Are there any riders over 40 with children here?

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Bedford Joy

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Just curious to see if there are lots of over 40 mums on here? I'm 42 with 3 kids, the youngest is 2 in June. Did you find your confidence levels changed after having children?
I'm suffering terribly with nerves at the moment snd wondered if it is at least in part due to having young children (the other two are 6 and 8)
Fed up with my lack if confidence, it's spoiling my time with my horses :(
 
I found the same thing & for me it didn't really ever get any better.

My youngest is now 16 & if anything the more she does with the horses, the less i want to do. I also get terribly nervous for her, especially before she goes cross country.

I'm now content to hack very gently around the local villages, but i keep thinking that when/if daughter goes off to Uni then perhaps i'll 'grow some', get some lessons & take her mares out to some dressage comps. Who knows, i can dream :-)
 
Me, I'm just 43 and my daughter is two, and I have lost my nerve, I keep thinking what would happen I had an accident, rode a few weeks back and didn't enjoy it all
 
Hi, yes yes and yes. I am 42 with 3 children, a huge lack of confidence and no it isn't quite back yet... but the women at the yard I'm now at (moved in January) are wonderful and helping me massively. My oldest isn't interested in horses, but my middle (14) has a horse as well (although I call her mine). I get anxious and don't like her riding out alone, in the menage on her own, anywhere alone.

I used to be so brave, ride anything, compete anything... now I have issues getting on. After that point I'm usually OK, but any excuse will do. Weather, too busy, no one to look after my youngest, my lace breaks. Really ANY excuse. My stomach knots and I have 2 pipettes of rescue remedy before I can do her bridle up... knowing that horrible geting on part is iminent.

In that boat right along with you BedfordJoy. All we need is a tiger and we can write a book!
 
I'm not 40 but do have a 5 year old son. I have found since having him that my confidence had taken a nose dive.
 
Nearly 40 and have two little ones at 2 and 4 years.

Confidence definitely took a dent and I have no desire to go xc any more. I have now got the perfect horse though ( broken at the moment tho!) And am really enjoying hacking and lessons with him. Not braved any jumping yet though. If he recovers then maybe we'll give it a go
 
I think it is because you do not bounce anymore, and you are much more aware of the consequences.

I think you just have to do what you feel comfortable with and build on it. Don't let anyone else judge you.

I hopped on one of the kids ponies at Christmas and she reared, spun and took off with me. I let her go because there was nothing else I could do. I have never had her behave like that with me before. She did settle down, but it certainly made me feel feeble.
 
I don’t necessarily think it’s a confidence thing, I think it’s the fact that you now have more responsibilities. Before your children were born if you fell off & got injured it hurt, was a nuisance but caused you inconvenience regarding work & getting your horse looked after but now it is totally different. If you get injured now there are the problems as I’ve just mentioned but there are other things to consider. Looking after the kids, preparing meals, washing & ironing, doing the school run etc. etc .along with the countless other things you do which the family never even notices.

It is understandable you all feel like this but when the children get older & are far more independent then your ‘confidence’ will return. My wife (nearer to 60 than 50) rides & show jumps, we have 2 children but they are now grown up so if anything happens they can look after themselves & I can look after her, which has happened in the past. My wife's confidence returned as the children grew more independent.

What you are all feeling, I feel, is perfectly normal. :)
 
47 - 1 child and 2 young adults!
Confidence just coming back as 12 yr old is competing and is getting better than me!!
have rising 4 on trial so must be getting there....

Mainly dont want to ask daughter to do anything that I wont
 
hi 44 with one 16 year old, yes confidence took a nose dive once she was born but unfortunately now its starting to come back I dont have a horse (although I can ride the daughters when she's working) as he died a couple of years ago.
 
My confidence didn't suffer (I have always ridden very hot horses and that didn't alter) but I did start taking less risks (as in I didn't gallop flat out down mountains anymore) because I was aware of the consequences especially as we have very little family and OH was in the Forces and often away for months at a time.

I still have my whizzy ponies and enjoy them to the full.

As others say, in time you do get back in your stride but becoming a parent changes your priorities, for most people the little darlings come first and self preservation kicks in, whether we want it to or not. ;)
 
Need to get my eyes (or possibly brain) tested - read the title line as "Are there any riders with over 40 children here?"! :eek:
 
I'm not confident anymore. I rode the same (difficult) horse for years, but I'm not brave now. I didn't really notice the confidence going as I did less riding, until I had to ride new horses. I find I enjoy hacking and some very low level competitions now and lessons have been good for me.
 
I'm not over 40 (mid-30s) but I'm obviously the odd one out as I found my confidence improved after having my daughter. Then again, I was always quite careful even as a teenager and didn't ride hot horses or go XC or anything like that (I did go hunting some years ago but on a sensible connemara and we only jumped about 2ft). I love horses and riding but I've never been a person who was confident with physical danger (cycling fast, ski-ing, that kind of thing terrifies me).

I did hypno-birthing classes and had an intervention-free water birth that left me feeling very positive about my control of my body and ability to cope with pain if necessary, and I think that carried over to my riding. I have to hack out alone more now since I can't be flexible with times and it doesn't bother me at all whereas I used to feel nervous on my own on windy days, if there was shooting around etc.
 
I'm 47 - with two children aged 8 and 7.

Before having them I was happy to jump - and evented and show-jumped, even when pregnant.

After having them I found I just didn't want to do that anymore and switched to dressage. This coincided with getting a new horse who was built for the job, whereas my previous horse was really born to jump!

I think having children gives you an awareness of your responsibilities, and although riding is dangerous (and I've still fallen off my new boy far more than I should...but that's another story) it's a question of limiting the danger you are exposing yourself too.:)
 
i'm not 40 yet but I definately don't have the confidence that I used to. After a fall a few weeks ago I have now decided not to ride anymore as I'm too worried about getting hurt, whether I'll change my mind in time I can't say. As for my daughter I feel really nervous now whenever she rides and couldn't bear to watch her when she was jumping the other day, i mucked out instead :D
 
Yep - I'm 55 this year with two children who are grown up . Didn't learn to ride till I was 40 so have never been very brave!! Daughter rides and I def worry about her and all the 'what ifs' and the older I get the less flexible I am and do worry about coming off . I used to find rescue remedy invaluable but haven't felt the need to use it for quite a while now but always have a bottle handy !!
 
Yes, over 40 (gulp, nearer 50) and 2 children, 14 and 11 yrs. 14 yr old and I share a pony, 11 yr old has a little plod around on him occasionally but isn't really horsey. I never had a pony before but rode at various stables, helped/shared with a friend and would hack out alone, do jumping comps (up to 2ft 9, so not huge!). Yes definitely more cautious now, as in thinking hacking alone is not safe, and wouldn't want daughter to go alone, and I can cope with jumping 2ft but no real desire to go higher. When we decided to buy my daughter wanted a 5yr old ISH type mare, but I bought a native x 13yr old pony from the riding school :p Lessons is the answer and I hope you build your confidence OP :)
 
Yep, I am 44 and my children are both young adults. Got back into riding a few years ago as youngest was gearing up for uni. Got myself a young horse, a project I think you would call it. Often think I have bitten off more than I can chew as am much more nervy than when I was first time round. I think you are much more aware of the dangers and at this age it will hurt when you come off. I think horse riding is much more Health and Safety than it used to be, people are very good at pointing out what could go wrong rather than how well its going. Having said that I do hack alone and have just signed up for my first xc clinic.
 
Yep me too - not far off 60 with two adult children and a grandson. I stopped riding/competing seriously when my youngest was born - 22 years ago - I think it is that you have other people who rely on you for their care that makes you a lot more careful and cautious. I also found I don't bounce anymore but break. My daughter keeps on telling me that I should get back into it seriously again, but at my age, being just over 5ft tall not exactly slim having to ride a 17h DWB gives me serious heebie-jeebies. If I could afford a nice smaller 'plod' I probably would but on my daughter's horse............... no way. I need to win the lottery to have a nice sensible happy hacker then perhaps I will think again.
 
I am 40 with a two year old and it does make you think about things more because babies/young children are so dependent on you. I don't hack anymore as it's all roads round here and I am fed up with risking my life because other people want to speed.
 
I'm 42 with 4 children, boys are 16 & 14 the girls are 13 & 7.
My nerves got shot returning to riding after 20-odd years, had a fall and totally lost my nerve. Got a beautiful part TB (lol) and now I ride quite happily alone down busy main roads and gallop by myself etc x
 
Yep same boat here too. Four kids between nine and three and I'm 43.
My confidence dwindled after the first one and I don't hunt or xc anymore. I think it goes hand in hand having the increased responsibility and diminished core strength when you first start back.
 
Im 47 (did I really have to admit that??) 1 daughter who is 20 this year, I lost my confidence after I had a bad accident (got hit by a lorry while riding) daughter was 2-3 at the time... and it took me a long time to get it back, though I will admit these days I would not to choose a nutter like I used to, but Ive got a 6 year old Stallion that I bred and backed, his 15 year old mum I bought a few years after the accident as a foal, ( also backed her)

but I think you do get more safety conscious when you have kids, also when you live on your own when you have your horses at home, as if I get injured im knackered..

daughter is horsey, and has her own, so least I dont get any ''should you be doing that at your age''
 
Yes - just half a century with a child (well young adult now)

Having my daughter didn't made me lose my confidence; what did is working for a few years with people with high level spinal cord injury. Silly I know, but the 'what if' is now very real.

Maybe it's because our life would be very different if I wasn't able to work. I don't know.
 
I was less confident when I returned to riding after my children were born, and now my daughter, who enjoyed riding nutters , is a lot less confident too after her daughter was born.
I put it down to another of the tricks that pregnancy plays on women. Does the baby in the womb emit a fear hormone so that we are too scared to go out and do risky things that would put ourselves in danger. The baby wants us at his/her beck and call 24 hours a day, and that is a way to ensure we are there for him/her. It still has not worn off fully 30 years later.
 
Yep, I'm closer to 50 than 40 and have three children (21, 19, 17) and even though I'm still fairly gung-ho out on hacks, I practically never jump any more (used to jump anything and everything without a care in the world) and I over analyse every situation - hidden hoof sized holes in the ground, animals leaping out of the hedge, walkers appearing from nowhere .......

Think it's a fairly common thing to happen. There's just too much at stake if I get injured, but I don't let it spoil my enjoyment of riding.
 
47 with a daughter almost 19. Didn't have a problem till I came off a PONY I was trying with a view to buy. Badly hurt my back and couldn't walk for almost 3 weeks. Confidence has been at rock bottom ever since. :( Before that, I would get on everything and anything.
 
I definitely don't have the confidence I had before having children! I'm 48, I have 4 the youngest 14 and oldest 26. I think as you get older you don't bounce the same and maybe over think everything too much!
 
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