Anyone on here given up owning because of nervousness before?

SmartieBean09

SmartieBean09

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Hi, long time lurker, old poster and now returner!

I have ridden for 25 years and for 18 of those years I have owned 4 ponies (mainly due to my short size).

However pony number 2 was VERY unpredictable, ridden and on the ground. When we found her a suitable home it took me 2 years to find another pony due to confidence issues. Eventually I found my pony of a lifetime. She was completely wrong on paper but I knew that instant that we were perfect for each other. I owned her for almost 10 years. She was fizzy, had a huge attitude but she was safe and looked after me. Sadly I lost her due to colic.

2 years later by chance I ended up with a veteran riding school pony. He was amazing, although I had almost zero interest in riding him as he was very much "a plod" and although 100% what I needed he wasnt what I wanted and he pretty much became a much loved pet. Sadly I lost him 5 years later due to numerous age related issues.

I miss owning so, so much but I just think I would be silly returning to it. My fears from pony number 2 havent escaped me and although ive had 2 fantastic ponies since, I havent enjoyed riding for a long time. I long for the day I dont fear a horse, jumping on board for a hack and cantering on the first patch of grass I see! Popping over a log or may be even a small unaffiliated show of some sort.

For now though I have decided to go back to my old riding school. Im hoping to ride various horses and ponies and learn to trust my ability as a rider. I havent had a horse/pony frighten me since 1999 so why can I not push past all of this??

Anyway, Im guessing its last chance saloon here. If I cant move on then I will have to admit defeat which I most definitely do not want to do. I just cant imagine my life without riding.

Would love to hear hopefully some positive stories from those of you who have been in a similar situation.
 
I stopped riding several years ago, trying to get back into it now due to my pony basically being unsuitable for me; following this thread with interest. I'm lucky I have an absolute angel of a horse now who is the first horse in years I have "wanted" to ride. :)
 
It's good that you're having lessons at a riding school, as this will definitely help to build your confidence up :)

With regard to not being able to push past the fright, have you pinpointed what exactly it is that's bothering you? I have found that the older I get the more reluctant I am to put myself in danger; I can't afford to take time off work with horse related injuries, whereas in school/college/uni it was never much of an issue. You could stick to what you know (safe horses), although that said, the slowest and sweetest horse can have it's day and spook, you could end up unseated....I don't think we will get anywhere in life avoiding everything and living in regret.

For me personally I have lost my nerve and enjoyment in riding, my old mare enjoys the odd potter around and my 8 year old is currently off work as he has multiple issues. I lost my dream horse in March and he had brought my confidence up so so much, from being scared of poles to jumping 1.20. As I don't have anything I can consistently ride on to bring up my confidence, the worse I get!

So I think it can also depend on the horse you're riding and how you're feeling because they pick up on emotions very easily. The key is not to overthink (easier said than done, believe me I know) and to take it slow/steady.

I think it helps riding with a friend, perhaps you could pay for a hack and bring a friend along (at a safe/reputable centre or riding school of course).

xx
 
I have been/am going through similar.
My past 3 horses have not been great and have chipped away at my already iffy confidence. And the three years ago I got on my mare and she had a little jiggy moment and that was it, my last shred of confidence was gone. Immediately got off, collapsed in a heap and burst into tears. At that point it was decided she would be sent to sales livery and I would have a break. I just couldn't get back on her, or at that point any other horse.
However, whilst on livery I went to see her and ended up having a little ride on her, and remembered why I had bought her in the first place. (To cut a long story short I decided to keep her but she was PTS 10 months later).
I thought, that's it I'm giving up, my nerves are just too bad. I lasted 2 weeks before I was back on board my friends horse. I was nervous as hell but put my trust in my friend who knew I would be fine. Slowly got a bit of confidence back and set about looking for my own
I have now found my horse of a lifetime. Bought him due to his amazing attitude, in particular his chilled out view to hacking, which for me is where I lack the most confidence.
So I suppose what I am trying to say is it doesn't have to be the end. I think confidence can vary greatly depending on the horse you are on. Going back to a riding school really helped me as I could put my trust in the instructors, and the rational part of my brain knew that the horse wouldn't be there if it was going to be an idiot.
I have had to re-adjust my expectations, and there are still times when I have a bad day and my nerves get the better of me, but these are getting less and less. There are also some things that I have to admit to myself that I will probably never do eg gallop along a beach with a friend. But who cares? Riding is supposed to be fun, and if it scares me to death it's not fun, so I just don't do it. And concentrate on the things that I feel confident with and therefore enjoy (in my case dressage, I never ever thought it would be something I enjoy but I love it)
I have also managed to surround myself with people who understand and push me just enough but are also very supportive when I have a wobble.

So don't give up yet, take the pressure off and concentrate on the good points. Set yourself up to succeed, and don't compare yourself to others, or your past self
 
mel2 said:
It's good that you're having lessons at a riding school, as this will definitely help to build your confidence up :)

With regard to not being able to push past the fright, have you pinpointed what exactly it is that's bothering you? I have found that the older I get the more reluctant I am to put myself in danger; I can't afford to take time off work with horse related injuries, whereas in school/college/uni it was never much of an issue. You could stick to what you know (safe horses), although that said, the slowest and sweetest horse can have it's day and spook, you could end up unseated....I don't think we will get anywhere in life avoiding everything and living in regret.

For me personally I have lost my nerve and enjoyment in riding, my old mare enjoys the odd potter around and my 8 year old is currently off work as he has multiple issues. I lost my dream horse in March and he had brought my confidence up so so much, from being scared of poles to jumping 1.20. As I don't have anything I can consistently ride on to bring up my confidence, the worse I get!

So I think it can also depend on the horse you're riding and how you're feeling because they pick up on emotions very easily. The key is not to overthink (easier said than done, believe me I know) and to take it slow/steady.

I think it helps riding with a friend, perhaps you could pay for a hack and bring a friend along (at a safe/reputable centre or riding school of course).

xx
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I think it comes down to the fact I was bolted with as a child and then pony number 2 used bolt frequently! I think that side of it has made me nervous in lots of other areas too. So any situation could result in a horse bolting in my head! Ultimately I do not like the feeling of a fresh horse who feels unpredictable. I havent felt that feeling for a very, very long time but its that feeling I fear. Even when I hacked out my 27 year old ex riding school pony! I anticipate something happening and losing all control. That is what stops me from enjoying the ride or having the confidence to push on and go for a canter or even a trot!
 
RS lessons will help-thats what I did. I also used TFT with Jo Cooper to great effect (this could really help with your fear of bolting-my main fear was a mounting issue and it sorted that and alos my fear of public speaking!) and I went out and bought the right pony. On this pony I am having lessons with a local instructor when I can who has a great way of getting me to prove to myself that I can actually ride lol.
 
SmartieBean09 said:
I think it comes down to the fact I was bolted with as a child and then pony number 2 used bolt frequently! I think that side of it has made me nervous in lots of other areas too. So any situation could result in a horse bolting in my head! Ultimately I do not like the feeling of a fresh horse who feels unpredictable. I havent felt that feeling for a very, very long time but its that feeling I fear. Even when I hacked out my 27 year old ex riding school pony! I anticipate something happening and losing all control. That is what stops me from enjoying the ride or having the confidence to push on and go for a canter or even a trot!
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I am in the same boat really, I don't feel comfortable doing more than a walk even on my old/safe pony. I understand that something could happen but its more likely to if we will it into existence...I think the main thing for you is getting you 100% comfortable and happy on the ground with horses aswell as walking until you are 100% happy...even if it takes ages, its when you're ready to. Do you think lunge lessons would help maybe? xx
 
mel2 said:
I am in the same boat really, I don't feel comfortable doing more than a walk even on my old/safe pony. I understand that something could happen but its more likely to if we will it into existence...I think the main thing for you is getting you 100% comfortable and happy on the ground with horses aswell as walking until you are 100% happy...even if it takes ages, its when you're ready to. Do you think lunge lessons would help maybe? xx
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Yes I do! Certainly when out in an open space at least. Thank you for suggesting that. Ive had one lesson so far but I think this is definitely something I could suggest to my Instructor. Especially given that the first time I was ever bolted with was on the common outside the Riding School!
 
Have you thought about going on a riding holiday? I've been riding on and off for over 30 years but nerves have been a big thing for me recently. I did the Lady Anne ride with Stonetrail earlier this year and being in company with a group of other nervous ladies - all but one were "older"- was reassuring and the horses and the leader were so lovely I was soon enjoying myself. By the end of the ride I'd improved a lot and was actually wanting longer and faster canters rather than dreading the canter sections. I've carried on with regular riding lessons since then and apart from being apprehensive about very forward going horses I am much more confident.
 
SmartieBean09 said:
Yes I do! Certainly when out in an open space at least. Thank you for suggesting that. Ive had one lesson so far but I think this is definitely something I could suggest to my Instructor. Especially given that the first time I was ever bolted with was on the common outside the Riding School!
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Good luck! You will get there. Keep us all updated <3
 
I totally know what you mean.
I am hugely nervous however like you I missed it a lot.
I volunteered at a riding school where I became more confident on the ground before I started riding lessons and hacks before loaning one of their horses.
It was the best thing I did, and I learnt so much and gained so much confidence.

Then I bought my own. What was supposed to be like a 'donkey' was definitely not. He was rude, pushy, nervous, and an overall arse.
However, I think he was just what I needed. Riding school horses can only take you so far. My jerk of a horse has tested me and actually taught me a lot and helped my confidence in that I can handle him fine and have built trust.

Getting past that thing in your head is never easy. And it usually is taken out of proportion by us and as adults it is 'what if this happens, what if that happens' but generally nothing does happen.
Sometimes the only way to get over the nerves is to crack on and just do it.
 
My third horse destroyed my confidence - it is such a fragile thing and I lost it completely with her random and unpredictable bronking. I had 3 bad falls - the last one I broke my hip. By that point I really shouldn’t have been riding her as I just froze when she bronked and had got incapable of riding her through it (though she really did give it some welly).

It took 14 months for me to recover my physically and I did decide to get back on. 18 months after that I bought another horse - I chose very carefully and took my time when she arrived. Small steps, always within my comfort zone, a brilliant instructor (who gets all my issues) and a pushy hacking buddy. 99% of my now growing confidence is down to my horse - she is worth her weight in getting gold. I have demons - mounting is one. I take my great big hulking block with me when competing as I can’t cope with ladders/flimsy steps. I looked at a lot of the confidence courses out there and if it wasn’t for my mare I would go.

My instructor reckons it takes 5 years post a bad experience for you to ride fully instinctively (so without fear getting in the way). I’m less than half way, which feels about right.
 
After going through a similar situation where I completely lost my confidence after a bad injury this is the approach that I would take.

One step at a time, have some lessons and see how you feel, see what you enjoy and stick to that. If you are happy keeping to the school then see how you can progress with that and maybe try some dressage, if you like just going for a hack then do that. With me, until I had some serious saddle time doing the things I loved, I couldn't even think about starting to enjoy jumping or anything but that has come with time. Keep your ear out for horses that might suit you, whether that be private horses that you can pay to just ride, loaning or buying.

You will need people around you to advise and push you but only you know how it really feels. So many people told me that I just needed to battle through my young thoroughbred's tantrums but I had completely lost the tools to be able to that. It took one person to look at it from a completely different angle and say, "how about we change everything and start again". I ended up with a completely different type of horse than I am used to and she is just the ticket.

Never lose sight of the fact that it should be a hobby that we enjoy. It takes up too much of your time, money and heart to not love it at least 80% of the time.
 
Thank you everyone. I wish none of us had any issues but im grateful that you are able to share your stories with me. Its nice not to feel alone. Its hugely frustrating when my lack of confidence makes me feel totally incompetent. I know that im not I just struggle to push past it all! I'm hoping that riding lessons will help me to do that and lessons on the lunge is a great shout! Im not entirely sure a riding holiday would be for me as I was bolted with on one previously and that was during my confident days! Argh!!! I feel like such a lost cause! I love the school and if that was enough for me then id be happy but my heart is in hacking and I would just love to one day ride out with a friend and when that friends says "shall we have a canter?" I can say "yes!!!" with huge enthusiasm and we can enjoy our rides together! The strangest part of all of this is that looking back, I was fairly confident on pony no 2. My experiences with her only caused fear within me once I sold her and had a break from riding and even then it was more on the ground I struggled with. With time those fears and worries have infested in my head and grown hugely! Ive not had a bad experience since. Possibly one or two but ive navigated my way out of it so why am I still so scared? Thank you everyone for your help and advice. I live for the day I can find the perfect horse and be brave enough to actually enjoy our time together!
 
mavandkaz said:
So don't give up yet, take the pressure off and concentrate on the good points. Set yourself up to succeed, and don't compare yourself to others, or your past self
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This is what I’m doing. I’ve done it before so I know it works for me. I’m not selling my pony because I don’t want to. I like having him around. I find that just tacking up and then just doing what I feel comfortable with is enough to make it more familiar so that it becomes less of a monster in my head. The first time I tried I just got on and didn’t go anywhere, the second to the gate and back. The feeling when I’ve not felt scared is wonderful so I know I’ll just have to do baby steps until I reach a point where I’m happy. I have ambitions to box to a ride so a foal to focus on, but I’m in no hurry to get there (well I am but I try and be reasonable with myself).
Once the kids go back to school I’m aiming to tack up three tines a week.
 
Nearly gave up after bad run having bought two unsuitable horses in a row that really dented my confidence, but I had a hypnotherapy session with some NLP from a practitioner that specialised in rider confidence and then a session on a mechanical horse - I am going back for more. I am still anxious but I am horse shopping and I am managing to ride the ones I am trying without giving away any nerves (I even hacked one out on its own). The sessions gave me a strategy for helping to deal with being anxious but it will be a long process - I don't see myself flying round a BE90 course ever again but you never know.
 
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