Any mature nervous riders ?

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loljo

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Hi ,i'm new to site ,wondering if anyone has any new tips on beating those nerves? I just seem to make excuses not to ride ! and feel so jealous of those riders who just get on with it. ...i seem to go one step forward and 10 steps back !
Wonder if anyone has any ideas on 'outside help' have looked on line but telephone consultations are really expensive and the courses are way out of my area.
 
There's lots of things you can do to build confidence with the horse you own/plan to ride on the ground before you hop aboard, like grooming or playing groundwork games.

For me, I was a horribly nervous teenage rider. I started back again at the age of 25 last year - I am now an immeasurably more confident rider than I ever was before! It's all been down to finding the right instructor, and the trust in her to put me on the right mix of horses to gain confidence and to develop as a rider.

Best of luck! 80)
 
Hi ,
yes a 15.3 clydesdale cross and a shetland, i'm 5ft 2 and 8stone so he is a big boy and he knows it , we have a great bond ,i've had him 6 years hes very quirky and playful , i've been down the lessons route and thats ok but it doesn't get into my mind and banish those what ifs ,if you know what i mean ?
 
I've been riding since I was a kid (so 34+ years), but I am a fairly hopeless rider and after a succession of crashing falls off barmy horses in the last few years, I have really lost my nerve on a horse. I am 100% confident on the ground, I'll handle anything from rigs and stroppy stallions, to foals -but get me on a horse's back and I'm suddenly a nervous wreck!

What are you most afraid of? Are you afraid of falling off, or of the horse taking off and you being unable to stop it? Do you have lessons, or do you mostly plod about on your own horse wishing you had the nerve to do more?
 
Yes do quite a lot with him on the ground as hes a big 15 3 cyldesdale x and im 5 2 , iv'e done a bit of natural horsemanship ground work but to be honest when hes had enough he just goes asleep, you know what h/w cobs are like ! It's the nerves on board when hacking ,its so bad that we go for a quick 15mins around the village and hope we don't meet anything...if i see a another horse i turn around and go back before he sees it...my poor horse just puts up with me...anything for an easy life i think!
Just wondering if nlp course might work...tried the cd could really get my head around it, doesnt really help that i keep them at home with no horsey friends around.
 
loljo said:
Yes do quite a lot with him on the ground as hes a big 15 3 cyldesdale x and im 5 2 , iv'e done a bit of natural horsemanship ground work but to be honest when hes had enough he just goes asleep, you know what h/w cobs are like ! It's the nerves on board when hacking ,its so bad that we go for a quick 15mins around the village and hope we don't meet anything...if i see a another horse i turn around and go back before he sees it...my poor horse just puts up with me...anything for an easy life i think!
Just wondering if nlp course might work...tried the cd could really get my head around it, doesnt really help that i keep them at home with no horsey friends around.
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you sound just like me , and my boy is only 12.3hh.. i am 5,3 and 7 stone..hes good as gold, i really dont know what i am worried about,..i go through all the what if's... i moved 6 months ago and have rode him 4/5 times in that time... be nice if i had someone to ride with, but i dont know anyone... i keep him on his own....
 
It would be good if you could ride out with someone..when you get nattering you will forget about your nerves..having a good laugh will relax you..so your horse will also be calmer too..if you dont know anyone nearby..why not put a poster up in your local tack shop..Im sure theres other people who no-one to ride out with!
 
I so know what you mean, I bought my horse in 2008 and didn't really hack alone for about eight months. Do you have people who will walk with you? My horse is calm but the what ifs are always there. Can you hack out with a buddy? i found the Kelly Marks perfect confidence book very helpful. Also don't beat yourself up. What about taking him out in hand? Or just once a week getting tacked up and just getting on and off a few times. He sounds like a genuine boy like mine. I used to think I would ruin him with my nerves but he is an angel. Good luck.
 
He sounds lovely!! My first horse (well, not mine, but a share that became almost a loan) was almost 17hh of scatty Irish TB, so a long way to fall, and I am shorter than you.

What might help is setting yourself little targets for every day and go a bit further every day. So today you only ride to the shop and back, but tomorrow you go as far as the War Memorial, then on Wednesday you go to the bridge, etc. So every day you're pushing yourself to go just that little bit further. Do you know anyone who might come out with you on foot? I find that if I can chat to someone while I'm out, my nerves are greatly lessened. If you are relaxed and calm, your horse will be relaxed and calm too.
 
Yes Trundle you hit the nail on the head, thats exactly what i do plod around the village wishing i had the nerve to go up the bridleway, and when i get back breathe a sigh of relief that i did a least take him out...how pathetic trouble is i pay a girl to take him twice a week out because i feel so guilty!!! And yep of course im afraid of coming off its a long way down from a biggie.

Any tips to bet those panic attacks ?
 
I think we may be out of the same pod as i'm just the same. I don't mind going in the sand school but I go to pieces if i have to hack out alone - all thanks to a bolting fell pony!! Also I sold my lovely mare to a forever home , unfortunately the lovely lady that bought her was hacking alone , fell off and broke her back and neck and was killed instantly, something which i just can't seem to get out of my mind . I now have a lovely ISH which i just mess around with in the school when really all i would love is a confidence giving hairy happy hacker!! Sometimes even just tacking up makes me shake , so i'll watch this thread with interest , I did get a really good instructor but she said that I even make her nervous? so that wasn't much help!!!
 
paddy irish said:
I did get a really good instructor but she said that I even make her nervous? so that wasn't much help!!!
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Then she isn't a good instructor! Have you tried someone else? A really good instructor or even a competent friend will boost your confidence, not make it worse!

Seriously, I would try the going-a-bit-further each day thing. If you're nervous about him speeding up, trot between one lamp-post and the next, and then go back to walk for two lamp-posts, then trot again, etc.

If you're worried about him hurtling off on the bridleway, only trot uphill! Very few horses will willingly bomb off uphill.
 
What great replies ,thank you really good advice, i wish some of you lived near me ,i think if there were like minded people to ride with it would be brilliant, i have put card in village postoffice but only reply i got was from a woman whom i think just wanted a quiet cob to settle her lively TB on a ride ,it was more nerve racking than going it alone !!! also the look of 'oh for gods sake woman pull yourself together was on her face ...not good , its horrible to admit that you are a wuss to other Confident riders who really dont know what your'e going on about...is it just me???
 
Loljo - I know exactly where you are coming from - being plagued with the "what if" fears myself.

Get yourself a good instructor and seriously do not worry about what other people think. Focus on the positives on each ride.

Wishing you the best of luck
 
Set yourself goals and work out the baby steps to get to them, whether its puts a hoof on the bridleway or trot somewhere you don't usually for a few paces and then build on it.

I have mega nerves at times esp if he's being a bit lively or silly, but then I get through and get whatever achieved and I feel ace - I try and remember that feeling for the next stage.... friends who support are also the greatest asset, could the girl you pay come out with you on foot to build your confidence or be around when you school so you have someone to chat to?

failing that bach's rescue remedy is a good human calmer ;)
 
Definitely try hacking out in company with a sane rider and horse - that way there's someone there if you're worried, and can take the lead for you. I've never met a flighty clydie before - he could well be that same sleepy horse that you do NH with 80) Do you ever watch his sharer with him? How is he then? If he's an angel out and about for her, it might help you to see that.

Lunge lessons are also good - someone else keeps him in control and you can concentrate on your riding. (It doesn't even need to be a lesson - it could be a friend on the end of the lunge line). You could also do this outdoors e.g. in fields with lots of distractions, to help build confidence for when you'd be out and about on bridleways. I think being a better rider itself can help. For me, I think a lot of my confidence now comes from my security on board - my posture, seat and lower legs are much better than they were when I was a nervous teen with a rubbish instructor! Lunging can help in those terms too.

Do you wear a BP? I don't most of the time, but when I get to around 16hh I get really nervous about the height, and a BP just makes me a little less fearful of it.
 
Where do you keep your horse? I moved yards nearly 3 years ago from friends fields to a proper livery. Previous to the move I hacked out (always in company cos he was nappy as hell!) and that was about it. I moved to the yard because they had field access so I could work on his napping without being near traffic.

Since being there I've hacked out alone, I've done XC, dressage, SJing, Trek, Jump cross (not very well..I feel off but hey ho!!) I've now got my own lorry, I've joined the riding club and I'm off to my first ever camp in April!!!!

Having kind people who have encouraged me and told me YES YOU CAN!! Has been a god send, they listen when I get scared, don't push but won't let me wimp out and have been absolutely the making of me and my horse.

I've now found out my horse loves to jump, he's eager, willing and the most brave and honest boy ever and I cannot being to tell you how much my riding has improved and more importantly our relationship!!

I'm 42 next week and cannot see a limit to where we'll go!! I'm still terrified sometimes but I think of those who've helped me and just get on and do!!
 
Echo the suggestion of Bach Flower Remedies, but not necessarily Rescue Remedy - try a specific one like Rock Rose, which helps with fear of the unknown - and yes, I've used it!
 
Well I lost my nerve 100% and what got it back was the right horse in fact until I read this I forgot how much time I had been terrified.
I am riding a 15.1 17 year old grey Tigger type who is an absolute sweetheart and I have lost all my fear in 2 months. I am riding him to help his Mum out who is a 100 years younger than me and deparate for someone to keep him ticking over for her.
 
I have PM'd you - if you don't already know you can find the link to your PMs just above the first post on this page, on the right hand side just below where it says 'welcome loljo'.
 
I bought my first horse at 30 and promptly became petrified of him! It wasn't helped by a bad instructor and a few falls resulting in hospital visits... I have beaten the fear at last but it has taken a couple of years! My horse was incredibly spooky and nappy to the point of being dangerous, and my fear was bucking or spinning on a hack, so I got myself a body protector and a strap to grab so i can tell myself I wont fall off...
I borrowed a Paul McKenna CD about Confidence - that was brilliant but a bit strange!! definitely worked though. I did the whole hacking a little further each day thing which helped too. I think you have to go as often as you can to really get it to work.
I talk to my horse constantly as I go along, the villagers must think I am mad! But I found the more I went the more my horse and me enjoy it. If I am feeling confident my horse is pretty much bombproof in traffic now... We go out with my friend on her horse and we go out on our own, we try to vary routes and make sure they are circular or a loop. I still get nervous but I can make myself do it now... Pilates taught me to control my breathing so I don't transmit my fear to my horse as much.
I try not to worry about other people and try to find things I enjoy doing with horsey. I am lucky I have a very encouraging friend who tolerates my nervousness.
I joined a riding club, had group lessons and started jumping again which taught me to trust my horse. My riding and seat have improved hugely as a result and so I no longer fly off when my horse bucks! So I have sort of cancelled out the thing that was scaring me in the first place... One of the highlights was hunting for the first time this winter, the fact I stayed on boosted my confidence enough to attempt a small cross country...

I think, the more you do, the more you feel you can do and the more you want to do... Just remember you only need to push yourself a LITTLE bit each time, and you don;t have to do anything you don't want to do. If you are really stuck you can always dismount, there is no shame in that.
 
I too have read this with great interest - as I drive myself totally mad with filling my head full of 'what ifs' lol!! What if a dog runs out.. what if a bus comes past. what if.. what if... argh!! lol!!! I'm trying to stop the thoughts rolling in - but its not easy eh. And its strange - cos like others - I have total confidence in handling horses on the ground!?!?!?!!?

Karen. x
 
I've known lots of people who were really nervous and the only real answer is to get on and ride as much as you can. If you can find a friend to hack out with so much the better. The truth is though the more you do the better you get and the more at home in the saddle you feel. This builds your confidence more than anything .

I used to take people for a weeks trail riding, most of them rode one or two hours a week, after five days of six hours a day, 30 hrs or so, everyone was really confident by the end of the week.

The more you do the better you feel.
 
Thanks Andyspooner, i think that may be breakthrough for me ride as much as possible,i am going to put that into practice even just 10mins a day.
 
Ha ZP...Your'e probably like me searching links on pc to see if it's only you thats so nervous. Well how common is this problem eh ...VERY judging by viewers on this link since yesterday ! Its really reasuring when you realise your not the only one eh?
It too have a great relationship on the ground with my horse and am not intimidated by his size ,strength or at times his stubburn bolshy ways (well known in h/ws) only trouble is we have such good bond that he calls me constantly follows me around the field and horse plays with me ...galloping up behind me and rearing ,bunny hops and rocking horse bucks,all on a small area ,very impressive for a hairy heavy ! bit scary at times as i'm partially deaf and don't hear him until he's behind me !
But i know him and i think if i could just get through that barrier of nerves riding , our life would be perfect, kind of feel like i'm letting him down
 
i'm a teenager and i lost all of my confidence due to a stupid instructor who forced me to jump too big on the riding school horses!? i have fortunatly stayed at the riding school and they have been really good to me letting me build up my confidence on who i wanted to ride and i am now loaning a 14.1hh pony who is very strong on the ground and set in her way (shes 20yr old) but she has also made me such a better rider :D you just have to keep riding them and keep going to just that little extra. if you have a friends house or something that you could ride to and they then walk back with you it may help. i know thats what i did :)
- i am still a little nervous of my pony when she spooks, but it also makes me consious of whats going on around me and i have gotten really good at hearing cars approaching me. so it can be a good thing too :)
 
I have a similar thing expect only with one horse, and one of my own at that! The worst he has ever done was bolt along a grass track and nothing bad happend, we pulled up ok and I didn't fall off. My other horse is a complete loon yet I have full confidence in him. I think the trick is to ride more but same problem, I have moved yards which has set thehorse back as he is not great to hack out on his own, and I have to go on my own. So, I haven;t ridden much, which makes him worse, which makes me nervous which makes him worse........

I have determined that this summer I will crack it or he has to go. I am sure someone else will get onfine with him. I am putting a concerted effort into regular riding, have recruited a safe escort, and will be getting OH out on his bike. If at the end of the summer we have both improved then good, I can go into winter feeling ok about a once a week hack (no school so riding very much reduced) if we haven't BOTH improved, I think he will be going back to his owner or a new home (I've had him on loan for 3 years) as I have horses to enjoy them, not to work myself into a frenzy over riding.
 
It makes a lot of sense to find a sensilble rider with a sensible horse to ride out with. I am 75% more confident when with some one but the problem is since the begining of last summer i have had no one to do this with. My horse is a complete scary cat with traffic so riding out on our own was out of the questian . so i bought another, a big hairy dope on a rope, to quash my demonds. Didn't work i'm still a complete nervous wreck. But i'm determined to get there one day. Handleing them on the ground in all situations, no problem. Riding around the field, no problem. Going up the farm track and back no problem. Standing at the end of the track thinking about going out, No way just can't do it. I am a mature rider (very) came back to horses after a long break, never thought i would have these problems. The worst is that people say i'm a good rider so they don't understand me.

How about we all have a hack out together see if that helps, Only virtually. We arrange a time. Say a morning or an afternoon then post back to say how we all got one. Knowing that were in in the same boat at the same time can't do any harm. Can it!!!!!!
 
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