Bad riding experience and how to rebuild confidence

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Iris9087

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Hi all,
I’d really appreciate any advice. My daughter, who is 4 years old, absolutely loves horses and riding, so we decided to take her to a riding school. She was super happy when she started and enjoyed trotting and even doing small gallops.





However, about two months ago, the riding instructor decided to put her on the biggest pony in the group. She’s only 4, while the other girls are at least 8 and older. My daughter cried at the end of that lesson and said the pony felt too wobbly — she was scared she’d fall off because her feet barely reached the saddle flap.

We spoke to the instructor, and she said my daughter just needed to get used to it. Afterwards, she put her back on a smaller pony, and my daughter slowly began rebuilding her confidence. But just as she was getting better, the instructor decided to put her on the biggest pony again. Everything fell apart — she cried on the horse, and we ended up taking her home.

At the same time, the instructor made us feel like it was my daughter’s problem, saying she needed to get used to riding bigger ponies.Or maybe my daughter just doesn’t like riding.

I’m not a professional, but I really want to understand — did I overreact? And most importantly, how can I help my daughter rebuild her confidence?

I would really value your advice. Thank you.
 
Nicnac said:
The instructor is an idiot.
Find another riding school or speak to the owner with your concerns and experience. When you book in specify which pony she will ride. You are the customer.
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I agree with this, however I don't think the customer gets to specify what pony will be ridden, in the places I have worked in it depends on the ponies work load, who else may need to ride that pony for whatever reason, or may be a rota'd day off, or another pony may share tack or whatever. But I think you are well within your rights to say that your daughter is unable to ride 'x' pony, or would please prefer a smaller pony and most riding places would be more than happy to accommodate.
 
AShetlandBitMeOnce said:
I agree with this, however I don't think the customer gets to specify what pony will be ridden, in the places I have worked in it depends on the ponies work load, who else may need to ride that pony for whatever reason, or may be a rota'd day off, or another pony may share tack or whatever. But I think you are well within your rights to say that your daughter is unable to ride 'x' pony, or would please prefer a smaller pony and most riding places would be more than happy to accommodate.
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Oh it's been a very long time since I was in a RS but remember booking the horse I wanted to ride each time.
 
The bigger pony might be bigger but could be as safe, or even safer and the instructor could be right about improving by riding the bigger pony eg. could be the better pony to learn to canter. Also, it is good to ride a variety. But it could have been put more politely and as a discussion between you rather than just telling you.
However, as a mother, I would want my child to ride a pony that they are happy to ride and with an instructor who I am comfortable with.
Did you manage to speak to the instructor or owner?
 
A 4 year old just needs to have a happy time riding. There will be plenty of opportunities to ride bigger ponies as she gets older. At 4 in a riding school l would expect her to be on a leading rein gaining confidence not riding a different pony each time. If the pony looks and feels too big it could well be. Is the riding school approved and a pony club centre? Maybe worth seeing what other places are near by.
 
Thank you so much for all your kind advice. It has been very emotional for me. I was watching her first riding videos — she was so happy and confident back then, and now she hates horse riding.

I had already spoken with the instructor before and mentioned that the specific horse was too big for her, but the instructor still put her on that horse. I don’t think she will listen, so I’ve decided to find another place. Unfortunately, her confidence has been badly damaged. I’ll see if she can get back on a pony at all. It’s very sad to see how her confidence got damaged
 
Definitely look for BHS-approved places, and look at the reviews. If they’re getting defensive with customers on reviews, then it’s an indication that they won’t take customers seriously in the lesson.

It might be worthwhile learning some of the basic signs of lameness yourself, because a dodgy place will, most likely, be actively putting lame horses in the lessons. It happens a lot more than it should.

I don’t think 4yos are allowed to canter in lessons according to insurance. I’d definitely be questioning the legitimacy of a place that’s doing more than lead rein stuff with kids under 5, and canter with kids under 6.
 
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