Anyone been terrified of their horse breaking?

[EJL0911]

Short version:
Has anyone been absolutely, debilitatingly terrified of their horse breaking, unreasonably so?
long version:
I lost two horses (both under the age of 10- one to severe recurrent colic and one to severe hind PSD) in a short space of time. Vets and everyone say that neither are my fault but carry a lot of guilt especially for the PSD- she was barely lame but most of the suspensory was screwed (stoic and extremely hyper mobile).
fast forward to now, I’ve got a 5 year old. Conformation isn’t perfect but not horrifying either. I’m truthfully too scared to ride him in case I break him. I scrutinise his fetlocks and pasterns every day and convinced they’re dropping, and I cringe even picking feet out. I panic every time I see him move because I’m imagining Lameness where no one else can see it.
anyone had similar and got any advice? I just want to enjoy my horse ?

 

[Barton Bounty]

I think you should relax a wee bit, your not able to enjoy him. What will be will be, I am also terrified in case my boy colics again but every time we go out we have so much fun… any hint of anything and i scrutinise everything.
Try and have fun with him ?

 

[EJL0911]

I think you should relax a wee bit, your not able to enjoy him. What will be will be, I am also terrified in case my boy colics again but every time we go out we have so much fun… any hint of anything and i scrutinise everything.
Try and have fun with him ?

Oh I did that too. I’ve called the vet more than once because of the horse changing which leg it’s resting and demanding they come out immediately for colic! Xx

 

[spotty_pony]

Short version:
Has anyone been absolutely, debilitatingly terrified of their horse breaking, unreasonably so?
long version:
I lost two horses (both under the age of 10- one to severe recurrent colic and one to severe hind PSD) in a short space of time. Vets and everyone say that neither are my fault but carry a lot of guilt especially for the PSD- she was barely lame but most of the suspensory was screwed (stoic and extremely hyper mobile).
fast forward to now, I’ve got a 5 year old. Conformation isn’t perfect but not horrifying either. I’m truthfully too scared to ride him in case I break him. I scrutinise his fetlocks and pasterns every day and convinced they’re dropping, and I cringe even picking feet out. I panic every time I see him move because I’m imagining Lameness where no one else can see it.
anyone had similar and got any advice? I just want to enjoy my horse ?

Unfortunately, past experiences can make you like this. I lost one of my horses to Navicular and every time my boy takes an ‘off’ step it’s an effort not to let my mind go into overdrive. It does get better in time. Unfortunately, horses will always be horses and you can never wrap them in cotton wool and completely rule out an injury etc but I just reassure myself that I am super careful and do everything with him to the best of my ability whilst still managing to see enjoy him sensibly too.

 

[EJL0911]

Unfortunately, past experiences can make you like this. I lost one of my horses to Navicular and every time my boy takes an ‘off’ step it’s an effort not to let my mind go into overdrive. It does get better in time. Unfortunately, horses will always be horses and you can never wrap them in cotton wool and completely rule out an injury etc but I just reassure myself that I am super careful and do everything with him to the best of my ability whilst still managing to see enjoy him sensibly too.

That’s the thing like I let him do whatever he likes on the track system- I think I’m scared Of missing it again or causing it. I think I’m just Trying to protect my heart- I love this one well too much xx

 

[Legolas123]

I’m sorry for your loss.
I think that’s a natural reaction when it comes to grief, you’re going to be hyper vigilant because you don’t want it to happen again even if what happened was completely out of your control. I don’t have any advice, but you’ve done the checks, it’s just a matter of not moving on, but getting on with it. It’s easier to say than it is to do it though.

 

[MuddyMonster]

I mean this in the nicest way but have you considered some kind of behaviour cognitive therapy or NLP to help you worry less about the what ifs? If you think the worry is unreasonable, then it's likely to be a huge emotional drain that you may not even realise.

It is hard to not worry sometimes but it shouldn't be debilitating day in, day out and picking hooves out shouldn't be a cause for concern event each day.

I'm not for a second suggesting you shouldn't remain vigilant but there is being vigilant and there is not enjoying an expensive hobby or lifestyle because of stress.

 

[EJL0911]

I’m sorry for your loss.
I think that’s a natural reaction when it comes to grief, you’re going to be hyper vigilant because you don’t want it to happen again even if what happened was completely out of your control. I don’t have any advice, but you’ve done the checks, it’s just a matter of not moving on, but getting on with it. It’s easier to say than it is to do it though.

I think the additional struggle for me is that I can get him vet checked but the next day I’m back to square 1- I’ll either think it’s happened since they’ve looked, or even if they’ve scanned it I’ve insisted that they’ve missed the problem that I can see despite never having gone to vet school but I definitely know more. My vets need a pride of Britain award for not banning me ?

I mean this in the nicest way but have you considered some kind of behaviour cognitive therapy or NLP to help you worry less about the what ifs? If you think the worry is unreasonable, then it's likely to be a huge emotional drain that you may not even realise.

It is hard to not worry sometimes but it shouldn't be debilitating day in, day out and picking hooves out shouldn't be a cause for concern event each day.

I'm not for a second suggesting you shouldn't remain vigilant but there is being vigilant and there is not enjoying an expensive hobby or lifestyle because of stress.

Unfortunately I have been in therapy for this exact issue for almost two years now. It manifests in various ways. My therapist describes it as like something sliding down a wall- a smooth wall is easier to clean it off, but trauma makes the wall rougher and harder to get the ‘slime’ off. I think the thing that’s brought it up for me right now is that my friend’s horse has just retired with PSD (mild, forelimb, just not coming right) and those conversations have very much been a trigger for me and niggling away in the background ?

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I understand this, I lost one horse at 7yo to Navicular and another at 11yo to several degenerative issues and I see lameness everywhere and in everything. Sometimes it's real and sometimes I think I am looking to deeply into it. I don't have my own horse currently but if I did I know for certain that I would be exactly the same, probably neurotic about it. I spent so long watching for mis steps and wondering if he was off or lame or just a wonky mover.

Nothing constructive there other than, I get this too and I dont think how you are feeling is unusual when you have your heartbroken so many times.

 

[tda]

Sorry to hear of the loss of both your horses. I had a mare with colic, none of the usual symptoms, she was just quieter than normal ?, so every time she is quiet I wonder and keep more of an eye on her.
Try and turn it round the other way, you have experience of the problems, so you WILL spot it IF something happens.
We all know how fragile and badly designed horses can be, but please try and enjoy yours while you can

 

[McFluff]

Sorry for your losses. In some ways your concern is perfectly understandable, you’ve had two bad experiences in a row.
I have a similar background, as in I lost both my last two horses too young. I do worry about something going wrong with my boy (particularly as I’ve now just owned him for longer than the others).
What I try to do is to control the controlables. So, I make sure that I have a good farrier, vet, trainer, physio, saddler etc and I listen to them. They don’t see my horse every day which means they can see any big changes (within their remit).
I also spend time just being with my horse and enjoying his company. This means that if the worst does happen, then at least I have good memories. But it also means I can watch his body language and his expression.
I‘m afraid that I can’t offer much more advice than that. It isn’t easy to change your mindset, but it is possible - so keep at it. I hope you find a way to live on the moment with your horse and enjoy your time with less background worry.

 

[EJL0911]

I understand this, I lost one horse at 7yo to Navicular and another at 11yo to several degenerative issues and I see lameness everywhere and in everything. Sometimes it's real and sometimes I think I am looking to deeply into it. I don't have my own horse currently but if I did I know for certain that I would be exactly the same, probably neurotic about it. I spent so long watching for mis steps and wondering if he was off or lame or just a wonky mover.

Nothing constructive there other than, I get this too and I dont think how you are feeling is unusual when you have your heartbroken so many times.

Thank you. No it is helpful because at least I know I’m not mad. Or at least not the only one ? sorry for your losses.

 

[EJL0911]

Sorry to hear of the loss of both your horses. I had a mare with colic, none of the usual symptoms, she was just quieter than normal ?, so every time she is quiet I wonder and keep more of an eye on her.
Try and turn it round the other way, you have experience of the problems, so you WILL spot it IF something happens.
We all know how fragile and badly designed horses can be, but please try and enjoy yours while you can

Thank you. This is a good point really- especially for trusting those who went through it with me before xx

 

[EJL0911]

Sorry for your losses. In some ways your concern is perfectly understandable, you’ve had two bad experiences in a row.
I have a similar background, as in I lost both my last two horses too young. I do worry about something going wrong with my boy (particularly as I’ve now just owned him for longer than the others).
What I try to do is to control the controlables. So, I make sure that I have a good farrier, vet, trainer, physio, saddler etc and I listen to them. They don’t see my horse every day which means they can see any big changes (within their remit).
I also spend time just being with my horse and enjoying his company. This means that if the worst does happen, then at least I have good memories. But it also means I can watch his body language and his expression.
I‘m afraid that I can’t offer much more advice than that. It isn’t easy to change your mindset, but it is possible - so keep at it. I hope you find a way to live on the moment with your horse and enjoy your time with less background worry.

Thank you. I don’t even mind not riding as I did lose the love for it after the PSD one. I just want to enjoy being with him- I do enjoy it now but I’m scared of the anxiety creeping up too, plus when it does it’s just awful xx

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

Get a Shetland pony. Those buggers are indestructible!

 

[Peglo]

I’ve got one pony at 31 and lost my old TB at 26 this year. But I still worry about every little thing with my current riding horse. I don’t know why it’s so different with her (my other 2 were retired for a while so guess that took the stress off me doing the damage by riding) I want to wrap her up in cotton wool. But I also just love being around her/ riding her so that feeling does usually win over the unnecessary stressing.

 

[Flowerofthefen]

They are a constant worry arnt they!! I'm not worried at all of riding my boy but I do pick where I ride and what I do with care. I list a loveyoung horse, 6, to psd. Gutted. Not my fault and nothing I could have done. I'm really careful now about the ground I ride on, what speed we go, what activities we do. For example, my boy is a fantastic bold jumper but he puts in huge jumps. I worry about his kegs. He is 16, ex NH, pointer si has done his fair share of jumping. I now stick to small stuff and don't jump very often. Please try and enjoy your horse as much as you can. Time goes so quickly you may regret not getting on with things. Not say you should go galloping about!!

 

[Wizpop]

Unfortunately I have been in therapy for this exact issue for almost two years now. It manifests in various ways. My therapist describes it as like something sliding down a wall- a smooth wall is easier to clean it off, but trauma makes the wall rougher and harder to get the ‘slime’ off. I think the thing that’s brought it up for me right now is that my friend’s horse has just retired with PSD (mild, forelimb, just not coming right) and those conversations have very much been a trigger for me and niggling away in the backgrou

Again, meant in the nicest possible way. Being in therapy for 2 years- and still being in the same place- says to me that this sort of therapy isn’t right for you. If you are going over past events in your sessions, all that is doing is making the memory more real and constantly bringing them into the present. I would strongly recommend that you look at NLP or CBT as has been suggested - or a different therapist if that is what you are currently supposed to be having. Lots of online options through zoom etc and some equine people. Eg Tracey Cole who would be worth contacting ( I have no connection to her BYW!)
I really do empathise with you as I have had a continuous ( literally) string of horses that have had lameness issues- including my current one!