Any advice on YM's rant at me

D

Dutchgirl

New User
Joined
17 June 2011
Messages
2
Visit site
Hi All, have lurked around HH for a while, but after last night thought I would seek some advices from all you good people out there. (Sorry might be lengthy! I work full time and get to the yard just after 5 (yard close to home & work) I am lunging my horse since he has been clipped (17hh Grey gelding ex hunter 16yrs) and as its dark I switched the school lights on, tacked up horse and lunged, during lunging another livery phoned and said she was on her way and could I leave the lights on, so I finished and walked back to yard other livery arrived and was tacking up her horse, when YM yelled 'I have turned the school lights off ALRIGHT' (thought that was a bit rude but hey we all have bad days) I turned to say other livery was going up but YM had gone. Livery went up to school and I was grooming and relaxing after a very stressfull day at work, when YM came and proceeded to shout at me, saying I was now taking the p** out of her and that she was p***ed off with it all! I said to her "what ever is the matter and why are you so upset?" with that she proceeded to exercise touretts and accused me of all sorts of stuff ending with she was going to run the livery yard down! I tried to diffuse (I am a HR Manager) but she was not listening just ranting, it was very scary and I was shaking with the viscousness of it all. I have always helped this YM and use my holidays to cover for her while she goes on holiday (2 this year) this is voluntary I have had my own yard in the past and just love being with horses - great therapy! I know YM can go off her head at times but generally never let it affect me but this has really unsettled me and I really don't want to move, I am being made redundant next year and at present am in the process of making employees redundant and I really don't need this, I know the YM drinks in the afternoon so could put it down to that but what to do ........ any advice? Thanks for reading at least I have got it off my chest now, but am dreading going down the yard tonight.:(
 
Hmmm so your YM gets lashed up in the afternoon and then goes mental at the clients? You're experienced as you've say you've run a yard before so I can't see how you'd be 'running the yard down'. You've done YM favours by covering holidays and get a gob full in return? If YM wanted lights off, they should just have asked, not turned it into a big deal. If there is a policy in place about switching lights off or you've been asked before that warrants a firm and quite word not a stream on abuse. I'd leave, I wouldn't want anyone that irrational in charge of my horse. If you are losing your job presumably you are more flexible about location now so find somewhere else.
 
do not fall into the trap which we all do which is to believe you can not find another yard where you will be happier/looked after. If your YM has a drinking problem, then, from experience, they use that to rant and then conveniently forget it all later..

Horses are your hobby and your pleasure. When it has calmed down, I suggest you have a conversation with your YM. Why does she feel she can behave like that? as someone offering a service, she should take better care of her customers or as a friend - you would not put up with it.

Do not ignore it. It just means it will happen again if you do and keep reminding yourself that you absolutely do NOT NOT NOT!!! (have I made myself clear?!) need to put up with this when it is costing you x% of your salary and time...I have been in your shoes, and stuck it for far too long..
 
Wow! What an OTT reaction. I am a YO and have recently installed lights. I must admit that lights being left on in the school when no one is in there is annoying. Some people switch them on when they arrive and then take half an hour to tack up before going in. Then they take another half hour finishing off before switching off the lights. But it happens so rarely as most my liveries ride during the day that I haven't bothered to mention it. If I did decide to have a word, it would be just that...a word, tactfully and politely. Sounds like your YO is an alcoholic if she regularly drinks during the afternoon, and I should think, will only get worse. If you rely on her to perform any of your horse's care then I would seriously advise you to leave. Sorry, but no way would I leave my horse in the care of a volatile alcoholic.
 
Last edited:
I'm inclined to agree with Neil M about the contribution of ethanol to the situation. What she did was not right, not fair, but it happens (even if you could do without the stress right now).

Do you have a friend at the yard you can talk the situation through with? There may be more information available on the grapevine if YM has vented to someone else as well.

If it was me I'd go to the yard as normal and without deliberately snubbing the YM keep out of her way for a couple of days until you are both feeling a bit more relaxed.
 
I've been at the receiving end of this before from drunk YM and vile husband.

I wish I'd have had the balls to answer back - but in those days I didn't and it just escalated to me being their slave and target.

I ran in the end (left my rent in a stable manger) and was hounded by them on the new yard.

I moved yards again (another vile YM with a personality disorder) and I've been happy here ever since (6 years). My YO and hubby are truely lovely people and they would NEVER behave that way.

Move.

When you have a stressful job and your horses are your haven - NOTHING should spoil it.
Find somewhere new and then go and explain your disgust to current YM!
 
Alcohol does have a habit of loosening people's tongues, but in any event, I don't think I would want to leave my horse in the "care" of a heavy drinker. Supposing there was a fire while they were 3 sheets to the wind and incapable of walking in a straight line? Would you leave your child in the hands of a drunk?
 
Just leave...you are a CUSTOMER and not the target for her abuse. You PAY good money for services and not to be abused in this way.
Go somewhere where your custom will be appreciated.....your horse time is your downtime - it shouldn't be stressful!
 
Wagtail said:
Wow! What an OTT reaction. I am a YO and have recently installed lights. I must admit that lights being left on in the school when no one is in there is annoying. Some people switch them on when they arrive and then take half an hour to tack up before going in. Then they take another half hour finishing off before switching off the lights. But it happens so rarely as most my liveries ride during the day that I haven't bothered to mention it.
Click to expand...

Lucky you - we have to put £1 in the meter for approx 40mins light in the school at which point all the lights go off at once and you're left in the pitch black.
When you're jumping it's like playing Russian roulette (will the lights stay on while I'm doing this jump?)
I've taken to wearing a headtorch to set up jumps etc so as not to waste any of my 40 mins of riding light.

Sorry - very off topic.
My suggestion is to see if this is a flash in the pan and whether it's all forgotten tomorrow.
If it happens again seriously consider moving.
 
Find another yard. No need for anybody to be that rude, what ever the reason. Would'nt leave my horse in the care of someone who may be under the influence of alcohol.
 
Does sound like she is pickled in the afternoon. I would worry about her looking after the horses. I have known two horses who have been traumatised by their violent drunk owners :(

However, aside from that, people can be a bit blasé about electricity when they are not footing the bill and the sight of arena lights blazing has obviously set her teeth on edge. Perhaps everybody leaves the lights on and she has had enough of it. No excuse for being so aggressive though - does sound like the demon drink.
 
I would confront her in a few days and explain why you had left the lights on. It was a slight over reaction though! Maybe she has personal problems then had a drink and then was completely unreasonable not making excuses for her but you don't know whether she has got major problems. I can't really see any other explanation for her behaviour. See what mood she is in when you speak to her and go from there if she continues to be unreasonable then you will just have to walk away. I'm sure she'll be apologetic and probably quite embarassed about her over reaction. She definately owes you an apology! Though you'll have to tread on egg shells if you have no desire to leave the yard.
 
Alcohol or not you shouldn't be spoken to like that, you are paying for a service which includes lighting. I know it's annoying when people leave lights on. She didn't even give you time to explain, leave I know I would x
 
little_critter said:
Lucky you - we have to put £1 in the meter for approx 40mins light in the school at which point all the lights go off at once and you're left in the pitch black.
When you're jumping it's like playing Russian roulette (will the lights stay on while I'm doing this jump?)
I've taken to wearing a headtorch to set up jumps etc so as not to waste any of my 40 mins of riding light.

Sorry - very off topic.
My suggestion is to see if this is a flash in the pan and whether it's all forgotten tomorrow.
If it happens again seriously consider moving.
Click to expand...

Little Critter - wear a watch!! :)
 
10 minutes warming up, 15 minutes jumping, 10 minutes ground work, 5 minutes cooling down - sorted! If you are just walking about on a long rein and go into a blackout situation, the horse can see where it is going at least.
 
I would either A) Formally complain to YO, and tell her about the drinking problem and the fact that you fill in for YM when she's on holiday, for free. Then hope YM gets sacked so you can have the job since you're being made redundant :D
or B) Complain, make a fuss of being spoken to like that, throw a tantrum and leave dramatically :) (more fun than just leaving)
 
little_critter said:
Lucky you - we have to put £1 in the meter for approx 40mins light in the school at which point all the lights go off at once and you're left in the pitch black.
When you're jumping it's like playing Russian roulette (will the lights stay on while I'm doing this jump?)
Click to expand...

^^ LOL what a great game for the Christmas party !! A few mulled wines then a pop round the course of showjumps !!
 
I have my own yard but a few years ago I needed help getting my mare back to work so took her to a local riding school and had her in livery there for several months.The Instructor/YM drifted from being your best friend to completely undermining your confidence and nobody made me cry as much as she did in my entire adult life. She could make me feel useless. I have a new horse now and would never consider going to lessons there again. Even now a few years later I could kick myself for having put up with her rudeness for so long. If I was you I would sit tight, look around for a new yard that suits you and leave the yard. Nobody should treat you like that especially when you are customer and have been supportive. Possibly there are underlying issues and maybe money is tight and he could see his electricity being wasted but there is no excuse for such ignorance and if people get away with that they think its acceptable and its not.
 
Speak to her in the morning (on a day off for you) so she's not rat ar**ed and point out you are the one paying the money for your horse to be there, demand an apology and point her toward Alcoholics Anonymous!
 
It could be a varity of things that made her spout off, unpayed bills, stress,underpaid, unhelpful liveries, don't judge till you get full facts. But if you are unhappy with the service you are receiving, go straight to the person how owns the yard, as you are a paying customer.
 
OWLIE185


If the yard is convenient for you then just buy it and run it as you want to. Problem solved.


I reckon most people would buy their own yards if they could but are in livery because that's their only option.

Leaving lights on unused can be a pain but she should have given you a chance to explain. Nobody does to be ranted at like that. It was probably a combination of stress/annoyance and drink. I'dsee how you get on over the next few days then maybe have a chat with YO if you get no apology/improvement.
 
The word 'customer' is a funny one isn't it. Because, as a livery, that's what you are, but for some reason some YO's forget this at times, you pay them, and if you didn't they would be stuffed. A shop owner wouldn't dare speak to someone like the above, unless it was for a valid reason.

Some can get above themselves, in fact, lots can! There are some lovely ones, that are super nice and very professional, but a lot of them are right fruit cakes, maybe it's the job driving them crazzzzzy ;)

I will be a 'YM' (I use that term very loosely, there will be rules that will be adhered to, I will be there for guidance, but that's it!) in the near future, I hope I don't become an alcoholic & get my crazy on at the liveries. MAYBE, maybe it's a disease?
 
I agree with some of the other posters. Wait a few days if you need to so you can both calm down a bit, go up in a morning if you can and talk to her when she is hopefully sober and see if you can have a civilized conversation with her and attempt to resolve things and find out why it happened etc. If not, if I was in your shoes I would leave.
Owning a horse should be fun and you shouldn't have to feel scared to go up the yard or constantly thinking what she could say/do to you every day because its not fair on you for her to be making you feel like that. You pay her to let you keep your horse there, you do not pay to be abused and subjected to her when she is under the influence of alcohol. Hope you get things sorted soon.
 
As an HR manager you will know how to resolve problems - not the best part of the job though.

Ask to have a chat with her and find out what the problem was, once calm she will no doubt apologise and all will be sweet. She may have had a bad day too.

Other thing - let whoever is using the arena put the lights on themselves then you won't get in the poo for leaving them on - maybe YO just got the power bill.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top