Am I selfish going to a horse show?

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wench

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Long battle going on in my head, dressage show on Saturday id like to go to. Will probably be out on Sunday doing horse stuff as well.

I normally do the house work at the weekends and shop for my mum - most of which my "normal" jobs will get done.

I don't normally get home until 8/830 most evenings, and I am very lucky my tea is cooked for me.

Parents work full time in a shop. Mum wants me at home at the weekends to do more jobs for her. I feel guilty for going out and leaving mum at home doing "her" household jobs, am I being selfish?
 
To be honest if I was still living with my parents and they made sure dinner was on the table when I got home from work every day I certainly wouldn't begrudge them a little help at the weekends, but without knowing the full details it's hard to say. Do you pay rent or do you do weekend chores in lieu of rent? Also out of interest why are the household jobs your mum's rather than shared amongst those that live within the household?
 
IMO - no. You shouldn't feel guilty for doing something you enjoy.
As a compromise, could you stop home some evenings this week, do your jobs, and then get out and about this weekend guilt-free?
I don't mean to pry - but is there any reason your mum couldn't do the jobs this weekend and let you off the hook? Or is it more of a 'pull your weight' scenario?
 
I do pay rent, but I am aware of the "luxury" of being able to live at home and do try and do as much stuff at home as possible. Most of the jobs are just basic cleaning ones that I can do any time of the week. More day specific is making dinner (sandwiches) on Saturday.

Dad works very long hours, and wouldn't have a clue where the Hoover is kept let alone how to switch it on!
 
I don't know your full situation, but I don't think it's so selfish to want to take one Saturday for your own enjoyment. Maybe make alternative arrangements for your jobs, for example maybe do you cleaning to night before or the day after, and for the dinner you're supposed to make you could pre-prepare something.

One Saturday isn't selfish as long as you're responsible about it, but if you made a habit of it then it could be.
 
I'd suggest doing as many of your jobs you can do this week so there's as little to do at the weekend as possible. Then for Saturday sandwiches - I'd personally make something this week, freeze it, and tell them to reheat it on Saturday and have that for their lunch. Or get them a gift card voucher thing and send them out for lunch :)
 
Get all the jobs done during the week, make the sandwiches and wrap them up in clingfilm. They will be fine in the fridge. Even you are entitled to go out and have a day off on a Saturday. Your parents choose to work the hours they do (and I'm not having a go!) and to deprive you of a little fun wouldn't be fair. My parents both worked full time too, but my Dad used to put the hoover around on Sunday mornings (I did downstairs every morning before school).
 
Just speak to your mum. I'm sure she wouldn't begrudge you a day off! You make her sound like a slave driver!

Don't text her about it either, it's rude. Speak face to face.
 
No absolutely not selfish atall, (and I'm a mum myself) just because you live at home doesn't mean you aren't entitled to lead your own life! But it is lovely that you help out your parents and take the responsibility so seriously. As others have suggested you could freeze a meal so only needs microwaving or make the sandwhiches and do the cleaning the night before or if you can face it get up extra early and do it the same morning
 
To me 'will probably be out sunday' means you don't have plans and could do the jobs then.
Personally I do think it is selfish to not do your part at home becasue you are having jollies - that is not to say you shouldn't have them but have the maturity to sacrifice seom things to make sure ou are doing your bit. If you were house sharing with grown ups and you didn't do your allocated chores there would be ructions -don't akt the piss our of your mum.

By all means if she insists that they have to be done at a specific time I would have a grown up discussion about fitting them in better.

This is coming from an adult who lives with her parents - I wouldn't dream of not doing what was asked of me, but my mum wouldn't dream of tying me to a time either.
 
Short term - go on Saturday but don't stay out all day, same on Sunday. When you are home, do your bit. If poss do as much as you can on Friday night so your mum can see it's already done and you're not shirking.

Long term - move out. It sounds like you've reached the stage where you're starting to resent each other so get some space between you for the sake of your relationship. I adore my parents and spend a lot of time with them but could never live with them full time.
 
Not at all selfish to go to the show. All work and no play makes everyone very dull.
Online grocery shop is needed here and it sounds like employing a cleaner would be a tremendous help.
 
When I didn't live at home I had twice as much housework to do... My own house and then for parents when I came back at the weekend!
 
It's nice that you help your parents out but seriously at what point do you stop and make time for yourself? I'm assuming your a grown/adult woman so why are you letting your parents rule your whole life like this?, yes they may work long hours but so do most of us! I take it since your guilt tripped into not even having a day to yourself then a holliday would be out of the question!? I think you need to sit down with your parents and explain that whilst you love them very much, you are your own person with your own life to lead and that your cutting the cord and moving out, you will help out as and when you can but if they want a maid they will have to hire one. Sorry if that sounds harsh and I've got the wrong end of the stick but it does sound like your being taken advantage of, I wouldn't dream of expecting my children to miss out on anything they wanted to do so they could stay home and cook and clean up after me!... unless your parents are in some way incapacitated?
 
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No they are perfectly normal! They don't "tell" me I have to do stuff but it's very unfair whilst they are working if I don't do anything.

I also think it's unfair to leave my mum doing a load of housework on Sunday's whilst my dad is generally out of the house indulging in his hobby.

I have been away from home before and quite frankly it was horrible. I ended up spending nearly all my wages on bills and rent and ended up staying all evening every evening as I couldn't afford to do anything.
 
wench said:
No they are perfectly normal! They don't "tell" me I have to do stuff but it's very unfair whilst they are working if I don't do anything.

I also think it's unfair to leave my mum doing a load of housework on Sunday's whilst my dad is generally out of the house indulging in his hobby.

I have been away from home before and quite frankly it was horrible. I ended up spending nearly all my wages on bills and rent and ended up staying all evening every evening as I couldn't afford to do anything.
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So, you work then. In that case you are entitled to do fun stuff at the weekends as much as anyone else. There's always a way to work things out. Have a chat with your Mum, I'm sure she'll understand if you explain that most competitions take place at weekends. It's not as if you bog off both days every weekend is it?

I know tons of people who let their kids live at home, don't charge them any housekeeping AND wait on them hand and foot. You're Mum's lucky to have a daughter who a conscience like you clearly have and I'm sure she appreciates it a lot.
 
don't forget these parents have bought her up and supported her till she had her own money....and its only fair to do a share of the chores if she is living in the house and mum is doing most of the work by the sound of it.....moving out she will have more expense and ALL of the housework, washing and ironing and cooking to do so wont then have time for herself anyway......only having to help out a bit at the weekend sounds like a good deal to me especially as dinner is on the table every night......
 
I used to live at home as an adult and my parents would never dream of making me stay home to clean and do jobs round the house! And I didn't have to pay rent! I would by my own food and cook for them sometimes - I like cleaning so would happily do that every so often. I came and went as I pleased. Obviously I would help them out if they needed anything doing.

Just because thay work long hours shouldn't mean you have to miss out on doing your hobby.
 
Give and take needed here. Why do all the jobs have to be done at the weekend? Is your mum lonely? If you did an hours housework every night that's five hours a week-is that a Saturday's worth? Unless there's a cast iron reason why the jobs have to be done at the weekend you should be able to negotiate an alternative arrangement.
 
wench said:
I have been away from home before and quite frankly it was horrible. I ended up spending nearly all my wages on bills and rent and ended up staying all evening every evening as I couldn't afford to do anything.
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Hmm yes it can be like that. When I was first flying solo after I finished uni I had to have 3 jobs to make ends meet, but I did it and actually it was good - I actually miss those days a little bit now!

It's good you help your parents, but you need to have your own life too, there needs to be a balance. Could you try to move up a pay grade at work / get a better paid job to make the move to solo living feasible? Or could you pick up a part time job on top?
 
wench said:
No they are perfectly normal! They don't "tell" me I have to do stuff but it's very unfair whilst they are working if I don't do anything.

I also think it's unfair to leave my mum doing a load of housework on Sunday's whilst my dad is generally out of the house indulging in his hobby.

I have been away from home before and quite frankly it was horrible. I ended up spending nearly all my wages on bills and rent and ended up staying all evening every evening as I couldn't afford to do anything.
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Ha ha, welcome to the world of independent living! Its surprising what you can find to do for free or very cheap though if you root around and if you are out you aren't using much electricity and heating!
 
Blimey, how much mess do you lot make during the week that it takes all weekend to clean??

Clean and tidy as you go along in the week, doesn't matter if you don't get home till 8 most nights. There's still time to run a cloth around the kitchen or bathroom or put a wash on before bed.

It's not fair you and your mum have to do it all whilst your dad is allowed to enjoy his hobbies. So what if he works long hours? So does my OH, but I still go and do my own thing at the weekend, so does he. Chores are mostly done in the week - when I get home around 8pm most days (sound familiar). Once a month, we do a deep clean.

Honestly, when you get into a routine it's really easy to keep on top of it and still enjoy your weekends.
 
Embo said:
Blimey, how much mess do you lot make during the week that it takes all weekend to clean??

Clean and tidy as you go along in the week, doesn't matter if you don't get home till 8 most nights. There's still time to run a cloth around the kitchen or bathroom or put a wash on before bed.

It's not fair you and your mum have to do it all whilst your dad is allowed to enjoy his hobbies. So what if he works long hours? So does my OH, but I still go and do my own thing at the weekend, so does he. Chores are mostly done in the week - when I get home around 8pm most days (sound familiar). Once a month, we do a deep clean.

Honestly, when you get into a routine it's really easy to keep on top of it and still enjoy your weekends.
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I was going to ask the same. I pay a cleaner and in 5 hours she does the ironing for all 4 of us plus cleans the house. It sounds to me as if there is something else going on here. OP is your mum lonely because your dad is out pursuing his hobbies all weekend? If so, why not agree to spend some quality time with your mum like going out for afternoon tea or something she enjoys, spend the rest of the day doing your horsey stuff and do your chores in the week.
 
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