Are You Happy At Your Yard

[ibot]

hey Guys

So i have been at my yard maybe about 7/8 weeks now and i am not sure i am settling in
Paddy is happy he has a field a buddy or two but me

I am not ignored there are about 15 other liveries there and i know at least 3 that do not like me, not sure why but i guess you can not like everyone.

I think i have said before that the hacking is amazing i mean really amazing but i am lonely there which i think sounds daft but at my other yards that Paddy and i have been to there was a sense of we are all in this together which i am just not feeling here
I don't know what to do, i have no transport so i can not leave but if i leave then i will lose the hacking.

Am i just sounding like the ramblings of a mad woman or is it still early days

I think as people go i am quite nice i'd help anyone if i could im friendly but so alone

Thank you for getting to here your a stronger person than i am

XX

 

[Chestnutmare]

I'd move you need to be happy both you n paddy I've been on some god awful yards which held me back from wanting to crack on with my horse I never felt I fitted in

 

[MochaDun]

I'd say too early days, it takes a while to get to know people so it might not be that they don't like you, they just don't know you yet. It took me months to feel I was part of the yard.

As with most things when you meet people in life whether socially or through work or at yard bonds and actual friendships develop over time - you don't become acquaintances or friends in a matter of weeks, it takes longer than that. Remember you aren't up there all the time and so are just getting snapshots of people and some of them may just be busy and needing to get on with what they need to do with their horse rather than chat. With my horse as he was new to me as was the yard to both of us, I had to lean on other more experienced people there when I had a few problems with him in the first few months and people will help and you may also find that you are over to help other people too.

Hang in there I think it will come good for you, just give it a chance. Ask others out hacking with you and start up conversations at any opportunity.

 

[Dot2dot]

Give it a few months yet. Horsey people are funny folk!

 

[Django Pony]

Oh ibot, I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble fitting in at your new yard Hang on in there! Could you maybe organise a yard night out, go for a meal or something? Maybe break the barriers down in a neutral setting?
Either way, good luck. You deserve to be happy. x

 

[Daytona]

I really would not worry what other think and if they like you or not

I know I'm not particularly well liked at my yard as I speak my mind and I'm not false, what you see and hear is what you get.

Do,I care..? Nope

What I do care about is my horse being looked after and decent facility's to ride in, my yard meets these requirements and that's the main thing, tbh I'd rather just go up ride my horse and go home that have to make small talk with a bunch of folks who are not reAlly my cup of tea.


Enjoy your horse and don't worry about others, it's not a popularity contest and I am sure you have friends away from the yard so really do you need any more....?

It's just to me like work, people you have to get along with just because,

A lot of livery yards can be bitchy that's what's happens when lots of women get together best to keep yourself to yourself , and enjoy your horse in peace



Chin up xxxx

Ps no chance I'd be moving either, but then I've been told I have the skin of a rhinos a** lol

 

[eatonbraynat]

Tbh 7/8 weeks is a decent amount of time to get settled in and make friends etc. if you still aren't getting a good vibe I too would look to move. One of my clients moved her horse and knew in days she couldn't stay and so moved on. I would sacrifice the hacking for a friendlier yard.

 

[SkewbyTwo]

i know at least 3 that do not like me, not sure why

This doesn't sound nice? How do you know they don't like you?

Are they making you feel uncomfortable when you want to spend time there? If so that's not on. I'd speak to YO.

Remember though that the turnover of customers at a livery yard is usually pretty high. I wouldn't give up on your hacking just yet

 

[Mongoose11]

I would say 7/8 weeks on. Yard is actually a long time not to feel settled. In the best places I have been and when it has been right I have felt like part of the furniture within a week and suddenly can't remember the place we called home before!

Sounds to me like you should start looking. If this place doesn't feel right now then why will it feel right in 3 months?

 

[ibot]

I am new to the area so we have only been here for that length of time so not really got many friends (just call me billy lol)
The people give me looks and complained about me alot in my first 2/3 weeks there and even now when i say hi i get a look

Thank you for your advice not sure how i would move thou as have no transport but yes a friendly yard would be lovely
I really am so sad its not like me at all

 

[nikicb]

If I'm right, I think you have recently relocated the whole family including horses? If so, I felt like that when we relocated a few years ago. Only in the last couple of years have I really felt settled. If you are like me, it will be your insecurities and lack of familiarity all round that will be making you feel like this. My husband didn't really notice it. He stayed in the same job and just drove 40 miles in the opposite direction to what he had previously. For me my entire children/horse/personal network changed and it took time to adjust. Give it time and it will happen. xx

ETA sorry I cross posted with you, but hope it helps. xx

 

[casinosolo]

I've just moved to a smaller yard which is further from home and less facilities than my last place, but me and the neddy are both so much happier already. I don't think I realised how much I disliked being at the old place until I moved! I felt the same as you - lonely and like I didn't fit in. I thought it was just me as I've always been quiet but feel so much more welcome at the new place already! I would say give it another couple of months but if you still feel the same I'd start looking for somewhere new! Good luck x

 

[Mongoose11]

Sorry that this is making you so sad. All the more reason to cut your losses! I have no transport so have to hire a man and a trailer when I want to go anywhere

 

[casinosolo]

When you say you have no transport do you mean you don't drive or no horse transport for a move?

As we've just moved and booked a driver and horsebox for the afternoon - cost £60.

 

[Nicnac]

Agree with NikiCB - you've had a huge upheaval in your life so would give it a bit more time. It's quite a big yard with 15 others so probably will be cliquey.

Ignore them- take Paddy out for lovely hacks and enjoy him over the summer. If you still feel bad about it in a couple of months then move, but it does take time to settle in new place.

And yes, I am happy in my yard cos it's at home and it's just me

 

[Flame_]

It sounds wrong for you. Why not look round and see if you can find somewhere that you could see yourself fitting in?

I'm very happy at my yard and dread the thought of ever leaving the area and trying to find that again. It is really hard to tell what a yard will be like until you're there.

ETA the shortest time I've been on a yard is one week. I realized I'd ballsed up as soon as I got there and that it wasn't for me. Moved again then was at the next place for years.

 

[Asha]

I would start looking for another yard.

Ive just moved on a yard ( 1 week toda), after having my own place for years. Absolutely love it, its a shame its only temporary until our new place is ready. Its sheer luxury !! Everyone has been so welcoming.

Feel for you, you really shouldnt feel sad, its meant to be fun.

I could help you look for another yard, your really not alone

 

[Elsbells]

As with all moves, your the new horse in the paddock and the herd will take time to accept you and invite you in. If you don't get kicked in the meanwhile, that will be a plus. Let's hope the alpha mare notices you soon.

 

[ibot]

If I'm right, I think you have recently relocated the whole family including horses? If so, I felt like that when we relocated a few years ago. Only in the last couple of years have I really felt settled. If you are like me, it will be your insecurities and lack of familiarity all round that will be making you feel like this. My husband didn't really notice it. He stayed in the same job and just drove 40 miles in the opposite direction to what he had previously. For me my entire children/horse/personal network changed and it took time to adjust. Give it time and it will happen. xx

ETA sorry I cross posted with you, but hope it helps. xx

Yes its true we are new to the area, Hubby seems to work all the time i miss my old life i was always so busy both with my horse and kids and i had a life here i spend time trying to be busy and look like im not bothered but not sure its working.

Oh well maybe ill have a look around but take my time so i dont make a mistake

 

[ibot]

I would start looking for another yard.

Ive just moved on a yard ( 1 week toda), after having my own place for years. Absolutely love it, its a shame its only temporary until our new place is ready. Its sheer luxury !! Everyone has been so welcoming.

Feel for you, you really shouldnt feel sad, its meant to be fun.

I could help you look for another yard, your really not alone

That might be really good thank you
xx

 

[nikicb]

Yes its true we are new to the area, Hubby seems to work all the time i miss my old life i was always so busy both with my horse and kids and i had a life here i spend time trying to be busy and look like im not bothered but not sure its working.

Oh well maybe ill have a look around but take my time so i dont make a mistake

Do take your time. If your horse is happy then that's good. If he's not then move him. But just be a little easy on yourself. We moved 70 miles, but enough that I no longer saw all my day to day friends. I didn't move my horses straight away as we rented for a little while before buying somewhere to have them at home. Five years down the line I've now moved on from the people I found myself surrounded with when we first moved, to people who I want to be with. Have done things like change instructors etc and now I finally feel settled. But it does take time. How are your children settling in? xx

 

[ArtisticI]

Sorry to hear you feel so lonely. It's always hard to move yards. I think as long as pony is settled and has made friends you are onto a winner.

You could always try asking a fellow owner to take you on a hack to show you the area. If you still feel that you aren't welcome, then think about moving. Good hacking isn't worth being miserable for.

Maybe you are at a yard where people aren't forward and desperate to get involved in your business. (does that place exist? Hehe) I think anyone at any yard has at least three people who don't like them at some point. As the post before says horsey people are funny folk. You'll be in the 'inner circle' in no time x

 

[nicolenlolly]

Ibot I know how you feel I don't like where I am either.

First is there any way you can try and get more friendly with a few of them or hack out with them to bond with one or two people to make your life more pleasant?

If not, could you hack to a new yard and have someone drive in a car with all your gear?

My situation is more complicated cos I have 3 of them that would need moving and it's a friend of a friend who is the unofficial ym that is bitching and creating a terrible situation.

As long as the other liveries aren't a risk to your stuff or your horse then I would look around but hacking is important so don't for heavens sake rush.

Good luck. If you need to offload, please do message me, I know how disheartening it is when you aren't settled yourself! xxxx

 

[NativePonyLover]

Yes, I am now - but it took a good 6-9 months. Horse was happy right away but yard was so different to what I was used to, it took me a long time to adjust.

I'd hang in there a while & if your still unhappy, then look at moving.

 

[ibot]

Kids are doing pretty well actually there schools are good and they are happy which is great
thank you for asking
It really does rain more up in the North West

 

[nikicb]

Kids are doing pretty well actually there schools are good and they are happy which is great
thank you for asking
It really does rain more up in the North West

That's great, and that too is really important. Hang on in there for a while.

Oh, and I know about the rain - I went to Liverpool Uni and there was never any point having an umbrella because the wind just blew them inside out.

I'll also add that relocating was one of the hardest things I've done voluntarily in my life, but now I wouldn't consider going back. xx

 

[FinalFurlong]

I was/sort of still am in the exact same position!!!!

What the others said i'm taking their advice to!

 

[figgy]

I felt the same at when I moved to a livery yard was only there 4 weeks then moved back home and I payed the nxt 4weeks notice when I wasnt even there as I needed to leave asap, I was very unhappy, now home I love it . Xx

 

[pippixox]

I personally disagree with lots of people who have said look at moving already, 8 weeks is nothing. unless the whole yard were being horrible to you, but sounds more like you just don't feel comfortable yet and haven't made friends. I think moving yards is kind of like when you move schools, it takes time to find your group of friends, because of course you are not going to get along with everyone, and it takes a while.
I think you have to be brave a try and start up conversations with people, get chatting, I know that is difficult when you are feeling nervous and lonely, but you know they all have something in common for a hobby! maybe see if someone wants to join you for a hack?
when I moved 60 miles about 2 years ago, with my 2 horses, I found it hard to feel comfortable at the new yard, the horses were happy, but I was always worried of stepping on other peoples toes or if they were judging me! but I still had a good feeling about the yard, I was just nervous and avoided socialising, but I pushed myself to arrange hacks with people and chat for a bit. within about 6 months it felt like home!
I think you need to relax and not get paranoid that people are talking about you or don't like you- some people don't realise they come off as cold or unfriendly. there are a lot of people, you wont get a long with them all. bit of an essay! I say give it more time, I think other life stress from moving is effecting you too

 

[webble]

Yes love it

I have the best of both though, there is just me and one other at mine and we are next door to a 20 horse yard whose farm ride and school we use