Any1 ended a relationship/ job etc because of your horse? I am this week...

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sugarlump121

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3 years and 2 months and I plan to tell him later this week- not tomorrow lol!

He's always moaning about the horses (i have 2) the time and money they take and always moans about them. Obviously I defend them which makes him worse esp when he does the 'you love them more than me...' or 'it'd be better if you had kids instead...' or 'they see you more than me...' and 'if you had to choose...' stop right there cause I have and its them!

My youngster is 4 soon so will need riding as well as my other horse.

There were a couple of other little things but the horses were the biggest problem.

Anyone else?
 
So sorry to hear you're splitting up over horses but you need to find someone who understands your need for horses!! My husband has never been horsey. When we met, he touched a few horses and I touched a few cliff faces( heis a keen climber) and then we got on with our own stuff. We now have 2 boys and take it turns to take the kids with us riding, climbing, surfing etc and seem to balance it pretty well. Husband can always use horse for reason to complain but ignoring is the best policy! I don't expect fancy holidays, extensive wardrobes etc. Hope he knows he's quite lucky really :)
 
ive come very close to it trust me. My OH moans about me spending time at the yard, esp during the winter. i find that i dont have enough time to ride my mare as much as id like to as he whinges about it. He doesnt get the whole horsey thing so i ahve to treat him like a child basically and reward him when im having a horsey day. I usually spend more time with him following day or encourage him to go out on his bike etc. Its difficult really but i carry on doing as much as i want with my horse, she was there before him and i will always have horses. He has to like it or lump it and accept they are a part of my life.. just like his kids are a part of his!
 
Ahhh Kirsty it sounds like you have it sussed lol Well done you!

I'm not that bothered now really its been a long time coming so Im prepared lol!
 
Emalou I tried the treating him like a child thing and rewards but its never enough! I have tried to balance it and spend more time with him 1 day then horses the next but it doesn't work as he always moans and slagging my boys off just winds me up!!


PeterNatt- my horses will win too! :D
 
Hey sugarlump - you've given him plenty of chances. Don't know that my OH is exactly accepting of horse but he does know the horse keeps me sane and is necessary for my general wellbeing!!!
 
sugarlump121 said:
Emalou I tried the treating him like a child thing and rewards but its never enough! I have tried to balance it and spend more time with him 1 day then horses the next but it doesn't work as he always moans and slagging my boys off just winds me up!!


PeterNatt- my horses will win too! :D
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its pathetic what we have to do to please them! Needy things they are, cant be doing with the slagging of the horses i agree.. sometimes its better to say goodbye, thankfully you can go for a nice ride to clear your head :-)
 
Was seeing a gorgeous bloke, I kid you not he was stunning!!!

On the way back from college I asked him if we could stop at the horses quick. First was ergh rough road ( farm track) and then it was ergh mud (it was August, it hadnt rained for a while), and he unfortunately went after that :(

Shame though he was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice to look at but not much else lol.

In not way as serious as your decision. Good Luck x
 
Have to admit, if mine slagged my pony off, he could sling his hook!!
He has a little moan about not seeing me due to ponies, but generally it's just in fun. I'm sure you'll be miles better off without him and can find someone who does appreciate the time you need with pony, especially as it sounds as though you've tried to split your time more than fairly.

Toffee - Been through all that as well. They tend not to take it kindly when you spell it out reallly slowly as though they're really stupid that yes dear, horses = field and field = mud. Whoops!!
 
Liking horses is part of you and your personality. If he doesn't like it then he doesn't like a part of you. If horses are a big part of your life then he doesn't like a big part of you!!

An ex tried to change me and prevent me from doing stuff with the horses. The classic one was on a Sunday when he wanted a lie in he said can't someone else do the horses you did them yesterday!
 
Yep 4 1/2 years of relationship went down the pan because of the horses! But I'd never been happier!! He rang me one day (wuss!) and said me or the horses, I told him I'd move out after work!!! Later found out he was seeing his ex again but I do feel I got the last laugh still! My mare was 4 at the time so I had too much to do with her to pander to his every need!
 
yep my ex of 23 years used the horses as an excuse. I knew it was coming if I didn't get rid but I didn't care anymore
In truth it was just that the horse was one thing I would not change just to please him. Over the years I had changed so much because he said it made him unhappy. I had changed personal things and then gone from 2 horses to 1 from DIY to full and back to DIY all because of different moans from him., I knew what he really wanted but wasn't going to do it

5 yrs later i am happier than I have ever been he is living with the woman he hand known 3 weeks and left me for (not strong enough to be on his own) but is still very unhappy

Someone that drags you down over something that gives so much pleasure is not worth it

However there are always compromises and it sounds like you have tried, so stuff him.
 
Just had to tell you what my husband said yesterday, my horse has just been diagnosed with cushings, my husband has ALWAYS wanted a classic jaguar car at the week end he drew out £20k from the bank because he was going to look at a car, he stood in the living room with this money in his hand and said," i would give up my dream car and £20k to make your horse better, i was really touched.
 
I know two women whose husbands dumped THEM because of the horses. Sadly for the women concerned, their husbands footed the bill for the horses and both had to sell up and lost their beloved horses.

On the other hand, my hubby used to complain like mad about all the time I was out with the horses. In fact we nearly split up. However, he decided the only way to see me and let me have the horses was to buy our own place. He still doesn't like it if I go off for whole days competing though! I guess he works really hard and long hours to keep our place an his only free time is the weekend which is also when most the horsey events are on. I have cut out most of my horsey outings and haven't competed for ages. But I think it's a small price to pay to have my horses on the doorstep and a husband who no longer complains about them.
 
i threw out my ex husband of 10 years because of horses, he didn't like them, refused to help and always got the digs in about them.

i haven't had contact with my father for over 20yrs, been married twice and he hasn't been to the cermonies because he is so against horses.

my (now) in laws think horses are a waste of time and money and it's not healthy for kids to be around them. needless to say i don't talk to them and haven't done for about 3yrs.

i don't go out clubbing, i rarely go out anywhere and i'm happier spending my time and money on the horses, i get more out of them and the kids are happy so for me the horses will always win.
as someone said above, if your partner doesn't like the horses and they are a big part of you then he doesn't like a big part of you.
 
My oh moans about the horses but he knows i'm a happier person with them. He also knowsi'm predisposed to be heavy and they're good exercise lol he works on a farm and mucking out the bosses horses is part of his daily routine so though he moans to me I have been told he sings my praises at work as I have more than his bosses mrs work longer hours and muck out my own! U need 1 who may not be keen but is more tolerant. Or the 1 u have needs to be more tolerant. Does he know how close he is I wonder. Be brave. :-) hugs
 
I am more worried that my OH will run away WITH one of my horses...I am too frightened to ask who he prefers. :p
Equally, my horse (who I have had for 18yrs) likes him better than she likes me - apparently he is more open to suggestions like 'move that fence so I can eat all that grass'. :D
S :D
 
I'm really lucky cos my OH has fully embraced my passion for horses and even started to ride and compete (altho it's very much on his terms, and I've had to compromise the sort of horse I had to match his aspirations :D )

But I did quit a high powered job in London, and compromised my career plan considerably so that we could have our own horses rather than just have lessons or borrow other people's horses!

I have never regretted it, not even when we've had huge vet bills, disastrous competitions (very few and far between to be fair) or just when madam is being a baggage!
 
I have managed to get rid of 2 x husbands in favour of horses!! Both moaned about time, money, housework (lack of) etc!

Both actually ran off with other women but both are very unhappy in present relationships and one of them came running round to my house when my 2nd husband buggered off and tried to give me the sob story - errr no thank you!

Not all men, but most of them, are selfish buggers who want it all their own way - they want to have "me time" but don't want you to have the same. They want us to be sitting around at home waiting for them to come home from golf, football, the pub etc etc with a hot dinner waiting for them on the table - um..... I think not!

My present partner (no I will never be drunk enough again to get married!!) is a fanatical golfer, we are like a tag team - he plays, I look after kids, he comes back and I go out to horses - bliss!

Love him dearly, but he too is pretty selfish in some respects - he gets to choose the time he wants to play and I have to fit around it. Mind you, it doesn't really matter when I ride just so long as I get it in at some point....

We both work full time and both bring in roughly the same amount of money and we are comfortable in that respect. We share most of the household chores (well I do most...) and he is a fantastic father to his daughter and his step son.

You do what you need to do to make you happy and sod what everyone else thinks - it is your life!
 
Yes...............

Ex husband preferred Pub to me I preferred Horses to him.

He told me I was spending too much money on horses and they had to go!! :eek:

I bought another one, took the dogs and left him. :D

Best thing I ever did now have a horsey OH and I'm happy!! :D

If your happy within yourself you will find happiness!! Life is too short to be miserable!! :)
 
ameeyal said:
Just had to tell you what my husband said yesterday, my horse has just been diagnosed with cushings, my husband has ALWAYS wanted a classic jaguar car at the week end he drew out £20k from the bank because he was going to look at a car, he stood in the living room with this money in his hand and said," i would give up my dream car and £20k to make your horse better, i was really touched.
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Oh bless him, he sounds lovely!!

Good luck with your neddy, cushings is such a horrid thing :-(
 
Prior to "owning" Davie I couldn't get the ex out of bed to go out or do anything at weekends, yet if his mate rang him at 6am on a beautiful day asking if he fancied a roadtrip he'd be out the door in 15 mins......so I ended up spending more and more time at the stables and eventually bought Davie. Then the ex would complain about the time I spent up there so I compromised and would say I'd be back by a particular time so we could spend time together etc. Would rush about, get home and 3 hours after we've arranged to be home get a phone call to say he's still 3 hours away. I found that all the compromise on my part, for no gain, just meant that I didn't really enjoy man or horse as much as I should have been. Ex had the cheek to partly blame Davie when we finally split (which was long overdue).

Met a lovely guy last year.....he's in the same job as I (ambulance crew) so we don't see as much of each other as we'd like due to stupid shifts etc but by the same token it's great because I don't have to compromise for him or Davie! And he usually insists on coming to the yard if I have to pop down to turn out etc. On his first visit he produced a packet of Polos from his pocket, much to Davie's delight, and on another occasion walked down a dry but very dusty field with pony and I in his best Italian brogues!!! He used to ride so may even try getting back in the saddle this year.

The split was still tough but the 2 years since have been fabulous.....I am finally me again.....good luck, I'm sure, in the long run particularly you will have few, if any regrets!!
 
I think when your partners cannot accept what is a big part of your life and your happiness then, yes, it is probably time to say goodbye. If he really loves you he will want you to be happy and would do everything possible to ensure that you are.
 
Just finished a 20 yr relationship with a mind warper, I ended up feeling everything that went wrong was my fault- and stupidly took the blame, his last and final attack in an attempt to blackmail me over the horses, poison my family against me, or at least hes trying to with his convincing mind games,I ended up finishing everything with him once and for all, now war has been declared...............

Its not good, I am lucky to have been offered some land stables and a small house to rent, so if all goes well, I will be able to move out, he refuses to leave, its a terrible mess with lots of people caught up in it, hes a convincing lazy good for nothing liar, and I'm the one who leaves with nothing, well except my horses and some good genuine friends.

Thank god, I never contemplated marrying him...............
 
I wouldn't give up my OH on my horses' behalf. I'm thinking if you're going to be in a happy relationship, there has to be compromise anyway, my OH would never dream of asking me to choose between him or the horses. He is horsey anyway, although he doesn't like how much of a mess they make or how much of an expense they are.
 
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