At the risk of causing an argument...

If her hands are a problem I was watching my intructor teach a girl on Saturday with hands that quite frankly were all over the place. She fitted a neck strap and got teh girl to loop a finger through it - thus maintaining a steady contact and keeping her hands still at the same time. Apparantly RI picked it up from a demo with Ulla Saltzburger (sp) the dressage rider so if it's good enough for her...?
 
Flexions

lots and lots and lots of single rein, 'give to the bit' flexions

then ask to give to the bit, and move hind quarters over (easiest if done in hand first) - this engages the hind end.

Then some more flexions.

Then flexions, yield the quarters, move over the shoulder (again, better on the ground)

then more flexions

then gradually and very, very carefully, introduce the second rein.

works like a dream

E
 
Draw reins are only bad in bad hands!!! they allow the horse to go around in a correct outline reducing the built up under muscle so then help build up the top line. However, if you get a novice or even an experienced but unsympathetic rider that holds on to the running (draw) rein rather than the proper reins then it just allows the horse to lean on them. I have trained a majority of my dressage horses with draw reins to help with their top line muscles and they are all very light in the hand with super necks on the bodies the correct way up!!!
A whip is lethal in the wrong hands!!! as is a snaffle bit, its all about correct riding before using them and not using them to replace insufficient training of the rider.
 
If the horse is good on the lunge what about giving the rider a lunge lesson? Will help riders position and
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if you use side reins on horse (not too tight) they should both benefit.
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Basic physiology says that if the horse is not coming through from behind, and is not *relaxed* over its back and neck, tying/pulling/strapping/side-reining its head down is not going to 'fix' the problem - it's only going to paper over the cracks.

The horse needs to learn to carry itself with a rider on board, taking its and her weight

to do that, it needs to learn to go forward in a relaxed fashion, stretching through its back

it then needs to learn to collect (basic scales of training)

THIS MAY TAKE A LONG TIME

give it the time, do it with physiological correctness. DON'T use straps/side reins/ draw reins and your horse will learn.

You can spot a horse that's been trained in draw reins from a mile off. It's not a pretty sight.

E
 
Why don't you try a German triangle drawing reins? It is excellent for the young horse and any older horses who need to understand that they need to stretch down and under and through the back. It is mild enough and not as restrictive as side rains as they allow the horse to move the head to the side. Please PM me if you would like to have a link to a web-site where you can buy them from. They cost from about £ 20 plus shipping, if in real leather about £ 45 plus shipping. I use it on my horses, and my friends cannot live without it any more.

But I would treat the seat position as an entirely different issue. Your friend should work on her flexibility in the hips and core strenghts as much as possible (in the gym or elsewhere), otherwise her horse will always have problems trusting her hands and coming down. Agree that it all needs to work in harmony.
 
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I struggled for 2 years with an older mare (in her teens) who would not, under under circumstances, take up a good outline. Its not like I dont know what Im doing either. I put draw reins on her for 5 minutes and never had a problem after that.

Sometimes a short term fix gets the message across.

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Spans I've had exactly the same experience. Sometimes you need a little extra help to show them what you want. In my case the 10yr old mare I'd been trying to re-educte said 'Oh THAT'S what you mean' & never looked back.
 
Thank you everyone for all your really helpful and constructive comments. Most things that have been mentioned I'm doing already which is reassuring, and there a couple of other useful tips which I will try as well, so thank you!
 
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