Be honest, is it possible? ?

SatansLittleHelper

SatansLittleHelper

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I'm struggling to get to grips with selling my boy. Knowing that him bucking me off was entirely my own fault I'm feeling confused.
He is a live wire at times, and I do lack confidence but can it ever work for us??
I'm not scared of him but I probably am overjoyed. ..however there is a big part of me that doesn't want to go down without a fight.
Should I give this partnership one last all out attempt or cut my losses and sell?? I'm so torn :( :( :(
 
It could do. Though I'd suggest sending him away for more schooling, perhaps with an instructor you know and trust, to get him back on track. They could then work with you both on a regular basis to continue their work and support you both. But there is no shame in moving him on if you aren't happy.. it is meant to be fun. X
 
If you decide to keep him, I would suggst that you take him back a few steps and that you have some lessons on a different horse, to get your riding muscles and confidence back to where you need them to tackle what a young horse may throw at you.
 
So hard to say tbh as depends a lot on you and your horse. A few years back I sold one on when I lost my confidence as he was too much horse for me, and I had a couple of falls. Wasn't worth the risk and he was sold onto a more experienced home.

Confidence is such a fragile thing, and you've been hurt I think, which may mean its harder for you to get over. I think it is possible with a lot of help, support and time, but if you're not well matched why risk making both of you more unhappy? There are so many horses out there, you may find one that's better suited to you, and he could find a better suited owner.

Sorry if that's harsh, and respect to you if you do carry on, but for me the decision was obvious (but I hadn't had mine long so it wasn't as emotional in my case).
 
I had a horse from 4 years old so did all the schooling and bringing on myself. After 3 1/2yrs I had a handling accident which resulted in me losing two teeth. Six months later he reared up at show (he used to do this plunging act but on this occasion failed to go forwards!) and came over on top of me.

How I never broke any bones that day I don't know as he actually rolled over me getting up and stood on my arm in the process. Que massive confidence loss. I loved that horse to pieces but had to accept that our relationship just wasn't going to work anymore. I rang my instructor and asked her advice. She said that if I was happy riding him then we could work through the issues. I was umming and haaing, then went out for a hack and he played up passing something and that moment I knew my confidence with him had totally gone. I sold him. :(

I then got a NF yearling who was supposed to be a companion for the schoolmaster I was going to buy and regain confidence on. That horse never materialised and Benji has been part of my life for the past 21 years and I wouldn't change that.

Only you knows how you feel about your horse. Having been there and got the t-shirt so to speak I don't regret my decision. He went to a great home with a lady who was a AI and he was jumping etc and doing really well.
 
My hubby was in the same position as you some years ago with his lovely horse. We bought him as a 4 year old; he was a big beautiful ID x TB with a quiet temperament. I took him for a few lessons, then hubby had some lessons on him and things were great for a while.

My husband started working away quite a lot and I was exercising his horse to keep him ticking over, but I found that my own horse was being side-lined, and suddenly our 'hobby' became a bit much for me, what with working, exercising 2 horses and doing bits and bobs with the foal and mucking out, feeding, grooming and so on... My hubby's horse was way too big for me and I was exercising him, rather than truly schooling him, so he went to a local yard for a while to be schooled. He did a few competitions and really excelled. Then he came home and my hubby had all but lost interest. He was the sort of horse that needed regular work and his fitness fell away rapidly if he wasn't worked 6 days a week. With a heavy heart we eventually decided to sell him and he went on a schooling/selling livery, he did a couple more competitions and sold within a couple of weeks.

He was a lovely horse and we still miss him all these years later, but my husband never really clicked with him and would prefer to have a ride on my very cheeky cob, who would tip him off (all too regularly!!!); it was like butter falling off a warm knife, yet somehow my hubby was more confident with my naughty horse than his own, better behaved boy. We're still not sure whether we did the right thing, because hubby's horse did nothing wrong, but I think my hubby was in awe of him somehow and felt his hobby riding wasn't up to the standard required for such a lovely horse.

I'm not really offering you advice as such, but at least if you can send your horse to someone reputable for a few weeks schooling, it'll give you breathing space and time to consider whether you wish to keep him or not. A horse that's had a little bit of schooling from someone reputable is so much more saleable should you decide to sell and his value will increase with a bit of schooling and competing under his belt. Our horse sold for around £2500 more than we paid for him. We made nothing on him because we'd paid for lessons and the schooling livery and he was sold with his almost new saddle, but I don't think we lost out either. The success our horse had in the little competitions he went to ensured he went to someone who was a decent adult rider with enough about them to give him a good, knowledgeable, loving, forever home.
 
I always think everything happens for a reason but if you decide to keep him I would find someone to do some schooling with him while you have lessons elsewhere to get some confidence back

Then ask the schooling person to have weekly sessions with both you and your horse (while the horse is still there) so that when horse comes home you will be in a better place to proceed from

then be willing to still have lessons from there on

I think you could easily throw well over £1000 at the situation to be honest
 
This is what I keep thinking...maybe I just have to accept it's not meant to be.
I think, if I'm being honest with myself, that I'm probably finding it hard to list him as it's only 9 and a half weeks since my daughter died...feels a little like my little world is caving in on me 😢😢😢😢😢
 
So sorry to hear about your daughter. I can't possibly imagine what you are going through. Don't rush into anything. Riding is meant to be fun and enjoyable. Possibly sending your horse away for some schooling or a good sales livery may be a good idea. Perhaps a few lessons on a steady horse or riding a friends school master ,could give you some breathing space. Where about in the country are you.
 
I think you'd be best off selling tbh. Could you offer a foster home for a local dog rescue? That could help fill the hole, but wouldn't be permenant?
 
Honestly I'd sell. You're letting your heart rule your head at the minute and it won't do you any favours. It costs as much to keep a bad horse as a good one...
 
You can get over it and keep him if you're willing to get some help

I almost sold my 4 yr old, last September
But got him checked by the vet first, just in case he had a mental issue, that was causing him to rear vertically

Turned out he was lame, front right, back left.

I'd also allowed him.to become rude, so eventually moved yards, which was my saving grace

Before I was on my own, him, my 30 yr old mare and mini shettie, I had no help

Now on a yard with 15 other horses, maybe 10 owners, amazing ym and riding instructor.

Ym helped me get him.sorted on the ground, only took a week. Instructor started riding him and I can safely say I have the calmest easy going 5 yr old. He's so bold and brave now. And all because he's been given some boundaries

Good luck if you do keep your boy
 
SatansLittleHelper said:
This is what I keep thinking...maybe I just have to accept it's not meant to be.
I think, if I'm being honest with myself, that I'm probably finding it hard to list him as it's only 9 and a half weeks since my daughter died...feels a little like my little world is caving in on me ����������
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**Puts my arms around you and gives you the biggest of hugs**

What I honestly think you need right now is time. Time to take things in, to grieve, to adjust. Losing a child is about the worst thing anyone can go through, you must be emotionally shot. Horses are so reactive to how we feel, and this could well explain the events of the last couple of weeks. I was so sorry to hear of your fall, and I know what it's like persevering with a difficult horse (I did it for 5 years).

Is there any where you could send him for a few weeks, either a friend who could work him for you? Or maybe training livery? This way you could see what it`s like to not have him around, and see if you`re ok with that? If you are, then sell him, if you`re not you can have him back, but it will have done him some good being worked by someone else in the meantime. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you. Take care of yourself.
 
I think if you are having doubts then it might better to hold off doing anything for now, give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically. My one caveat would be not to try doing anything alone initially if you do start again with him, enlist a good instructor to work with you both and see how things go. The downside is that it will be expensive, and he still might be too much for you.

It is still very early days in the grieving process, which isn't a good time to be making huge decisions. I do think you'd be better off selling, but you need to be in the right place mentally to make that decision on your own.
 
You poor thing, so sorry for your loss. I don't think I would stress myself out with this decision if I were you. Send him off to be schooled and re evaluate then. In the mean time don't worry about it, if you get lessons with his trainer and you feel good about it there's your answer. I had lost a bit of confidence handling my yearling and got a really good horse man to give me one lesson and it has changed my attitude completely.

Life is too precious to spend it worrying, I am sure your daughter would want you to be happy. If you do have to sell, don't view it as a negative thing. The horse may be happier with someone more confident, and you will have great fun with a new one.

Wishing you all the best.
 
I've been there. My lad is beyond quirky. He's dangerous. I've battled for the past 3 years! After another 'incident' I said enough. I was feeling sick every time I rode. I love and hate him at the same time. I cancelled his insurance and pulled his shoes. He's now a field ornament. Luckily cheap to keep so just £20 a week livery plus usual extras. I knew I would resent him having to go to the yard twice a day and have nothing to ride. So I bought a super forward going but sane 'normal' little horse and I am enjoying riding again. Have begun dressage lessons and have something to aim for again. Good luck in whatever you decide. Hugs x
 
DJ said:
**Puts my arms around you and gives you the biggest of hugs**

What I honestly think you need right now is time. Time to take things in, to grieve, to adjust. Losing a child is about the worst thing anyone can go through, you must be emotionally shot. Horses are so reactive to how we feel, and this could well explain the events of the last couple of weeks. I was so sorry to hear of your fall, and I know what it's like persevering with a difficult horse (I did it for 5 years).

Is there any where you could send him for a few weeks, either a friend who could work him for you? Or maybe training livery? This way you could see what it`s like to not have him around, and see if you`re ok with that? If you are, then sell him, if you`re not you can have him back, but it will have done him some good being worked by someone else in the meantime. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you. Take care of yourself.
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This. You could keep him for a year and see how you feel then. At the same time you could have an ear open for potential new owners for him and if someone perfect came up you could sell. Ditto keeping an ear open for perfect new horses for yourself. At the same time you could be getting professional help with the schooling but not as a money making exercise to increase his value more as a fun thing for you to watch his progress. If someone is being paid to school him I see no reason why you couldn't have a walk round on him for the last 10min of the session with their advice to guide you. It's hard to say whether ultimately selling him is going to be the best thing for you or not. It depends on you really. What if you get to the point of feeling safe to walk and trot out on hacks in company but not to hack alone or canter? Do you want this horse that much that you'd be willing to limit your riding? Are you willing to spend time and money to find out how far you can go with him? Or would you rather have a more established horse who you could feel safe doing everything on right away? Those are things only you can answer. Looking at it purely from a riding perspective it's easy to say sell and get something more suitable, but to a lot of people the emotional attachment to a horse can over ride a lot of things and the person still be happy. I agree with the poster who said you could easily throw £1000 at the situation but so could you if you buy a more established horse instead of a cheaper youngster and if you can afford £1000 and think spending it on your horses education, watching his progress and taking lessons would be an experience that you'd enjoy, is it necessarily a waste of money? I'm reminded of the phrase "life is not a destination, but a journey, don't be in a hurry to get to the end", it's about people who think "when I've aquired/achieved this/that then I'll be happy", it's true that you might be, but life doesn't always work like that.
 
big hugs for you 😚
I've been in the same place with my boy so appreciate the emotion is hard to separate.
First I went for some lessons on a schoolmaster then I took him to the same place for a 3 week boot camp with the same instructor - totally worked for us, sending him away on his own will only achieve so much - you need to work through this together if you're going to have a successful relationship. The instructor rode him the first 3 days which showed me how capable he was of being compliant, then we had daily full on lessons, by the end of the first week we'd completely turned a corner in terms of communication.
I think you need to ask yourself if you think you'll be able to regain full trust in this horse and be able to do what you wanted / planned with him, if not you'll always be restricted & is that going to be ok with you - or will you be constantly frustrated and thinking 'this isn't what I got you for' ? wishing he was a different horse. You invest a lot of time & money in him so should be satisfied with what you get out of it.
Good luck xx
 
Big hugs from me too. What an awful time you are having. Ask yourself how you would feel if I offered to take the horse, give it a five star home and in return give you a safe sensible sane horse that will do what you want. Would you feel happy, relieved and excited or would you feel sad and turn me down? That will give you your answer.

I think you need to give yourself an easier life, minimise stress and maximise things you enjoy and I suspect replacing your current horse may help with those things.
 
You probably could make it work, but maybe not without any facilities. Yes people do manage without them, but with a sharp young horse thats a little bit much for you, you are just making things harder than they need to be. Is there an option to send him for schooling and then keep him on livery there while you get established with him?

Or there would be no harm at all in turning him away for a few months. Give him and yourself a bit of breathing space. Then he could go away and be restarted and you could take it from there?
 
Dear SatansLittleHelper. Huge big hugs from me as well.

Honestly in your situation I would sell him - obviously only to a lovely home. Yes, it might work if you keep him - the upside of keeping him is that, well, you get to keep him. The downside is the risk that you might hurt yourself (and/ or him) even more badly :(

Is it worth the risk? For me, it would not be. I've tried persevering with a young strong sharp horse and the relief when I finally gave in was immense.

More hugs and best wishes for whatever you decide. xxxx

PS don't buy another until you are mended and can try it out ridden, also remember all the safety points on trying out a new horse! xx
 
TBH, when you first posted about this, I thought that you had possibly been too quick to make up your mind.
You have had 2 major issues in your life in a very short time, with the loss of your daughter and now your accident. In your place, I would turn the horse away and take time to heal, physically and emotionally. Then think again when you know how you feel, when your doctor says it is appropriate for you to ride again.
It may well be that you decide that you are over-horsed and it would be better to sell him to a more experienced home, or that you decide to have some schoolmaster lessons yourself and send the horse to schooling livery before having lessons on him to help you work out the best way to ride him. Remember he will be maturing all the time he is turned away.
 
i have somehow managed to get through and keep a horse that bucked, quite a lot. Im no experienced horsewoman or anything like that but things improved when i took the pressure off myself and gave up riding him. I just took a huge step back and concentrated on getting to know the horse, with time we relaxed into each other and he is now the type of horse you can leave for weeks then take out for a nice chilled hack.
I also bought an australian stock saddle, probably the cheats way out but it does make it practically impossible to fall off.
Im so sorry to hear that you have recently lost your daughter and can t imagine how you are feeling. Maybe it would be a better idea to find a way to postpone making a permanent descision regarding your horse, particuarly if you are attatched to him.
 
I think you should focus on yourself - he can be a live wire and you feel you lack confidence to deal with this.
Perfectly ok, but not a good match, especially just now when everything around you should be helping and supportive.
There will be someone who feels he's perfect for them, and a horse who really is perfect for you.
xx
 
ozpoz said:
I think you should focus on yourself - he can be a live wire and you feel you lack confidence to deal with this.
Perfectly ok, but not a good match, especially just now when everything around you should be helping and supportive.
There will be someone who feels he's perfect for them, and a horse who really is perfect for you.
xx
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Agree with this. Get something you enjoy. There are plenty of people who wouldn't blink twice at him bucking (and that's not to make you feel bad, but hopefully better!). Someone will love him just as much as you do, but without all the worry you're having. Treat yourself to one you'll look forward to riding.
 
So sorry to read about your daughter. As has already been said, that's probably the worst thing anybody can go through. I'm in the take time out camp. Maybe get someone in to ride him, or try something different, like horse agility or even taking him for walks. My mare went through a bucking phase and I very nearly gave up. May be coincidence, but after switching to a Thorn Pad (bought for my gelding!) , she's never bucked since!
 
Late to this thread.

My Shagya stallion was sent away to an excellent trainer for backing. The first time I got on him he bucked me off!! He now has a superb record in endurance and has jumped affiliated in the UK, back jumping in France now. Everyone who meets him comments on his superb temperament.

I have a pure bred CB mare who gave me a buck when asked to trot for the first time with a rider. She is now a really nice riding horse.

This is no big deal. Really sorry you got hurt but young horses do sometimes buck until they understand what is required of them. That is why I now employ a young stable jockey, more confident and secure in the saddle than my old bones. It is sad to write off a horse because it bucked.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
TBH, when you first posted about this, I thought that you had possibly been too quick to make up your mind.
You have had 2 major issues in your life in a very short time, with the loss of your daughter and now your accident. In your place, I would turn the horse away and take time to heal, physically and emotionally. Then think again when you know how you feel, when your doctor says it is appropriate for you to ride again.
It may well be that you decide that you are over-horsed and it would be better to sell him to a more experienced home, or that you decide to have some schoolmaster lessons yourself and send the horse to schooling livery before having lessons on him to help you work out the best way to ride him. Remember he will be maturing all the time he is turned away.
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This is really good advice, so much has happened to you in such a short time, give yourself time to heal before making such an important decision, you have invested a lot of emotion in your horse and as you have waited for him to get to the age he can start work. Turing him away for a few months and just handling him to rebuild trust before starting again seems good advice.
 
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