Another WWYD/am I in the wrong thread (sorry)

I'm like Arizahn and prefer to do my own, but since she was moved into a herd with shift working owners it was beginning to look like I was going to have to pay someone to bring her in occasionally, so when another livery offered to buddy up with me I jumped at the chance - I turn out during the week and she brings in, and we work things out between us at the weekend, so I can have a lie-in and she gets to have a clear afternoon.

Back to the OP though - I'm in agreement with the others, in that she may have other issues and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. She's probably mortified now, so cut her a bit of slack and wait and see if she continues to bring yours in.

One thing though - I wouldn't leave food in the stable ready, as I find that when I bring other horses in that DO have food waiting for them, they can be very bargy. Maybe leaving it outside the door would be better, with a tight lid on to keep the furries out.

I always leave a full haynet and clean water before I leave in the mornings so normally when I get there after work it's a quick skip out, feed and I'm done.

When my mare was in the other herd, from time to time someone would bring her in, and I always made an effort to find out who it was so I could personally thank them, and if it happened more than a couple of times, the person would get a bar of chocolate as well as a thank you :).
 
Arizahn said:
This is why I don't accept help with mine. It always leads to some sort of drama, and I'm no good at enabling nonsense.

Would your horse actually be all that bothered if he were left out alone until you arrived, or has this simply been assumed to be the case? I would see about getting him used to being left alone, and if necessary take a small rescue pony on loan as a companion, then they can both stay out until you get there. Just inform fellow livery that you'd rather not have her feeling obligated, since it clearly doesn't suit her. Problem sorted, and your horse will be kept to your routine. This will most likely be far better for him than bringing in at random times of day. It will definitely be better for you.

Whatever's going on with her, going off on a rant isn't okay at all. The only card I'd give her would be one explaining how upsetting her sudden tirade had actually been! Your horse had his stable ready, there was hay there, no need to give him carrots or hard feed, end of story. If catching in didn't suit her, then she didn't have to do it. She can manage her internal/personal issues on her own time; I sincerely doubt that an employer would put up with it.

Detach and move on, possibly through the healing medium of chocolate for yourself.
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This- I agree with Arizahn. It never ceases to amaze me why some people on livery yards think they can treat people in a way that would get them disciplined or even sacked by many employers. Yes, winter is a real pain in the backside with the constant mud etc. but its no excuse for the women taking off on such a rant at you. She went beyond being sharp or grumpy.

I'd do my own in future if I was you, and it sounds like you might want to look for a nice yard with some schooling facilities.
 
Oh dear, I can quite understand why you are upset. There has been some good advice, and I wonder if there is something else going on in this woman's life and it all just came out when you were in the way.

Even though you feel that you are the innocent party, it might be worthwhile eating humble pie and getting her a box of chocolates and just apologise and say you are sorry that it caused an upset (even if it was you who was upset). This might to a better atmosphere.
 
Thanks again guys for taking the time to reply. She was at the yard (had beaten my by about 5mins again). I got a cheery hello and goodbye as per nornal so I expect (as some of you predicted) she will act as if it didn't happen.

I will say thank tou tomorrow morning out of courtesy but I'm not sure I can forget (or forgive) the things said. Deep down I know I want to move and I think this is the push I needed.

Your right yellowdun. If anyone had spoken to me that way at work I would have immediately put in a complaint and would have expected them to at least get disciplined (if not sacked). I'm racking my brains and I don't think I've ever been spoken to like that before even as a child.
 
SirBrastias said:
Thanks again guys for taking the time to reply. She was at the yard (had beaten my by about 5mins again). I got a cheery hello and goodbye as per nornal so I expect (as some of you predicted) she will act as if it didn't happen.

I will say thank tou tomorrow morning out of courtesy but I'm not sure I can forget (or forgive) the things said. Deep down I know I want to move and I think this is the push I needed.

Your right yellowdun. If anyone had spoken to me that way at work I would have immediately put in a complaint and would have expected them to at least get disciplined (if not sacked). I'm racking my brains and I don't think I've ever been spoken to like that before even as a child.
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I have been in a very similar situation myself so I really feel for you - when someone you considered a friend suddenly turns on you and talks to you in a way you wouldn't speak to your worst enemy, it really shocks and saddens you. When it happened to me I felt the same - was in tears, wanted to avoid them at all costs, considered moving yards etc. But I grew up with arguing parents and hate with a passion that kind of atmosphere so even though I knew I wasn't in the wrong I apologised and things got better BUT my opinion of them has changed forever and I doubt they will ever change it back.
 
I wouldn't make any hasty decisions. Leave a box of chocs or flowers with a note to say you didn't mean to upset her and you appreciate her help, I wouldn't even mention how she upset you... chances are something else set her off, she had a bad day, and she probably feels very, very guilty about what she said to you. She will probably come back to you and apologise for her behaviour. Then if all goes well you can sit down and be clear about what you both want the other person to do or not do in fuure.. If she still has attitude after your attempt to make peace and doesn't meet you half way then you can at least know in your mind that you tried... and then I wouldn't give it another thought, and organise everything for your horse yourself. It says more about her if ahe isnt willing to put things behind her and if so then she isn't worth you wasting any more of your energy on. There are always times in life when arguments take place and you don't see eye to eye with people. You can't always move or change locations because you feel upset or awkward. So in this instance if you make the first move to clear the air then you have nothing to feel awkward or upset about and you can move forward whatever the outcome.
 
I'm quite a fiery character and I don't like biting my tongue when people are rude to me. Myself and my YO have had a difficult relationship this summer, when I felt attacked as well. I DID bite my tongue for a quiet life as we want to stay on the yard until we find our own place and then move, plus, pony is very happy there. I am so glad I did. It turned out that her father was going through a long, slow, painful death from stomach cancer and she was going through hell. She probably doesn't even remember the falling outs we had or what she said. Things are back to normal now, we haven't talked about it, there has been no apologies on either side, but I have forgiven and forgotten. You have had a relationship with this lady for a very long time, I wouldn't throw it away lightly. I wouldn't go up with flowers and chocolates though, as I can't see what you did wrong. But take a deep breath and see what happens. In the meantime, put your OWN riding first for a bit and make the small changes needed for you to be happier as a horse owner.
 
I feel for you. I'm more the age of the lady who was rude to you, but there's absolutely no way I would be speak to anyone like that, in the horse world or not. I don't know why, but the horsey community does seem to have more than its fair share of ignorant, rude people.

I was at the wrong end of some very upsetting behaviour a few years ago - all bullying and lies, and I felt like you do now. I did leave that yard, but I was going to anyway.

I agree with the comments above about leaving feed and hay in your horse's stable, then if the woman does bring him in again for you, it's all done.

Hope it all works out for you.
 
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