I am so sorry, huge hugs to you. You are not selfish for not being there at the end. I took the decision not to be with my old mare at the end and my vet said it was better that than transmitting my grief to her. I am glad you and she had the last good weeks, they will be happy memories to hold on to. x
OMG I'm so so sorry to hear about your loss. I've not been on here for weeks and had no idea there was anything wrong. What happened? If it's too much for Amymay to say can someone else fill me in?