another sharing dilemma!

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Jericho

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Some of you may know my story - I have a 12yr old gelding who has been diagnosed with navicular syndrome this year. We are doing our best to help him but he is currently unrideable and likely to continue this way. About 4 months before he went lame I started sharing him (and my little Welsh pony) with a really lovely lady and her children whereby she helped poo pick fields/feed etc in return for riding on the one day day a week I work as well as some other days when we have been away.


During all his lameness she has continued helping me even though she cant ride and she is brilliant on the ground with the horses. However she is a very novice rider, she struggled with confidence (just walking and trotting in field) when she did ride and more often than not she found some excuse not to ride at all but she said she enjoyed coming down anyway. She has owned horses before although a while ago and when she started sharing I thought she was more experienced than she actually is. In fact she is very nervous and can just about ride, she doesnt know much about schooling e.g. outlines, flexing etc.

Since then I have a new horse who needs to be ridden much more carefully and I really dont want her to ride her although it was kind of assumed that she would. I am working hard on getting this mare to work properly and trust the riders hands and I am not sure a novice hands are going to help. The mare is not a novice ride to school in the field although she is too hack out strangely enough. My sharer doesnt want to hack out. Also (and this is going to sound horrible), my new mare is smaller than my original horse and my sharer is a larger lady and again I dont really want her to ride her because of this.

OK so how do I deal with this? I do need a sharer to help out and would actually love someone to just come down and hack out my mare one day a week (rather than trying to learn to ride) in return for doing the chores on that day. This lady is lovely and very honest and genuine and careful but my new horse just doesnt suit her at all although I dont think she really sees that. Argghh what shall I do?
 
I have a similar situation at the moment with a potential sharer I dont really want or need. To be honest i feel very selfish as I want my horse to myself but I dont have the heart to tell her. My sharer is also very novice and cant handle my horse in certain situations.

I dont have much constructive advice other than that I know how you feel and I hope you can find a way to tell her!

I was thinking of sending my sharer a polite email just telling her everything but i dont know if i can do it lol!
 
Be honest and tell this sweet lady what your thinking,I understand what and where your comeing from....maybe she just stays involved with the other horse,maybe she will be happy as she admits that she likes being round the horses and hopefully will continue to just do the gelding.
:But just be honest with her,and explain that you will need to get a more confident rider for the other horse while she is still so young....Do you charge her money for the share of the gelding?
 
Hmm.. Yes, I hate situations like that. **Why not let her ride your mare, so she realises she can't? And then she will say, oh I am not too keen?

** Maybe, you could offer for her to come down and groom her and just be a part of the horses life still?? (and then hide the other sharer - who will ride)

**You could possibly give her some lessons, or is she really too large for your new ned?

**What about mentioning, that this horse wouldn't be suited, she is welcome to play with the pony still, and if she wants to wait until, lame horse is sound that's great too. You never know, your lame ned could be sound sooner than youi think, especially as it's not like she wants to jump him or compete, gallop etc. He could be sound for light work in the field.

xxx
 
These situations are always horrible to deal with, I know ive been there and to be honest the first time i didnt handle it very well and it all came to a messy end, the second time i made sure communcation was well maintained, please greywelshie dont send an email talk to the person no matter how hard it is, Twobays talk to her explain how you feel even explain you may be worried she will get hurt etc
 
From what you have said, it sounds like this lady might not really want to ride your new horse, and may have gone down this route so as not to offend you. She may well be having the same dilemma of how to tell you she's not interested? Perhaps?
As others have said, just talk to her and be honest.
 
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** Maybe, you could offer for her to come down and groom her and just be a part of the horses life still?? (and then hide the other sharer - who will ride)



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Don't hide another sharer - imagine how hurt you would be if you found out via yard gossip that 'someone else is riding the horse because YOU aren't good enough - or worse, too "fat"' - and let's face it - that's what yard gossip would turn it into, no matter what the truth of the matter was!

If I was in that situation, I would feel totally humiliated - so much better to be tactful but honest, I think RH's plan sounds great apart from hiding another sharer.
smile.gif
 
Poor you, not an easy situation!

However my first thought was she might be like me, I think I prefer the ground work, poo picking etc and I'm not a very good rider at all (read total beginner, but daughter is very good for her age).

I would just be honest and say something along the lines of 'whilst I'd be delighted if you wanted to continue to look after my two as I can tell you have a really nice way with gelding and SecA and they seem to appreciate the time you spend with them and I'm so pleased with all the help you give me, I really don't want to put you in a difficult position as new mare is proving quite tricky to ride and I'm sure new mare will be the type to take advantage of you in the school although she's better out hacking. However I know you're not so keen on hacking, and I'd really hate anything awful to happen while you rode new mare whilst I'm at work, so would you mind if I said I'd prefer you not to ride her ?'

Now if that was me I'd probably sigh a huge sigh of relief, say actually the thought of riding her had me quaking in my boots anyway, and get back to the mound of poo to be picked.
(Of course if she did say she minded you could perhaps just be vague and say you'll rethink in a few months but really you feel it's not safe right now, but I don't get the feeling from what you've said she'd be very keen if you didn't think it 'safe').


If subsequently you find ideal rider you could then lighten the load of poo picking for her 'as she's not able to ride gelding' (but all her children are riding the SecA, so fair to share it)
 
Does she relise she is a novice rider or does she think she is better than that? If she knows she is a novice you could just say your really sorry but the new mare just isnt a novice ride and you dont want it knocking her confidence if anything did happen? I would completley leave the whole weight issue out of it cause you dont want to offend her (can be a touchy subject) - i was in almost the exact same position as you when i just bought my new WB, the woman was quite novicey and although perfect for my old safe cob she was way too heavy for my new one and it would have been dangerous to let her ride the new one as although he is so so safe out hacking, in the school he is so well schooled it would have really set him back with her riding him and he would buck if she was too hard on his mouth.

Sometimes you have to be selfish and say that actually its your horse and you want what is best for the horse, a rider that is too heavy can damage horses, especially if they are novices and cant carry their weight! Hard though i know that was for me.

Oh i said to my old sharer he was too much really for her to ride and i think if he did something it would scare her, then she said no problem she wont share him so it was made easy!

Hope some of that helped anyways,
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Sometimes you have to be selfish and say that actually its your horse and you want what is best for the horse, a rider that is too heavy can damage horses, especially if they are novices and cant carry their weight! Hard though i know that was for me.




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Even so a reply to a PM would have been polite
 
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