Asking to see an old horse? I want my love for horses back

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Rachel-Louise

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Ok so I loaned a horse back in 2007 for 2 years. He was an amazing horse and we had an amazing bond. I learned so much from him. Unfortunately his owners needed to sell him to either me or someone else. At 16 years old I certainly didn't have 3k in my back pocket!! So he was sold.

11 years on, I have a 4 year old daughter and a 8 year old cob who I've owned for 5 years. He's lovely but green. When I fell pregnant his training unfortunately went out the window due to lack of time, and I lost my confidence.

I honestly keep thinking in my head about selling him. I haven't got the get up and go to ride. Or to do anything. Pretty much my life story at the moment. My doctor wants me to go speak to someone from 'wellbeing' for people with low mood, tiredness, stress etc. I'm not depressed, I just have no motivation to do anything anymore.

The one thing I keep having thoughts about though is that feeling of freedom when you go on a hack and just gallop in the fields! I miss that. I haven't done that in 10 years. And I think it would help. Just to forget about any problems for an hr and be free. And there's just one horse who would do that for me.. my old loan horse.

I have his owner on Facebook. And a few years back asked how he was doing. I would just love to go see him again. I'd love to ride him again! I want my love for horses back again. Is it rude to ask to see him? Maybe I should figure out a different way to love horses again?!
 
Sorry to hear you are going through a bad time. Speaking as someone who has suffered from depression please take up your doctors offer to go and speak to someone.

On the question of whether you should contact the new owner of your old horse I would say no. I think from what you say this is not the person you loaned the horse from. Frankly if an ex-loaner of a horse I owned contacted me to ride my horse I would say no way. TBH I think you are looking back at a time when you were happier, perhaps had less responsibility and that is represented by the horse. You need to find a way to find a positive feeling in your life now.
I think you have the answer yourself "figure out a way to love horses again"
Could you find some time each week just to be with the horse you own? Don't put pressure on yourself to ride, just groom her, spend time together, maybe do some in hand grazing and enjoy being together and leaving your other responsibilities and feeling behind. If you feel unmotivated just tell yourself you will go for 15 minutes, the. See how you feel after that.
Good luck
 
Oh I did forget to say the current owner is the person I loaned him from. She sold him when I had him but then bought him back from the owners several years later.

Maybe you're right. I guess I need to find that bond with my current horse. I think it's just the idea of jumping on a well trained horse and just going for a good gallop along fields. I can't do that with my boy but I'd love to. Well I don't have the confidence anyway 😔
 
Harsh advice but - if it’s not working with your horse why don’t you sell?

If the horse is sound with no problems and just green then he maybe somebody else’s dream horse.

Then if you wanted something a bit older that’s been there and done it then there are plenty of options open for you.

As for seeing old loan horse. If you are feeling a bit emotional/down it runs the risk of making you feel worse. If the owner doesn’t permit you to visit or if you feel more nostalgic it could be worse. Sort out your current horse situation and then address the old.
 
Perhaps you could send your cob away for some training and/or get a loaner, you may be more motivated to ride him if you can see him out doing stuff/progressing and being just as fun as your old horse, sounds like things have got stale. Plus if you do decide to sell, he'll be that bit more sellable.
 
Echo'ing others' sentiments re. getting your own head and psyche sorted out in the first instance; very possibly this is affecting your current horse, horses DO pick up things from us and I would suggest that your horse is picking up on your negative energy right now and reacting negatively to it. I think you may very well find that when you start to get some help, the energy between you will change and get much more positive.

I would also strongly recommend that you get a sensitive professional to work alongside you both; if you lived in my neck of the woods (East Devon) I'd be able to recommend just the person who could help you, but if you were to go to, say, an Intelligent Horsemanship affiliate you'd probably find they would have the right approach for your situation. The last thing you need is someone balling and hollering at either of you right now! You need someone quiet who can work alongside and support you both.

Re. your old horse. Mmmm....... I'm not sure this would be a good idea TBH. The rapport you had with each other was obviously very precious; but (sorry, trying to be gentle here) I think you may need to move on from that time and look to the horse you have now, rather than try to re-create what you had then, which, however lovely, you would probably struggle to achieve again, and which you might find a disappointing and indeed rather sad experience. Having said that, it might be very nice indeed for you to meet the horse again, especially now as he's older, and would give you both some lovely memories to re-kindle. But to want to "bond" again in a deep way, no, sorry I think this may not be the best thing for you right now.

As "Ceifer" has said above, I think this is good advice. I think you need to sort out your priorities; and yes, selling your current horse (you admit he doesn't suit you) might be a way forward. The fact that you and he haven't really "bonded" and/or he really is a little too much for you and will only dent your confidence the longer you keep him, makes me wonder whether indeed this is the best choice.

But before you make ANY firm decisions horse-wise right now, I think you need to get the help you need, and possibly counselling and/or medication support as well. That, for now, must be your top priority I would say. Well done for admitting you need help, that's the most difficult thing of all, and you've faced up to that. Cherish yourself, and if you don't feel you can make decisions right now, then don't stress about doing nothing. Get someone to exercise your current horse and put it all on the back burner for a bit.
 
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As an owner I definitely wouldn't say no if someone asked. It probably won't solve many of your problems but it would still be a nice thing to do. But don't go with thoughts that it is somehow going to be transformative.

If you aren't getting on with your current horse sell, as a hobby it costs too much money and time to not enjoy. I've had some rough times, I've had times when I haven't felt like riding at all but with it all going out even for a potter on my pony was restorative and kept me going, that is where the right equine makes a difference. I miss it a lot currently but am hesitating to get another one because I know it won't be the same.

and maybe read this thread.
http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?763752-Big-decision-is-paying-off!
 
Certainly seeing he’s back with the lady you loaned him from I can’t think of any reason she would be anything but delighted to hear from you and for you to see him.
Are you just yearning for your carefree younger life ?
If you don’t like your current horse move him on but perhaps if you got some help with him it would get better , perhaps a sharer might help or a pro to get him going again so it does not seem like such a mountain to climb .
One of the reasons I parted with my TB J was that he reminded me of my epic struggle to get Riding again after injury , he’s on loan as a hack and very happy in his new home .
It will certainly be easier to pass or find a sharer for your current horse if he’s in work there might be a freelancer locally who would do the job .
If he gets going and you are not getting on with him then part with him .
 
CMcC said:
Sorry to hear you are going through a bad time. Speaking as someone who has suffered from depression please take up your doctors offer to go and speak to someone.

On the question of whether you should contact the new owner of your old horse I would say no. I think from what you say this is not the person you loaned the horse from. Frankly if an ex-loaner of a horse I owned contacted me to ride my horse I would say no way. TBH I think you are looking back at a time when you were happier, perhaps had less responsibility and that is represented by the horse. You need to find a way to find a positive feeling in your life now.
I think you have the answer yourself "figure out a way to love horses again"
Could you find some time each week just to be with the horse you own? Don't put pressure on yourself to ride, just groom her, spend time together, maybe do some in hand grazing and enjoy being together and leaving your other responsibilities and feeling behind. If you feel unmotivated just tell yourself you will go for 15 minutes, the. See how you feel after that.
Good luck
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What a kind and very caring comment!
 
There are a few things in your OP that make me think you don't have depression but you aren't quite 100%. Think about your energy levels, you sound tired and in need of a holiday to me.

Are you sleeping well enough, do you get any other forms of exercise beyond the cob and the child?

Try something like berocca and coffee (not in the same cup) to see if you can find some 'get up and go'. If these dont make a difference, talk to a GP but don't rule out physical causes. Then consider going for a lesson on an RS horse.

Good luck.
 
Goldenstar said:
Certainly seeing he’s back with the lady you loaned him from I can’t think of any reason she would be anything but delighted to hear from you and for you to see him.
Are you just yearning for your carefree younger life ?
.
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This.
if you had loaned one of mine and we had parted on good terms I would be happy to invite you to see him again. I wouldn't ask the owner if you can ride before you go, just ask if you can see him.
When you meet him you may just see him as another horse and not as the perfect horse in your much longed for past. OTOH he may make up your mind about your present horse.

If you get on with the owner when you get there you could bring up your problem and they may offer a ride. The horse must be a lot older by now. You could jokingly ask if they will sell.

The worst anyone can do is refuse you so go for it. I certainly wouldn't consider it rude especially if I learnt the reason. Recently I had the previous owner visit to see one of mine. He hadn't seen him for 17 years!

Your current horse seems to be dragging you down. I would consider selling and getting an older schoolmaster type who will give you your confidence back and some fun.
 
I agree with Goldenstar and paddy555. I would never have a problem with letting someone who'd loved and cared for my horse see them again, as I understand how deep those bonds can go, and would simply appreciate that they adored my animal as much as me. Although I wouldn't necessarily be handing out rides, it wouldn't be out of the question either, especially if I could see how much someone needed it and felt confident that they wouldn't expect to take my horse out all of the time. I really don't see the harm in sending a message to ask if you can visit :)
 
Answer this question. What would happen to you if you messaged her and she said "no" if it would make you worse don't do it, if you think you'd be where you are now then there is nothing to lose by asking.... but having children changes EVERYTHING.., I would guess losing your nerve has more to do with having a baby than anything else... not many people are able to be as brave(stupid) after they have a baby... it's some kind of biological instinct to keep yourself safe to keep baby alive... if your horse isn't right for you change him.
 
I put my pony out on loan years ago he had several different homes over the years some better than others! One girl rang me out of the blue one day and said how much she missed him. She came to see him even though he was on another loan home at the time. For them it was great and they kept coming to see him until I lost him last year. I certainly wouldn't have a problem with it but don't expect it to automatically give you back your mojo.
 
As someone who has had bouts of depression over the years when you say you have no motivation for anything that sounds exactly like depression to me. Depression is not about feeling sad all the time it is more about not having the energy to do anything and finding life easier when you stay at home and to an extent hide from the world.
I would definitely take up your doctors offer. What have you got to lose? Don't forget, depression can be caused by changes in hormones and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Also, look after yourself. Make sure you are eating well. Lots of fruit and veg and cut down on sugars and things like white bread. I know that when I'm struggling with deoression, simply eating better and getting out to do some exercise outdoors (walking, running, cycling etc) will help me to feel better within a week. I hope this works for you too.

When you are feeling more yourself, you may find you feel differently about your current horse. If not consider what others have said. Can you bear to sell him on and find something ? Could he go onto working livery where he is exercised all week and you just hop on with no pressure at the weekend?

In terms of your old loan horse, I occasionally go and see mine. I had him for 8 years and he was amazing. He was 16 when I had him but I gave him up when his COPD got too bad to do anything with (he belonged to my YO at the time) and is still enjoying his retirement and must be over 30. Whenever I see him I just stand in the field and cry into his mane. I don't know why. It just brings all the emotions of love and nostalgia to the surface. I'm just warning you that seeing your old horse might be more emotional than you realise.

If any of my old sharers for my current horse contacted me to see her I would welcome them with open arms, and most I would offer a ride.

As others have said, don't expect a magic cure. You need to sort yourself out for that.

Good luck x
 
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