Anyone else given up?

schooling her, to just spending time with her enjoying ourselves has made a massive difference to pur bond, and hacking out improved my riding massively so I now actually enjoy schooling her. I hope you feel better about it all soon xx
 
maisie06 said:
Horse is quite talented, and I'm just wrecking him, so I've made the decision not to ride him again. There's too much pressure to be a good rider these days and I'm not enjoying it anymore.
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The horse couldn't care less about competing etc!

Where is this pressure coming from?

If you are genuinely not enjoying your riding, fair enough, give up BUT if you feel that you would enjoy your horse without outside pressure, I suggest that you change yards (I guess that's where the pressure's coming from), forget about his 'talent' and so long as you feel safe do what YOU want to do. If that's hacking or just taking the horse for an in-hand walk, THAT'S FINE!
 
I properly should have 1 year ago after 3 horses deaths and a number of things pointing to that I should give up!! But something driving me inside did not want to give up!! I looked at my horses I own and I though I can't give up on my dream that so many people want!! They are mine I feed them, groom them muck out in wind,rain and snow!! I can't give up cause I have had some bloody awful luck and what people have said because then they would have won!! Could you not get you instructor to go to shows or hire out and arena where they hold show just to boost you? People can be cruel sometimes but it stems from jealousy sometime!! Don't give up cause you will only regret it in the long run!! Not telling you how to suck egg but I know how you feel massive hugs :0)
 
In the last few months I have thought long and hard about giving up. The reason being about 2 months ago I had a freak accident, broke my back and I am now paralised from the waist down. It wasnt even horse related fell out the back of an ambulance, long story. All the people on the yard were telling me my horse was wasted and I should sell him. But I have move yards and got a sharer. Ok I might not ride again but I still get to bring my horse in from the field, give him loads of cuddles, and guess what he does not care one bit.

Totally agree people around us are often to blame for lack of self confidence/self esteem. But as long as we are happy that is all that matters. Perhaps before you sell try getting a sharer and take it from there.

If you ever want to chat please feel free to pm me.
 
What is it about riding that makes us want to be a 'good' rider, is it a women thing? There are loads of men who play polo,hunt,exercise racehorses,hack, who according to the book can not ride but they do and enjoy it.
I rode badly from a young age, teaching myself mostly from books and falling off a lot and enjoyed it. Then along comes knowledge and 'poof' suddenly your a bad person because you do not look the perfect picture. Because you do not ride like Carl Hester it does not make you a bad person, or worthless. Most of us swim but would never expect to swim like an Olympic swimmer or feel bad about not being that good, you just enjoy swimming.
I would recommend the Mary Wanless book, Ride with Your Mind it made me reasses my attitudes to riding. If the process of riding makes you feel bad about yourself do not feel you have to do it but as many have said horses are not just about riding. Turn you horse away, perhaps on a new livery yard and give you self space. Christmas and just after is a c**p time of year thats why there's so many break ups and suicides around this time. I no longer ride as I lost my enjoyment of riding and I could not be bothered with the faf but I have eight and I would never be without them. They care only were their next dinner is coming from.
 
maisie06 said:
I've tried and tried and tried, it just won't shift. I've had a constant battle with food and weight, I think I'm just destined to be a lump!
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Do you think that you would enjoy riding if you felt you had a horse you were more suited to? Big athletic talented horses are not easy to ride. It sounds as though you need a nice steady shire cross or HW cob. I am sure your riding would improve no end if you were more suitably horsed. At least you are honest with yourself and not oblivious to your problems like many people are. Let your talented boy go to someone he is more suited to and buy yourself a more suitable horse.
 
horserider said:
Are you on the right yard ? Its amazing how being in the wrong environment can make things seem awful ?

You sound quite demoralised, your horse isn't too good for a caring and thoughtful owner, no matter how wonderful he is, he's just a horse.

Ever noticed how some grand horses have little hairy ponies as their best friends ? Snobbery doesn't exist for horses but unfortunately its does exist in the horse world among riders and I wonder if you're just unfortunate in finding more of them than your fair share ?
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Agree with this - you might find moving yards to one where there is less pressure could be the best thing you've ever done.
 
There is no such thing as a wasted horse, a horse lives to eat and be cared for, he couldn't give two hoots if he's not entering the latest competition or performing half pass down the school!

I also think that your issues sound as if you have very low self esteem, and I think that by changing that then you will view everything else differently.

Instead of focusing on what you can't do, think about what you can - if that is simply looking after a horse well then that is no mean feat and something to be proud of. As for the lack of confidence, take a step back, if it isn't the horse's behaviour that is scaring you then simply start going out for a walk, forget about whether you are doing things 'right' and use the time to enjoy just being with your horse, watching nature etc. without any pressure from yourself and especially others.

Food wise if you see food as a battle then I find it makes it much harder. Seeing food as something beneficial and nourishing and eating to improve your health and wellbeing instead of punishing yourself every time you eat and feeling guilty helps to develop good eating habits, 'your body is a temple' and all that, so take care what you put in it and learn to enjoy healthy food instead of seeing it as someting that makes you feel bad.

Exercise is also great for releasing endorphins and making us feel better, so get that lead rope and take your horse out for some good long walks in hand too, then you can enjoy his company and get fitter/lose weight.

Set yourself simple goals with your horse - nothing ambitious, just something basic, like going for a short hack and not worrying about it. It is doable and will help you as a whole as well as your relationship with your horse. Don't let others put pressure on you to be a 'good' rider, and certainly don't put that pressure on yourself. Nobody is perfect, we all have faults and sometimes we need to just realise that and work with things the best we can. I think that if you give up you'll feel regretful and as if you've failed but if you continue and just do what you enjoy with no pressure then each little obstacle that you can overcome will be a great psoitive for you.
 
maisie06 said:
Thanks guys! I have been riding for near on 20 years and have never been any good!! When I was younger i didn't give 2 hoots, would ride anything, jump bigger the better, but my confidence has gone....totally. My horse is an angel and it pains me to be wrecking him, so I may sell him and look for an oldie who doesn't need riding to give a nice home to and potter around brushing and looking after.
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Awww...you are being way too hard on yourself Maisie...

As others have said, your horse won't give two figs if he's hurtling around Badminton or tootling along on a hack so long as he's got food in his belly, a safe place to live and someone who cares for his every whim...

I had brain surgery a few years ago and have pathetic balance and co ordination now... Like you I was happy to throw myself on anything when I was younger and young enough/fit enough to cope with it all... I'm heavier now, dodgy on my feet and can't remember my kids' names half the time let alone how to ride 'properly' any more... Zero confidence in the saddle... We took on a TB in a real state but he's coming along beautifully - the poor deluded lad thinks I'm a great rider - so long as I work him in walk transitions... :rolleyes::D

But he's blooming since I've had him... My lad (who now leaves me standing ability wise) has lessons on him and a nice young rider who's living away from home at our local university pops out to 'ride him competently'... He might not be achieving whatever potential he has but I went up the yard yesterday after not having been up there for two weeks due to flu... He nearly climbed his way out of the stable to say hello and when I stood to his side he wrapped his head and neck around me in a mahoosive horse cuddle...

So I'm a rubbish rider and might never be able to do more than scramble inelegantly into a saddle and walk around gingerly... Who cares - I don't... And more to the point - nor do the horses...

If you genuinely think a different horse would suit you better then go for it... But don't leave yourself with nothing and think hard about your reasons first... Love yourself a little Maisie... :)
 
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