Atmosphere on Yard

[Quadrille92]

How do you deal with being on a yard where you suspect there is an atmosphere (against you) and are finding it difficult getting on with certain people?

I have been on current yard for 4.5 yrs, until a few months ago I have always loved it. Unfortunately, no matter how I have tried to address it, I have had problems getting on with a teenage girl, (livery) half my age. I have just lived with that. Lots of the others have the same issue but to a lesser extent. With all other liveries and staff things have been fine. I have become a good friend of the owner and her Mum, so closer to them than any of the other liveries or staff. (There are 3 full time staff, a couple of part timers, and about 10/15 liveries).

Recently things have changed and I have had to ask staff to do things (I am on full) for me that I would not expect to (or have had to in the past). These have been quite basic things, such as asking for my trough to be filled 3 times, asking for electric fence to be maintained 4 times, asking for haynets to be properly filled, etc. Out of all the full liveries in my barn (4), one comes up once a week, one a couple of evenings and then there is the other girl. All 3 have no clue what they are doing TBH! I have been around horses for 30 yrs, have done them myself and am quite hands-on with my horse, visiting most days. So, I am very aware of what my horse's care is like and whether it is appropriate. YO decided that she wanted me to feed back any of these things to her so she could deal with them. I started doing that. I think she has probably had a bit of a go and now I really do feel that there is an atmosphere on the yard between them and I, even though I have tried time and time again to make conversation and chat. They deny a problem but one of them let it slip in a discussion last week that another did have an issue with me. I am not sure if there are other issues that they have with me. I used to get on with them absolutely fine. I now feel like I have to do jobs myself rather than asking them as they look pretty mardy about it. I am paying £100 a week by the way, no exercising or tack cleaning. I am hands-on with my horse anyway so they have less to do for me than other liveries. I cannot take him off full livery as my health is sometimes problematic.

I am yet to find out what that 'issue' is. I have been leaving the yard in tears and the full time staff are aware of this. I have spoken to them and the YO and there is a meeting on Monday to talk about this and also various other things that may constitute other problems on the yard. On top of the f/time staff being offhand, the other teenageI doubt it will be productive as YO is aggressive with staff thus they will not be open about what they think.On top of the f/time staff being offhand, the other teenager is coming back for a month (from college) at Christmas. I am a sensitive person and I suffer with bipolar, and I am not coping with this at all well, since I have always found that I have had lots of friends and very little conflicts.

If this issue does not resolve soon I will be looking to leave. YO and staff are aware. My health has become really bad over the last couple of weeks and I dread going to the yard, apart from obviously to see my lovely boy. The staff are aware and do not change. YO does not want me to leave even if she ever stopped doing livery as we get on really well.

I feel so unhappy. I need to survive over Christmas which I always find a strain anyway. Any advice?

Bottle of Shiraz if you got this far!!!

 

[Carsmore]

Poor you! Its seems that you havent done anything to deserve this. I would look about for another yard, just in case it all blows up. See what the yard meeting brings up. You pay a lot of money for a service that isnt up to scratch. As a YO myself, I always try to sort out any atmospheres. I have a small yard, so its important that we have a happy ship.
This wont be helping your bipolar at all. You should to enjoy the time you spend with your horse not be leaving the yard in tears.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Good luck xx

 

[Sarah Sum1]

Oh dear, sounds awful. I don't have much advice (sorry) other than i would consider leaving sooner rather than later. Not worth the stress. ((hugs))

 

[Persephone]

Sorry if I have read this wrong.

Am I right in thinking that the staff have a problem with you? On top of the teenage girl that doesn't like you.

 

[Quadrille92]

Hiya
The teenage girl is a problem really and she is not well-liked. When she is home for holidays I spend a lot of time with her whereas the other liveries in our barn are pretty much absent. I think if we didn't spend so much time together we would get on OK. I don't know why this problem has arisen between f/time staff and I (although it would appear that the issue is really between 1 of them and I - If there is one, because 1 minute the other staff say there is no issue, the next minute there apparently is after all between this girl and I. She never says anything to me about it so I am hoping she will speak on Monday! The only thing I can think is that it is because I have been going to YO about their work. All I know is that this is plainly ridiculous, I am hurt that there is this animosity, I love my horse and want to spend happy time with him as much as I can, and more than all this is seriously disturbing my health. There have been other changes recently in that the YO has taken a back step leaving staff to get on with main body of yard work.
BTW I have had to use a new username for privacy...I am a regular tho.

 

[Rudey]

Thanks for the shiraz

Oh dear, in all honesty, it sounds like the yard owner has put you in quite a position! If the staff know she has asked you about their work etc... and then she pulls the staff up on such issues - it is obvious where it has come from. Clearly they have taken it personally.

Unfortunately, the staff need to look at the bigger picture and appreciate the YO needs to make sure her yard is ship shape - no doubt the staff usually work hard in front of her - so clearly her next port of call was to ask feedback from her liveries. Just a shame you got caught up in the cross fire.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but perhaps in future you could say to YO you don't want to get involved and would she ask someone else, or monitor activity (or lack of

) herself. Least said soonest mended springs to mind!

I hope the meeting smooths things out and the atmosphere relax's, but if not, I would look to go somewhere else, it's not worth risking your health over xx I have been in a position before where I love my horse so much and wanted to see him but dreaded going to the yard because of certain cliques...

I appreciate how disheartening and gut renching it can be xx (((hugs))) hope it works itself out - these thing usually do xx

 

[Achinghips]

I'm unclear what you want to do about this situation, depends if you care about them or not, personally, I'd ignore the staff as much as poss, but be pleasant and smile when you need to.
I'd route all instructions/complaints through the yard manager and if anyone says anything, remind them of how much is personally being paid for their services per week. I guess the "yard hands" forget the total amount being paid for services rendered as they don't see all of it.
Also, be aware that "atmospheres" can happen, and are sometimes unrelated to your actions - they are not your fault so don't take the blame or the responsibility of a solution - it's the yard owner who needs your business and who should sort out her staff, not you.

 

[canteron]

And its Christmas coming up. It may just be a thought to give the teenager/yard staff a nice present with a 'thank you' note for all their hard work and see if you can start the new year off to a most positive start ... no point in getting older if you don't get wiser.

But at the same time get a plan x in place in case the situation doesn't resolve itself!!!

 

[Persephone]

What a fabulous idea Canteron! I like your style

 

[Tickles]

Totally agree about xmas pressies - was thinking the same thing!

To be honest if I thought one of the people I work for was reporting back to my boss in a 'spying' kind of way I'd treat them a little differently too. Even if I tried not too. I'd say you should make it clear at the meeting that yes, this has happened, (no point lying), but that it isn't working out and you're going to stop. The YO could always ask /all/ liveries people to fill in a little feedback form or something if she isn't on hand to manage things enough herself (whihc really she or a YM should be). She shouldn't be relying on you.

Also, please be aware that people can be very uncomfortable with someone being upset. If you are regularly leaving the yard in tears for no 'real' reason (e.g. your horse is basically well cared for and healthy, you haven't hurt yourself falling off and no one has had an actual row with you) it can make others feel awkward about speaking to you. Close friends will usually come to your aide but staff (especially ones who know you've been asked to spy on them!) might feel very uncomfortable about what to say/do and that in turn will make them even less friendly the next time they see you.

I've known some people with depression very well (which I gather is sort of like one half of bipolar) and it isn't easy. I'm generally quite a rational person (geek!) so dealing with people being very, very down about little things (which seem big to them) can be hard.

I know it is hard but personally I'd think you should be
- honest abt the spying and that you won't do it again
- bright and friendly to all
- a little more detached (ask for chores when you need them but don't take it too personally if someone looks naffed off at having to do 'extra' work, don't spend ages with any one person up there - you're there to see the four-legged ones!)

 

[keekee]

I had a similar situation where i used to keep my girly so a meeting was held but what i found was that certain people stuck together so after the meeting nothing really changed for me so i and another friend left the yard then soon after this the troublemaker but i know how you feel especially when your paying so much and want to enjoy your horse when you can i would safe net another yard just incase you do need to move but in all fairness why should you???? can u not approach the girls and say look i dont want there to be an atmosphere what is the problem can we please sort it out.....good luck tho keep us posted x

 

[Herbie31]

QR From what you say the things you have asked to be done are basic health and safety issues and you should not have had to ask in the first place.

Now I no longer have a horse and when I did I was on a very small yard (two horses) so not up to date with yards etc.

But putting it in basic terms - you pay for a service i.e your horse to be well looked after - if at any time you felt this service was not being met then you have every right to say something. Afterall you would complain if your meal was not right in a restaurant right?

The yard staff are being paid to do a job, if they are not doing it it is their problem not yours and you should not feel bad for saying something - afterall it is your horses welfare we are talking about.

It seams to me that the staff are a little imature in their reaction. You are the paying customer, they are the paid staff - perhaps this needs to be reiterated in the meeting by the YO? Afterall YO does not want word spreading of problems like this - otherwsie she would not have a business.

What would happen if this were not nipped in the bud? People would be fearful of saying anything and then it could be an accident waiting to happen!

 

[Quadrille92]

Thanks everyone.

I think a big issue is that when I have fed issues back to YO she has come down on staff in the wrong way somehow. I know she can have a hard approach and I am not sure how much she considers motivation - But having said that, they are there to do a job after all.

I consider my horse having an adequate water supply, forage supply, my feed wetted and stirred, fencing secure minimum requirements. I have never requeted anything else in particular (that I can recall). Yet I am branded 'picky', most probably because I (subtly)monitor these things for my horse when I visit so I will feedback if not done. The other liveries that are full, are either absent or have little knowledge.

I think I shall go to the meeting, ask that everyone is honest, FULL in voicing their own issues, and open to things said there. I will raise my issue over atmosphere and provision of service and see what happens. I will hope that they do tell me what I do to annoy them so it can be looked at.

If nothing changes I will have no option but to leave since the atmosphere is really no good for me.

In an ideal world maybe a part arrangement would be best for me so I don't have to worry about what I am getting or ruffle feathers by asking, and I cut cost. Maybe another thing to consider perhaps in the New Year if there is a stop back for any days of illness I have.

Off to yard in a min, sadly with a bit of a heavy heart. Apart from seeing my handsome boy of course....who is the only thing that really matters

 

[diggerbez]

so sorry to hear that you aren't anjoying your yard- its rubbish when your hobby makes you miserable

whilst i agree that you are right to ask for your horse to be looked after properly i think that you might have inadvertantly annoyed/ upset the staff by taking concerns to the YO- you are quite within your rights to do this of course but bear in mind that the staff might not see it this way- they might see your friendship with the YO and then the fact that they are getting told off and then decide that you are a favourite and so get pissed off with you (i'm not saying this is right, its not, but its a 'normal' human reaction

). as someone above said its possibly also that they don't know how to deal with you when you get upset- some people are just not good with this, i'm one of them! if someone asked me what my problem was with them or whatever i would probably mumble 'nothing' and then avoid them in the future- again, not right, but realistic!

if i were you i would look to changeing your livery arrangements- if your yard does other livery options why not go on part livery? or look for somewhere new and make a clean break (this is what i had to do and its the best decidison i ever made

)- most yards will do assisted DIY- so on mine i do my horses myself put can pay for jobs on a 'pay as you use' basis. works brilliantly and is cheap (and is great for me as i am a control freak!

)

 

[PennyJ]

Very unfortunate, but it doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable in your expectations from the yard. I wonder if perhaps taking it up with the stable hand direct might be a possibility and then just casually mentioning it to the YO that you had to remind X to ... You are paying for a service, having been a yard hand myself some of them are a lot lazier than others and will skimp any which way they can... Of course a dream livery client for a lot of yard is one that hardly ever turns up so they don't actually see what goes on on a daily basis.