Am i just panicking or have i bought the wrong horse?? :( sorry very long!

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rose bud

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Hi everyone,
i bought my mare two months ago and to be honest it has been very stressfull and i am starting to wonder whether i have done the right thing...
I bought her as i was looking for something safe and sensible to hack out and she seemed perfect. I viewed her twice, rode her in the school, hacked her out and cantered her round fields, all fine.
When i brought her home things were different! Although this was not her fault. I had been told that she could live with or without company, this turned out to be a lie, she was very stressed without company and their were alpaca's in the field next to her which she was terrified off. All in all it meant that she was very upset and un riddable, and verging on un manageable!
I have moved her to a livery yard with a very experienced owner who, over the last month has lunged her and ridden her for me in the school and she is now much calmer and settled.
The only problem is that she won't hack out, she is very nappy and just refuses to go, or goes backwards (even when led on foot) the livery owner says that this will come and to work on getting our confidence together in the school. Is this right?
Also, my biggest problem is that when i was having problems with her a while ago i got in touch with a previous owner (found details on her passport) who had owned her for 7 years since a 3 year old - which i really regret doing! I found out that she had been sold in a sale as the owner had lost her confidence due to her taking off with her and bucking! Although she hasn't done this with me i am now worried that she might and my confidence is at rock bottom!!
So, what do i do? Do i stick with it and keep paying to have her schooled and hope the hacking will come as we get to know each other? I'm not sure how i would sell her with these issues anyway! Please help, feeling very dissheartened!!
 
Hi,

Sometimes delving into the past isnt a good idea, but you must not allow your findings to cloud your judgement.

Mares are more difficult than geldings and will do things very much on their terms. She has been moved twice in the short time you have owned her, this is unsettling in itself.

She will, in time, come right, you rode her fine when you tried her out, you just need to do more groundwork and perhaps just hack out for little lengths - to the end of the lane, second field. If she naps, Turn her in a circle, talk to her soothingly and get her to trust you. when she has settled, then move on a couple of strides and then make the decision to go home. She will be on her toes and may jog, just sit in, half halts and talk to her, or again, stop her, turn in a circle and then move on. Reward the good, ignore the bad.

You are a good rider, kind loving owner - you just need to get her to trust you xx
 
As Dancing Queen has said, mares are more difficult then geldings, but once you have broken through that barrier they are so loyal and trusting. Its just getting over that initial hurdle.

Perhaps it is worth getting the person who you bought her from to come up and help you since she hacked/cantered in fields with them? Even if its a dealer just ask them to come and help you, any reputable dealer I am sure will offer support.

Also get everything checked, back, teeth, saddle etc.
Do you have any horses for her to hack out with?

It could just be simply a case of when you bought her, she was very unsettled at the first yard and she just doesn't trust you enough yet to be able to go out hacking because of your shakey start.

Perhaps someone on foot with some food bribary is the way to go ;) Or even you taking her for some inhand walks with some polo's, just wander along, let her snip grass, chillax and go a bit further each time :)
 
I think mares do take a little longer to gain trust in their riders, and if she hacked out fine when you tried her then I think that when she gains your trust she will be fine.
I would carry on having lessons in the school so that you get to know each other - 2 months is not a long time, I had a mare who took nearly a year to bond with me and then she was fabulous. I would also walk her out in hand and get her used to her new hacking routes. When you feel confident to try hacking again is there another livery who could come with you?
 
this may sound harsh - but if you arent confident on her having moved her to a yard with company then she doesnt sound right for you. After 2 months Id expect to be making strides.

You have to ask yourself are you happy to put work in and more importantly are you confident enough to? It sounds to me like you wanted an easy, safe horse to hack, which isnt what you've got and there are loads out there. This is meant to be fun, its too expensive not to be. If you dont think its going to work out then there is no shame in admitting it, Ive done the same, listen to your gut instinct and ignore those who criticise, you probably know deep down already anyway. If on the other hand you are willing to accept you dont have what you set out to get but are willing to work on things with help, then brilliant, these things are never a quick fix though and could work out expensive with instructors and time, and ultimately you may always have a horse prone to napping.
 
Two months is no time at all. My best horse ever, my horse of a lifetime was a nightmare for the first 6 months. She would not hack out alone or go in front, she bucked, wouldn't stand to be mounted, would blow her lid if asked to stand still for more than a few seconds, buck really high then throw herself back into a rear, you name it, she did it. But gradually she settled. She grew to trust me. When hacking out, if she wouldn't go past something she would run backwards or spin and tank off, but I would get off and lead her past. Then face getting back on her as she pranced around! But then, after 6 months or so she was great. I could take her anywhere (except past the lama field), which she would still, years later want to canter past! Anyway, she turned out to be the best horse ever. I could hack anywhere on her and jump fences from a standstill out of thick undergrowth. Just anything I asked her to do, she would do. So just hang in there and keep building your relationship with her. Don't do battle. Show her you understand her anxieties, and she will learn to respect and trust you as a reliable leader.
 
We can't say. :( For every horse bought that is unsettled and presents some challenges before turning out to be the perfect horse, there is another horse with permanent issues that you waste months and £££s on before being forced to give up.

My advice usually is, if the issues are pretty severe and happen quickly, do all you can to get the vendor to take back the horse, persevering may work out and it may not, but after you've chosen to spend time risking persevering you don't have a hope of getting your money back.

I think you've already had the horse long enough that returning it isn't an option, and as you say, its hard to sell a horse with issues, so I think you have to stay on the path you're on, working with the mare and hoping she settles down. IMO, a year is a reasonable time frame to set to give a horse a fair chance, as long as things aren't too dangerous for you.
 
Two months is absolutely no time at all. She was fine when you tried her (and you probably had confident that she would be) She has been taken from a place she knows, moved twice, had no company, a different routine and so on. Some horses would be fine with this but yours obviously isn't.

I think given that she was fine when you tried her, there is a good chance that she will be fine again. You just need to give her time to settle, and regain your own confidence.

I went to try my friends horse with a view to having him on loan, he had not been ridden for months, and I didn;t know him. I lunged him for 10 minutes, then walked and trotted round the school. I went again the next week and walked and trotted round the school. He was very good, very quiet and very easy.

I took him home. He was a bloody nightmare. He took 9 months to really settle, and is still not great to hack out alone (3 years on) though to be honest, I could have put much more time into this than I have.

However, we moved last year with my other two, who he has been with since I had him, and this move was fine, no issues which I think was becuase it was me moving him, with his friends, rather than to a completely new home.

I would stick with your current help, ride her in the school and lunge, ground work etc. And take for walks in hand with a pocket full of treats. I also get off and lead past scary things, and can always get back on as i have bribed him to stand still every time I get on - I get on, sort out reins and stirrups, and he gets a treat. Works a treat!
 
2 months isn't really very long, especially when a mare is involved;) Took me at least 6 to really get to know mine, and she tested me a fair few times in the beginning, her thing is to try and intimidate people with her size and evil faces, i ignored all the posturing and now she doesn't even try it with me, but she'll still sneak an evil eyed stare at someone new:rolleyes:
How is your girl when you school her? perhaps forget the hacking for a while until you've built up a bit more of a relationship in the school. I do like Damnations idea of taking her for an inhand walk and trying to make it a real relaxing thing.
Sometimes the best cure for these problems are time and patience, no quick fix miracle cures, just getting to know the horse you have and letting them learn to know and trust you;)
 
Um, mods - what happened to my reply to this post? Yes, it was long, but I tried hard to be constructive and don't think there was anything offensive in it :(.

P
 
I would say that she simply has not had time to settle in yet. She has had two moves in as many months and it sounds as though its really unsettled her.
I would say ride her in the school. You will know when YOU feel ready to hack out, and when you do, take someone with a steady nanny type that she can draw confidence from.
 
PolarSkye said:
Um, mods - what happened to my reply to this post? Yes, it was long, but I tried hard to be constructive and don't think there was anything offensive in it :(.

P
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Don't fret ;) the thread was posted twice and you replied on the other one, I know, cos I read it :D The other thread has been locked now just (I presume) for administrative reasons - to avoid confusion.
 
Dancing Queen said:
Hi,

Sometimes delving into the past isnt a good idea, but you must not allow your findings to cloud your judgement.

Mares are more difficult than geldings and will do things very much on their terms. She has been moved twice in the short time you have owned her, this is unsettling in itself.

She will, in time, come right, you rode her fine when you tried her out, you just need to do more groundwork and perhaps just hack out for little lengths - to the end of the lane, second field. If she naps, Turn her in a circle, talk to her soothingly and get her to trust you. when she has settled, then move on a couple of strides and then make the decision to go home. She will be on her toes and may jog, just sit in, half halts and talk to her, or again, stop her, turn in a circle and then move on. Reward the good, ignore the bad.

You are a good rider, kind loving owner - you just need to get her to trust you xx
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Thank you so much for your kind words, its nice to hear!
I do wish that i had never asked about her past as i had a lot more confidence on her before i knew about it. I'm just going to try and ignore it and make my mind up for myself.
Looking at it from her perspective, she had the same home for 7 years, was sold in a sale, kept for 8 months, then i bought her and she has already moved homes with me so it is understandable that she is lacking in confidence. Its just that i worry that i'm not a strong enough leader for her.
Thankyou again for your post xx
 
I cant say if she is the right horse or not for you but can add that we moved our horses to a new yard and my daughters pony who was always very chilled and as good as gold became a stressy little demon!
My TB and every other horse i've ever moved even really hot headed ones handled it better than he did.
It took a long time til he was "normal" again- in fact about 4 months on he's not as quiet or calm as he used to be but he's getting better and better.

Not much help but worth thinking about, that the best horses can be really upset by a move and having 2 so close together may well have caused these changes.

Your yard manager sounds nice and helpful. I think your decision needs to be do you like this mare and want it to work or not?
I dont mean this in a nasty way but i once had a horse who i didnt feel safe on and i rode him as i had a horse who needed excercise - this is no fun and its a very expensive hobby which you need to enjoy. I rehomed him and now have a horse i love to bits (even tho he's always lame! ;-)) but i enjoy him and thats how it should be.
Good luck what ever you decide to do xx
 
At the risk of sounding repetitive, 2 months is not long enough. It took me 9 months before I was happy riding my horse of a lifetime. She napped, bucked in public, bucked unexpectedly when hacking out, spooked etc..

However she turned out to be the best horse ever, she turned her hoof to everything, boxed without a murmer, jumped, dressaged and showed. As far as I was concerned she was the safest, perfect horse and I had her for 17 years.

Just do whatever YOU are comfortable with, and only move on to other things when you're ready, don't be pushed into things by others. Mares can be very sensitive but once you have their confidence they will try their hearts out for you.

From a horse's point of view being sold is more akin to being kidnapped - one day you're happy with your mates and routine with people around that you know and trust, then someone puts you in a lorry/trailer, carts you off to solitary confinement with aliens in the next field! Strange people, different routine, it's enough to freak anyone out!
 
Wagtail said:
Two months is no time at all. My best horse ever, my horse of a lifetime was a nightmare for the first 6 months. She would not hack out alone or go in front, she bucked, wouldn't stand to be mounted, would blow her lid if asked to stand still for more than a few seconds, buck really high then throw herself back into a rear, you name it, she did it. But gradually she settled. She grew to trust me. When hacking out, if she wouldn't go past something she would run backwards or spin and tank off, but I would get off and lead her past. Then face getting back on her as she pranced around! But then, after 6 months or so she was great. I could take her anywhere (except past the lama field), which she would still, years later want to canter past! Anyway, she turned out to be the best horse ever. I could hack anywhere on her and jump fences from a standstill out of thick undergrowth. Just anything I asked her to do, she would do. So just hang in there and keep building your relationship with her. Don't do battle. Show her you understand her anxieties, and she will learn to respect and trust you as a reliable leader.
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This.
 
broke_but_happy said:
I think mares do take a little longer to gain trust in their riders, and if she hacked out fine when you tried her then I think that when she gains your trust she will be fine.
I would carry on having lessons in the school so that you get to know each other - 2 months is not a long time, I had a mare who took nearly a year to bond with me and then she was fabulous. I would also walk her out in hand and get her used to her new hacking routes. When you feel confident to try hacking again is there another livery who could come with you?
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Thankyou, i'm hoping that it is just time for us to bond that is needed. I tried to walk her out in hand at the weekend but she was refusing to go anywhere, eventually with lots of small circles and going backwards we got a few steps up the road!
I could hack out with the yard owner to start with, and see if she is more confident with another horse. I'm just hoping that we will bond and she will trust me x
 
I bought my boy in January...Yesterday was the first time I got the confidence up to ride out truly solo. :)

I still don't think he has completley settled in but he is definetly much better and he is a very laid back guy. So think it can take quite awhile. He very almost went back as I didn't think my confidence could cope but 8 months later I feel quite comfortable riding him out.

Have you tried hacking her out with another horse and just let her follow? Then as you build up your confidence you can put her in the lead and then eventually take her out by herself.

Schooling is good, however if you do it too much she will then get excited when you take her out. It is good to try and hack with company several times a week.

When I was really nervous of my boy I advertised for a sharer, perhaps it would be worth finding someone to pay you to ride her instead of you paying the YO?

As to her past...I wouldn't worry too much. You have no idea what the owner was like. They could have been two heavy, horse could have had bad back and teeth etc. My arab, Miska was apparently unrideable when she was younger and bucked but in the whole time I rode her she never bucked once.

Hope this helps. Having been in a similar position I say keep at it and give her more time to settle in.
 
Wagtail said:
Two months is no time at all. My best horse ever, my horse of a lifetime was a nightmare for the first 6 months. She would not hack out alone or go in front, she bucked, wouldn't stand to be mounted, would blow her lid if asked to stand still for more than a few seconds, buck really high then throw herself back into a rear, you name it, she did it. But gradually she settled. She grew to trust me. When hacking out, if she wouldn't go past something she would run backwards or spin and tank off, but I would get off and lead her past. Then face getting back on her as she pranced around! But then, after 6 months or so she was great. I could take her anywhere (except past the lama field), which she would still, years later want to canter past! Anyway, she turned out to be the best horse ever. I could hack anywhere on her and jump fences from a standstill out of thick undergrowth. Just anything I asked her to do, she would do. So just hang in there and keep building your relationship with her. Don't do battle. Show her you understand her anxieties, and she will learn to respect and trust you as a reliable leader.
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Thankyou, that gives me some hope!! She isn't half as bad as you described yours to be so hopefully we will get there in the end, thankyou x
 
Ibblebibble said:
2 months isn't really very long, especially when a mare is involved;) Took me at least 6 to really get to know mine, and she tested me a fair few times in the beginning, her thing is to try and intimidate people with her size and evil faces, i ignored all the posturing and now she doesn't even try it with me, but she'll still sneak an evil eyed stare at someone new:rolleyes:
How is your girl when you school her? perhaps forget the hacking for a while until you've built up a bit more of a relationship in the school. I do like Damnations idea of taking her for an inhand walk and trying to make it a real relaxing thing.
Sometimes the best cure for these problems are time and patience, no quick fix miracle cures, just getting to know the horse you have and letting them learn to know and trust you;)
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Thankyou for your post! I am starting to feel more positive about things now.
She is generally very good for me in the school so think you may be right and i should put the hacking on the back burner for now and concentrate on building our relationship and doing some groundwork. Thankyou again x
 
martlin said:
Don't fret ;) the thread was posted twice and you replied on the other one, I know, cos I read it :D The other thread has been locked now just (I presume) for administrative reasons - to avoid confusion.
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Thanks Martlin - I was just confuzzled. I do think it's confusing when posters put the same q in two different places though . . .

OP - I hope you find the right answers and start to bond more with your mare.

Best of luck.

P
 
Give it time, she's moved 2 x in a short period, everything she's ever known has been turned upside down and she's seeing danger everywhere. My lad doesn't take change very well at all and turns into an absolute fruit loop , it took over 3 months to settle at new yard and is now a total dream to do, over winter I will hopefully work on his napping issues as I normally ride with someone in summer but won't be up yard at same times in winter so I have to deal with that soon, but he's settled, happy and trusts me so I'm hoping this won't be too much of a problem. Keep at it and work on building a relationship with her xx
 
Two months is very early days..... You've moved your mare twice in the last two months. It can take a few weeks for a horse to settle in and it's not surprising that a horse gets nappy in a new place - they won't know what's coming next. A good ruse with nappy horses is to make them tack sideways/diagonally - just keep them moving, or avoid conflict as much as you can and get someone to ride in front of you on a non-nappy horse. Good luck!
 
Thank you to everyone that has posted so far!
I am now feeling alot more positive knowing that 2 months is not long and to give her more time.
I am going to spend lots of time on groundwork and taking her out in hand i think to try and create a bond that will hopefully give us both confidence in each other, and stick to riding her in the school for now.
Hopefully this time next year it will be a different story and i can give people advice on here with this problem - having not given up on my mare! Xx
 
I am in no position to advise you but I can offer you some hope by telling you that last winter I really thought that I would have to sell my horse because I was too worried about riding him and handling him. You Know what, I am hacking him out on my own and we are having a great time together. This is down to my yard owner and her groom and other very helpful liveries who all helped me and my horse. I have regular lessons in lunging him and this has put an end to him planting and spinning. The other liveries would hack out with us so we could gain confidence. So through good support we are good now. If you have a good yard with caring people that's half the battle. Good luck.
 
My mare has taken and is taking a while to settle in.

At the dealers yard she was brave, well behaved, a little bolshy to lead, but all in all great. She had been with her first owner from a foal until she had just turned 7, then the dealers yard for 6 weeks, then I moved her to our current yard 3 months ago......... what a bl**dy nightmare she was.

She jumped out of her field, barged through the fencing twice, tanked off on the YO bringing her in and trashed another liverys wing mirror on her car, she wouldn't tie up outside, had no stable manners, wouldn't think twice about walking through you to get to where she wanted, turned bucking bronco on the lunge, napped when hacking out, very spooky (and still is a little), stressed big time when any of the horses went out on a hack screaming her head off to them.......... phew, how did we survive :D

And to now, 3 months later, she has stable manners, her head remains behind my shoulder at all times when leading (in an Esckadron control hc), she is happy to be tied up outside, is lunging well, much better hacking out alone, accepts that the other horses are going to come home, is still a spooky b*gger at times but that's just an age and confidence thing and the corner of doom in the school.

Yesterday I tied her up outside to tack up and the little moo decided to hot foot it into her stable :D give an inch and she'll still take a mile sometimes but that's a typical Welsh Sec D. But more importantly, she allowed me to put her head collar back on and lead back outside, a couple of months ago I would have needed someone else to help me corner her to put it on I would have had her back end in my face and swatted with her tail. Instead I had the guilty, I'm such a sweetie look ;)

Most horses will try it on with a new owner and especially if they move yards.

There's every chance your horse will settle but just needs a little longer than some.

Stick to the school until you are more confident. Hack out with others and one day it will click :)

But if in 12 months it hasn't, there's no shame in selling if it doesn't click.
 
As someone else said delving into the past doesn't always bring good news.

Exactly the same thing happened to me when my mares previous owner told me the horse had destroyed her confidence, was dangerous etc. It has taken me 3 years (I have probably only worked her half this time) to start to trust her at all, in all the time I have owned her she has *never* shown any malicious behaviour.

I was once told by a real old school instructor that there are no bad horses only bad riders, in my horses case I have to sit back and think what the heck did people do to her in the past for her to want to rodeo them off? Your mare hasn't shown any nasty behaviour to you, her behaviour with old owner could have been something like a badly fitting saddle.

Your YO sounds lovely, I would most certainly try hacking out in company, it should relax both of you, your horse will take confidence from the other and by having someone to chat to you should also be able to relax a little.
 
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