Are horse owners selfish people??!

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Parisexx

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Hi all
Iv been asking myself this question for a while now. Will explain..
Me and boyfriend cannot afford to move out as I have a horse. Iv had her 3 years but had full loans before I brought her. Iv been with my boyfriend 6 years. I have been contemplating selling her but I just can't do it!! I don't want to sell her just to move out. Selfish right!
Horses are such an expensive hobby so are we all selfish people spending money and time on our horses rather than our family/partner/kids??
 
Yes and no. I'm the same but why the he'll not? It's my passion, and my life and I work damn hard to afford my horse (ok so not so hard at the moment as I'm off on long term sick!) and my priority is paying for my horse and saving for a lorry, it mint be selfish but it's my money!
 
I am very selfish about my horses. OH and I have just downsized our living accommodation so I can keep both the beasts. I sold my car and used all the money to pay for towing lessons/haylage. OH lets me use his car so I don't need one. We haven't been on holiday for five years because I can't afford it/ want to do stuff with the horses. I wake him up early every weekend so I can do the nags and I conk out on the sofa every night too. I am constantly broke and borrow money from him all the time which I never seem to repay.

Fortunately for me he is wonderful and doesn't care and won't hear of me selling either of the horses. I am a very lucky girl.

But yes, I most definitely a selfish person!!
 
My children and hubby come first in the time and financial stakes. I wouldn't see them go without.

But I am fortunate to have a disposable income that means I can afford a horse without anyone losing out.
 
I dont think everyone is of course but some yes.

My OH tells me that I would have more time if I didnt have animals(ie more time to do boring things ironing/housework..as soon as i can I am out the back door to be outside, love it).

I work hard to keep my lifestyle(wish i didnt have to but do unfortunately) to pay for it all.

Indeed I am being selfish right now as I should be doing laundry(just been asked whats for tea..whats that??) but spend more time lately scrutinising the ads for sale!! On this forum!

Yep I am selfish too!
 
Not at all, I bought a horse to share with my husband, he couldn't have afforded one when he was single.
 
Parise- can you not part loan your mare out?
I think we have to make huge sacrifices to keep our horses and when we commit to buying a horse we have to go without. I can't remember the last time I bought myself anything new (if I get any new clothes they are if friends/family are having a clear out lol).
We have to turn down going out with friends. But do I regret it..... Of course not!
My OH is very good let's me pay less towards the house keeping and I have learned how to spread my time between riding and being with the OH. He even comes to the yard with me.
So no I don't think horsey people are selfish it's all about compromise :).
 
If selfish is the name for it then YES! but I don't think thats the right word, we sacrifice an awful lot to have our horses, so hardly having your cake and eating it, I have holidays, but cheap ones, I have a nice car, but a cheap one, I have a nice home, but a cheap one. My children have all that they need and most of what they want. We cannot stow away our horses like fishing tackle when we are done, so the time spent with them is neccessary not selfish time.

I had my horses long before anything else in my life,(one I have owned for 29 years now) but my children are my priority both financially and emotionally, and my horses will be there long after my children have flown the nest spunking their money on what they choose.

My OH comes somewhere after the horses but just above the chickens, thats not me being selfish, thats me showing my love for all that is most important :D
 
Chesnut mare, yes I suppose I could get a part loaner but I'm selfish in that she's mine and don't want to share her with anyone else :/ hard one finding a compromise isn't it x
 
Definately selfish but passionate about our fur children. I go without a lot for myself so my girls have what they need.

My animals come first - you can't explain why there is no food to a cat but you can explain to the family why there are just baked beans on toast for tea.
 
I'm definitely selfish about my horse! But then I don't have children and my only other commitments are a boyfriend and my degree really so it doesn't particularly affect anyone else.
 
I'm definately selfish about my horse.

But can it be called selfishness when what you're paying out for is things for your horse, not for yourself?

All my excess money (after car tax, insurance, rent etc etc) goes on my horse, I get very little for myself (I'm planning to get a 2nd job to help me be more financially secure and to allow me to not panic should I get invited out to a meal with friends :rolleyes:)

The closest I get to spending money on myself is for my lessons, which helps my boy as well because he seems to thoroughly enjoy his lessons as well :D
 
Parisexx said:
Hi all
Iv been asking myself this question for a while now. Will explain..
Me and boyfriend cannot afford to move out as I have a horse. Iv had her 3 years but had full loans before I brought her. Iv been with my boyfriend 6 years. I have been contemplating selling her but I just can't do it!! I don't want to sell her just to move out. Selfish right!
Horses are such an expensive hobby so are we all selfish people spending money and time on our horses rather than our family/partner/kids??
Click to expand...

Well I'm sorry to say that I do think a lot of horse owners are selfish people, though I won't tar everyone with the same brush. I'll explain why I think they are sometimes selfish: next-door neighbour has built stables etc in back garden (18x12m - not a big garden!), right in between 2 neighbouring properties/gardens. I am an animal lover, but as a farmer's daughter, it is beyond my comprehension to understand why anyone would want to put their beloved pet horse so close to adjoining properties..... the horse does have a 1-acre paddock, but any onlooker with eyes can see that the horse is downright miserable and unhappy. Small wonder. Did the owner not even consider whether or not their horse might be happy in such surroundings before building the stable, etc?? It must have cost a small fortune. Won't be long before I am reporting to RSPCA at this rate - the POOR HORSE, my heart bleeds for it. The owner couldn't give a d*** about neighbours. Her husband definitely comes after the horse :). I'm afraid I can't call this woman anything other than selfish...... it seems all she cares about are her own selfish interests - she can't even see how miserable her horse is. She claims to love it, but I don't call that love... I call it cruelty. I wish new regulations would be brought in so that horses get the same treatment/regulations as agricultural animals - but I don't think many people would be bothered to keep them as 'pets' if this were the case, as it would be even more expensive. Horses do deserve better treatment, though.... neglected/abandoned horses are a fast-growing problem, just ask the RSPCA.
 
I'm lucky that at the min, my job brings in enough to pay for horses to be kept well to a very high standard, competed and for me to have little life luxurys :) I was with my boyfriend 3 years, we have recently split up (not over the horses or anything!) But he was always made to know the horses would always come first. They was there before him, and I always said would be there a long time after him (I was right!) so they are my main priority. However, maybe I would feel different if I had a family of my own and more responsibilites.
 
Nobody could claim that I'm selfish because I've actively chosen to be single and childfree in order to spend all my free time with my horse. I dumped my previous longterm boyfriend for the horse and bought my house over 20 years ago, again on my own.
 
Yes, but then so is anyone who chooses to have an expensive hobby or go on expensive holidays.

My OH does make sacrifices for the animals - we haven't had a foreign holiday in more than ten years - and I know there are times when he resents the time it takes me every day just to do the basics.

However, I keep my horse on a shoestring (while making sure I have savings for vet bills etc) and I know his quibbles would be more about the time than the cost. I never complain about the time or money he spends on his hobbies and I think everyone deserves a degree of selfishness in their lives!
 
An ex-boyfriend once said having horses was like being addicted to drugs. You make yourself happy you make everyone around you miserable. This made me end the relationship but I do think he may have had a point! It is a consuming hobby (lifestyle) and it is expensive but I won't change I love this life! X
 
Another who says yes and no. I think most horse people are very selfless people - when the horse is involved. But very selfish when it comes to other humans.
Goodness know how much I've given up for Ned. Friends, boyfriends, jobs, days out, holidays, ability to move, time and money...I could go on.
But, I wouldn't change any of it for the world, because he IS my world! If I have to work anti-social shifts to keep him, I will do.
 
I think to an extent horse people are selfish. If you think about the physical time it takes to look after a horse (if you're on DIY) that's time you're not spending with family/friends. Similarly, if I took the money I spend on keeping the horses each month my OH and I could go on the most amazing holidays. Whether we would or not, I have no way of knowing.

The horses aren't more "important" than the humans in my life, I don't have much in the way of family and only a few close friends (though lots of acquaintances) but the horses do require a huge investment of my time, energy and money and sometimes I would like more to spare for the humans.

Even among horse people I think we are all to some extent selfish. I know that if you have a group of owners and horses on a livery yard most people will put their own horses before yours and then be astounded when you don't share their world view that Fluffykins is the most important thing in the universe.
 
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In a lot of ways, I suppose I am quite selfish.
I wouldn't give up my horse in my current relationship and she certainly takes priority over the OH. However in a previous relationship (and marriage) I did offer to sell my horse to help financially, but boy I am I glad I never did as he turned out to be a cheat!

The way I see it now though, I work very hard in a reasonably stressful job in order to afford my horse. I can live reasonably comfortably (most of the time if there are no emergency bills!) and pay for her therefore I am happy. Yes, I could give her up and go on holiday, have a nicer car and a nicer house with my OH, but I just think 'why should I?'. I almost gave her up for someone in the past and it would have been the worst possible mistake so i wont even entertain the idea any more!
 
According to your horse, you're the most caring, sharing, selfless person they know!

There's a balance to be had here - if we give up the things we love doing because it pleases our loved ones - this can probably just breed resentment, but on the other hand, we must put our families first........bit tricky this one!
 
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I don't think selfishness is the right word. If you take up an expensive and time consuming hobby, especially one involving animals, then you have to be committed to it - even if that means making sacrifices elsewhere. Perhaps if more people were 'selfish' in this way there would be less abandoned animals.
 
I think if you have kids they should be prioritised above the horses :S

Admittedly I don't have kids, and never will, but that is mainly because I am selfish and prefer the horses!
 
I not selfish at all but I would never ever ever sell my horses so I could move out and get my own place! and at my age most people I know have their own places! but my life would suck without the nags, so I'm not willing to have a suckie life so I can have a house!

Obviously I won't always have multiple horses but I will always have 1, so I will have to have a smaller house, so I can carry on being happy and having a happy horse!
 
I know I am selfish. I was only talking about this to someone a few weeks ago as the reason I am not married and with kids is because I am selfish and I am not willing to give up pony, or my freedom and financial independence. I want to do what I enjoy and not very good on compromise and ideally I needed to be with someone who was away a lot or did not need to speed masses of time with me. I would also not want to be married in case we split up and my pony had to be sold as part of a divorce settlement nor would I want to take someone else's money. I think this may have put him off.

For the 6 years I was on DIY I hardly ever saw my family, or my old friends, my friends became mainly yard friends who were in a similar situation. I moved yards and am now on part livery and this means I can now spend time with non horsey friends, and family. However I am always very honest about what I can offer men so not to give someone the wrong idea, hence the reason I am single I expect!

I think any hobby or even job that takes up a lot of time and does not leave much time for any family, friends and partners is a bit selfish if those people miss out because of it. Horses are often time consuming or expensive or both but then so are children. It would be selfish of me to have children if I am not willing to make the time to spend with them.

Before I had my pony I spent a lot of money and time traveling the world with friends. They got married and had kids so do not have much time for me anyway so even if I did not have my pony I don't think we would have got to spend a lot of time together or have those sort of holidays again.

I do think it must be very difficult to balance your time if you have children and partner and horses and are on a low income or chose to have your horse on DIY.

I think most people are selfish to some extent just depends on what their passion is.

I would however like to think although I may be selfish with my time I do try to show kindness and compassion towards others and try and help people as much as I can I am not ruthless or anything like that.
 
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Yes and no...

I sold my horse when I was pregnant, on the promise that one day, when we were financially secure then I would be able to have another. I then spent the next 9 years without a horse of my own (there were periods where i had a part loan- but only when it fitted in with family commitments). My husband has a very stressful, time consuming job in the city. It took 5 years of university level study to qualify and then two further years on the job training. Throughout that time I was the main carer for the house and kids (and dog!). My own degree and later jobs suffered for it as it always had to be me to take time off with ill children, get up in the night, sort out holiday childcare etc etc, and during the week I was pretty much a single parent. I got current pony just as youngest son started school.

I am very lucky in that I now get to spend a lot of my time pleasing myself, so long as I make sure all of my "jobs"- house, admin, kids etc are done. He takes a hefty chunk out of the family budget. Like others said, if we didn't have him the family could take nicer holidays, bigger house etc... BUT having him has made me feel like my old self again. I have lots of nice friends independent of the kids from the stables, I am not just mum anymore. He keeps me sane.

Push comes to shove then of course family comes first, but actually, no, I am not prepared to give up my passion without good reason, even tho it is expensive and time consuming.
 
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