annoying liveries wwyd?

S

Sugar_and_Spice

Well-Known Member
Joined
6 June 2012
Messages
5,245
Location
the North
Visit site
Some people on my yard are the chatty type. Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. I have to go to the yard daily, sometimes when unwell, because horse is on DIY livery and these chatty people are there same time as me.


I'm fed up with being expected to join in with bitching, gossiping, general chatter and sometimes outright nastiness when all I want to do is see to my horse then leave. I go to the yard to see my horse not to be sociable with people I don't much like!

I don't want to be seen as rude, but its got to the point where I don't want to go to the yard at all if I think this group will be there. It's not always possible to alter the time I go up.

I'm thinking of putting my ipod on and ignoring them all, except to say hello and goodbye, because I can't get drawn into conversation if I can't hear them talking to me! But they moan constantly that the teenagers with ipods are rude and unsociable. So wwyd?
 
Do as you suggest but without the Ipod? Say hello then go on with your business? Move yard? Put up with it as there are worse things than chatty people to contend with at yards?
 
I'd be thankful that you're on a yard that's sociable, rather than it being you being bitched about.

We all have days where we're not feeling sociable, but surely it's nice that they're making an effort? :confused:
 
Just be polite, say hello etc and do what you have to, nobody is forcing you to chat but there is no need to be rude about it either which I think having music on would be.

It is quite possibly the only socialising the others get to do and they might not realise that you are in a rush or don't want to talk. Tbh I think you are being a bit petty and if they are bitching and you find yourself involved just tell them you won't gossip and crack on with your jobs :-)
 
Thats livery yards for you and for me part and parcel of being a horse owner. However it is easy to stay polite but not get involved. If you need to say anything then say you are in a rush, or bit of a headache etc and just crack on. Its just changing a habit so will be the norm soon enough. :)
 
We had some people on our yard who were the total opposite you would say hi or something similar and they would just walk right past you as if you hadnt spoken. However, if I offered to take them or their horse somewhere they were all over me.
 
ShadowFlame said:
I'd be thankful that you're on a yard that's sociable, rather than it being you being bitched about.
Click to expand...
I disagree - people like this don't generally leave anyone out. I am sure OP is getting her fair share of backstabbing when she's not there!

OP I feel for you I have been on yards like this. In one instance I actually told the ringleader to back off and pretty much what you've said above. I go to do my horses and spend time with them, not be spiteful. Worked for me!
 
I think sometime people on yards may not realise what they are saying is out of the 'norm', it just becomes a culture. Perhaps next time they talk to you and the conversation takes a wrong turn just say 'ooh no, I don't like to gossip (in jovial tones) and make an excuse to go feed the horse or soemthing. Sort of calls them out that they are gossiping indirectly? But still smile and say a cheery "hello, how are you?" whenever you see them, trick is to keep walking as you say it!
 
SkewbyTwo said:
I disagree - people like this don't generally leave anyone out. I am sure OP is getting her fair share of backstabbing when she's not there!

OP I feel for you I have been on yards like this. In one instance I actually told the ringleader to back off and pretty much what you've said above. I go to do my horses and spend time with them, not be spiteful. Worked for me!
Click to expand...

This ^^ if your hear bitching then you are probably next:rolleyes: I know what you mean OP but I have no answer for bitchy women.
 
Oh I'm sure they bitch about me too :D I've heard them say one thong to someone's face and another behind their back quite a lot. It's why I don't like them. I'm sure they would be devestated to read this, since they all think they are wonderful, but there is no way of knowing who I am or who I'm referring to or what yard, so I'm not bothered about that.

I don't think I'm being petty, they are making me miserable and making me not want to be on the yard. Its not as simple as not getting involved, they ask questions and draw you into a conversation without you realising its happening, then they hang round your horse while you groom etc. It's maybe because I'm not in a rush. I want to spend time with my horse even if I'm unwell, it makes me feel better. I just don't want to talk to them while I do it! I wish they had a 'mute' button, like the tv.
 
Thanks for all your help. I think I'll see if there are any empty stables I can change to away from the chatty lot, that could work. I've considered moving yards but that's a last resort really. Maybe I will just have to be straight and tell them I don't want to be involved in their dramas.
 
Just sounds like any other yard to me. I think to be honest we all have an opinion and like to voice it. I'm pretty sure if you just say sorry I don't feel too good or I'm in a hurry etc., they would just leave you to it. Sometimes I think people engage their mouths before their brains, but aren't being nasty intentionally. If I want to get off quickly or dont feel well I just say so and if anyone wants to bitch or be funny about it then so be it.
 
I get your dilema. And maybe they do talk bad from time to time but just more to the point they don't interest you. I mean be honest with yourself. I'm not the most social of people either. Lots of people in the world that need the social circle. It's kind of ingrained in us to be social. It's also quite normal to gossip. It's not nice but it really is normal. So to them they are probably just trying to include you. And in life anymore nobody has a filter because that's somehow cool. I don't mean being fake but so many people are so self absorbed they feel they have a right to be intrusive.

I know that if people on the yard have a client or professional visiting, it's not my job to hang around to find out what's going on. Today I was trying to get 2 ponies ready to go jumping and had client there. Other person on yard is down in the way yapping to my client and cooing on ponies. If the reverse were happening my social parameters would dictate that I wish everyone luck and mind my own business. In my mind she was being annoying and overstepping her mark which she does whenever I have someone present. In her mind she's being friendly outgoing and chatty. Or so I think. My opnion on the matter doesn't make me right so I say nothing and continue getting ready.

So with the yammering on what exctly am I trying to say? We're all different. I really don't think they mean to be a pain. I think they want to include you. You're not comfortable with that which is fine. How you lay down boundries I don't know because I don't. I just do the best I can not to make them feel hurt while getting out of what I can. Obviously people being nasty to me isn't tolerated but I let a lot go that I'm not comfortable with.

Good luck
Terri
 
Just say hi, and crack on with what you want to do. It's the easiest thing in the world not to talk to people.
 
Sounds like any other livery yard, so theres no point in moving as its highly likely youll find the same problems elsewhere, just say hi to them and get on with what youre there to do.
 
I work at a yard where most of the clients have all day and they trail around me talking. All I ever say is mmm... and excuse me (as they are usually blocking the doorway) and now, after a few years thety have learned that I am happy to be talked at but tend not to join in. If I sit down and have a cup of tea I will chat, or if I take a hack out. I'm sure they think I am very antisocial!
Also you could try giving out jobs - I do, even though I'm the groom! I say 'Oh could you just...' so now they avoid me as they don't want a job!
 
What is wrong with being polite?

If you feel like a chat fine. If not just say hello and keep moving. If they try to draw you in say "sorry can't chat tonight". No point falling out with folk who ard only trying to be friendly!
 
You could if they are really not getting the hint say something like. Excuse me I'm going to stick my headphones in, I'm rubbish company today / in a terrible mood / want to catch the final part of this radio play"
 
I have a livery who sounds a bit like you. She is depressing, as she only wants to talk if SHE has something to say, and then she talks in cliches anyway.

Perhaps you should find a livery, like on a farm, where you are the only client. The farmer certainly won't have time to talk to you all day, and you can have all the horse time you want?
 
Why is everyone so judgy? Don't think it's very nice to call someome depressing. And jumping to conclusions that she only wants to talk about things if it suits her. I'm fine for normal conversations. I don't have time to sit down and listen to someone else yammer on endlessly. People are all different. Just because you don't want to join in doesn't make you depressing. And hey, are you privy to things in their personal life? Things that have happened to them? Who cares right? As far as you're concerned they're just depressing. Nice.

Terri
 
you don't seem to know what annoying liveries are.


everyone nowadays complain about bitchy yards

and now if i have this correctly your complaining being the people at your yard are freindly !!

If you think that's annoying try spending a few months at some of the yards iv'e been at be gald they do talk to you...
 
I feel your pain, every yard I've been on has had its dramas! My current yard is pretty fab, but I came home the other day having avoided any nonsense to have texts accusing me of being horrible because someone had been unfair to me! It's like being back at school. I very swiftly corrected them because I refuse to get caught in any stupidity.

I would suggest, therefore, OP, that you stop them gossiping with either a casual 'Whatever' and walk off or a straightforward 'I don't want to be involved in any nastiness, don't you realise how horrible you're being'.
 
As has been said by others, this is typical of many yards. There is always a clique, with a 'Queen Bee' in charge & the others hang on her every word & generally they seem to think that they run the yard. This clique will all own horses but will rarely spend much time wuth them as they are too busy drinking coffee & bad mouthing the strange people on the yard that want to spend time with their horses & actually ride them as well. They consider people who come to the yard purely to be with their horses, groom them, clean their tack, ride them etc as being 'obsessive'. The livery yard in their eyes is their social club.

All you can do is be polite, say hello & good bye, & spend your time with your horse. Occasionally have a cup of coffee with them but don't get led into the nastiness of the gossip they seem to live on. Alternatively you can always find another yard.......but most yards, unless you're very lucky, have a clique like this on them.

Good Luck.
 
Don't put up with them saying unpleasant things about people. If they start going on about someone join in by saying something nice about the target like, "It's just as well they are such a nice person". or They were really helpful to me last week" to balance the conversation. If that doesn't work try the more direct,"I don't like to speak of people behind their backs", or "hhmmm" and walk away.:cool:
Good Luck.
 
It's interesting that some of you think they may be trying to include me out of friendliness. I suppose there could be an element of that. Maybe they don't have a life outside of horses. Perhaps their brand of friendliness is gossipy moaning and they're like that all the time, not only at the yard.

Rose Folly PMSL :D that's just the kind of comment I was talking about. Maybe you should move to my yard, you'd probably fit right in. You possibly have a point in that they may find me depressing. But - I wasn't aware I existed to keep others entertained? I'm sociable with those that I like, away from the yard.

Thanks for your help everyone. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top