Any one on here too self critical....

I

indiat

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..and how do you stop? My riding instructor has told me that my constantly beating myself up and focusing on the negative is holding me back. I always look to disaster - its not 'if I fall off' but 'when'. My brain jumping ahead to possible carnage means I freeze if my mount prats about, not good. She says I am a good rider, but I have to believe I am one. I am seriously thinking of going for sports therapy as its getting in the way of my enjoyment. I am also, if I'm honest, intimidated by horsey people. I don't come from a horsey background and learned to ride as an adult and I still feel like a bit of a numpty around horsey people. It makes me terrified to make mistakes, which I know is stupid, as I am on a very friendly and supportive yard, and horses make a prat out of the best of us. I lost my first horse last November after 10 years together and she was a superstar and if I'm honest, I feel a bit lost without her. Do any others on here from a non-horsey background ever feel the same way?
 
I am so critical of myself. At one point last year I was too embarassed to go to a show as I thought people would laugh at my riding. I also just cried when I saw videos of myslef as I just thought I was so awful.

It really set me back in my riding as I had no confidence in myself. Gradually my confidence got built up as I kind of just knew that I'm not so bad people are laughing at me just think of the facts your instructor will not say you're good if your not.

Keep your chin up :)
 
Thanks! I am lucky in that I have a fantastic instuctor who is very patient and spends a lot of time working on my mental problems as well as my physical ones. I didn't do Pony Club, I have never competed (too nervous) and even my eight year old gets to score points off me! My RI pointed out that I hate change (true - miss my old girl terribly) and with a new horse coming up as soon as he gets over a summer cold, I am having terrible jitters in case we don't get on. I just wish I could stop thinking (RI says when I don't have time to think about things my riding is great!).
 
That was like reading my own thoughts lol!!! so yes i am definitely too self critical, you ARE horsey!!! 10 years of horse ownership pretty much qualifies you in my book! I feel like a nervous nelly & yet in actual fact if somthing happens when i'm riding i deal with it calmy & carry on - but it does seem like everyone in the horsey world was born in the saddle!!

I too am on a smalll yard with plenty of knowledge around & i find that really useful but i do have to keep reminding myself to relax & trust, it doesnt come naturally to me
 
I am a lot like this if I think too much I do bad. To stop thinking I tend to ride with my iPod in and then I focus on the music and not on if I look good or bad.

I also found mirrors in the school helped me as I could see me and my horse and actually we didn't look that bad! :p

If you don't get on with him don't panic try and work through it I'm sure you will do fine, just keeps saying to yourself "I'm amazing, I can do this, I'm good" its sounds big headed but who cares if it makes you feel good :)
 
definately!!!! My riding is ****, and I take crit to heart too, which is like a double whammy to the confidence! I also watch other riders and think its so unfair that they look natural and secure, and Im just all over the place!
It winds my Hubby and Daughter up soo much, but though they continually tell me I ride fine I swear they are just being nice...


ETA sorry that wasnt all that helpful eh? lol
 
I lost my second pony after nearly 8 years of knowing him and 5 very close years together and i do feel lost without him :( And yes i am very self critical!! its always what if she stops (even though she doesnt really, unless she cant do it wrong stride etc) and i am always trying to look perfect when i know i cant. Instructors tell me to stop being so hard on myself but i cant!!
 
Perhaps we can start a support group?! My old girl was my safety blanket - always let me do things at my own pace and had manners to burn. I am sure my riding instructor is tired of having to sooth me like a child all the time. I have been visiting my new boy so he can get to know me and when his totaly horsey born-in-the-saddle breeder admitted she some times takes rescue remedy when she is not quite up to things, I nearly cried with relief that she has the odd bad day too! Pathetic, moi?! And the woman is seventy!! She puts me to shame.
 
I have rescue remedy too for scary hacking days, Im terrified of bolters due to bad experiences so every spook is potentially a bolt some days lol
Im so with you on this one, I am getting a new horse next week and he seems an angel. Heres hoping for a horse shaped confidence boost!

Nice to know we are not alone!
 
My old boy was amazing too. put up with anything, my mare is great and luckily i got her before parting with Bracken (RIP xx) , he was a super star !!and she is a bit of a stress head! (but amazing all the same and i do love her) but sometimes i worry i am not good enough for her, but also that i push her to jump to high, and beat myself up a-lot about it. A support group would be great! :D
 
Just a thought - how about we do form a support group, we can PM each other every time we have a good or bad day and build up a diary? I can guarantee we will have lots of good days. We can start by ONLY listing the GOOD things about our horsey skills. And I am going for that therapy, I've made up my mind. I want to enjoy my new boy and my riding to the full. If we do it via PM we don't have to worry about fears being public.

BTW artysteph I LOVE those pics especially the first one. PM me if you have a web site.
 
I am very critcal of myself. But a good instructor has really helped me build confidence. Then once i was able to go competeing & not come last every sngle time this also did wonders. Then to win occasionally was fantastic. But i have low self confidence & do get knocked back very easily.
 
My riding instructor terrifies me but is absolutely brilliant. Her comment was: " You analyse things a lot don't you"
"Yes" says I
"Well stop analysing and just ride the bloody horse" says she.

This is the woman who says, regarding teaching me to ride " This is a 5 year apprenticeship you are on and there are no shortcuts!"
 
Yes I'm very self critical. To the point of ridiculasness.I find thinking of 6 nice things helps. List thrm. For example, I can lead ok, I can tie up with a quick release knot. That sort of things. It helps to turn off the negativety.
 
So I am not the only one. I am very self critical and over analyse everything. I am having huge problems with my jumping mare at the moment and have been going patchy for the last year with her. It is so frustrating that when I am in a lesson, warming up at a show or hiring a course out, everything is fine and we jump together nicely, whereas when we get in the ring in a competition, it all goes wrong. The last twice in the ring, we have got eliminated at fence 3 and 4!!! I am at my wits end with her and have decided to do a dressage test with her at the weekend. She is a fantastic jumper, tho I feel that she has lost confidence in me and me in her and it is now a vicious circle. She needs confidence from me in the ring but I need her to be confident to get us round. I know its me cos when my RI rides her, he can get her round in a lovely rhythm with no problems at all, round a course of 1m10. I am struggling to get her round 2`9 in the ring whereas at home and hiring we are jumping 1m05 and a year ago we were jumping 1m20. In my mind, I am always imagining that she will stop and I will come off as this happens a lot recently. I know that this isnt helping but I cant help myself.
I video almost every round and over analyse it all. Am I putting my leg on before a jump? Am I holding her together enough? etc etc.
Now I have realised that altho my saddle has been recently re-flocked, this may be part of the reason for her behaviour as she has lost 1/2 inch of her top line! So I am having another saddle fitted on Friday by someone else even tho her normal saddle is supposed to be a good fit... I have thought about some thought of therapy too so if you have any, let me know how you get on.
I have even tried the EFT, tapping. Not sure if this works tho as we still got eliminated last week!!!1 :confused::(
 
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