Am I just being sour????

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pixiebee

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my two horses are shared by a lady and her children 3 days per week and she pays £200 per month for both of them.

Stupidly I never got round to doing a contract. (I know!!!)
Anyway..... she went away over xmas for 3 weeks leaving ,e to sort horses (fair enough) I was however told 3 days before she went only by chance as xmas day fell onto one of her days. She insisted she told me a few months ago but im certsin she didnt?? anyway, i wasnt able to do the whole 3 weeks (hence the need for a sharer in the first place) so I had to pay yard owner for full livery on her 3 days each week that she was away. I also had topay double fees for xmas days and bank hols as these were her days/ basically left me with a monster bill I wasnt expecting. She has paid her usual £200.

She hasnt offered to help with the extra bill,though she knows im struggling and she knows its because i wasnt able to cover her 3 weeks off. my horses I know but would have expected her to atleast offer towards it?

Now to top it one of the horses is lame and the other has lost a shoe.
Two new issues...
first, one horse is 18 this year and has been showing signs of stiffness on his front legs. I personally think 3 days per week hacking is just to much for him now, so have asked if she could let her kids just gently potter in the school for now to see if he improves (he is on cortaflex now)

second issue, my other horse has lost a shoe and the farrier cant come for another week. so I said not to hack him out only ride in the school (which she hates, she only likes to hack)

She has complained about paying for two horses that she cant hack at the moment but the thing is. I dont even hack. i could quite happily take the shoes off both horses and save myself a fortune. I told her that I dont get paid till fri anyway so couldnt get his shoes done til then as ive just forked out 500 quid on livery! she has moaned but still has not offered to pay a penny towards shoes whatsoever. Now i know she pays set money each month and thats what i initially asked for. but....in light of her holiday costing me an extra 300 i would have thought she could have atleast offered a few quid towards shoes, seeing as i dont even need them shod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im also schooling my horse for dressage and he is really improving and the only reason for me to have a sharer was time/money but my family have offered to help me out so i could potentially manage (just!) by myself. now here is the thing....i have only seen this lady ride once on a hack and i dont know exactly what she is doing when she is riding them> i.e cantering/trotting etc and am finicky about other people riding my horses in the first place. would you allow someone else to hack your horses out that you didnt know that well?
Also i am thinking of putting my older horse into semi retirement and just letting my son (6yr old) potter round once a week on him.
She has just handed over 200 so I was thinking i could then give her a months notice seeing as she has paid for it but do you think im being horrible and sour by being annoyed about not being offered any money for shoes?
what would you do??
congrats if you made it this far!!!
 
It's got to work for you too at the end of the day. I was under the impression that it's usual for sharers to have to pay for FL/services on days they can't do. If she goes, what will you do about those three days from now on?
 
I will pay for one of those days to be full livery and the other two my mother in law has offered to help with the kids etc!!!!
wont be easy and will cost me alot more money which to be honest i cant really afford but come march/april when they are out at night, my cost will half anyway, so i guess it would be for just a few months to struggle. i just dont know whats worse, dealing with a third party of worrying about a bigger livery bill!!!
 
I think your being a bit off. When I was sharing I would of never expected to pay extra as the owner wanted livery when I was away. Though I would of always gave as much notice as possible if i was going to be away.
I'm a bit confused though how it was so inconvenient that she was away at Christmas (financially and time wise) but now you don't want her?
 
If you're unhappy then give them their notice. If you can't afford it in the end you could advertise for new sharers on different terms. If you do find new sharers it may be worth mentioning what will happen in the event that the horse cannot be ridden/holidays/ loan agreement etc.

Personally, I would have discussed who pays what at the beginning and it doesn't seem like you discussed shoes. You could mention that you would like a contribution but as it wasn't mentioned prior to the verbal agreement she is entitled to say no.
 
calm down vg.lol
its not extra livery that i wanted its because it was such short notice and it was a case of bye see you in 3 weeks. now i dont expect her to pay for full livery but if i were loaning someones horse and i went away i would make sure either the owner could cover or if not that i had arranged cover at least. i wouldnt go away and thats that. but maybe thats just me.
 
I've previously shared 2 horses, the 2nd of which was kept on her own yard so no worries about livery costs. The first was kept at livery and tbh I didn't pay if I couldn't make my days - BUT that was as we were both flexible - if the owner went on holiday I would do the whole week and vice versa, help her out if she was ill/ wanted to go out and was short on time etc etc. However, if she had had to put him on full livery for those days then I think I would have offered to pay, a sharer pays a contribution towards keep and if keep goes up due to the sharer not being able to stick to their end of the deal, then I would expect at least an offer of sharing the extra costs......

ETA - and the issue of not being able to hack is a tricky one. Personally as a sharer I felt I was there not just for the riding, and there was a period where I couldn't ride due to some back issues and I was still more than happy to pay my full contribution and just go and groom etc. However, I think some people don't see it that way...........
 
at the time it was a case of i bought one of my horse back as he was being mistreated. i scraped money from all over to buy him back and this was the nearest (and dearest.lol) yard that had space. it was a case of, find a sharer quick to help pay for him. i didnt watch her ride and i didnt ask enough questions or discuss exact terms. now i feel like im being mean
 
TBH I think YOU are taking the p*ss! She still paid you the £200 for the month - many sharers would try to get out of that! So she should have told you sooner -definitely, but she might have(!), it seems you cannot be sure.
She has clearly taken on the share of your two horses so she and her kids can hack out - and you are now telling her she cant as your horses are not up to it. Fair enough if they are not, but you cant have it both ways. You are changing the agreement so s far as i see it you are both at fault (hers being she didnt gve you sufficient notice about holidays). As for the additional cost - that is you responsibility. She was still paying her regular amount which in my book is fair enough.

If she HAD given you sufficient notice would you have ahd an alternative plan for the horses over Christmas? Your post doesnt read as if you would have therefoe they are costs you would have incurred anway if you didnt have a sharer. As for the shoes, an unshod horse should be capable of hacking out a couple of days a week - especially if there isnt a lot of roadwork involved.
I think you need to part ways.
 
hmmm seems a mixture of opinions here. dont think im taking the pee to be honest. i have not actually asked her for extra money im merely asking if im being sour moaning about it!! i know on this forum, you ask for opinions you sure get it.hahaha!!
she goes on quite long hacks which i know for a fact my tb wouldnt be able to do without shoes. the other gets footsore so wouldnt either but its his arthritis that worries me as he has to trot to keep up with the other horse out hacking.
 
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Got to say I agree with those who think you are being a bit off. I definitely see your point though!

People share horses because they too don't have the time or money to keep one of their own. If they could afford to put in an extra few quid here and there, and if they wanted the stress of arranging holiday cover and drastically rearranging their life to accommodate a horse, they would buy one for themselves.

Especially as you are asking her to limit what she does with your horse it is a little bit off to expect her to offer you more money. I understand this is a difficult situation for you, but she is a sharer - she shares and has this arrangement with you because she doesn't/can't put in the time or money herself. The ultimate responsibility for any extra costs will almost always lie with the owner.

If you would rather your horses went into semi retirement or you didn't want her to do certain things you need to tell her so she can find something else suitable.

Good luck though and I do see where you are coming from!
 
I've shared quite a few horses in the past and I've never paid more than the set fee even if I've gone away. However I have also continued to pay for a horse that was on box rest and then very light work for about 3 months when I wasn't really getting what I was paying for. That was true dedication - a couple of weeks maybe but not 3 months! I felt sorry for the owner - but he wasn't sorry for me!

I am also an owner that has shared in the past and my sharers have never paid more than their set fee when they've gone away. I don't expect a sharer to put up with all of the ups and downs of horse ownership because they may as well have their own horse at that rate and not put up with the owners limitations and personal foibles (and we all have them ;) )
 
I understand where you are coming from, but I think you must remind yourself that they are your horses, and count yourself lucky that someone is willing to pay, especialy for horses that aren`t up to the job.

It amazes me that people are willing to pay money to muck out someone elses horse!

Be grateful for the help you get, but call it a day if its not working.
 
I get the general feeling that you're not overly happy about sharing your horses, but do so as you have to. If its not working just give notice and give it up if you're in a position to take care of them by yourself both physically time wise and financially.

All I would say is think long and hard about giving your sharers up.
I have several friends who are struggling with their horses both time wise and money wise.
Times are hard, and finding a sharer who will not only contribute financially but also take decent care of your horses isn't easy to find.
One of my friends can't ride for health reasons, she cant even get anyone to ride her horses with no financial contribution let alone one who will help out cost wise.

In my personal view, they are your horses and your responsibility, and you can only expect a fixed amount from your sharers. I agree however that only a few days notice isn't adequate about going away and this would have peeved me, but you seem unsure about whether they told you before.
200 per month for a share of 2 horses is a decent contribution, I pay 353 livery for 3 horses, plus trims and food. I would never get 100 per month for a share of a horse, 15 per week at best up my way x
 
I think you are being a bit sour tbh.

As you said, they are your horses and as you have no contact you have no comeback regarding the full livery bill and she has no requirement to pay for cover for her days (and imo she shouldn't need to).

Regarding the lame horses- I too would be moaning if I was paying money each month to ride 2 horses to be told I can't ride one any more at all and can only school the other one.

Why don't you put the older horse in retirement/grass livery and just have one horse on proper livery and then you won't need a sharer?
 
Dobby said:
Got to say I agree with those who think you are being a bit off. I definitely see your point though!

People share horses because they too don't have the time or money to keep one of their own. If they could afford to put in an extra few quid here and there, and if they wanted the stress of arranging holiday cover and drastically rearranging their life to accommodate a horse, they would buy one for themselves.

Especially as you are asking her to limit what she does with your horse it is a little bit off to expect her to offer you more money. I understand this is a difficult situation for you, but she is a sharer - she shares and has this arrangement with you because she doesn't/can't put in the time or money herself. The ultimate responsibility for any extra costs will almost always lie with the owner.

If you would rather your horses went into semi retirement or you didn't want her to do certain things you need to tell her so she can find something else suitable.

Good luck though and I do see where you are coming from!
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I agree with the above - but too can see your point of view.

As a sharer, she probably does so for the flexibility and lower costs - and although she shares 2, £200 is quite a lot already that she is paying. Also - I wouldn't expect a sharer to do things like Chritmas day, regardless of which day it falls on. That just doesn't seem fair to me.

I have a fab sharer who pays lots more than she should (she insisted) and she has become a second mum to my horse, so I see her more like his joint owner now, but when she was a 'sharer' as such I would have alwaysd expected to pay the extra costs of owning (no matter what they arose for) and did all the stuff like Xmas day etc. I wouldn't expect her to pay more because she can't do particular days, as she has probably budgeted for £200 a month and that is probably quite a lot to her.

If you don;t think its working, its fair enought to give notice but I'd think carefully. Its not easy to find good sharers !
 
Ive been very lucky as a few of my ponies have sharers as they are all rescues and once brought back into health I like them to have a job but they never leave me. My big mare Ellie the Traditional Cob has a lady who comes to ride her but because of work commitments cant do set days and cant always muck out which is fine some weeks she cant make it at all others shes here nearly everyday but she never quibbles about paying and pays it into my bank on the 1st of every month so she knows Ellie is sorted. Ellie went into Leahurst for colic in August and Freya couldnt ride her for over a month but she went to see her in hospital on several occasions using holiday to leave work early etc and never stopped paying even though she couldnt ride. She stayed with us on the night Ellie was admitted untill we left for Leahurst at midnight when Ellie detirorated and worries about her just as much as we do (I called her to say she was very poorly and she dropped everything to come over). To me this is worth more than any financial contribution as I know someone else is also looking out for my world.

As a few people have said on here they are sharers at the end of the day and dont own the horse and this is usually because they do want to be able to go on holiday and not have the complete tie of owning a horse or the financial responsibility. If they did only give you 3 days notice then that isnt the best but I wouldnt expect them to pay anymore and re the shoes I tell all my sharers that if the horse needs shoes on because of the work they are doing with them I would like them to cover half the cost as the shoes are for their benefit. As of yet I have never had to do this but its never a problem when I mention it.
 
you said in your previous post that she told you near xmas that she had informed you at the start of the share that she was going away although you couldn't remember if she had or not.
if she genuinely did then it is a case of you being very sour and off with her, you should have sat down with her long before xmas and worked out who was doing what and got it in writing/made a note in the diary or something.

for 3 days a week she is paying you a decent amount and that alone should cover the cost of shoeing for the use she gets out of the shoes.

on the other side, if you aren't happy with how things are working out and feel you can manage alone then let her know asap that she won't be required to share after the end of the month, put it in writing as well if need be. if you are still upset about the whole xmas period then you could just say that it would be better for you and the horses if you were the sole carer as at least then you know where you stand, if you still want a sharer and she's still keen then maybe put it all in writing who does what and what is paid for etc etc.
 
Not offering towards the costs for the days she is responcible is being tight fisted, horses going lame losing shoes ect and not being able to be ridden as normal is par for the course, dump her if you can manage without, sounds a tightwad.
 
hmmm I can see your point and why you would be annoyed but it wasn't her fault you couldn't look after them during that time of that this livery charged extra around Christmas time, end of the day she pays you £200 per month, ok so it was short notice of her to just drop them on you at the last minute before Christmas so I can see why you'd be annoyed, totally understandable but they are your horses as well, you ultimately have responsibility for them not her, therefore should be able to afford to pay for things when things don’t quite go to plan.

Apart from this, if things normally work out very well with your sharer, have a chat with her so it doesn't happen again and get something in writing, if you’re going to lose a perfectly good sharer over this then yes, I'd say it's sour grapes.

But if she's taking the mick a bit or moaning about stuff and things are not working out as well as they did, then again have a chat, could be resolved, at least give her the opportunity to righten things, if she doesn't agree with what you ask of her, find someone else.

Good Luck
 
I can see why you are annoyed about the insufficient notice for her going away but at the end of the day that's probably why she shares and doesnt own her own.... also if there is no contract written up to say she has to give you certain notice then she hasn't actually done anything wrong she still paid you the full amount even though she was getting no use of the horse. TBH £200 a month AND doing 3 days a week stasble duties you are getting a good deal.... they are your horses at the end of the day and your responsibility not hers, sorry to sound harsh. I know it can be difficult with sharers I think you would be best handing her a months notice and going it on your own :)
 
200 sounds like alot but if i tell you that my livery comes to 500 per month (half livery which she also has on her days)
PLUS feed, insurance, shoeing,wormer,teeth etc etc on TOP of my livery bill. she pays 100 per month per horse. she doesnt even pay half what they actually cost!!!!!
 
pixiebee said:
200 sounds like alot but if i tell you that my livery comes to 500 per month (half livery which she also has on her days)
PLUS feed, insurance, shoeing,wormer,teeth etc etc on TOP of my livery bill. she pays 100 per month per horse. she doesnt even pay half what they actually cost!!!!!
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Granted your horse costs are expensive but remember they're your horses. You choose to keep two. A £200 contribution, plus assistance keeping them fit and in work and giving you 3 days grace IS A GOOD DEAL. If you cannot afford to keep your 2 horses WITHOUT the £200 contribution then I would argue that you cannot really afford to keep two horses. If your sharer suddenly had to drop out of the arrangement at short notice, you have to be confident that you can accommodate the full cost of keeping your horses all on your own. If you can't, I'd reconsider your situation. Really, you have to. Even if you have a contract drawn up with your sharer/s, things happen which no one can predict and they might have to withdraw at any time - leaving you in the lurch permanently.
 
Spyda said:
Granted your horse costs are expensive but remember they're your horses. You choose to keep two. A £200 contribution, plus assistance keeping them fit and in work and giving you 3 days grace IS A GOOD DEAL. If you cannot afford to keep your 2 horses WITHOUT the £200 contribution then I would argue that you cannot really afford to keep two horses. If your sharer suddenly had to drop out of the arrangement at short notice, you have to be confident that you can accommodate the full cost of keeping your horses all on your own. If you can't, I'd reconsider your situation. Really, you have to. Even if you have a contract drawn up with your sharer/s, things happen which no one can predict and they might have to withdraw at any time - leaving you in the lurch permanently.
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i agree with the above, but like i said earlier....

you said in a previous post that she told you that she had informed you at the start of the share that she would be going away over xmas but you couldn't remember if she had or not.

everyone is saying that she didn't give you notice but what IF she did?

i'm not taking her side or anything but those were your words in a previous post and now you post this one taking that part out of it.
 
I can't believe your annoyed tbh, you should be gratful that you have a sharer that pays you £200 and helps with the horses, what will you do if she stops sharing?

I doubt if you could get anyone else like that, I can't find anyone to help out with just riding, no costs, no mucking out etc.

I have advertised lots of times and just hear from people that don't turn up when they say they are going to! time waster :mad:

I wouldn't expect a sharer to pay for a lame horse either.
 
riding_high said:
i agree with the above, but like i said earlier....

you said in a previous post that she told you that she had informed you at the start of the share that she would be going away over xmas but you couldn't remember if she had or not.

everyone is saying that she didn't give you notice but what IF she did?

i'm not taking her side or anything but those were your words in a previous post and now you post this one taking that part out of it.
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For my part, whether the sharer gave sufficient notice or not is irrelevant by comparisson to the OP angst at having to make her own arrangements for her two horses for a 3 week period - and that's with the sharers £200 still coming in.

God forbit, but the sharer could be run over by a bus tomorrow..... then what?

If the OP cannot manage her two horses for a 3 weeks period without stress (and even with an extra £200 coming in) she needs to re-think her situation.

If the OP can manage the cost and care of both horses on her own, then I'd suggest giving the sharers notice. It doesn't sound as if the OP particularly likes having these people ride her horses incase they mess them up. Mind you, if that is a genuine concern after all this time, I'm surprised she didn't have them ride for her more before agreeing to the share. It's rather late to be worrying about it now.
 
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pixiebee said:
200 sounds like alot but if i tell you that my livery comes to 500 per month (half livery which she also has on her days)
PLUS feed, insurance, shoeing,wormer,teeth etc etc on TOP of my livery bill. she pays 100 per month per horse. she doesnt even pay half what they actually cost!!!!!
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The fact you don't hack and the cost of your livery is not your sharers fault and if shoeing so your sharer can hack is such an issue why agree to the share in the first place and complain now, you do sound sour, sorry.

Nor is it your sharers fault if you had to pay extra over Christmas, you'd have surely been in that position anyway if you didn't have a sharer only this time you still got a 200 contribution so what exactly is the issue?
 
Spyda said:
For my part, whether the sharer gave sufficient notice or not is irrelevant by comparisson to the OP angst at having to make her own arrangements for her two horses for a 3 week period - and that's with the sharers £200 still coming in.

God forbit, but the sharer could be run over by a bus tomorrow..... then what?

If the OP cannot manage her two horses for a 3 weeks period without stress (and even with an extra £200 coming in) she needs to re-think her situation.

OP mentions her family offering financial assistance... if that's the case and she can manage the care of both horses on her own, then I'd suggest giving the sharers notice. It doesn't sound as if the OP particularly likes having these people ride her horses incase they mess them up. Mind you, if that is a genuine concern after all this time, I'm surprised she didn't have them ride for her more before agreeing to the share. It's rather late to be worrying about it now.
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and i agree with all that you've said, the OP has also said she's only seen the sharer ride once but couldn't work out if it was a trot or canter (sorry if i've got that wrong!), when i had someone come to see about sharing my one horse i rode out with her a couple of times, made her ride alone on a hack and in the field and also had her up the yard doing yard duties and grooming. i wanted to see if she was committed and how good she could cope when i'm not around.
she was a good sharer, knew her stuff but i had to end it because she started to take over my other horse and that wasn't the deal.
 
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