Anyone else dislike their horse sometimes?! :(

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Tayto

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:( feeling so disheartened just now! I have had my mare for 9 months now and we have had some superb ups and some downs but recently it feels like it is all downs!

She is so grumpy and un-cooperative. She has started being bargy in the stable, nappy on hacks, dead to the leg in the school. She has had every vet and physio check possible, she has an equilibrium massage pad, a new saddle, gets loads of love and attention, has a good routine. I am exhausted - I can't think what else I can do to get her back on my side. She has also just had a weeks holiday as I thought maybe she needed a break as she has learned a lot of new things recently but schooled her tonight and she was just a pain in the butt!

I have regular lessons with a reputable instructor and even she commented on how grumpy she seemed.

Could it be a seasonal thing? Maybe she suffers from SAD?!

I really feel like I do everything in my power to make her happy but she just doesn't seem to like me very much just now :(
 
Is she happy in her routine? enough turnout with a companion, not too long shut in stable, if so check diet, good quality forage and appropriate vits/mins. Everyone harps on about ulcers but if resenting girth/leg/rugging then maybe a trial of gastroguard or something similar ( think there are alternatives). Failing all that and if sure no pain elsewhere then try some exciting ridden work to give her a bit of fun, box up somewhere new and hack in group etc. Good luck .... It maybe that she is just a moody moo bag !
 
Blimey, she is a lucky girl. I'm sure she really likes you but she may just not be a demonstrative mare. I had one who was like yours, she never seemed to care whether I was there or not until I went away for a week. On my return she welcomed me with a soft, gentle nicker and actually seemed relived I was back.

Box rest for an injury seems to have a similar effect. I spend loads of time with mine when they are confined to their stable and the bond between us increases.
 
Mine is your typical grumpy mare but I love her for it! She pulls faces, bares her teeth, stamps when frustrated, sulks, gets jealous if I spend too long with another, but when riding she is great apart from the usual spooks and cheekiness. Her grumps change when she is in discomfort or season (she had ocd) and occasionally she has 2 or 3 days in a row where she Is snuggly. I do all I can to bond with her, she loves grooming (usually) and follows me about a school, moves/stops on command etc but boy do I know when to leave her alone sometimes! I thnk that what it is, some mares you just have to say 'ok not today, that's fine' I don't mean not to ride but sometimes they just don't want all of our time and attention, take time with her you will have good days.
Also I like to remind myself that a grumpy mare is all mine.... it's nice not having the horse that everyone on the yard wants to hug, I get her to myself! I love seeing peoples faces when after she pulls an innocent 'i'm so hungry' face she then turns into 'you have fed me now b*gger off' one!
 
I went through a stage of hating my horse. He was my dream come true and when I got him home he was just a pain in the backside. At the time I would never have been able to sell him and I could nt ride him, he was too much for me. I hated him because I had waited so long to have a horse and now I had one it was a nightmare. At that time I had had him about 6 months. Ive had him 5 years and I love him to bits...we just needed time to suss each other out!
 
I defo don't like mine for a decent proportion of the time. 'Urgh, Geoff!!' Is a pretty common thing to hear me shout.

I've had him a year, he still drives me nuts, but now to ups are starting to outweigh the downs. Slightly.

However now when he Neighs at me I feel like we've got something to show for all the bad times.
 
Sometimes people and horses just don't "click"

Is she safe? Can you ride her without feeling afraid of her? If so then just work on it, mares are mares! If you really don't feel like you are clicking you might want to move on.
 
My last one took almost a year for me to really gel with him, although he still drove me up the wall sometimes!
Have you tried a mare supplement? My friend gave the Global Herbs one - can check name if you like - to a new and moody mare last month and it worked wonders
 
If it's a more recent thing it might be worth having a vet check her over? Mares are complicated beasts and I know of a few that became grumpy/difficult when they had problems with ovaries/hormones.
 
Could you be trying a bit too hard to make her like you? It's very easy to overwhelm them with attention if you want to get them on side - and that just makes things worse. I've got one mare here who isn't keen on being fussed, and I just do the bare minimum with her. She is far happier with minimal intervention, and I've learned not to bother her - even though she's pretty and I want to cuddle her!
 
Auslander said:
Could you be trying a bit too hard to make her like you? It's very easy to overwhelm them with attention if you want to get them on side - and that just makes things worse. I've got one mare here who isn't keen on being fussed, and I just do the bare minimum with her. She is far happier with minimal intervention, and I've learned not to bother her - even though she's pretty and I want to cuddle her!
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Very true. Some just don't like the attention.
 
I feel like that every now and again with mine. I've had her a year and we've had our ups and downs. She isn't cuddly and isn't remotely keen on any form of fuss - she likes her tuck and is good to handle, lead, shoe, load etc, so I try and focus on the positives. At the moments she's a pain in the butt to mount - she will not stand for me (takes forever but I do get there in the end!). All usual checks done so she is just trying it on! Every now and again we deal with something that tries us but when we come through it, i think we are that bit stronger.
 
How old is she? If she is still growing up it might be a phase I guess. Are you handling her as the 'one to obey' or as her mate? My mare really is lovely and I would never say she is naughty really. But if she could get one over on me and pull faces a be grumpy, she would. Only by working on the ground with her to get her loading in a trailer ok (which took months!) Did I have to get tough, she started to respect me and was much much happier for the boundaries set. I hadn't noticed how much she hadn't really respected me until that point. Maybe yours needs less friendly attention and some stricter boundaries?? Just a thought.
 
Why on earth do you expect your horse to "like" you? Horses and humans are two different species (in case no one has noticed :-) and horses don't see us as friends, just humans who feed them and occasionally sit on them in a possibly annoying way. Mares are often a bit "hands off"; horses in general don't like being fussed about with, although the greedier ones will trade "love" for carrots - dogs are better candidates for this (without the necessity for the carrots, obvs).
 
Auslander said:
Could you be trying a bit too hard to make her like you? It's very easy to overwhelm them with attention if you want to get them on side - and that just makes things worse. I've got one mare here who isn't keen on being fussed, and I just do the bare minimum with her. She is far happier with minimal intervention, and I've learned not to bother her - even though she's pretty and I want to cuddle her!
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linperrie said:
How old is she? If she is still growing up it might be a phase I guess. Are you handling her as the 'one to obey' or as her mate? My mare really is lovely and I would never say she is naughty really. But if she could get one over on me and pull faces a be grumpy, she would. Only by working on the ground with her to get her loading in a trailer ok (which took months!) Did I have to get tough, she started to respect me and was much much happier for the boundaries set. I hadn't noticed how much she hadn't really respected me until that point. Maybe yours needs less friendly attention and some stricter boundaries?? Just a thought.
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I agree with Auslander and linperrie as well as everyone else. Some mares aren't into showing affection but may have a strong affection for their owner just the same.
I found the bond strengthened with my mare when I became a bit more business like. Things changed with drawing the very simple boundary line when she realised that 'accidentally' knocking my head with her head meant she 'accidentally' ran into my elbow.
 
Most horses do not enjoy cuddles. They prefer passive affection, allowing them to gently sniff us etc and if you can find their 'itchy spot', they often enjoy a good scratch there. But very rarely will a horse enjoy having a human's arms around it. However, my late are was very 'touchy feely' and enjoyed all of the types of contact with humans that most horses disliked. She adored having a cuddle and her face being enclosed in your arms. But as I say that was VERY unusual for a horse. My new filly is every bit as friendly in her own way, in that she will seek out humans, always being the one to come way from the herd and the food to say hello, but she does not like it if you put your arms around her or touch her around her head too much other than is necessary to groom her.

But I agree with Cortez that mares can often be very standoffish compared with geldings.
 
Jo1987 said:
If it's a more recent thing it might be worth having a vet check her over? Mares are complicated beasts and I know of a few that became grumpy/difficult when they had problems with ovaries/hormones.
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Agree. The last paragraph in the OP is a bit of a red herring; it's the barging, napping and attitude under saddle that sounds like a bigger concern than the lack of cuddles.

Is it also worth trying another instructor? Perhaps she's testing you or doesn't like your riding or handling style? Not saying there's anything wrong with what you're doing, but some horses just don't react well to some approaches.
 
Cortez said:
dogs are better candidates for this (without the necessity for the carrots, obvs).
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I beg to differ!

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Whilst horses and humans are 2 different species I do think its perfectly possible to bond with them. I've had my mare 8 years and she has proven many times her 'feelings' for me, if that is what you can call them! And she clearly dislikes most other people. Not just saying that!

My new mare however, she is generally friendly and likes anyone with food ;)
 
I don't think OP is asking how to make her horse more cuddly! Sounds like the horse is getting bargy, nappy and un-cooperative which is not what anyone wants. Sounds silly OP but in your quest to make sure she is happy have you backed off in the way that you deal with her, is she now realising what she can get away with and taking the mick a bit? Maybe ensure your boundaries are clear, that you are firm when handling her, that you get what you want don't just settle for being dragged about. Do some handling exercises in the school, lead her in a bridle for a bit. If you need to have the argument, make sure you've got a hat and gloves on and have it. Set small aims and take a step by step approach. Keep having lessons and if they don't seem to work try a different instructor - finding the right instructor is vital and makes an enormous difference.
 
I have a now 20 year old home bred mare and she has always been very miserable and as a youngster could be very pushy and I found I had to be very firm around her and stop treating her like my baby and stop spoiling her. With firm handling she has improved a lot and is much nicer to be around. She still has her moments especially in the field but a firm 'NO' in a low voice and she will back off immediately. Good luck OP.
 
Thanks everyone - like some people have said, I don't want her to be cuddly etc, I understand that cuddles are not a normal way for a horse to show affection. She has an good scratching spot in her withers that normally gets a good reaction when I give it a good scratch.

I maybe need to try some ground work with her - I suppose when I think about it, I don't do as much ground work with her as I did when I first got her, I have been concentrating more on the ridden stuff recently.

On another note - she got a pretty nasty kick to the face today and allowed me to fuss over it and hold cold compresses on it etc even though it was obviously very painful! She even looked as if she was glad to see me when I got there!
 
I'd deffo do a few ground work sessions to remind her of her manners with the barging etc.

Mares aren't the easiest to contend with, I had my last mare 6 years and spent a good percentage of that time wanting to kick her Bum!

You just have to persist really.
 
I noticed my girl has been a bit of a grump recently, but it was mainly before she got her breakfast or if she is late being brought in. The field is quite bare, but once she gets some food in her belly she cheers up no end.

Could your mare just be a bit hungry?
 
JulesRules said:
I noticed my girl has been a bit of a grump recently, but it was mainly before she got her breakfast or if she is late being brought in. The field is quite bare, but once she gets some food in her belly she cheers up no end.

Could your mare just be a bit hungry?
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This is an interesting thought. My lad becomes an absolute menace when hungry - end of last winter when we were rationing haylage and the grass still wasn't through, he was a thug.
 
My boy is also a nightmare when he is hungry, stops instantly and becomes a cuddly boy again as soon as he has caught up with a slight drop in available roughage.

As well as groundwork, maybe think about trying something different with her, some inhand obstacle courses or clicker training? Clicker work made a huge difference to me and my girl, I went through many stages of struggling to understand her but the clicker has shown me how she thinks and allows me to work with her in the best way for her, which will translate into riding and driving when she is old enough. Same with my boy, he is a totally different kettle of fish but it has really helped me understand him - he gets increasingly grumpy and gobby when he worries about not understanding the questions he is being asked, and learning how to use the clicker best with him has shown me how to listen to him far better - now when he is grumpy and there are no physical reasons, I look at what I have just asked and try to see what he is worrying about, and can turn him almost instantly into a calmer happy boy again once I work out what it was.
 
Is she not having fun, can you take her out for hacks instead of schooling

Plus NH is great for building a bond with your horse - the focus is on groundwork initially, but also having fun with your horse - if you want a better relationship I would try this
 
No, it's not just you, OP. My mare has been exceedingly trying recently. Yesterday she showed me up good and proper in the school, to the extent that when I thought someone was looking for an exmoor on Facebook, I asked if they'd like to view mine! She's decided recently that pretty much everything is out to kill her. Too much grass and hormones, I think. I was thinking last night that I might have her examined in the New Year, although from what I hear, everybody with horses is noticing a difference in behaviour.
 
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