Am i just panicking or have i bought the wrong horse?? :( sorry very long!

[rose bud]

Hi everyone,
i bought my mare two months ago and to be honest it has been very stressfull and i am starting to wonder whether i have done the right thing...
I bought her as i was looking for something safe and sensible to hack out and she seemed perfect. I viewed her twice, rode her in the school, hacked her out and cantered her round fields, all fine.
When i brought her home things were different! Although this was not her fault. I had been told that she could live with or without company, this turned out to be a lie, she was very stressed without company and their were alpaca's in the field next to her which she was terrified off. All in all it meant that she was very upset and un riddable, and verging on un manageable!
I have moved her to a livery yard with a very experienced owner who, over the last month has lunged her and ridden her for me in the school and she is now much calmer and settled.
The only problem is that she won't hack out, she is very nappy and just refuses to go, or goes backwards (even when led on foot) the livery owner says that this will come and to work on getting our confidence together in the school. Is this right?
Also, my biggest problem is that when i was having problems with her a while ago i got in touch with a previous owner (found details on her passport) who had owned her for 7 years since a 3 year old - which i really regret doing! I found out that she had been sold in a sale as the owner had lost her confidence due to her taking off with her and bucking! Although she hasn't done this with me i am now worried that she might and my confidence is at rock bottom!!
So, what do i do? Do i stick with it and keep paying to have her schooled and hope the hacking will come as we get to know each other? I'm not sure how i would sell her with these issues anyway! Please help, feeling very dissheartened!!

 

[*hic*]

Can the YO hack her out alone with no issues whatsoever? If yes then maybe persevere, if not and you only want to hack then sell the horse and take the loss.

 

[smellsofhorse]

Horses can totally change with a new owner, new surroundings and no horsey friends.
Even if she used to be ok on her own she wants some reasuance from them in this strange time.

With more work she will come right, foget what the old owner said, horses can all do things and she is older now.

The decsion is yours, if you think you wont ever feel confident on her then find another horse.
These issues wont nessesarily put people off, alsong as you are honest and the rider and horse are compatable.

 

[Dancing Queen]

Hi,

Sometimes delving into the past isnt a good idea, but you must not allow your findings to cloud your judgement.

Mares are more difficult than geldings and will do things very much on their terms. She has been moved twice in the short time you have owned her, this is unsettling in itself.

She will, in time, come right, you rode her fine when you tried her out, you just need to do more groundwork and perhaps just hack out for little lengths - to the end of the lane, second field. If she naps, Turn her in a circle, talk to her soothingly and get her to trust you. when she has settled, then move on a couple of strides and then make the decision to go home. She will be on her toes and may jog, just sit in, half halts and talk to her, or again, stop her, turn in a circle and then move on. Reward the good, ignore the bad.

You are a good rider, kind loving owner - you just need to get her to trust you xx

 

[ScarlettLady]

does she hack out in company?
Maybe you need to keep hacking her in company, to get both of your confidences up.
TBH 2months isn't a long time in my opinion, and she's probably still settling...

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

So had the people you bought her from bought her from the sale and then sold on quickly (i.e. they were dealers)? Or had she been with them for a while?

If your YO is making progress and can hack her then part of me would say stick at it but if in your heart you know you will always not trust her / have issues with her then maybe its time to sell on.

Only you know whether you want to work at it. She may well have been unsettled hiugely by the move and is now trying it on with you.
Ref the previous owners comments then you have to hear them and put them to the back of your mind. Easier said than done i know! She and the horse may not have connected or she may have had an electric bum - a friend of mine seems to light up every horse she sits on and can turn a riding school plod into a member of the spanish riding school within 5 minutes!! Her tack might not have fitted etc etc etc. It doesn't mean she'd do it with you.
Have you told your YO about your concerns and your confidence? Could she hack out with you on your mare and you on another horse?

At the end of the day though this is an expensive hobby and its supposed to be fun. If its not then i think you need to look at the situation.

 

[ellie_e]

When I got mine in Feb he wouldn’t hack out and certainly wouldn’t take the lead, yesterday we went for a hack he led all the way, cantered, trotted etc no problem! He’s still not the bravest and still practicing going out by ourselves but there’s SOOO much improvement in a short space of time. Trust is such a big part of your relationship he will learn to trust you and you will learn to trust him. take your time, don’t rush and be patient. Go for lots of hack with a confident rider and horse repetition is so vital with the learning process. Maybe take him in hand for a few short walks to gain his confidence leaving the yard and his mates. It takes time but its worth it.

 

[PolarSkye]

I can't answer your question definitively, but I can share my own experience in the hopes it will help.

Similar story - Kali was an angel when we tried him, (then) 13-year-old daughter galloped him, jumped him, hacked him - I walked/trot/cantered in the school. He was sweet to handle and generally a nice chap to have around.

After we'd owned him for 5 months (during which time we'd discovered he's quite distrustful of change/new riders, etc., but was generally beautifully behaved both in the school and out hacking) we moved him to a small DIY yard. Too much change too soon. He became (like your mare) pretty much unrideable and almost unmanageable. He was bargey, spooky, tense, nappy. He hated the yard donkeys (who always seemed to be in a different place), he hated the fact that when on the yard he couldn't see his friends in the turnout fields (across the road). He hated the fact that the school was enclosed on two sides by a rustly, scary hedge and bordered on one long side by a field (at harvest time). Span and reared with me out hacking (in the middle of the road!), was terrified of the school (spooked right into me when I was lunging him and put my back out), hated being on the yard, wouldn't stand for the farrier, towed me across the yard more than once. A woman (v competent rider, had competed to Intermediate at British Dressage) who had ridden him (and loved him) at our first yard refused to ride him any longer - he was far too tense and wound up. I got to the point where just getting on him (even with help) filled me with terror. If I hadn't known what a sweetheart he COULD be having had him for five months at previous yard, I would have sent him back.

We moved him again, I got my trainer to start schooling him and he pretty much instantly relaxed. He walked off the lorry at the new yard and sighed with relief. He settled.

Bottom line, Kal is an insecure soul. He isn't a natural leader and I really wasn't confident enough for him at the scary yard (plus he was terrified, very unsettled). He craves and needs firm but fair handling, he likes to see/know what's going on all the time so needs a (physically) open environment where he can see all the comings and goings and see his horsey friends. Having a view of the fields, the yard, the school and the stables from pretty much anywhere he would be really helped him chill out (and gave him things to look at - he's very bright so gets bored pretty easily). Like most horses, he needs to know what's going to happen when - so a regular routine is essential to keeping him sane. Regular exercise helps him switch his very busy brain off so he is now ridden or worked at least 5 days a week - sometimes more. He and his little band of merry men go out at night and invariably spend alot of that time playing, which means they spend much of the day snoozing and relaxing in their stables (when they're not being ridden). He does better in bigger herds - possibly because if he's only in a herd of 2 and his fieldmate is equally wussy, he feels he has to be in charge - which terrifies him - more horses = more possible protection.

In desparation I had cut out pretty much all feed (and no molasses) and was only giving him enough to carry a calmer - he lost LOTS of weight and he isn't a particularly good doer either . . . now he's back on hard feed, haylage and NO calmers, has gained weight and condition and is a very chilled out boy.

In your shoes, I would move your mare. Look hard at her behaviour to see what stresses her out. Is she claustrophobic or is she worried by wide open spaces? Does she need horsey company or is she better with fewer (or no) companions? Does she fret if alone or does she find too much other horsey company stressful? What's the school like - is it open so that she can see any potential scary things coming or are there hidden nasties? What happens if you lunge her - does she settle or is she still tense and/or anxious? Will she hack in company (Kal will sometimes - but gets wound up by other horses passing us at speed - a cast off from his hunting days before we bought him)? See if you can create/provide an environment that suits her better and see how she does. I truly believe that one of the things that helped Kal relax at both the yard we moved him to (from the stressy place) and our current yard is that the other horses were/are all very, very happy and chilled.

Best of luck - your post broke my heart b/c I could have written it myself this time last year. A year on, we're taking my bonkers boy out and about and I'm entering my first dressage competition with him next month (done them before with other horses but this will be the first for us).

P