Are horsey people ageist?

[WeeLassie]

After a family bereavement, I have been considering moving back towards my (non -horsey) family in Beds/Bucks.
However I have 2 young horses, a 5 and a 3yr old.
I seem to be having trouble finding a livery yard to take them, I like hunting (drag now by necessity) and hacking, and took my BHS stages up to 3 many years ago.
All seems to go well when I ring, they have spaces available, a school etc.
However when I get there and people see me, and pics of my horses I have been told on several occasions "most people here don't hack" or "this is a dressage yard, no jumping allowed"
or just "I dont think you'd fit in here, its mostly teenagers."
I am well over 70 - is this having a bearing on it, or am I being too sensitive? I got a bit upset last year when I was buying my 2 (now 3) year old with "friends" telling me not to get another breaker at my age, and people saying I wouldn't be able to provide a "furever home".
TBH I no longer know where I am with yards etc, and what people expect on either side.

 

[maya2008]

Livery yards, in my experience, are pretty horrible places. Bit like an all girls school. I would put some wanted ads up, look for a smaller yard perhaps. If they’re horrified by your age they might well have turnout with a herd of hooligans and it might well not be safe. Years ago I put a pony on livery to sell her (no facilities at home). I nearly got kicked in the head by a horse while fetching her from the field. Just cantered up to us as I was leading her and aimed double barrels at us both.

 

[eahotson]

Yes.It knocked my confidence quite a bit when one or two people asked me if I was "still riding" !I think you and I are in the same age group.I am not as brave as you! I think of the paras and no one suggests that they shouldn't ride and the late queen rode until she was in her nineties.

 

[ihatework]

Oh that’s a bit sad, I think it’s amazing that someone in their 70’s is still riding young horses and drag hunting! Puts me to shame.

FWIW, and no help to you as out of area, you would fit right in at my yard. It’s got a complete mix of people doing all sorts of stuff, and a good old school hunting contingent too, with a couple of ‘mature’ riders who are still actively hacking and hunting.

 

[Abacus]

It may not be as simple as just 'ageist'. They probably look at potential liveries to 'see if they fit in' which they think means being similar to the others there - whether it's down to gender, age, discipline, horse and other stuff. Not for a moment saying that's ok - the happiest yards I have known have had a mix from children to older riders, different genders, disciplines etc and they have all got along just fine, and benefited from each other. I would say that people at some yards can be rather small-minded.

 

[The Xmas Furry]

It might be worth joining the most local drag hunt pages on Facebook and asking about possible livery yards?

 

[Annagain]

I'm considerably younger than you and wouldn't want to be on a yard full of teenagers so maybe the ageism works both ways! I understand why you're upset by it but I wouldn't want to be somewhere I wasn't made to feel welcome so I'd see it as a lucky escape from an unhappy situation and not waste my energy dwelling on it. It sounds to me like maybe you need to find out a bit more about the yards you're looking at before you visit so you don't have a wasted journey? When you make enquiries, I'd tell them you're a more mature rider who hacks and hunts and ask whether the yard would be a good fit for you and vice versa. At least then you're not setting yourself up for more disappointment when it doesn't work out when you visit.

Our yard has ages ranging from 18 to 81 (they're grandmother and granddaughter) and we all get along well. The 81yr old stopped riding about a year ago when her hips got so stiff that getting on and off was difficult but she still shares the chores for the family's two horses with her daughter and granddaughter. When she rode, she'd hack out with the rest of us and was more gung ho than a lot of us too. She took my horse hunting about 15 years ago when there was no way I would have! He was remarkably strong but she was very happy to just go with the flow and trust that he'd stop when the others did.

 

[Arzada]

However when I get there and people see me, and pics of my horses I have been told on several occasions "most people here don't hack" or "this is a dressage yard, no jumping allowed"
or just "I dont think you'd fit in here, its mostly teenagers."

I would be thrilled to have such honesty at my initial visit rather than find this out after arriving with my horses. I would avoid the dressage yard, the teenagers and might be ok with 'most people don't hack' if the hacking suited me. The first visit is a time for 'assessment' on both sides, similar to an interview, first date etc. After reading many horror stories on here of let's say, not being fully informed of eg turnout, I think it's great that people have been up front with you.

 

[SEL]

I don't think I've been on any yards I'd consider ageist - but plenty where they are 'something-ist' even if they just don't like the look of you, your horse or what you do with it!

I can remember walking away politely from one yard when the lady showing me round started moaning about a grey gelding setting a bad tone by not being clean. She was being serious and he wasn't even that dirty. Given I had one at the time where grooming was entirely abandoned over winter until he'd dropped his mammoth coat I decided we would probably wouldn't fit in. Lucky escape I think.

 

[JumpTheMoon1]

Yards seem to be a no go area now - What you want to do with your horses is not for others to judge or attempt to control you or spoil things for you.
Keep looking and stand up to the horsey bullies who seem to be getting worse and worse.
If you want to hack you hack out and enjoy it.If you want to hunt enjoy that also.
Toughen up and give it back to these spoilers and i hope you drop lucky in finding a suitable friendly non judgemental yard.

 

[paddy555]

I am well over 70 - is this having a bearing on it, or am I being too sensitive? I got a bit upset last year when I was buying my 2 (now 3) year old with "friends" telling me not to get another breaker at my age, and people saying I wouldn't be able to provide a "furever home".
TBH I no longer know where I am with yards etc, and what people expect on either side.

I'm sorry you are having a problem finding a yard, can't help as we keep ours at home.
As for age then OH is older that you and rides daily. His horse is not an old plod! I am not far off 70 and also ride almost daily. Plus I look after our 8 so to me age is absolutely nothing. You need skill and experience to break a youngster not force. I'm not sure why riding a young horse when you are 70 is any different than when younger. If you have the experience and most of all confidence go for it girl

I do get the forever home bit and that is a problem many of us oldies have.

We have had lots of old ladies riding in our area over the years. I remember one, older than you. Now she really did go for it as the young girl who rode with her found out. The girl was only there to do what the old lady couldn't do which was get off to open gates.


Usually the oldies seem to ride either hacking or hunting. The younger ones seem to favour their schools and arenas.
I wonder if some now find hacking, which we all took for granted as there was nothing else, scary.

 

[Flowerofthefen]

They all have something that you won't fit in with!! I was once called an anti social rider as I liked to go to stables early, muck out, ride then go home and spend time with my dogs etc. The rest of the yard would turn up after 9am, muck out then hang about until nearly lunch before tacking up!! I was usually done and dusted before they even arrived!! I still ride early mornings now. Not anti social, just like getting on!!

 

[Kaylum]

I speak to a lot of horse people and sometimes it is pure bullying but sometimes is it advice that people do not want to take and consider it bullying.
Its all ages and there are lots of cliques in yards. I think Yard Owners set out rules because of these situations as they don't want to upset the balance. Maybe put an advert up asking for a nice quiet yard and what your requirements are. I bet people would love to have you on the yard.

 

[Pippity]

Livery yards, in my experience, are pretty horrible places. Bit like an all girls school. I would put some wanted ads up, look for a smaller yard perhaps. If they’re horrified by your age they might well have turnout with a herd of hooligans and it might well not be safe. Years ago I put a pony on livery to sell her (no facilities at home). I nearly got kicked in the head by a horse while fetching her from the field. Just cantered up to us as I was leading her and aimed double barrels at us both.

I'd say the opposite - look for a huge yard. If there are seventy horses, it's unlikely the owners will all be teenagers, or all be single parents, or all be dressage-only.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I think its a bit like livery yard snobbery if your face don't fit and that kind of thing I've come across it over the years, when I did livery someone's age never really came into it, I was aware of making sure people were a good fit or you end up with problems, luckily most of my liveries got on most of the time.

I can't stand these yards that proclaim to be a dressage yard or a showing yard I really don't see what the big deal is personally.

 

[fetlock]

I'm sorry you are having a problem finding a yard, can't help as we keep ours at home.
As for age then OH is older that you and rides daily. His horse is not an old plod! I am not far off 70 and also ride almost daily. Plus I look after our 8 so to me age is absolutely nothing. You need skill and experience to break a youngster not force. I'm not sure why riding a young horse when you are 70 is any different than when younger. If you have the experience and most of all confidence go for it girl

I do get the forever home bit and that is a problem many of us oldies have.

We have had lots of old ladies riding in our area over the years. I remember one, older than you. Now she really did go for it as the young girl who rode with her found out. The girl was only there to do what the old lady couldn't do which was get off to open gates.


Usually the oldies seem to ride either hacking or hunting. The younger ones seem to favour their schools and arenas.
I wonder if some now find hacking, which we all took for granted as there was nothing else, scary.

Not sure you’re exactly helping, with the “oldies” and “old ladies” wording Paddy …

 

[Flowerofthefen]

There is a yard near me many would hate!! The YO takes no responsibility for anything, turns a blind eye to everything. If you don't follow the rules you get screamed at but nobody knows the rules as nothing is written down or explained!!

 

[Glitter's fun]

I'd start from the other end. Contact the hunt you think you'll be riding with for advice. See if they have a FB page or somewhere else you can ask about livery vacancies. Is there a site for finding hacking buddies in the area? Can you put an advert in the tack shop window - "new to the area, would like to contact hackers/hunters" ?

For what it's worth I think you've been unlucky. My yard has all ages & is very friendly. I'm not much younger than you & tend to hack with a teenager (and yes, she opens the gates!) . I'm not in your area but keep looking & you'll find what you want.

 

[Lexi 123]

Unfortunately I think if yard owner doesn’t like they all don’t like you unfortunately word travels. Where I am from it’s not uncommon for people to be black listed for doing nothing wrong just literally a yard owner not liking you or not having a fancy horse so you’re badmouthed ( a lot of times allegations being told about the person is completely untrue just to make themselves look better for not liking someone ) . It’s really stupid I just really wish the horsey world was a lot kinder. Keep looking op you eventually find somewhere suitable for you .

 

[paddy555]

Not sure you’re exactly helping, with the “oldies” and “old ladies” wording Paddy …

nonsense. That is what we are and just because we are doesn't mean we can't have a great time. I've no time for ageism, and yes, I do call people "oldies" etc IRL and we all have a good laugh.

, I think it’s amazing that someone in their 70’s is still riding young horses and drag hunting! Puts me to shame.

isn't 70 the new 50 or something.

 

[Glitter's fun]

I am well over 70 - is this having a bearing on it, or am I being too sensitive? I got a bit upset last year when I was buying my 2 (now 3) year old with "friends" telling me not to get another breaker at my age, and people saying I wouldn't be able to provide a "furever home".

Regards older riders not being able to provide a forever home. That really is ageist. Would your friends say a child shouldn't have a pony until they've stopped growing? Of course not! Would they say that all the people who make a living from starting youngsters to sell are cruel not to keep them forever? I doubt it unless they happen to be old! No one says women in their twenties shouldn't own horses in case they get pregnant, or become too busy, or get made redundant!

I'm going barrel racing to celebrate my 70th, I've spoken to them & just need to fix a definite date.
Wish you were nearer me but keep looking, you'll find somewhere friendly.

 

[eahotson]

Well said.

 

[Sealine]

There is a yard near me many would hate!! The YO takes no responsibility for anything, turns a blind eye to everything. If you don't follow the rules you get screamed at but nobody knows the rules as nothing is written down or explained!!

Sounds like the yard I’m on. Luckily the owner is the only issue and all the liveries are lovely.

 

[visa_bot]

I wonder if there is some other reason that they find out when you arrive and talk in more detail. As someone that previously ran a successful livery yard, which was also my home, it was very important to make sure people fit in. A livery that doesn’t fit in can cause friction which affects your life and asking someone to leave is a horrible experience. Age would not have been a problem at all for us, nor hunting and hacking, but someone with 2 young horses might have. If there are arenas to share etc. We would also have struggled with someone that spent all day at the yard (not saying this is you but I guess you are retired). We needed some time to ourselves. Just really adding a different perspective that it may not necessarily be your age.