Anyone else feel a bit lonely at their yard?

J_sarahd

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I've been riding Max for nearly a year now and he's on a really nice livery yard. It's fairly small with only 9 other horses. And people are really nice, but I just feel a bit lonely recently.

There's only two other girls my age and one of them can be really nice or she can be a bit stand-offish and I get the vibe she really doesn't like me. And the other, we compete together but I wouldn't say we were very close (we only compete together as she doesn't have transport and we do and we're doing to same sort of thing) and sometimes I get a bit annoyed as she often tells me how to ride Max (she's never ridden him and her pony is a lot easier than him - and yes, I have ridden her) or she'll one-up me (Max is strong, but her pony did this, this and this). So perhaps that's why we aren't very close. I'm not sure.

There's a few teenagers who I get on quite well with and all of the older adults I get on really well with too, it's just the people my age and I feel kind of lonely. For example, the two girls my age are doing their towing licence together and went to the hunt ball together.

That probably sounds really bratty, but it'd just be nice to have friends.
 

poiuytrewq

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No I don’t think it sounds bratty at all.
Year’s ago I was at what could have been a wonderful yard but everyone was either much younger or much older than me and although we all got on so to speak, I didn’t fit into either group.
It’s quite tough. Is there another yard you could maybe think about moving too?
 
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I know what you mean, we have our own little yard with only 5 horses and only two of them are for riding. It is very, very nice to know that there can´t be anyone anoying, but sometimes it would be very nice to not be alone all the time.

I sometimes help a friend with her horse, then we mostly spend the whole afternoon together, that is really nice! And after the time at a yard with 70 horses and their crazy owners it is nice to come back to lonelyness again ;)
 

oldie48

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I keep my horse at home and used to ride with my daughter. She left home ages ago and I have to work very hard to find people to ride with so i sympathise. Have you thought about joining a riding club? You have transport, do a bit of competing, why not give it a try? I belong to a club which has riders of every age and standard and it's a great way of finding people you get on with. don't compete for the club but i do an equi pilates class and join in on clinics, give it a go!
 

J_sarahd

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No I don’t think it sounds bratty at all.
Year’s ago I was at what could have been a wonderful yard but everyone was either much younger or much older than me and although we all got on so to speak, I didn’t fit into either group.
It’s quite tough. Is there another yard you could maybe think about moving too?
Unfortunately, because Max technically isn't mine I have no real say in where he's kept
 

J_sarahd

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I keep my horse at home and used to ride with my daughter. She left home ages ago and I have to work very hard to find people to ride with so i sympathise. Have you thought about joining a riding club? You have transport, do a bit of competing, why not give it a try? I belong to a club which has riders of every age and standard and it's a great way of finding people you get on with. don't compete for the club but i do an equi pilates class and join in on clinics, give it a go!
I was thinking of joining a riding club at the start of this season. However, I have a lot of friends who aren't at my yard as I rode at a riding school for a fair few years before sharing Max. I sometimes take Max there for lessons or competitions, but they're usually on weekdays and it's difficult to get Max there in time!
 

Chinchilla

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I'm not on a yard...my mum and I have a field we rent but she works, so I often go up alone, and it's pretty lonely tbh. I like it sometimes (who doesn't?) but other times it's a bit rubbish. (Wow, I sound so entitled. It's not that I'm not grateful for the horses, obviously, but it would be nice to be able to do horsey things with other people sometimes rather than by myself.)

Hence why I end up on forums and suchlike lol but even then there's not many others my age. Bleugh. I'm not huge on competing either.

ETA - really really must stop moaning. I love owning horses and they are brilliant really!!! :eek:
 

DD

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been on my own with the horses for 40 odd years now. to find friends and hacking companions try joining a riding club or putting an ad in local saddlery and feed shops. people come and go. someone may leave the yard and the new person may become your best friend. or not. its just how it is.
 

SadKen

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I'm generally quite antisocial and very happy in my own company, as long as there is a creature to annoy with hugs, but I am on a lovely yard where we all get on very well and some of the people there have become my friends (high praise indeed - I have a swathe of acquaintances but rarely elevate anyone to the dubiously dizzy heights of 'friend').

I would say that if your yard isn't offering what you'd like (and friendship is a valid requirement from a yard if it's important to you) then look around and see if there's one that'll work better.

I am slightly saddened by this thread as I have a soft spot for anyone who is lonely. Ideally riding clubs would solve this given we already know we've got something in common with the other attendees. Sadly it seems that they may be stuffed to the brim with snooty types who are more worried about their team performance in some poxy league than they are with making friends, or to use it as an excuse to form a clique and savage others (like the same-age people at the yard the OP is on). At least that's my experience.

They should have a 'friends' riding club for people who want to mess about and have fun - maybe with a matriarchal pony club grandma type who'll stamp out cliques immediately - I'm sure some of these exist.
 
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I know what you mean OP. I am 23 and have just started sharing a new horse on a really quiet yard. I don't think I have yet seen another person on the yard. But I'm always on edge when I'm there because nobody has seen me before, so they probably wonder who the new girl is messing with one of the horses! It is lonely with nobody to ride with, I also don't know the area too well so don't feel confident going on long hacks alone yet, but that is the main reason I chose this yard and horse.

If people not your age are there I would maybe chat to them and suggest a ride out with them :)
 

Denbob

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I struggled at the beginning of the year with this, the only girl my age was competing well above what we could even dream of (and I might have been over sensitive but felt like she made sure I knew it) and everyone else was older. I made some good friends after a while and we do still stay in contact. I was lucky enough to get a job somewhere else and move to a new yard, but from your post that doesn't seem like an option.

I would absolutely consider joining a local riding club, but start by volunteering to get a feel for the people and the kind of standard/events/general vibe you get. That way you don't feel judged with your horse, and you can always drift into the ether with excuses of 'work commitments' if you don't enjoy it and try a different one! I did that and had a fantastic time, and learnt a lot as well. Maybe volunteer to fence judge at a local event centre? Or run test sheets at a dressage competition? People who are willing to support on the ground are often supportive and friendly in general (or maybe I'm biased :p) Good luck :)
 
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alainax

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I haven’t really thought about it! I’m not really there for socialising, but there are a few nice folk I have a good blether with. I’ve never went competing with anyone from a yard, or any other horse for that matter! Haven’t really thought about what ages are the people I speak to are either!

I guess everyone is very different, I quite enjoy some “me” time every once in a while.

If you are feeling lonely then joining a riding club was a great suggestion, what about writing for a local dressage comp or fence judging? Might get to meet a lot of nice new people
 

oldjumper

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I've been riding Max for nearly a year now and he's on a really nice livery yard. It's fairly small with only 9 other horses. And people are really nice, but I just feel a bit lonely recently.

There's only two other girls my age and one of them can be really nice or she can be a bit stand-offish and I get the vibe she really doesn't like me. And the other, we compete together but I wouldn't say we were very close (we only compete together as she doesn't have transport and we do and we're doing to same sort of thing) and sometimes I get a bit annoyed as she often tells me how to ride Max (she's never ridden him and her pony is a lot easier than him - and yes, I have ridden her) or she'll one-up me (Max is strong, but her pony did this, this and this). So perhaps that's why we aren't very close. I'm not sure.

There's a few teenagers who I get on quite well with and all of the older adults I get on really well with too, it's just the people my age and I feel kind of lonely. For example, the two girls my age are doing their towing licence together and went to the hunt ball together.

That probably sounds really bratty, but it'd just be nice to have friends.
Don't limit yourself to people 'your age'. Make friends with the people you like and get on with, regardless of their age. With a common interest in horses, you can make good friends from teens to grannies. You will find you can help and learn from each other, build your confidence, meet a wider circle of friends and riding buddies..... and have a lot of laughs! Also, whatever others say - you KNOW you have the best horse so just smile and ignore them. Good luck.
 

Mule

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I have mine at home. I'm happy in my own company but I do feel more motivated if someone else is with me for company.
 

AandK

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Don't limit yourself to people 'your age'. Make friends with the people you like and get on with, regardless of their age. With a common interest in horses, you can make good friends from teens to grannies. You will find you can help and learn from each other, build your confidence, meet a wider circle of friends and riding buddies..... and have a lot of laughs! Also, whatever others say - you KNOW you have the best horse so just smile and ignore them. Good luck.
Agree with this. One of my longest standing horsey friends is about 15yrs older than me!
 

AFB

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Yes definitely, I haven't made any good friends at my yard despite having been there about 2.5 years and I miss having a proper riding buddy. Plenty of acquintances though, it is a friendly yard.

That being said my horse time is much more about my horse now than a social gathering so it has it's bonuses, and I have no involvement in bitchy yard politics!
 

atropa

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Yes I have felt like this before. I had a decent group of similar life-staged girls at my first yard about 4-5 years ago, then they all moved to different yards and I was left as the only 20 something in a yard of young teens or settled 30-40yos. Of course, I made very good friends with who I could but sometimes it was very lonely not having people who were going through the same things as me around.
I then moved to a succession of small yards which had between 2 and 6 older ladies on them, again very lonely as this time our schedules tended to clash as well as the age difference.
Since last October, I've been on two yards again with people my own age and it's so nice to have that social aspect again...and this is coming from an antisocial person with a partner 23 years her senior.
 

Rosiejazzandpia

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I often used to feel like this but then moved back to my old yard. I realized that trying to find friends my age was hard and luckily I was taken in by a few lovely ladies. I'm 22, yard owner is in her 60s and the other couple of ladies are 40 and 50+. We used to have a lovely teenage girl who I was quite close with as she looked up to me a bit; but she moved yards eventually.

It helps if you all have similar interests on a yard, six of us hack as we don't have a school, the rest of the horses on the yard are retired. When someone is going for a hack there's usually someone to join You, and we've even managed to get everyone on a Facebook chat group for the yard so we can share photos and arrange shared vet and farrier visits :)
 

LHIS

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I think horses can be the most inclusive and the most isolating thing at the same time. You can make some fantastic like-minded friends and have a wonderful support network who will understand every horsey whim, or you can be the polar opposite.
I keep my horses at home, one is ridden and one is a companion (at the moment). I love having them at home and having my own space, but I really miss having fellow horsey ladies around. I have no one to ride with, and it’s sometimes hard to stay motivated.

I’d try and forge friendships with the others on your yard - you don’t need to be the same age to get on - you have horses in common! Don’t spend too much time on people who can’t be bothered with you. Most importantly enjoy your horse.
 

Fiona

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Don't limit yourself to people 'your age'. Make friends with the people you like and get on with, regardless of their age. With a common interest in horses, you can make good friends from teens to grannies. You will find you can help and learn from each other, build your confidence, meet a wider circle of friends and riding buddies..... and have a lot of laughs! Also, whatever others say - you KNOW you have the best horse so just smile and ignore them. Good luck.
Totally agree with this... I never liveried with people my age, they were always older, and I made loads of friends in my local riding club. We competed all over the place and had great fun.

Fiona
 
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