Am I not ambitious enough? Could tha put me in danger?

[Rivonia]

After a particularly unpleasant lesson, I am wandering if I may be putting myself and the horses I have lessons on in some sort of danger by avoiding situations I know set them off.

Anyhow, I am a beginner at 38, not a great athlete by any stretch of imagination and I never set bum on a horse before last year. I have already achieved my goal, potter around at a trot for two hours a week, no jumping and no plans to do so. I love it to bits. My instructor, however, insists on advancing my skills. I am very greatful, but the thing is - I have no need for advanced skills. And I most certainly do not enjoy the "advancing".

The latest incident was me riding in an indoor arena with seven other horses galloping within inches of my horse, who is a known kicker and has to wear a red ribbon. I corrected him five or six times before he eventually managed to kick out at passing horse. Very nerve wrecking and utterly not what I enjoy. I then got off my horse and unilatterly ended the lesson despite my instructors wishes - and then we had a fight

The thing is, I am absolutely positive that I will never "have to handle all kinds of situations" because such things are fully in my control - I simply do not plan to do anything but potter around an empty arena.

Also, please bear in mind that I can handle my horse acting up which I have done on more than a handful occasions as the horses I'm having lessons are not model lesson horses (spooky, bucking, rearing).

So, I would be happy to hear any input and listen to various perspectives.
(plaese excuse any grammar errors, I'm not a native speaker)

 

[Meowy Catkin]

Could you have private lessons, rather than group ones?

Have you looked at other riding schools in your area?

 

[Skib]

I too learned to ride as an adult. It is terribly difficult to find the right teacher and the right school.
Unlike real schools or even an evening class, at a riding school each lesson is purchased as a one off. There is no set curricula nor continuity of instruction.
It is completely fine for you to continue riding in just walk and trot as long as you want. But you are going to need to shop around for the right school and the right teacher.
The argument for learning canter is that you are less likely to fall off if a horse spooks or goes into unsolicited canter. Many schools insist you can canter before they allow you to join a class or to go on a hack. But not all do. There are schools which teach you to ride out hacking.
There are also teachers who will teach you really slowly on the lunge until you are balanced in the saddle and comfortable to try canter.
I too suffered from sharing the school with other learners. Making me feel responsible for the safety of the kids sharing the space. But at the same time being obliged to keep out of the way of more advanced riders who took priority to canter. I became so frightened of the type of scene you described in the school that it took me years to get over it.
This is no way to learn to ride and to enjoy horses.
You are not putting yourself in danger by preferring to progress slowly, to be comfortable on horses and able to communicate with them. You may not fit well into the time table and agenda of the school you have chosen. You mention a fight with the instructor. Learn from this. The client (student) is never right. The instructor always is. So you probably need to find another teacher. It is hard, but you should find the right one in the end. Moreover part on good terms with the school you are leaving - One can switch riding schools at will, pursuing one's interests and finding the right teacher. You may want to come back there for more lessons one day.
But in the meantime find a teacher who will allow you to enjoy riding and go on at your own pace. For that is the safest way. Enjoy every lesson, dont feel any pressure and in the end, ten years from now you will probably be doing things on horseback that you never imagined.

 

[Rivonia]

Could you have private lessons, rather than group ones?

Have you looked at other riding schools in your area?

I am having private lessons, except that we cannot book the arena just for me. Usually I choose a less busy time but I caved in to my instructor pressuring me to get used to riding with other horses... Did not really work out too well.

 

[Rivonia]

Thank you for your response.

I usually don't cave into pressure to do things I'm not comfortable with but this time I was wandering if I may be wrong for not letting myself be challenged even if it does feel dangerous and beyond my capabilities. I think I should continue to insist on my boundaries in a polite manner.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

TBH, this RS sounds less than idea to me. The RI should be stretching your comfort zone gradually, not throwing you in at the deep end. IIWY, I'd look for a different RS. Have you considered trekking, so that you get the feel of riding with others but with every-one going at the same pace, in the same direction?

 

[Rivonia]

TBH, this RS sounds less than idea to me. The RI should be stretching your comfort zone gradually, not throwing you in at the deep end. IIWY, I'd look for a different RS. Have you considered trekking, so that you get the feel of riding with others but with every-one going at the same pace, in the same direction?

I have, and I think I will give it a try. My main problem is that I live in a very non-horsey country where riding schools and facilities are very few and far between so I sort of have to put up with some negatives. Since horse riding is not regulated, I'm a bit hesitant to just go on a trail with any old trecking company (and there are very few of them, I found four in the entire country). I have plan to do it on a holiday somwhere where there is a stronger equestrian tradition. As you can see, I am not a daredevil

 

[acorn92x]

You are not putting yourself in danger by preferring to progress slowly, to be comfortable on horses and able to communicate with them. You may not fit well into the time table and agenda of the school you have chosen. You mention a fight with the instructor. Learn from this. The client (student) is never right. The instructor always is. So you probably need to find another teacher. It is hard, but you should find the right one in the end. Moreover part on good terms with the school you are leaving - One can switch riding schools at will, pursuing one's interests and finding the right teacher. You may want to come back there for more lessons one day.
But in the meantime find a teacher who will allow you to enjoy riding and go on at your own pace. For that is the safest way. Enjoy every lesson, dont feel any pressure and in the end, ten years from now you will probably be doing things on horseback that you never imagined.

This.

I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to learn and progress at a level at which you, and only you are comfortable with. Your instructor, regardless of what level you are MUST respect your goals and what you hope to achieve. The more repect that they give those ambitions, the more likely you are to trust them and want to work with them. This in turn is likely to make you want to continue working with them and to progress to doing more challenging things. Any riding instructor who is worth their salt would never dismiss your goals or tell you that not wanting to progress at a rapid speed or do what "Most other people do".

From what you've said, I suggest that you investgate the options you have with regards to getting a different riding instructor and as other posters have suggested, getting some private lessons as I think you'd benefit greatly from this. Horse riding is an expensive hobby and one which you should enjoy, not one where you should feel unecessary pressure from someone who should be helping you!

Good luck

 

[Sit_Up]

Your instructor needs to be reminded that you are the client and should always have YOUR goals in mind.

I have taught people for years and I used to have one gent that never did get the hang of rising trot, took up riding in late 60's and just wanted to potter about in walk, so we would walk around the fields and along the tracks to/from the fields and have a jolly good chat. Also had another couple of older clients who just wanted to hack out in walk with a little bit of trotting on a good day. SO that's exactly what we did.

Not just the older clients had a few VERY nervous kids that parents were determined would learn to ride, so we spent weeks in walk and just a few paces of trot at a time until they were confident.....parents initially VERY pushy and wanting children to progress faster...I just banned them from watching and sent them for coffee (one went to another RS for a couple of weeks but came back when child was traumatised) and then when kids were ready and begging to trot they progressed VERY quickly.

Riding is SO much about confidence and if your instructor does not understand this then I would suggest you change instructor or riding school.

*gets down off soap box*

 

[acorn92x]

Your instructor needs to be reminded that you are the client and should always have YOUR goals in mind.

I have taught people for years and I used to have one gent that never did get the hang of rising trot, took up riding in late 60's and just wanted to potter about in walk, so we would walk around the fields and along the tracks to/from the fields and have a jolly good chat. Also had another couple of older clients who just wanted to hack out in walk with a little bit of trotting on a good day. SO that's exactly what we did.

Not just the older clients had a few VERY nervous kids that parents were determined would learn to ride, so we spent weeks in walk and just a few paces of trot at a time until they were confident.....parents initially VERY pushy and wanting children to progress faster...I just banned them from watching and sent them for coffee (one went to another RS for a couple of weeks but came back when child was traumatised) and then when kids were ready and begging to trot they progressed VERY quickly.

Riding is SO much about confidence and if your instructor does not understand this then I would suggest you change instructor or riding school.

*gets down off soap box*

Need more instructors in the world like you!!

 

[Leaveittothediva]

I too learned to ride as an adult. It is terribly difficult to find the right teacher and the right school.
Unlike real schools or even an evening class, at a riding school each lesson is purchased as a one off. There is no set curricula nor continuity of instruction.
It is completely fine for you to continue riding in just walk and trot as long as you want. But you are going to need to shop around for the right school and the right teacher.
The argument for learning canter is that you are less likely to fall off if a horse spooks or goes into unsolicited canter. Many schools insist you can canter before they allow you to join a class or to go on a hack. But not all do. There are schools which teach you to ride out hacking.
There are also teachers who will teach you really slowly on the lunge until you are balanced in the saddle and comfortable to try canter.
I too suffered from sharing the school with other learners. Making me feel responsible for the safety of the kids sharing the space. But at the same time being obliged to keep out of the way of more advanced riders who took priority to canter. I became so frightened of the type of scene you described in the school that it took me years to get over it.
This is no way to learn to ride and to enjoy horses.
You are not putting yourself in danger by preferring to progress slowly, to be comfortable on horses and able to communicate with them. You may not fit well into the time table and agenda of the school you have chosen. You mention a fight with the instructor. Learn from this. The client (student) is never right. The instructor always is. So you probably need to find another teacher. It is hard, but you should find the right one in the end. Moreover part on good terms with the school you are leaving - One can switch riding schools at will, pursuing one's interests and finding the right teacher. You may want to come back there for more lessons one day.
But in the meantime find a teacher who will allow you to enjoy riding and go on at your own pace. For that is the safest way. Enjoy every lesson, dont feel any pressure and in the end, ten years from now you will probably be doing things on horseback that you never imagined.

Thanks so much for this. I'm so sad an dissapointed with my riding at present. You are a tonic. ♡