awkward situation with loaner

[RobBobCob]

I have had a loaner for my horse for the past few years to help pay for bills ect.
The latest one is great, she is experienced and loves my horse..perfect!!

I am moving yards fairly soon and i dont want loaner to loan him anymore, just want to enjoy my horse by myself. we have no contract as she is a sort of friend and she pays for his shoes that is all.

I have told her today that i dont want to come with us to new yard and i have a really horrible messege back...saying im a b***h and shouldnt have had a loaner in the first place if that was the case.

I now really dont want to go to the yard tomorrow as a lot of people are friendly with her and im sure i will get slagged off......its just going to make my last days at the yard really horrible

sorry not really a question involved in here just needed to vent as i am quite upset she has reacted like this. there is plenty of other horses out there, and it was starting to feel like my horse wasnt mine anymore

 

[CobsGalore]

She is probably just upset if she has bonded with your horse. To be honest, if I was her I would have preferred you telling me face to face than a message though!

 

[Elsiecat]

A message back? Which means you text her to inform her of this!?

I don't blame her, you'd have received a similar reply off me. The least you could have done would be to her face! Wrongly or rightly, she's feeling very hurt and upset and most people would react similarly. Poor woman

 

[PonyIAmNotFood]

I think the best way may have been face to face but it's too late now I suppose. I'd apologise and if you haven't already, thank her for her time and commitment, and say you understand why she's upset but you feel the need to do this for x, y and z reasons. I'm a loaner but have only had my current pone for 6 weeks or so and would even be miffed at this stage if I was 'dumped' by text.

 

[Natch]

Did you tell her by text message? Did you thank her and explain that you're really grateful for all she has done?

I think I'd be upset to be text'd that I was no longer wanted too, especially if I had been a good loaner. The best ones IMO do care about the horse and will naturally be upset if an owner finishes the agreement unexpectedly.

I'd ring her and do some damage limitation. Tell her she had been great, but that your circumstances have changed and you'd like him to yourself, and that I'd be the same no matter who was loaning him.

 

[Mongoose11]

You do right to end your share of that's what you want to do - it's your horse.

How long has she been sharing?

She is obviously very upset and has probably bonded with your horse. I feel sorry for her really and again, if I wanted to end my share I certainly wouldn't be doing it by text. I would have done it with flowers and a gift from the horse and I would have made sure it didn't come straight out of the blue...

 

[kellybee]

Am inclined to agree, you say she's great and then tell her by text, that's really harsh, especially when you're kind of friends.

 

[Whoopit]

Now let's be honest, text probably was not the way to approach it. And in hindsight, I imagine you're probably thinking the same!

What was wrong with just catching her at the yard one day and saying that you're unfortunately moving and you were also taking it as the opportunity to keep the horses as one-person horses so you're really sorry but you hopes she finds something else to loan?

 

[Buds_mum]

Feel very sorry for her. How old are you? Apologies but seems a very immature way of handaling the situation.
A chat, a box of chocs and flowers as a thank you for all the love and care she has given your horse would of been far more polite and kind!

I think you owe her a huge apology. He may be YOUR horse but she has helped you and put money towards your horseand I presume treated him kindly.
Really feel for her

 

[AmyMay]

You didnt tell her by text message did you.? And how did you phrase the ending of your 'agreement?'

 

[smellsofhorse]

Your horse so up to you.
But she must like horsesto be upset and probably feels used.

Maybe you should have given more of a warning and told her you were thinking of not having a sharer at new yard.


Think you should have a chat, say sorry.
But then continue as normal, its no one else's business at your yard.

 

[pogface]

Absolutely agree with what people have said with regards to 'your horse your choice' on having someone to share/loan.

Being a sharer myself I would be beyond mortified if the owner decided she didn't want me anymore and just let me know by text completely out of the blue... You say she is your friend? That doesn't sound too friendly....
There would be tears, wailing, stamping and a lot more if that were me! Put yourself in her position... How would you feel?


Side note for Billie.... Flowers?!? You'll a lot more than flowers to get rid of me!!

 

[niagaraduval]

Yep, totally agree with everyone here.
How old are you?

 

[JustKickOn]

The latest one is great, she is experienced and loves my horse..perfect!!

she is a sort of friend

i dont want to come with us to new yard and i have a really horrible messege back...

sorry not really a question involved in here just needed to vent as i am quite upset she has reacted like this. there is plenty of other horses out there, and it was starting to feel like my horse wasnt mine anymore

She obvious had a good bond with your horse, and considering she had quite a significant financial input (ie: shoes aren't cheap!), I think she's every right to be upset. Common courtesy would have been to tell her face to face, thank her for all of her input etc. If I had a text from the lady I loan from, telling me they "don't want me" anymore, I'd be heartbroken, and would probably react in a similar way.

Also, you're moving in a few days time, from what I gathered from the post?? And you've only just told her. Well, I'm sure you could understand the frustration from her point of view?? Sounds a bit of a shame really.

But your horse. Good luck with the move.

 

[Littlelegs]

The only sharer I ever had only stopped when she got her own. However if I'd have wanted my horse to myself, I would have had the decency to explain face to face, & say we could wind it down slowly, & that she was welcome to pop up for half an hour on a sunday or similar to say hi. And how grateful I was. Not just 'bog off now I don't need you'.

 

[Elsbells]

To be perfectly honest, I'd tell you to bog off too!

It'll serve you right if you find it hard to find a good sharer at a later date.......say, when the horrible winter weather comes around again, there arn't all the shows to go to, your strapped for cash and have to do all the chores in the cold and rain on your own. I bet the poor moo was looking forward to the Spring after working hard all winter, like we all are.

This is why it doesn't pay to loan or share tbh.

 

[WelshD]

I feel for her I really do. Its been a horrible winter and a horrible summer before that and she has stuck by you and your horse throughout, she must be feeling like slave labour right now

I would sit her down and see if you can talk it through and I would certainly apologise

We see it over and over on here, problems caused by text messaging, it seems like some people have lost the ability to have a rational discussion face to face or even over the phone - texts are a cop out. sorry.

 

[mandwhy]

Hmm I think I would have tried to do it face to face, its easier to convey tone like 'I am really grateful for your help and you have been such a great sharer' you can be so much more sincere when actually speaking to someone. Also have you given her any kind of notice like saying it'll be in a week or a month from now? If any less than a week then I think that's pretty harsh and don't blame her. I think you should try and make a menz with her. It is your horse but I hope you said that she can come visit sometime or that you hope you'll stay in touch.

 

[amandaco2]

I'd also say it would have been much better to say face to face....and a box of choccies to thank her for being a brilliant loaner, they are blooming hard to find!!

 

[TheresaW]

I agree. Telling her by text was harsh, especially as she has been sharing all winter, when to be honest, I have felt like giving up if I could!

Ellsbells, feel you've been a little harsh there. Dolly had a sharer before I bought her. Have owned her 10 years now, and sharer is still there. She can do as little or as much with her as she chooses.

 

[**Vanner**]

Last year you said you were having problems with your cob, it seems a shame to give up someone who loves him! May have been better to keep her on at least one day.

As regards the message, if you did text her I can fully understand why she sent you that reply and yes it is likely to be tough at the yard but then again you are leaving!

 

[DayleAshley]

Your horse you do what you want regardless of why and unfortunately with loaning that's what happens. I've been on both ends of loans before and it's a risk you take looking after someone else's horse. If she doesn't like it she will have to just accept it

 

[_GG_]

Boils down to bad manners.

Good manners would have been to talk face to face, say how grateful you are and allow her some time to get used to the idea.

Telling her by text is just rude and hurtful.

Yes, your horse, your choice...but when did that make it ok to trample on people's feelings ?

 

[gemin1eye]

How much notice did you bother to give her?

 

[piebaldsparkle]

I have had a loaner for my horse for the past few years to help pay for bills ect.
The latest one is great, she is experienced and loves my horse..perfect!!

I am moving yards fairly soon and i dont want loaner to loan him anymore, just want to enjoy my horse by myself. we have no contract as she is a sort of friend and she pays for his shoes that is all.

I have told her today that i dont want to come with us to new yard and i have a really horrible messege back...saying im a b***h and shouldnt have had a loaner in the first place if that was the case.

I now really dont want to go to the yard tomorrow as a lot of people are friendly with her and im sure i will get slagged off......its just going to make my last days at the yard really horrible

sorry not really a question involved in here just needed to vent as i am quite upset she has reacted like this. there is plenty of other horses out there, and it was starting to feel like my horse wasnt mine anymore

1) Did you inform her by text?

2) How much notice have you given her (reads like only a few days)?

3) You are surprised she called you a Bitch?

4) How long has she been you sharer? All winter? Now with better weather on the horizon you don't need her?

 

[Spit That Out]

Sorry OP but I have to agree with your loaner...the way you handled telling her I'm not surprised you got the response you did and I probably would have said the same.

You should have told her face to face not by text, that was just heartless, thoughtless and rude.

Just because they loan your horse it doesn't mean she hasn't bonded, loved and treated that horse as her own.

I understand wanting a horse to yourself but you can't just use people when it suits you and then bin them off when you no longer need them.

I'm sure she did more than just paid for shoes...did she not muck out, ride, clean tack, fill haynets, groom etc etc. It annoys me when owners say things like "they only pay for..." Unless the loaner just turns up and rides then they contribute allot more than just money.

 

[Patterdale]

Have to agree with the others, sounds like you have used her a bit.

She's probably been up there all winter, doing a great job and thinking (like we all are) it'll all be worth it in the summer!
But after you got the winter out of her you've unceremoniously booted her via text.

Poor form IMO.

 

[cattysmith]

Poor girl! It may be your horse, and you can do what you like, but you've definitely gone around this the wrong way. I hope you learn a lesson from this and wont need to call in favours any time soon.

 

[PollyP99]

I had a similar situation a few weeks agop. I had a horse on full open ended loan, no visits at all from the owner in two years, I initiated all contact by sending text updates and photo's of him at each season change or when we done something nice otgether. I received a text out of the blue 6 weeks ago saying the owner wanted him back - I was devasted and still am to some extent, such a cowards way of dealing with the situation.

In my case the owner had lost a horse in the family so needed him back as a companion to the remaining horse so whilst Iw as fuming I couldnt be nasty since they had a dreaful situation but I really resent the mode of 'dumping me' and I think that what it is in this situation - not the reasoning - thats for you to decide but please grow a pair and see her face to face.

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

OP, from your post I totally agree with the loaner, you have behaved disgracefully towards her. She has been with you for years, paid towards the keep of your horse & needless to say mucked out etc etc & all this is thrown away by you by sending a Text? You have shown her no respect, you should have spoken to her personally, she's earned that at least!

As for you not wanting to go to the yard now because of what people may say to you, grow up & face up to the situatiuion that you have created.