Asking for Loan horse back Vs Upsetting people

[Abacus]

Well it'll be a good life lesson if nothing else. She'll get over it, and unless OP beats her with sticks whilst removing the horse I doubt she'll find it painful, just a bit sad for a few days.
Any teenager who would be genuinely affected long term by their loan horse going back to its owner needs a reality check.

Wow, really? Maybe you never loved a pony as a teenager, or was fortunate enough not to lose one. I did, and I was devastated for a long time (loan pony went back to owner - very abruptly with no warning). It took me a very long time to get over it - it was worse, I think, than losing my own horse as an adult.

 

[Patterdale]

Wow, really? Maybe you never loved a pony as a teenager, or was fortunate enough not to lose one.

Yes to both actually. But such is life. It's better to get used to it.
I loved my ponies dearly, and cried as a child when they were outgrown and sold, or when my first pony was PTS.
But my parents were always very good at explaining that this is what happens in life. Ponies come and go. And I will be the same with my children.

Having a much loved loan pony returned to the owner is certainly a reason for sadness.
But it's absolutely NOT a reason to wallow in it for months or give up on important things like exams. So yes, if a teenager was to be so devasted by a pony being returned to the owner then I would stand by the statement that they need a serious reality check.

You can be sad; but there's no need to be silly. Lets keep a little perspective.

 

[Ruth_Cymru]

Wow, really? Maybe you never loved a pony as a teenager, or was fortunate enough not to lose one. I did, and I was devastated for a long time (loan pony went back to owner - very abruptly with no warning). It took me a very long time to get over it - it was worse, I think, than losing my own horse as an adult.

I agree with Abacus. My loan horse when I was a teenager went back to his owner, and I was devistated. I don't think I needed a reality check, I loved him! Yes I knew that loaning him would probably only be temporary, but that didn't stop the love I had for him. As it happens, I got him back as an adult, and he was with me until his dying day.

With regards to the OP, I'd visit the horse and discuss it with them face to face about having the horse back. It won't be easy but at the end of the day, this is a loan, and as painful as it might be for the loaner, the horse being returned was always going to be a probable outcome.

 

[khalswitz]

Patterdale I'm afraid I disagree too - the first horse I had on loan as a teenager, we knew and planned when he was going back, but despite trying very hard to be grown up about it I was sobbing when he left, as I loved him to bits! Thankfully the loaner gave me the summer with him before he went back, but I was still heartbroken. If that had happened during my exams without much warning I would have been devastated.

Teenagers, no matter what they think, aren't adults - they generally are ruled by their emotions and struggle for perspective. It doesn't mean they need a reality check - they just haven't grown up yet! So something like this will generally affect a teenager worse than an adult.

 

[rowan666]

If she was so special you would not have put her out on such a long term loan, i think you are feeling like this because you want to ride and cant and think at the back of your mind you do have another horse, let them buy her and use the money to buy another special horse. After all they and her know each other better than you know her, 2.5 years is a long time to be apart.

i actually agree with this despite being in pretty much the exact same posistion as OP. It is so so hard to decide what to do and at the end of the day its only for OP to decide. Either way someone is going to end up hurt
i dont think i can break my loaners heart so ide rather suck it it up and let her keep him especially as shes so bonded with the daft old sod and as putasocinit says if the horse was so special i would have kept him and loaned out another instead. Harsh but its true!

Dont let anyone else influence your decision OP, this has to be your decision and yours alone as you that will have to live with it. Good luck in whatever you decide x

 

[Honey08]

OP I think that you sound as though you're very fair and thinking about everyone else.

Perhaps mention it quietly to the mother when you visit - say that you would be thinking of the end of the summer to give them time to come to terms with it and think about finding another horse. It would also give the mother the chance to start to putting seeds in the girl's mind about buying something of their own.

I was always upset as a child if I had to sell a pony. Dreadfully. I've tried really hard with my stepson to explain reasons as to why ponies have to be sold even though its sad, and he has grown up quite sensible about it. He did get upset, but got over it. Perhaps that is just his nature. I have noticed nowadays that a lot of children (well their reactions) rule the roost and get to make all the decisions on whether a horse is sold or not (sometimes not the right decisions). It doesn't do the child any good in the long run. If you do have a very sensitive child that you can't deal with seeing upset, its probably not the best idea to get into a loan situation at all.

 

[jeeve]

In your situation I would ask for her back- they can always find another horse

 

[Goldenstar]

I loaned a horse to a close friend while we lived abroad he was MrGS's hunter she always knew he was to come home when we did , when we did she was so upset I had to sell him to her I just could not take him back when she had got so attached and was having such fun.
I am not the best person to put the steel in OP's spine my friends OH rang me and she's crying because your coming home and I caved in.
I sold him at the market price to replace him and the horse I bought was my horse of a lifetime the other horse lived with my friend till he died it all worked out well in the end .

 

[Indy]

If it were me and I knew the horse was happy and loved then no I wouldn't take her back. I've been in a position where I put my first pony on loan to a friend who absolutely doted on him because I started getting involved with taking on ex racehorses. I vowed I'd never sell him (or any of them) and she'd grown out of the family pony and we came to an arrangement for her to loan him and yes on a couple of occasions I had a real yearning to have him back - circumstances changed and I started to keep my horses at home and I sort of mentioned to her a couple of times throughout the years if ever she felt she couldn't keep him especially as he was nearing his twenties don't be afraid to let me know and I'd have him back. Anyway she kept saying no she loved him and was going to keep him. She got pregnant so I thought this is my opportunity to get him back but she said no she was going to give him a break and them bring him back into work once the baby was born so I thought ******. Anyway she had a real difficult pregnancy and I had another go but she still said no and got a bit upset so I left it. A couple of years later she fell pregnant again and she rung me up to tell me and so I said look if you need to send him home that's fine but still she said no. The pregnancy went a similar was as the first and she rung me up in tears asking if the option for me to have him back was still open. I said yes of course and went across to their yard and rode him home (before she changed her mind). I have never seen anyone so upset in my life and she was a 20 odd year old woman and I was literally only taking him a couple of mile away! She had him for 10 years in total and she still comes to see him with her kids. Maybe I'm a pushover and a big softie but if the horse is being looked after and loved then I wouldn't have the heart to take her of them. Just because they're only on loan people do still get attached and fall in love with them.

 

[pip6]

Me either, though i'm not honestly sure why some people are borderline aggressive at the thought of an owner taking a horse back from a loaner, either.

No-ones at fault, no-ones a victim. This is the reality of loaning a horse. It doesn't belong to the loaner, it belongs to the owner, and it can be a great arrangement if no-one gets silly about it.

Not aware I was ever borderline agressive, just trying to put the other side as after all every discussion has more than one view point, even if you don't agree with them. I have owned horses for 20ish years, but got into ownership with a long term loan so can see it from both sides. I ended up buying my loan mare, when she was 19, as her owner lost her job & I was worried she would sell her as things were tight (even though it was full loan & I paid all the bills).

What is the issue with showing some compasion for good loaners? If it is to end, fair enough, but why not show a little kindness & appreciation when you break the news? Just because they loan her does not make them a sub-species to be treated with contempt. Good loaners are not easy to find (as often seen on here), so should be appreciated.

OP you seem very sensible, sure you will take a rounded decision & not treat your loaners with the derision some on here seem to suggest if you take her back.

 

[Capriole]

Not aware I was ever borderline agressive, just trying to put the other side as after all every discussion has more than one view point, even if you don't agree with them. .

Eh what? Where did I mention you?

 

[Pigeon]

Another thing - when the rescue is ready to be worked in eight weeks, will you not be in the same situation as before and not have enough time for them both?

 

[OldNag]

Why don't you have a chat, maybe even arrange to pop over and speak to them face to face and see the mare. I think you would be in a much better position that way to make an informed decision.

Personally if I was loaning the mare i would be gutted if you asked for her back BUT its a loan, this is what can/ does happen and when you take on a loan you take on the uncertainty that comes with it.
I'm a soft sod as well and if they were perfect and had offered to buy her more than once I would be inclinded not to terminate the loan.

Stretch your budget, stop taking on unsuitable 'rescues' and get something you can get out on this summer and leave the loan mare where she is. For what its worth thats my opinion but horrible situation for you to be in so good luck

This entirely.. have a chat and see where the land lies. If the loaner is foing A levels now, what happens when she goes to Uni? They may well be thinking ahead themselves, so maybe there is somethign you can sort out without either side getting upset.

I'm a loaner and a loanee so see both sides. I'm about to give my loan horse back so I know what a wrench it is, but at the end of the day I have him on loan so it's always been a risk that he would return.

 

[Patterdale]

This thread is making me facepalm big time. No wonder horsey women are so renowned for making storms in teacups.

It's a loan horse.
They've had 2 good years of riding a free horse.
OP is considering taking it back......not gunning it down in front of them or making it walk the plank.

I think there are a lot of people here who need to get a grip.

 

[khalswitz]

This thread is making me facepalm big time. No wonder horsey women are so renowned for making storms in teacups.

It's a loan horse.
They've had 2 good years of riding a free horse.
OP is considering taking it back......not gunning it down in front of them or making it walk the plank.

I think there are a lot of people here who need to get a grip.

OP asked about upsetting them. Not the same as 'should I take the horse back', to which the general answer has been, of course, it;s your horse. The emotional side of it encourages a wider variety of responses - especially as the loaner is a teenager.

No need to be so harsh.

 

[Indy]

I think there's only one person her who needs to get a grip.............

 

[NSA]

Another thing - when the rescue is ready to be worked in eight weeks, will you not be in the same situation as before and not have enough time for them both?

Sorry, I didn't explain properly. I've had the rescue for 8 weeks. She needs to be turned away for a year at least.
I have no rush with regards to her, she could be brought back into work in two years time if needs be. She's hard a rough start and time will be the greatest healer for her I feel.
You make a valid point though and I think someone else mentioned this which I answered some pages back.
She isn't a competition horse, more a fun PC pony, potentially, and as such wouldn't take up so much of the pressure I extend on myself. I am also in a different position job wise now so have the time to offer more than one horse but I am certainly going to take it into consideration to make sure I make the right choice for myself, the loaner and my special mare.

 

[Tobiano]

I feel for you OP. you are obviously a very kind hearted person!

As a teenager (16) the horse I had looked after for 2 years and loved was out down by his owner, and I didn't ride again for 25 years. So I do understand that teenagers have very strong feelings for horses.

However, th teenager is not your responsibility. Your horse is. All the time she has been loaned, you would have had to take her back if they wanted you to. If she had been injured and i unrideable you would have had to deal with that. That is why people borrow horses instead of owning them. The downside to them is that they may have to return the horse. That is just the fact. Please don't let them emotionally blackmail you into letting them keep your horse.

Quite honestly if the mum is that worried about her child being upset if the horse is taken back she should have bought one in the first place or the first time you said you would not sell them yours. Again that is not your responsibility. They had lots of options open to them which could have avoided this situation if they had chosen.
If you truly want your horse back for good reasons - and I believe you do - then tell them kindly and clearly that you are taking her back. And I don't see why you should wait til after the summer. In fact if they want to replace her this may be easier sooner than later.

Good luck and please dont feel bad about this - you are not in the wrong! Nobody is

 

[blitznbobs]

It's a loan horse. That's the risk you take with a loan and why it's cheap... If you don't want the owner to take it back don't loan in the first place... I have loaned a horse in the past and don't see a problem with owners taking them back - it goes with the territory..