Am I on the turn? Is there any hope?

Saratoga isn't the most important bit the groom who hogs the practice fence, then leaves it at least 30cm above class height so those of us on our own have to get off if want to jump anything?! I thought that was an essential part of every SJs entourage?!
 
Oh dear, will the next step be chasing your horse around the arena trying to do Join Up and the imminent purchase of a Dually thingy?

The remedy has to therefore be digging out the dark red coloured grackle with one of those weird looking bits with long shanks and rope on it, along with a dead sheep and a gaudy velvet saddle pad. Couple that with an orange saddle and a nice standing martingale, plus the obligatory acid yellow thong peaking just above the waistband of your exceedingly tight white breeches and a horse with curtains for a mane and shavings in its tail, I reckon you will be ok.

Mind you, its when you get the urge to dress in tweed, wear an HS1, plait your horse to showjump it, buy a five point breastplate and buy loose fitting cream breeches then you will realise that you have gone beyond all reasonable hope, and its only one way from then onwards. That will worry you, wont it?
 
Its ok you must rush to your nearest tack shop and buy every item of tack and next time you ride use it all at once and this should be enough to resovle the issue and turn you back in to a proper show jumper :p
 
PaddyMonty said:
Dear HHOers
I feel I might have reached a crisis point in my equine career.
Now lets just say I am a showjumper. Its what I've done all my life and what i still like to do.
That was until last night.
I was popping 5yo big grey ID horse round keysoe CR last night and realised I no longer look like a proper showjumper.
Horse had snaffle bridle with NO flash.
Bit was nylon straight bar loose ring snaffle
No martingale
Wintec GP saddle
and wait for it .......BAREFOOT.

I didn't have spurs or even carry a whip. :eek:

So am i too far gone or is there a chance I could become a true showjumper again.

All advice probably ignored. :p
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Oh you forgot to mention the fluffy bits :eek:

I sort of feel responsible for your crises, I'm doing my best to help you though. I did mention that she might want to look into a change of bit and started to mention that maybe a breastplate/martingale might be useful to stop the saddle slipping back, which either I wasn't heard or I got ignored.

I feel my friend may not want to know me soon, she looked at me in horror when I said I had competed my boy with a stain on his bum, which he had got from standing on the lorry, although she took the dig about the fluffy bits quite well I thought. :)

As for your chance to become a true showjumper again, well I gave you the option, but you keep turning it down :p

and by the way what is wrong with a BAREFOOT show jumper?
 
:eek:

Whats the worst thing you could turn into? An eventer?!

So you can look forward to a cricket score in the SJ, no knowledge of how to alter a warm up fence, as many bits of expensive 5-point tack with added fluff as possible, ridiculous pom pom on hat, lilo over BP, blaming bad score on ground/horse/other competitor, only wearing manky brown so that no-one will notice how often you get chucked off, and a set of teeth to match your horses?! :p ;) :D
 
PaddyMonty said:
PS anyone know a good supplier of cowboy hats and cuddly bunnies?
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Did someone say fluffy bunny required?! :p
IMG01228-20120308-1655-1.jpg


Looks like you've had plenty expert advise on how to resolve your current identity crisis, hope you are feeling better again soon! ;)
 
I think you're probably still reasonably safe. It's when you start putting multicolored plastic bridles on, and co-ordinating them to your numnah and dead sheep, that you should start worrying.
 
Did you have £600 boots with tacky diamantes on? If not I'm afraid you have definatley lost it as show jumper regardless of tack.
 
TableDancer said:
You forgot the market harborough. And standing martingale. Than you should be ok :cool:
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Senile as well then.

Saratoga said:
You've forgotten the most important bit of all....the grumpy 'get out of my way' face :D
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I did that bit perfectly just before we mowed down the lady sat on her horse in the warmup area instead of the holding area

rubysmum said:
may not be too late ..................were you still encased intight white breeches??????:D
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Absolutely. owner insisits I have to look smart to rider her horse

SpottedCat said:
Saratoga isn't the most important bit the groom who hogs the practice fence, then leaves it at least 30cm above class height so those of us on our own have to get off if want to jump anything?! I thought that was an essential part of every SJs entourage?!
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Owner is being trained atm. We did leave both practice fences above class height on wednesday. Was the last class though.

TheoryX1 said:
plus the obligatory acid yellow thong peaking just above the waistband of your exceedingly tight white breeches
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Do real men wear acid yellow thongs?


ESH said:
Oh you forgot to mention the fluffy bits :eek:

I'm trying to forget the stressagey fluffy bits

I sort of feel responsible for your crises, I'm doing my best to help you though. I did mention that she might want to look into a change of bit and started to mention that maybe a breastplate/martingale might be useful to stop the saddle slipping back, which either I wasn't heard or I got ignored.

Change of bit def required but still a snuffle. BP will be required (or new wow saddle) ;)

I feel my friend may not want to know me soon, she looked at me in horror when I said I had competed my boy with a stain on his bum, which he had got from standing on the lorry, although she took the dig about the fluffy bits quite well I thought. :)

Hey, I'm not knocking the grooming dedication :D

As for your chance to become a true showjumper again, well I gave you the option, but you keep turning it down :p

Only because you are bloddy miles from me. When you bring them both to a comp I will assist.
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Stencilface said:
:eek:

Whats the worst thing you could turn into? An eventer?!

So you can look forward to a cricket score in the SJ, no knowledge of how to alter a warm up fence, as many bits of expensive 5-point tack with added fluff as possible, ridiculous pom pom on hat, lilo over BP, blaming bad score on ground/horse/other competitor, only wearing manky brown so that no-one will notice how often you get chucked off, and a set of teeth to match your horses?! :p ;) :D
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Already done that and got a cricket score SJ, more than dressage score but in my defence it was a dam good dressage.


FigJam said:
Did someone say fluffy bunny required?! :p
IMG01228-20120308-1655-1.jpg
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Is it wrong that my whippet is taking an unhealthy interest in that pic?
 
You'll be fine as long as you keep Monty close to hand - any self respecting ID would NEVER forsake jumping, even though they do quite enjoy the poseur element of stressage.
 
There is a simple way to determine if you are a show jumper or not.

On the day in question, did you.... trot?

Trot is NOT a pace show jumpers should even entertain the idea of using. Its for dressage people and lameness assessments (the later being the no 1 jumping horses shall never trot)
 
little_flea said:
There is a simple way to determine if you are a show jumper or not.

On the day in question, did you.... trot?

Trot is NOT a pace show jumpers should even entertain the idea of using. Its for dressage people and lameness assessments (the later being the no 1 jumping horses shall never trot)
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I will admit I did trot BUT only during initial warmup. Once warmed up sufficeintly to canter we did not trot again. I can confirm that not one fence was jumped from trot.
 
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