Am I over reacting?

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Bens_Mum

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Before I start a massive row I just wondered if you would be kind enough to give your opinions on this situation! Sorry if its a bit long..

My yard has a RI that comes at the weekend. She is not qualified and VERY pushy. I once asked her to ride my horse for money. After this kept texting and pestering me about taking lessons. I kept making excused re: cost to save saying actually I didn't want lessons with her!

Last week I went to get my tack out and noticed that the straps were not how I would leave them (reins & martingale through throat lash) and just left with reins on the floor. I decided to take the tack home. This morning I get a text off RI saying she wants to use my horse to babysit a new youngster on the yard on hackS is this ok.. ? No money offered just the suggestion she will use him whenever! I have gone absolutely nuts to poor OH and now it has crossed my mind that actually they have been using my horse without my knowledge in the day and its because the tack has gone they have texted me.

There is no other way they would know he is suitable for babysitting duties as no one has ever hacked out with me or seen him on the roads! They would know cause of my work pattern I wouldnt come in the day. The RI is charging this woman to hack out with her and wants to use my horse for nothing! Its not about the money there is no way I would allow this anyway but the cheek is amazing.

The RI has done this before with someone elses horse on the yard and was giving in the end 4 lessons a week on it for nothing and still charging the woman for hers! RI & YO are big buddies how do you approach it without causing a huge row im livid and feel like i've been treated like a total joke..
 
You are not over reacting! I would be absolutly outraged if this was me you need to confront the YO and RI and tell them what yot think is going on! Have you got a security camera you could check? If not do you know any residents locally who could keep an eye for your horse.

I think you should get evidenc before you confront though so maybe set her up, hide a camera somewhere and then show the eveidence to the YO.
 
Nope, you're not overreacting - that is outrageous!
I would be absolutely furious - not about the money, but about someone using my horse without my permission.
The nerve of some people! my blood is actually boiling on your behalf!
 
Just say no.

Keep the tack at home always (due to worry about theft) and then check your horse over with a fine toothcomb every time you go in coz they might just find some other tack to bung on and use.

I would be livid. I would want more evidence and I would start looking for somewhere else tbh. Vote with your feet - all 6 of 'em.
 
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I'd just say a total no to the RI, and keep your tack at home from now on. I would be utterly livid too, but it is really hard without any hard proof. Is there anyone up during the day who you trust who might have seen anything? If no-one hacks with you or sees you on hacks I would make him out to be less than perfect, a few tall stories about big spooks etc should put people off! Would still be absolutly steaming though. Can you approach your YO or the RI and just in an off hand way mention your tack had been moved and not put back how you normally would, oh and I don't suppose you know if anyone might have ridden him? If either of them admit to it then buy all means go totally nuts at them - it is never on to nick someones horse to ride without their express permission!!! If they don't admit to it then just keep your tack at home and keep your eyes open. If you continue to suspect this then I would consider it enough of a problem to move yards.
I am insensed on your behalf now!!!
 
Theres nothing wrong with her asking (I used to be grateful for the exercise for my big chap by our YO and wasnt paid, (the alternative from my point of view was paying her to exercise him), but then she was well qualified and insured and excellent rider) BUT there IS a big problem if they have already been taking your horse out without permission.

If you feel you have good evidence re the riding I would say to her (without accusing her) that you are concerned someone has been messing with your tack or riding your horse without your permission.

Separately calmly just decline the request re taking him out, and continue to take your tack home.

If problems continue I would remove your horse, hes not a riding school hireling and taking him without permission is very very very bad form.
 
I would go beserk if I thought she'd been riding my horse

Tell YO/YM what you suspect.

Tell her in plain and simple language - No. And keep your tack at home.
 
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NO, you are not over reacting at all!
To start with, text back saying 'no, I'm not happy with my horse being used' and see where it gets you.
If you have a strong feeling that he has been used without your approval, go to the YO and ask for them to make sure that nobody else rides your horse when you are not there.
 
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Is this woman crazy. Would she drive your car without permisssion? errrrrr NO. What is something happens to your horse while she is riding it? I would report her to the BHS Instructors register not to mention the police....in my mind its theft. If you can you should move yards as the YO obviusly is putting her friends interests over yours, the clients. SORRY but this is like a nightmare from where im sitting.
 
I'd be flipping furious!

Definatley keep taking your tack home, but I would also want more reassurance that they werent using him anyway with someone elses tack!

Is it possible for you to move yards? I would be looking immediatly if it were me
 
Thank you guys! I've been so outraged ive made myself sick- silly as it sounds.
He had some real behavioral problems which have been solved since 1:1 contact and PROPERLY fitting tack. When I got him I couldn't even tack him up without a battle (previous pain related) and was terrified of him, he was very agressive. Its taken me 4 months to be confident riding him and he is much calmer and has stopped most of his silly antics which she had the cheek to complement me on in the text before saying she wanted to use him! Im a bit slow but how would she know he was better if they hadn't ridden him.....
Im now wondering what tack they have used. He has got sweetitch so wears a rug all the time so sweat marks etc sometimes are hard to put down to the rug or tack. The yard is far from perfect but he is much more chilled there so I have put up with it but now im raging!
There is no CCTV the place is just a farm yard so it would be nigh on impossible short of keep turning up to see what is going on. I feel like we have been on a tour of yards with either bitching or interfering I can't belive we are having this rubbish again. OH says its because i come across as a door mat- I just want a peaceful life!
 
Just noticed you're from Derbyshire, Im from there originally and know of one or two lovely yards if you did think about moving.
Which part of Derbyshire are you from?
 
NO you are not over reacting! Just say no, he is your horse and you do not owe her an explanation - damn cheek! I would also take your tack home with you from now on to prevent them using him behind your back - I would be fuming but losing your temper will get you nowhere, and, if she is so pally with the YO (who should NOT have allowed this to happen btw) your life could be very uncomfortable if you go on the attack.
 
You are not over reacting at all;

Your horse, you decide who does and does ride and use it.

The post below is from someone who was pretty much in the same situation as you and I was impressed with how they solved it....cool calm straight talking, it is thread I have kept to refer back to should I ever be in the same situation

Good luck

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=379551
 
Personally, I don't think a "NO" in letters six foot high will be enough. It is not like they asked in the first place and only did because they were rumbled.

I would look for somewhere else and not have this stress. You want your beloved horse to be at a place you trust implicitly.

If they are riding him behind your back, badly-fitting tack and some stranger's fat arse is really not going to help him (or you).
 
amymay said:
I would go beserk if I thought she'd been riding my horse

Tell YO/YM what you suspect.

Tell her in plain and simple language - No. And keep your tack at home.
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I agree....and tell her if you find out that someone is/was using your horse without your knowledge then that is theft/taking without consent and you will be speaking to the police. After you have broken both their arms.:mad:
 
I would be asking her outright if she had used your horse previously, also ask your YO and put it this way, if they both turn round and lie to you, or one does but the other says she did, yes I'd be very angry indeed, that would be worse knowing someone has lied.

I don't see why you should have to take your tack home (well I do) but it shouldn't have to be like this, she should respect your decision when you tell her no and not be sneaking your horse out while your at work, I'd be fuming yes! :mad:
 
Bens_Mum said:
Before I start a massive row I just wondered if you would be kind enough to give your opinions on this situation! Sorry if its a bit long..

My yard has a RI that comes at the weekend. She is not qualified and VERY pushy. I once asked her to ride my horse for money. After this kept texting and pestering me about taking lessons. I kept making excused re: cost to save saying actually I didn't want lessons with her!

Last week I went to get my tack out and noticed that the straps were not how I would leave them (reins & martingale through throat lash) and just left with reins on the floor. I decided to take the tack home. This morning I get a text off RI saying she wants to use my horse to babysit a new youngster on the yard on hackS is this ok.. ? No money offered just the suggestion she will use him whenever! I have gone absolutely nuts to poor OH and now it has crossed my mind that actually they have been using my horse without my knowledge in the day and its because the tack has gone they have texted me.

There is no other way they would know he is suitable for babysitting duties as no one has ever hacked out with me or seen him on the roads! They would know cause of my work pattern I wouldnt come in the day. The RI is charging this woman to hack out with her and wants to use my horse for nothing! Its not about the money there is no way I would allow this anyway but the cheek is amazing.

The RI has done this before with someone elses horse on the yard and was giving in the end 4 lessons a week on it for nothing and still charging the woman for hers! RI & YO are big buddies how do you approach it without causing a huge row im livid and feel like i've been treated like a total joke..
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No way are you over reacting I would go BANANAS if i thought this was happening to my horse!I would move!
 
You aren't overreacting at all, I would be absolutely livid - and gobsmacked actually, that someone would actually use your horse without permission!

Its all well and good keeping your tack at home but TBH I would be looking to move ASAP - I wouldn't want to be on a yard where this sort of thing is acceptable.

I've owned my mare three years and like you, I feel like I've toured yards in my local area. One my horse hated and refused to settle, several were bitchy, one had a mad dictator for a YO.... the list goes on. However a year ago I moved to a place where everyone keeps themselves to themselves, but in a friendly way. There's no interference, no bitching, no crazy people, its worth moving again until you find the right place - they do exist!
 
I'm afriad I would go ballistic, you definately need to say to this women that in no uncertain terms is she to go near your horse ever!! I would also mention the word legal action and watch them back off!! Would it be acceptable for your neighbour to pop round and use your car with out asking?? Speak to the girl who has been having hacks with her and find out how many then work out how much she owes you!!!!
 
Bens_Mum said:
We are near Belper..
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Ah OK, lovely place. Im from Hilton but these two yards were towards Etwall, Hilton, Hatton areas.

Im sure there's a couple of other forum members on here from around your area, I saw a post the other day about Derbyshire livery yards, maybe try tracking these down or start a post asking for yards near you?

Hope it gets sorted soon though you must be pretty stressed out by it.
 
not at all - I once put one of my horses out to a small yard to get her some exposure to different things as she was 5 and only had been kept at home with one other horse on a total one to one. I knew the owner of the yard well - hacked over to yard as only an hour ride got her settled in and then i got - you can leave you take her so we can ride her if we need another horse - i was like :O I said - thanks but not needed as i was on holidays from school and would be there everyday so ride and look after her and i took saddle and bridle away for "cleaning" that night. Needless to say the horse stayed only one night. After this I witnessed other peoples horses being ridden using whatever tack was lying about! and even retired horses which shouldnt have been being ridden - and by riders who tbh where fat blobs with no self carriage! harsh but true! Sorry for the horror story but i think its best to know that it happens else where and also can get even worse!

I think you would be wise looking else where - how can you trust that your horse is safe now?
 
amymay said:
I would go beserk if I thought she'd been riding my horse

Tell YO/YM what you suspect.

Tell her in plain and simple language - No. And keep your tack at home.
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^^^^ This^^^^

-I would also be inclined to do 'spot checks' for the odd few weeks just to make sure aswell (Try and see if someone can go up to check randomly on the days they know your in work)
 
I'm a RI (BHS Reg and insured I'd like to add!) and I would never DREAM of doing that!! It's totally out of order!

I have a few clients who have said I can teach anyone I like on their horse or, esp since I lost my old boy last year, borrow their horse to ride whenever I like. Which is fantastic, I'm very lucky, but I ALWAYS ring and ask every time!
 
Don't send a text. Call the lady and state very clearly that you do not want her riding your horse under any circumstances. Then speak directly to your YO and tell her the same thing. Your horse is a privately owned animal, not for hire or loan for any reason, to any person. You do not have to give a reason and you don't have to get stroppy with her. If you like your yard, stay there, but make is crystal clear that they are not to do anything with your horse.
 
Thanks for all the opinions. I went completely off the deep end when I read it and wanted to be sure im not going mad! I will phone her when i've calmed down enough to be polite about it. I will be looking for somewhere else im not staying somewhere where no one would tell me if that was going on either! I am not precious about other people riding him and have paid for riders in the past when I wanted help but I wouldn't ask this person again even if that situation arose before all this rubbish!
 
What a horrible situation for you to be in.

Can you ask the lady that the RI is hacking with if she has been using your horse? If the answer is yes then you have hard proof to confront the YO / RI with.

It is absolutely disgraceful if they have been using your horse without your permission. I agree with most people on here - I would be moving.
 
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