issue.
 
saltpetres said:
There's no excuse in my eyes for leaving any animals without water, unless your excuse is that you've actually died. Also, forecasts are often wrong! Two days ago we were meant to have heavy rains and a thunderstorm, and instead we had a fine day of 16 degrees. I can't even rely on forecasts for my rugging/de-rugging plans, let alone my horse's water source!?!
Click to expand...

^^^ This

And no, OP you are not in the wrong.

I can understand why you got a little aggressive, the owner of the horse I'd been riding up until he went lame (no fault of mine - blame the owner/hard ground a right hooley in the field and exploding sheds (don't ask) for that one) has been known on more than one occasion to leave him and his mate with no water. She did exactly what your friend is doing until her YO went absolutely mental at her. She didn't even have the excuse you guys have of needing to carry water to the trough unless it rains heavily - all she had to do was turn a tap on and off to fill the trough and she couldn't even manage that.
 
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You were going up anyway. Maybe they literally just drank it. You're being s bit ott - they're not your horses.
 
Having in the past had to transport water to fields (and even the yard), I can understand how annoyed you were when you got there. However I do think you should have restrained yourself when it came to texting, as it couldn't possibly make any difference to the fact that you were left to deal with the water this time.
Now, I would send the "sorry I snapped" text and have a calm, rational conversation with your friend when she gets back about a fair division of labour.
 
I would send a sorry I snapped text as a well.
However I can't imagine leaving for a couple of days jolly without filling my horses trough right to the top if they didn't have self filling troughs.
I would have a talk with her about it when you get back as I do think it was rude to expect you to fully fill a trough rather than just have to a top up.
Don't lose a friend over it but don't be a door mat either .
 
I have learned to my detriment that many people take advantage and are practically ignorant to it.
I've also come to realise that I must not judge by my own standards, many of us wouldn't have dreamt of going away without filling that trough to the brim. However, if her mind is all over the place with relationship break downs and all that goes along with that, plus children and horses then she probably struggling to prioritise well.
You sound as though you are a bit of a crutch to her, I've been in the same position and it becomes tiresome to be constantly helping with little gratitude and even complacency!
I'd send her the sorry I ranted text but that you'll chat with her when she gets back, then you can lay some ground rules, and tell her that you were infuriated that she hadn't filled the trough before she went.
Keep the friendship, but decide how much helping you want to give.
Good luck op
 
I would not be pleased with the lack of water either having done water in carriers for many years and now am very spolit with a hose pipe. Why not suggest she gets an IBC on a trailer?
 
hello, it's all sorted now I sent her a text saying look i'm sorry I snapped but next time you left could you please make sure they have everything they need. or if you were in a rush just let me know, you know I would have done it as I have the past god knows how many years. I had a very long day at work so was already stressed. I don't want to fall out over this. hope we can put this behind us?

She replied staying she was sorry and knew she was in the wrong. then progress to tell me about her holiday crisis over and friendship still intact thank you everyone for your opinions

:)
 
Morgan123 said:
Yes it's frustrating when people have to be told obvious things isn't it!! I would do just that though - tell her where you stand, that you think it's unreasonable and you expect her to improve, and you're drawing a line under it now but you won't help her out in future (or something along those lines, said politely).
Click to expand...

This!
 
This would really anger me, I hate seeing animals without something so basic as water. We take them from their natural habitat and force them into being pets - the least we can do is care for their basic needs.

That being said she is going through a rough time and so probably really needs your help rather than anger, even though your emotions are totally justifiable.

If I were you next time I see her I'd say it is not acceptable to leave them without water and please can she fill them up every time she is there no matter what. Tell her you'll do the same and you're here to support her, but will not allow the horses to suffer.

Sounds a tricky situation, and don't blame your friend too much as it sounds like a rough patch. Good luck.
 
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