Anxiety Levels ThroughThe Roof

[MystieMoo]

Just really wondering if this affects anyone to the same degree?
I find owning a horse fraught with worry. I didn't used to feel like this ...
My daughter events at 80cm on our rising 8yr old mare, ID x Cob. They both love it.
I've always worried about their safety on the XC, but it's getting out of control. It's spilling over into me feeling sick with worry even on their weekly lessons in case something is amiss, or when she's schooling. It's like I'm waiting for someone to come over or for the instructor to shout, "Stop! She's lame/uneven/not right ... etc, etc".
Because of her breeding, our mare takes a lot of work to keep fit through the season and it feels like an immense pressure, I'm always worried she isn't fit enough despite being told otherwise.
The only issue our mare has had to date was a poor saddle fit - she changed shape so much - which caused some back pain, sorted by vet, new saddle fitter/saddle & osteopath.
A past horse did have lameness issues and had to be retired.
I feel like I'm living on the edge of a disaster waiting to happen all the time. I'm not in a position to simply retire this horse off and replace it should anything go wrong, and although insured, I don't have endless resources.
The endless social media throughout the season and the pressure I feel for my daughter to do well and be happy seems never ending.
I'm getting in a right state and I'm already counting down to October when it's all over again for a while. I couldn't get out of my car yesterday while she schooled because of the anxiety about something being wrong.
I am lorry driver to shows so gin isn't an option ? I can't seem to make the various calming options like St. John's Wort work and I'm not great at talking things out with therapists due to childhood traumas. And anyway, it seems to be the whole horse-owning thing now, not just the competing, although 100 x worse during the season.
I must add that my daughter doesn't share any of my worries at all and just loves it, whether she does well or has a less successful day. She enjoys her lessons, too.
I don't feel like this if we go out to a local XC venue for the day with a picnic for some training, I really enjoy that. Likewise beach and forest trips etc.
I'm just starting the menopause and do wonder if that's not helping.
Anyone experienced this sort of thing? Anything you did that helped?
Thank you ?

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I went a bit like this at the start of my menopause even just the thought of riding caused anxiety and every day things that I always just got on with seemed daunting.

And if things went wrong welI just would burst into tears and I felt like a completely different person.

I went to the doctors and my hormone levels had really dropped so I went on hrt and I feel so much better I've only been on it a few months and can really notice a difference.

I also use the Bach flower remedies which cover a wide range of feelings and emotions, you just look at what each one helps with and you can take up to 7 at a time in water and sip throughout the day, I've found them really useful for me and take mine everyday.

I think women underestimate the impact the menopause and hormone imbalance can have I would get down the doctors it's only a blood test.

 

[MystieMoo]

I went a bit like this at the start of my menopause even just the thought of riding caused anxiety and every day things that I always just got on with seemed daunting.

And if things went wrong welI just would burst into tears and I felt like a completely different person.

I went to the doctors and my hormone levels had really dropped so I went on hrt and I feel so much better I've only been on it a few months and can really notice a difference.

I also use the Bach flower remedies which cover a wide range of feelings and emotions, you just look at what each one helps with and you can take up to 7 at a time in water and sip throughout the day, I've found them really useful for me and take mine everyday.

I think women underestimate the impact the menopause and hormone imbalance can have I would get down the doctors it's only a blood test.

That's exactly how I feel - stood in the kitchen crying this morning for no apparent reason and the whole day looking daunting. I will make an appointment with my GP. So glad you feel better!

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

That's exactly how I feel - stood in the kitchen crying this morning for no apparent reason and the whole day looking daunting. I will make an appointment with my GP. So glad you feel better!

Honestly it's the best thing I did and it does sound like your a bit hormonal, I used to ride and if it didn't go to plan I used to cry and fall to pieces, some days I couldn't even ride it used to make me feel sick, and I just have never been like that I've kept mine at home for 11 years on my own, I do most things on my own everyday but just couldn't cope.

 

[Alibear]

Another vote for a GP trip to look into HRT options. There are various choices available down and with fewer side effects than 10-20 years ago. It helped me out, nothing drastic but I'm definitely a bit more level headed.

 

[HeresHoping]

I was just going to say, how old are you? And get those hormones checked. My anxiety was absolutely ridiculous as a result of hormones dropping. I ended up with OCD and at times, not being here seemed like a very good option.

 

[MystieMoo]

Honestly it's the best thing I did and it does sound like your a bit hormonal, I used to ride and if it didn't go to plan I used to cry and fall to pieces, some days I couldn't even ride it used to make me feel sick, and I just have never been like that I've kept mine at home for 11 years on my own, I do most things on my own everyday but just couldn't cope.

It really is horrible, isn't it? Just so pleased for you that you feel better. I've always been one to worry a bit internally and appear super paid back on the surface, but this feels out of control. I also feel and have often felt that I can't keep up with the Jones's in terms of horses - we have been so lucky to have some lovely horses but they've never been 10s of thousands of pounds and I know my daughter has peers who have that - not sure why I feel inadequate on her behalf when she has no such worries! Not sure if that's the horse world or just a human thing. Thank you for your advice, will see GP asap.

 

[MystieMoo]

Another vote for a GP trip to look into HRT options. There are various choices available down and with fewer side effects than 10-20 years ago. It helped me out, nothing drastic but I'm definitely a bit more level headed.

Yes, feel like I need to get a grip on it.

 

[MystieMoo]

I was just going to say, how old are you? And get those hormones checked. My anxiety was absolutely ridiculous as a result of hormones dropping. I ended up with OCD and at times, not being here seemed like a very good option.

I'm 51 in July. I've been feeling increasingly like this over the last couple of years but it's got really bad now. I've just not had many other menopausal symptoms until literally this month so always thought it couldn't be that. Your last sentence really resonates, I hope you're okay/feeling better now.

 

[Skib]

I am well past the menopause and I got worried when the BHS girls at the yard evented. It is a high risk sport. Has your daughter an air jacket? And does she wear it? One of the RIs I liked a lot did get injured.
It is quite rational to be worried about one's children when they do high risk thngs. One of our daughters walked in the Himalayas. One grand daughter used to do wall climbing.

 

[MystieMoo]

I am well past the menopause and I got worried when the BHS girls at the yard evented. It is a high risk sport. Has your daughter an air jacket? And does she wear it? One of the RIs I liked a lot did get injured.
It is quite rational to be worried about one's children when they do high risk thngs. One of our daughters walked in the Himalayas. One grand daughter used to do wall climbing.

Yes, she has all the safety equipment all up to date. I see other parents with children in the 100 etc and they seem fine! Not sure why I worry so excessively, but glad I'm not the only one who does. I certainly wouldn't be half so bad is she was just hacking/fun rides etc, although I know accidents happen all the time in all areas.

 

[Muddy unicorn]

Another vote for HRT here .. it's not a miracle cure but it certainly takes the edge off the all-consuming anxiety as well as making some of the physical symptoms more manageable. Don't discount the psychological effect of the last couple of years either - low-level anxiety about pretty much every aspect of life, compounded by the menopause can have a drastic effect on how well you're able to cope with challenges.

It's also hard being involved in horses when money IS a factor too - I sometimes feel like the poor relation when I talk to some of my pony club mum friends, then I have to remind myself of how immensely privileged we are compared to >95% of the population in being able to afford to have horses/take my daughter eventing etc at all. For my daughter, not being able to take it for granted that we'll be able to spend x amount on a horse/saddle/event etc is in many ways a good thing - she's learning a lot about the value of working hard, resilience, finding ways around problems which can only stand her in good stead for the future.

But definitely get in touch with your GP - and make sure you're doing things for yourself too - it's very easy at this time of life to end up putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own which won't help how you feel.

 

[Highmileagecob]

Aw poor you, you are having a time of it. I am past the menopause, but remember well being out of control of my emotions and responses. HRT wasn't an option for me due to dodgy family history and hormones, but you will come out of the other side - promise! Read your post back to yourself - your daughter and her horse are fine. Both are fit and well, both well equipped for the event. You can stop worrying on her behalf, and start enjoying her involvement with the sport.
There is a thread on here for 'menopause, a thread for the bad days,' if it helps to share with someone, have a look through it - you are definitely not alone! Good luck, hope you are feeling more in control soon.

 

[MystieMoo]

Another vote for HRT here .. it's not a miracle cure but it certainly takes the edge off the all-consuming anxiety as well as making some of the physical symptoms more manageable. Don't discount the psychological effect of the last couple of years either - low-level anxiety about pretty much every aspect of life, compounded by the menopause can have a drastic effect on how well you're able to cope with challenges.

It's also hard being involved in horses when money IS a factor too - I sometimes feel like the poor relation when I talk to some of my pony club mum friends, then I have to remind myself of how immensely privileged we are compared to >95% of the population in being able to afford to have horses/take my daughter eventing etc at all. For my daughter, not being able to take it for granted that we'll be able to spend x amount on a horse/saddle/event etc is in many ways a good thing - she's learning a lot about the value of working hard, resilience, finding ways around problems which can only stand her in good stead for the future.

But definitely get in touch with your GP - and make sure you're doing things for yourself too - it's very easy at this time of life to end up putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own which won't help how you feel.

Absolutely spot on, that's a lot how I feel. We are so lucky to have a horse and to be able to go out, I must remember that when I'm feeling like the poor relation, too. I will get in touch with my GP and look at doing some things for me - it's quite hard though when I've spent the last 22yrs (I have an older son at university) doing everything for the children! That may be part of it, too.

 

[DonskiWA]

If my house was on fire, the first thing I would grab would be my hormone patches! Life savers. I had a horrible couple of years with anxiety before I figured it out and got it sorted.

 

[MystieMoo]

If my house was on fire, the first thing I would grab would be my hormone patches! Life savers. I had a horrible couple of years with anxiety before I figured it out and got it sorted.

It's the figuring it out, for sure! And my doctor is not particularly helpful re menopause - I swear she thinks it's made up. But she's still young, lol.