Babying Horses...

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Tern

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How do you stop someone from babying your horse (a family member) I have a horse who needs a lot of training yet everytime it does something wrong it gets cooed over by the family member and "awh baby it's okay *enter kisses*." I find this extremely annoying because the horse is getting praise for doing something wrong. ie. planting or moving when being asked to stand still. This horse can not have fluffy fluffy talk from me, the rider - It is already stubborn and needs more forceful work so it doesn't take the pee - I do not mean beating it to a pulp but I mean only praising it when you're doing something right with it, not when it's doing something wrong and kissing it every 5 seconds.

Thoughts please? Seriously getting on my nerves now.
 
Tern said:
How do you stop someone from babying your horse (a family member) I have a horse who needs a lot of training yet everytime it does something wrong it gets cooed over by the family member and "awh baby it's okay *enter kisses*." I find this extremely annoying because the horse is getting praise for doing something wrong. ie. planting or moving when being asked to stand still. This horse can not have fluffy fluffy talk from me, the rider - It is already stubborn and needs more forceful work so it doesn't take the pee - I do not mean beating it to a pulp but I mean only praising it when you're doing something right with it, not when it's doing something wrong and kissing it every 5 seconds.

Thoughts please? Seriously getting on my nerves now.
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TBH I'd just tell them to bog off and mind their own business.
 
Who is this person and why are they there when you train your horse? Can you not avoid training when they are about? If not, I would be having a blazing row and yelling It is MINE! My Horse! Followed by two words beginning with F and O.
 
Do you know anyone with a dangerously spoiled horse? Find one and let the family member meet it. A chance to see what happens when you don't set boundaries might be enough.
 
I agree, really really annoying. I hate being referred to as my horse's 'mummy'. He's not a baby, he's a big lad who could quite easily knock me flying, put me in hospital, or even kill me if he doesn't know where his boundaries are (it's highly unlikely, he has the patience of a saint, but its worth bearing in mind when you're handling half a ton of flight animal...)

My instructor always says it's bordering on cruelty to baby a horse (she REALLY hates it!), because a horse who knows his boundaries is a happy horse. If the boundaries are constantly muddied and blurred and undermined, how can he feel confident and secure? It seems harsh to be forceful with him at first, but it's kinder in the long run for the horse to know exactly what is expected, and the consequences for taking the pee. This is how I've explained handling my horse to my mum, who tends to want to pat and reassure. Perhaps you could explain it to your family member in that way, if you don't want to take the (very tempting) route of telling them to bog right off!
 
Right, the family member is my mother and she has a horse also, we keep the horses together at a field (won't go into too much detail). Her name is on the ownership and I don't drive. I don't mind her being affectionate at any other time of genuinely praising horse when it's been good at an end of a session but it's when I am trying to get horse to do something and suddenly I have an "ohhh it's okay" because I have lost temper at horse and growled and shouted oi a bit or I am being told to stop being so aggressive because horse is walking all over me I get annoyed.. I have a short temper.. this only makes it shorter.
 
caras mum said:
Do you know anyone with a dangerously spoiled horse? Find one and let the family member meet it. A chance to see what happens when you don't set boundaries might be enough.
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Hiya, was going to respond to this earlier but forgot. I don't know anyone with a spoilt horse because all friends and I have the same mindset - "horses are horses and they will kill you" kind of mindset.
 
Tern said:
Right, the family member is my mother and she has a horse also, we keep the horses together at a field (won't go into too much detail). Her name is on the ownership and I don't drive. I don't mind her being affectionate at any other time of genuinely praising horse when it's been good at an end of a session but it's when I am trying to get horse to do something and suddenly I have an "ohhh it's okay" because I have lost temper at horse and growled and shouted oi a bit or I am being told to stop being so aggressive because horse is walking all over me I get annoyed.. I have a short temper.. this only makes it shorter.
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In light of the above, I wish to revise my earlier suggestion. Be less angry. Anger is not conducive to training any animal, and actually losing your temper is significantly different to only praising the good and ignoring the bad, as your initial post had implied. Perhaps your mother is concerned at the fact you lose your temper with the animal that she is actually the named owner of. Would you feel comfortable as a passenger in the car if she shouted and growled at someone who was driving less quickly than she would like them to, or might you express concern?
 
Arizahn said:
In light of the above, I wish to revise my earlier suggestion. Be less angry. Anger is not conducive to training any animal, and actually losing your temper is significantly different to only praising the good and ignoring the bad, as your initial post had implied. Perhaps your mother is concerned at the fact you lose your temper with the animal that she is actually the named owner of. Would you feel comfortable as a passenger in the car if she shouted and growled at someone who was driving less quickly than she would like them to, or might you express concern?
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"Be less angry" really, easier said than done me thinks. I do not mean full out shouting I mean raised voice of stop peeing about or an oi, not effing and blinding as loud as I can. The horse can and will play up sometimes growling at it will shut it up and start it working again nicely.
 
You have my sympathy it sounds a nightmare. Depending on how old you are can you ask to be made owner, say you want more responsibility or something? Maybe you could have a discussion about training methods then and insist that you want to train your horse your way. Failing that, can you hack out alone, say it is part of the horses education and do all your schooling out hacking? Or ride together so your mum has her own horse to think about. Then you can ignore her if she says anything. If your mum is not patting or leading the horse when she speaks to it the horse may not pay her any attention anyway, I find they mainly listen to whoever is riding them at the time.
 
I don't know how old you or you mum are, but presumably you are an adult, I don't mean to be nasty, but being an adult means you can explain your actions to your mum, I make excuses for my boy, my daughters, both in their 30's have no qualms about telling me off and they are right, although I can and do get tough when I think it's needed. Could you not reach an agreement with your mum that she fusses your horse in the stable, not when working it
 
I know of no horse that will actually try to 'kill you'. They can be flighty and because of there size can unintentionally harm in a few cases. It does sound from what you later wrote that your mum might just trying to calm you down a bit. Shouting at a horse is pointless, it scares and confuses them. Ignore the bad or you use a sharp 'ah ah nooooo' that will get a better response. The horse will understand with out worrying. You might what to get an appointment with your doctor about your temper. It might just be a little inbalance that can be easily fixed.
 
Horses dont speak English and losing your temper with either your mother or the horse will get you nowhere, by all means be firm but always be fair to both if your mother perceives you as being aggressive you probably are and you should listen and go back a step to see if you can approach the problem from a different angle at the moment you are both just confusing the poor animal. As to the horse not learning if it is young or a seasoned avoider of work you need a really good instructor who can keep you all in check including your mum
 
Horses do not instinctively understand either growling or cooing. They only learn to behave differently when exposed to these by association. So I would stop worrying about the cooing and stop the growling. Focus on the silent cues you give and only give clear voice cues - words not tones. If your horse won't stand still, shouting isn't the thing to do. Give it the command 'stand' clearly as if you were talking to another person, give it the correct aids and the moment you feel even the slightest give in the rein from the horse slowing, release all your aids to reward. Then repeat. At first the horse will walk off but after a few times it will start to stand still. Your mum won't coo as you won't have raised your voice once and the horse will finally understand what in the world you want.
 
Barnacle said:
Horses do not instinctively understand either growling or cooing. They only learn to behave differently when exposed to these by association. So I would stop worrying about the cooing and stop the growling. Focus on the silent cues you give and only give clear voice cues - words not tones. If your horse won't stand still, shouting isn't the thing to do. Give it the command 'stand' clearly as if you were talking to another person, give it the correct aids and the moment you feel even the slightest give in the rein from the horse slowing, release all your aids to reward. Then repeat. At first the horse will walk off but after a few times it will start to stand still. Your mum won't coo as you won't have raised your voice once and the horse will finally understand what in the world you want.
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Great post!!!

Take your emotion away from your horse training. It won't help you. It's really really hard to do (I know from experience). You need to be calm and not emotionally involved. And very very consistent with your handling!!!
 
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