As a bloke horse person...

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granddonkey

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So ladies, are there occasionally some amongst you that harbour any sort of resentment towards us blokes being horse people, too? Over the years, I've occasionally wondered this, and in my genuine experience I think the answer is largely a no. However, some yards I've been to are cliquey, and those cliques have often been a womens only club.

This whole idea has been reignited someone by moving to a new area, and essentially having zilch response from any of the ads I've put up or otherwise. Nada, I've even offered FREE help at shows etc. Still no response, really? Even a thanks, but no thanks. Just cold silence. Sexism, or what?

So this got me wondering. To be fair, you've essentially got an activity dominated by women, perhaps some find blokes who are also horsy a bit threatening? Or, a bit of an trespasser to ladies only zone, so to speak?

Suppose once I buy my own yard none of that should be an issue, if it even ever was one :-)

This is supposed to be a fairly light hearted thread, by the way.
 
I don't think it's about being horsy - I spend a lot of time alone with my horses and spending time in a semi deserted area with a bloke I don't know feels inherently risky .
 
Although I agree yards can be extremely cliquey, I've never been on a yard where cliques have been based on gender. Then again, I don't tend to get involved with yard politics and I can't speak for everyone. I'd just say, just as FfionWinne, that you're probably imagining it.
 
My husband suffered the same cold shoulder when we were on a livery yard some years ago. He never felt comfortable and was pretty much ignored by liveries who were mostly young equine students from the local uni.
 
In my experience nice horsey men are in short supply and very well received! Begs the question.. Are you nice?! ☺
 
Why do you want to be in a clique though? That's mostly for bitchy people isn't it? When you're on a yard I think a lot of it comes down to whether you fit in, eg if you're a hacker on a competition type yard or the other way round, people will assume you don't have much in common with them, that's my experience anyway.

I guess you're looking for a share horse. Does your ad state what sort of horse would suit you? Could be some are making assumptions about you being male and therefore needing a huge horse, because obviously all men are very tall, weigh a ton and anyone over 7st will squish their delicate normal-size horse :p You're being precious though if you want responses to your ad to say you're not suitable for their horse, that's just not going to happen, people always ignore ads that aren't what they're needing. If you're responding to other people's ads, this happens there too, if you're not a good match for their situation expect to be ignored, people have no manners these days, it's just life and not personal thing.
 
granddonkey said:
Haha. Now honestly, that entirely depends on which horse I'm attempting to disipline. Or rather, is attempting to disipline me! :-P ☺
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Now discipline is a VERY out of favour word to use about training a horse. That could easily be the root of your problem.

Or maybe you just look like Herman Munster?
 
Hm - I must admit, an unknown man advertising and offering free help at shows would ring warning bells for me. Lots of women might also be wary about a male sharer if it means meeting a strange man, perhaps on your own, as blitzandbobs says.

What about volunteering to help with your local riding club? That's a great way to get to know people.

The only time I get annoyed by men in the horse world is when they patronise you. You know the sort; insisting on unloading your feed for you, or hitching up the trailer, or giving unasked-for "advice" while you're trying to park. I'm capable of doing all of these things myself, thanks!
 
When I was on a yard the girls swarmed around the only male livery likes flies round a &"@:&:&:&:@:

Actually by the time he'd left he had slept with most of them too.
 
alainax said:
I've seen the opposite! The lone bloke gets loads of attention at some yards, almost to the point of embarrassment
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haha! this- I found on previous livery yards that the few blokes got swooned over! or taken advantage of for there 'strength' for yard jobs
 
I once had to move yards because my 13 yo son was getting overwhelmed by the attention from MUCH older girls. Horse was probably the main draw but he really didn't know how to deal with it so was reluctant to spend time on the yard on his own. Most would think he was lucky but they scared the pants off him :)
 
pippixox said:
haha! this- I found on previous livery yards that the few blokes got swooned over! or taken advantage of for there 'strength' for yard jobs
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To be honest I've seen this happen at a few yards. The only time I've ever avoided a male livery is when he told me 'female dressage riders shouldn't compete against men as it's unfair on them (the females that is.)' I would be wary of meeting a man who was a complete stranger on my own for help at a show though.
 
My partner is a horsey bloke :) in fact its how we met
I love being able to share my love of horses with him. We regularly hack out together and its just lovely.
Only down side is I can't lie to him about how much I spend on my lot because he knows the cost of everything already :D
 
alainax said:
I've seen the opposite! The lone bloke gets loads of attention at some yards, almost to the point of embarrassment
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Yes.
My BF also has a horse and was the only male at our yard....the females would just hang all over him like lost puppies. Get a grip. It was funny to watch, I felt embarrassed for them. (no longer at the yard thank goodness).

Alternatively, my previous yard had a few young men there and they mixed with all the females and it was a friendly atmosphere.
 
There are 4 other male owners where my horse is (am male) and don't see it as any different maybe am just used to it and so are the females
 
I'm male. I don't see any gender issues on any yard I've been too. I'm wondering if the free offer of help (if being advertised) could be perceived as creepy? As in a bit 'tinder-ish / plenty of fish' dating sites. Maybe, you should move to a yard, either one a horse or share one . .get to know people, and take it from there?

Good luck, and remember, It's always about the horses, not what gender a person is. Treat those as you would want to be treated yourself. No one likes the bitchy person on the yard!
 
My husband is horsey and has occasionally encountered an element of prejudice from horsey women and even more so from their non-horsey husbands/fathers.

There does seem to be a bit of a perception in certain circles that horses are a women's hobby and a straight man must therefore have some ulterior motive.

Now he's married to me that is less of an issue but there is an assumption that he only rides because of me, like he wouldn't have been interested if it weren't for a woman. Not true he was a decent rider before he met me and people are often surprised by that.

On our yard everyone is fine with him. He endures a bit of teasing and a few lewd jokes but it is all in good humour.
 
My horse is currently on a yard which the YM leases from the farmer who owns the place. Whilst we don't have any male livery owners, the farmer and his son, the YM's husband and the male partners of some of the liveries are often around so - gender wise - we're a mixed bunch. Everyone gets on well together and there's no cliquey or bitchy behaviour at all.

OP ... do you own/loan/share a horse at present? If not, then you offering to help could come over a bit oddly as others have said. If you do currently have a horse, look round for a yard like ours where the general population is a balanced mix between men and women and you'll fit in just great. its about the horses at then of the day.
 
I wouldn't give a monkey's about meeting up with a strange man, but I might not respond to an offer of 'free help around the yard', if it came across, as said above, as a tinder-type approach. If you already ride proficiently, seek a share or loan, where it's more obvious what you get out of the arrangement.
 
jumping.jack_flash said:
I'm male. I don't see any gender issues on any yard I've been too. I'm wondering if the free offer of help (if being advertised) could be perceived as creepy? As in a bit 'tinder-ish / plenty of fish' dating sites. Maybe, you should move to a yard, either one a horse or share one . .get to know people, and take it from there?

Good luck, and remember, It's always about the horses, not what gender a person is. Treat those as you would want to be treated yourself. No one likes the bitchy person on the yard!
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What I was trying to say, is ^^^this^^^
 
Exploding Chestnuts said:
Do you have the proper , male breeches?
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Noooope. Jods person, as I wear chaps over my yard boots.

pennyturner said:
I wouldn't give a monkey's about meeting up with a strange man, but I might not respond to an offer of 'free help around the yard', if it came across, as said above, as a tinder-type approach. If you already ride proficiently, seek a share or loan, where it's more obvious what you get out of the arrangement.
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Actually, that's a decent point. Perhaps even more so if there's the risk of situations with unsupervised kids being present. If I was a parent I'd probably be extremely paranoid and nervous about some strange random man just turning up one day.
 
granddonkey said:
Noooope. Jods person, as I wear chaps over my yard boots.



Actually, that's a decent point. Perhaps even more so if there's the risk of situations with unsupervised kids being present. If I was a parent I'd probably be extremely paranoid and nervous about some strange random man just turning up one day.
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If your referring to child abuse it's perpetrated by as many woman as man.

If I was looking for a sharer, I personally would not care what gender they were, as long as they filled the role I was looking for.

I had two liveries a few years back, a husband and wife. The wife's horse was a total self harmer and poor wifey was always having to pull out of events, last minute. That left me and the husband often doing events on our own. That caused a few raised eyebrows. We all laughed about it but people can often not get over the idea, of a man being alone with a another woman. We were only interested in riding.......our horses! We were all mates , including my other half. However, I could see in some situations jealousy raising its ugly head, people are still silly about such things. My friends moved on and I still miss them now and it's been a few years.
 
I've only been on one yard where there also males there - quite a few as it was a hunting yard and I feel that this is where male riders tend to congregate (in my experience anyway). There was one who was really fun and he tended to stick with us girls - I think he was ex-jockey. He was the only nice bloke there in actual fact - all the rest were exceptionally snooty.
 
I'm afraid, however much people might deny it, sexism still exists. I work mostly with men and whilst I am happy with that, there are definitely occasions (daily) where I am treated differently as I'm a girl. I suppose there will always be sexism to some extent. My husband is horsey and he isn't really included in things at the yard but tbh he's happy with that as he doesn't want to be. I'm not sure that you can do much to avoid this really. Maybe a smaller yard might be friendlier as it might be without the cliques ? Perhaps you just need to choose a yard which suits you and where you'll fit in ?
 
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