Anyone had a sharer who is more experienced than they are? Feeling a bit intimidated.

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Tash88

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I advertised for a sharer for my horse on two well-known websites at the end of January. I didn't have much of a response at the time (two people who weren't suitable/unreliable) and didn't put much effort into advertising elsewhere - to be honest I am not desperate for a sharer and would rather wait for the right person to come along. I was rather fussy with my requirements in the advert - my horse is fairly young and I am still bringing him on, he is not a novice ride and if I had a sharer who wasn't right it would be far more trouble than it was worth. I am looking for a sharer because I am very busy with work at the moment (finishing my PhD and teaching, both involving travelling a fair distance) and I think he needs a guaranteed 5-6 days a week work routine that sometimes I struggle to achieve. The financial help is a bonus rather than a necessity.

At the beginning of this week I got an email out of the blue from a lady who was interested in my advert. She seemed nice so we started chatting over email, and I quickly realised that she is much better than I am, and will probably be able to achieve more with my horse. That isn't to say that I am not capable with my own horse; people often compliment me on doing a good job with him and I feel like I am getting somewhere. However she is about ten years older than me and has worked for olympic showjumpers etc.; she has quite an impressive horsey CV. I don't have much confidence in my own abilities and this has just intimidated me when I was starting to become more confident and actually listening to people who say that I'm doing a good job, now I'm just worried about having to ride my horse in front of this lady and looking like an idiot when she gets on him and does a much better job :(

I haven't let on how I am feeling to her and she is coming to try him next week. I am actually really grateful for her interest and I do want her to share my horse as she sounds brilliant, I'm just wary of my own feelings getting in the way if that makes sense. I'm scared of what others on the yard will think if she is clearly much better with my horse as well. She seems very nice and not the 'know-all' type as well, she clearly doesn't want to intimidate me and I'm fairly aware that this is just me rather than anything she's said.

I suppose I'm venting my feelings here more than anything, but I would be really grateful for any advice on how to manage them. This lady is probably more experienced than the average sharer and of course I would be lucky to have her, but I want it to work well and not turn into some sort of power imbalance because she's a better rider than I am, if that makes sense.

Thank you in advance, Tash x
 
It sounds like a great opportunity for you and your horse tbh.

Don't let your feelings of inferiority put you off from something which could potentially be really good :)

Could you show her this? Your OP was very sympathetically written and I'm sure if she's aware of your worries she won't want to tread on your toes.
 
You're mad! If she lives up to her rep and rides sympathetically then she will be paying to bring him on! Be up front about your own abilities and say to her that she sounds more capable than you, then she wont be expecting to see olympic riding and you will feel better. I always tell potential observers that I can't ride for ****, that way they know what to expect :)
 
I think what you are feeling is quite natural at this stage.

This lady will have had to " sell" herself a little to reassure you that she is worth considering and you have yet to see if she clicks with your horse.
Hopefully it could be less stressful than sharing with someone less experienced.
 
Thank you for the replies. Like you've all said, this is potentially a great opportunity and I wouldn't want to share with someone who wasn't so experienced. It's as if I'm worrying now it is actually happening and I might have to confront my own perceived lack of ability.

I'm also concerned that she'll be bringing him on much more than I have done and will continue to do; I suppose it's a pride thing but I'll probably feel like I don't deserve him; I feel really lucky to own him and don't want all of my hard work to feel worthless when someone else gets on him and does a better job. I think I just need to get over it to be honest, it's easier said than done though!
 
She might be feeling rusty and really nervous as to how you will view her riding! Try not to worry, I had a lovely vet share my old pony for a short time and it was just great to know she (the pony!) was in such good hands. :)
 
It's a natural feeling but try not to let it worry you.
I can think of 100's of people who could ride my horse better than I can and I have lots of people saying he should be doing XYZ or why isn't he doing ABC, or when I do something why didn't you win (he has a strong competition past) - but he (and I) are very happy doing what we are doing I have progressed enormously with him and he has a slower pace of life that suits his age.
You just have to think about what you have achieved with him and keep in mind this is an opportuity for her too - she will be nervous makeing sure she lives up to her CV!
 
My sharer does much more with my appy than i ever could! I've learned a lot from her and although it was intimidating at first, she fascinates me! I ride like a cowboy and do very little other than offroad hacking but she's been long reining, lungeing, join up, and loads of groundwork. She's kind but doesnt take any crap either, and i find it's easy to think "huh! I'd never have thought to do it that way". She adores him and he respects her. It's fascinating to see them together, especially because he's a horse i've never particularly bonded with. I used to be intimidated but now, she knows me and my horse and she'll go out of her way to talk me through what she's doing and why. I love it!
 
take it as a compliment to how well you have brought him on that she is even interested in sharing him!

It sounds as though it could be really rewarding for both of you :D
 
Firstly I doubt your potential sharer has a PhD!!

If she has worked with Olympic Show jumpers she has quite possibly been a groom and that does not mean she rides well. However, she will have a huge amount of knowledge and it is great opportunity for you to learn more.

Always remember no one was born experienced it is something that we may or may not acquire, often due to the luck of who,when and what we meet.

Goodluck. I hope you find a great sharer and possibly a new friend.
 
I think everyone would ride my lad better than I can, and once I feel he's safe enough for them I'd love to see how well he goes with them. Maybe I can have her if you decide you don't want her hehe!

No, in all seriousness I know what you mean. Maybe it would help to think of her as a gift for your horse, if he learns a load of new things from this lady that's a plus right? He'll always be your horse but it might be just the thing for him. Don't let your worries get in the way of what could be a fab thing for all of you. Maybe you will be doing olympic showjumping on him in a couple of years!
 
Don't worry about it until it happens! You haven't even met her yet, so don't know for sure that she is the be all and end all..

When she is watching you ride your horse, she won't be paying attention to you, just looking at your horse. When she rides him in front of you, she will be praying that she rides in the style you like and that she is doing ok..

She isn't going to wave a magic wand and make him into a wonderful horse that you aren't good enough for - she's going to help you do that, you're going to do that together. With a bit of luck you will become friends and she can help you.

Take her off her pedestal and see what she is really like.x;)
 
Definitely take it as a positive!! If she is obviously so good, then you can relax knowing your horse is in safe hands! I am paying a fortune in physio bills at the minute due to how a previous sharer rode. :( Had a few other sharers since but have decided that Part Livery for my boy is better than relying on other people. If this lady is good and reliable, don't feel bad at all... still your horse at the end of the day and that's the most important bit. As long as she is doing your horse good and not harm, go for it!
 
lapetitebruyere said:
Definitely take it as a positive!! If she is obviously so good, then you can relax knowing your horse is in safe hands! I am paying a fortune in physio bills at the minute due to how a previous sharer rode. :( Had a few other sharers since but have decided that Part Livery for my boy is better than relying on other people. If this lady is good and reliable, don't feel bad at all... still your horse at the end of the day and that's the most important bit. As long as she is doing your horse good and not harm, go for it!
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I'm sorry to hear of your situation and I hope that your horse comes right soon.

That is the reason why I want an experienced and reliable sharer - a. so that I don't have to worry about how someone will deal with his sharpness and babyish ways so much and b. so that I know that person will ride him sympathetically and hopefully look after him in the same way.

Thank you all for the kind replies - I think I just need to get over it and realise that there will always be someone out there who rides my horse better than I do, and I will always be his owner so nothing can take him away from me. I've never had a sharer before and I can be a little controlling, so hopefully this will be a learning experience for both of us. I suppose the ball is in my court - if she wanted to have her own horse to bring on and do whatever she wanted with then surely she would buy her own? I adore my horse and want only the best for him, I just don't want him to love someone else more than he loves me, although I'm aware that sounds a bit silly... :o
 
Wow - lucky you! See it as positive, if it works out, for your horse, the sharer and you.

There are no losers here as far as I can see :)
 
Thank you all again for the common-sense advice, I think I just need to stop worrying about it and focus on the fact that I have someone potentially great coming to view my horse - sharers like this don't seem to come around very often! And my YO sold me my current horse, she certainly wouldn't have done if she didn't think that I'd be able to look after him well and bring him on. I think I need to stop putting people (and horses sometimes) on pedestals.

Going on a hack with a straight-talking friend tomorrow who will also instil some sense into me... :). It's always helpful to see things from an outsider perspective.
 
I know my sharer knows lots more than I do! But use it to help you. It takes lots of the worry away because you can always rely on them or ask for advice and guess what - sometimes you know far more than you think do! Its a great confidence booster when you find out you've been doing the right thing all along.

If they are really any good they won't intimidate you with "this is the way to do it, I know better than you" they will quietly work with you to give your horse the best.

If, when she rides your horse you are happy - and definitely don't be worried about saying no if you're not happy with the way she rides him, you mustn't be intimidated by her in that respect - grab the opportunity to get a good sharer, they are like 'gold dust'!
 
I'd love to find a sharer like that. She also sounds nice from your descriptions. :)

Just send her an email to confirm when she's coming to try him out and say something like 'I'm not as skilled a rider as you sound, so ill just do the basics when I ride!' X
 
Feeling this is natural and normal but don't let it put you off what could be great for you .
Good luck post and let us know how it all goes.
 
Thanks for the replies, I emailed her on Thursday evening and she hasn't got back to me yet - I hope she is still interested. She asked me about the financial arrangement and I suggested £120 per month based on her riding three times a week - I did a bit of research and it looks like £10 per ride is the going rate. We have an indoor and outdoor school at the yard as well as good hacking so she will be able to ride whatever the weather. I have asked that she helps out with stable duties if possible as he is on DIY livery, but if she doesn't want to/isn't able to do that I might have to raise the price to £150 a month, as I'd then be having to pay someone else to do it. Does that sound fair?

I did say that I would confirm Wed morning on Monday as I didn't know what he'd be like today after having his wolf teeth out last Wed, i.e. whether he'd still be sensitive and need more time off. I hacked him this morning and he was fine, so hopefully she'll still come and try him on Wednesday. Will update you all :)

Thanks again, Tx
 
How much do you pay for DIY livery? Tbh I don't know what the going rate is for a private sharer in your part of the world but £120/£150 a month sounds like a lot to me.
 
Bloomin' eck Tass you're swings and roundabouts! I would say that is too much to ask for considering she has to do jobs and will be putting some work into your boy. 100 a month max! Only my opinion though :)
 
TBH the price depends on whether you're looking for cash or exercise for him - if it's cash I'd write a list of all of his annual costs (livery, shoes, feed, insurance, wormers, teeth, vacs etc) so you can explain how you've divided them by 52 for an average weekly cost then taken 3/7ths to work out how much to ask for.

If you're looking for help with exercise and she's as good as her CV says I'd be looking for a token amount as lots of people have said may people pay to get their youngsters schooled !

In Lincs the going rate is £20 a week for 3 days a week on a yard with floodlit school and good hacking - an minimal chores!!
 
TBH OP, I don't think you want a sharer at all.
But life has got in the way and forced this on you.

I think you need to sort out your feelings. The alternative is that you run yourself ragged trying to do too much with work/study/horse and all will suffer.

Be honest, admit that you don't want to share but then face up to the fact that maybe it's the only solution.
You don't have to like the sharer (call them names and make faces at them in private:D) but put the horse first and do the utmost to get the best person for them. Even if it means you take a financial hit.
 
I don't think anyone who buys a horse wants to share them with anyone from the offset. Most people will have a sharer for the same reason as me - time and finances when life gets in the way. I want to like my sharer and for my YO and other liveries to like them as well - I can't imagine how difficult it would be if I didn't like them, and like others have said it would be nice to make a new friend out of this as well. I have been open (on here, not to potential sharer :)) about my feelings because I don't want them to impose on what is best for my horse and I.

I am not asking someone to put work into my horse, I am happy to do that side of things and for the sharer to just hack out - I want her to do whatever she wants and before I said that she said that she would be happy to do whatever - help bring on a youngster or just hack out. If I wanted to pay someone to help bring on my horse then I would do so - in my opinion sharing is something else and those who want to share a horse are looking for something else as well. They want to be able to enjoy a horse rather than provide a service to its owner.

I am actually charging less than others on my yard! DIY livery is £200 a month (SW London/Surrey border), another livery charges £200 a month for her horse and the sharer does three days a week. I am basing £120 a month on £10 a day if she rode - so she would only pay for the days she rides and so it wouldn't necessarily be £120 a month if she went on holiday for a week or whatever. I paid the same when I was a sharer at a nearby yard with far fewer facilities eight years ago. I'm not trying to make loads of money from this - I just want a sharer for the reasons that others get one - time and a financial contribution.

Hope that clarifies things a bit, as ever thanks for the replies :)
 
digger66 said:
I pay someone to ride my horse better than I do. Grasp the opportunity.
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Haha, so true!

It is natural what you are feeling but at the end of the day I am sure your horse and/or you have a good opportunity to learn. I wouldn't like it if I had a sharer criticising me all the time but I doubt she will, and to be fair if she's good then it would be free instruction. Just don't let her dictate your horse's routine etc if you don't want her to.
 
No I don't think she will be that type either, she seems absolutely lovely and I hope that she is still interested and comes to meet my horse and I next week :)
 
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