Beating the fear...

[Michen]

I have always struggled hugely with nerves, in particular when it comes to jumping. In spring this year my instructor was leading me over logs XC and in October I was doing a 90cm HT, and have spent the last few months hunting nearly every week.

Had the most amazing morning out hunting two weeks ago. We were absolutely flying hedges, rails, fences with huge ditches in front of them, we were jumping things I’d never dreamed of jumping. Until he left a leg at a tiny rail, pecked on landing and I went out the side door but landed on my feet- resulting in a broken ankle.

I am now one week post surgery and have another four before I can ride. I’m weight bearing and in an air boot (cast came off today) and absolutely desperate to get back on.

But I am absolutely gutted because I imagine my confidence when it comes to jumping will be shattered when I do. An injury like this was my biggest fear, more for the sheer inconvenience with driving, work, etc. I have no idea how or if I’ll be able to even jump a cross pole after this. All that confidence building and it’s likely been shattered as a result of the smallest fence we jumped that morning.

So fellow HHOers, those of you who have had your fears come true with broken limbs as a result of jumping etc- how did you get over it? Were you back to square one when you started riding again? Did you jump again? I am sad at the thought of starting the whole confidence roller coaster again. Even more so because it happened at such a tiny, tiny fence.

Picture of us from happier days in November!

 

[Sprat]

Bless you, not an easy thing to come back from at all.

I had a similar although altogether less extreme injury a few weeks ago. Took my green mare out arena eventing and she just lost it over a fence, I hit the deck, broke my nose, split my lip and gave myself a cracking concussion to boot.

I didn't ride for a few days, I was fine getting back on but the thought of jumping was making me a bit nauseous if I'm honest. I booked in a jump lesson with my instructor who was there at the time of the incident. She was great, very very encouraging, and took it really slowly. We jumped tiny 60cm cross poles until I stopped riding like a pleb (defensively). I've since had a couple of jump lessons (I haven't jumped on my own yet but that's more due to my laziness) and been ok.

Can you either have a lesson or have someone on the ground with you when you are in the position to jump again? Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, and keep them tiny until you're feeling confident again.

 

[Michen]

Bless you, not an easy thing to come back from at all.

I had a similar although altogether less extreme injury a few weeks ago. Took my green mare out arena eventing and she just lost it over a fence, I hit the deck, broke my nose, split my lip and gave myself a cracking concussion to boot.

I didn't ride for a few days, I was fine getting back on but the thought of jumping was making me a bit nauseous if I'm honest. I booked in a jump lesson with my instructor who was there at the time of the incident. She was great, very very encouraging, and took it really slowly. We jumped tiny 60cm cross poles until I stopped riding like a pleb (defensively). I've since had a couple of jump lessons (I haven't jumped on my own yet but that's more due to my laziness) and been ok.

Can you either have a lesson or have someone on the ground with you when you are in the position to jump again? Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, and keep them tiny until you're feeling confident again.

Absolutely I can, weirdly though I am at my least confidence when showjumping in a school/lesson. Much more confident out on the XC course or hunting (maybe that’s the port lol!). So I know it will be 100 x worse as I will be a long way from being able to hunt for an afternoon with the strength in my ankle etc, which is really where I’d build my confidence back up. Or not as the case may be..

 

[ihatework]

My reply might be particularly unhelpful, but it’s based on me (not you).

I’ve struggled over the years with nerves & confidence. Greatest with the SJ (really leaves me feeling sick), but to a certain extent the XC too, although when my Adrenalin is up I kind of enjoy it, sort of - but the ill feeling in the lead up doesn’t make it worth it any more.

A few years back I pushed through it and my ability to deal with it was very horse dependant, with not a lot of rhyme & reason - but if I felt right on a horse I could force myself to do it. And I actually I wasn’t that incompetent, but that didn’t make me feel any better!

Over recent years I’ve just swallowed my pride and accepted it’s not for me.
I retain an interest in Eventing but take much more pleasure from not being the competitor. For a while I did pure dressage to a reasonable level, which scratched an itch, but now I have no competitive aspirations at all.

These days I take pleasure in improving horses behind the scenes. And I’m 100% okay with that.

For you, just take each day as it comes for now. Get healed, back in the saddle and see how you feel. Maybe consider some sport psychology sessions while you are off?
When you start up again only surround yourself with positive training and keep it at your own speed - anyone on your side will support you.

 

[ImmyS]

I would just try to not over analyse things too much. Don’t panic about your confidence coming back right now, you can’t ride yet and you can’t change that so try not to worry about it, just focus on healing! I broke my ankle following my horse slipping and falling landing on her side and crushing my ankle, I was off games for a few months. My horse was sold in that time and my first ride back was on a friends sturdy confidence giver, we had a canter on grass out hacking that day. I would be lying if I said it didn’t affect my confidence and I can still be wary about canterwork especially on grass but I don’t let it stop me, I’m just careful and confidence grows at every positive experience.

I think the important thing is to rationalise what happened, mine was a freak accident and just one of those things. Yes yours dropped a leg on a small fence, but you just got unlucky you landed a certain way, nobodies fault and just think of the big fences you were flying with no problems. It was an accident and accidents happen, especially in horses. Seeing how your confidence has grown this year, I don’t think it will take you long to get back into the swing of things. All I would say is don’t rush when you get back on board, especially from a physical point of view as it may take a while to regain strength which may impact on your riding initially.

Take care of yourself! Speedy recovery x

 

[SEL]

I had a few nasty falls then years of horses who couldn't jump due to old injuries. I didn't realise how much my confidence had gone until my then YO asked me to pop a horse over a few small jumps pre sale. They were tiny and I was shocking!

I got a couple of lessons on schoolmasters which really helped but for me I really need to be doing it regularly and I'm not. Even if you go back to being led over a x-pole and start tiny then at least you're getting back into it again. I actually think now you know how reliable the pony is jumping you'll be flying again - just stick super glue on your bum!!

 

[Antw23uk]

You have to stop thinking about it negatively. I wouldnt have even written your post if it were me (because mentally I wouldn't have written something negative) I do not allow that thought process into my head. Its ALL positive, NEVER any doubt and I will always be good at something and I know I am more than capable.

A few years ago I was addicted to watching the 'jumping fails' videos on youtube ... what an idiot! Why would i watch those types of videos!!! I scared the life out of myself and wouldnt go over a cross pole!! You wouldn't find me watching anything negative nowadays. Its all about positive thinking.

 

[RachaelJC]

I used to hunt regularly when I was younger but had a bad accident (couple of weeks in intensive care and major abdominal surgery) and couldn't ride for 18 months on doctors advice. I'd fallen off before but that was the first time I couldn't get back on straight away, and it knocked my confidence a lot.

It's all about getting the right mindset though, and not being afraid to speak up when it becomes too much. I had a few lunge lessons and went back to a riding school that understood my problem. The first time I cantered after I came off I cried! I was unbalanced and tense so bouncing around a lot, but you get your rhythm back.

Also, I learnt not to make it out to be more than it was by over thinking and mulling it over for too long. With horses and confidence, you just need to get on with it. With some sympathetic assistance from a good instructor you'll get your confidence back in no time.

 

[J_sarahd]

As someone who suffers tremendously with a very fragile confidence, I know how easy it is to go from feeling on cloud 9 to feeling terrified to do certain things. My advice is take it slow! When I started riding my current share, I had so many confidence knocks (he would bolt with me in canter every time so I’d end up tensing in canter making it worse or blocking him from actually travelling, so my instructor got me cantering half a 20m circle, then 3/4, then a full, then half the school etc. Until I was confident. Same thing happened with our jumping - started with trotting poles, then canter poles, then raised canter poles, then teeny jumps etc. And now we are happily jumping 90cm courses). Push yourself a tiny bit out of your comfort zone each time you ride when you’re back on board, but don’t overface yourself. And always end on a good note, even if that means going back a step. E.g. when I started jumping my pony, he would often start getting silly over jumps by the end, so we ended with canter poles so that we both came out of the session happy and confident.

 

[Annagain]

I think you're overthinking it a bit - understandable but not the most helpful thing to do! It almost sounds like you're planning on losing confidence before you actually know that you have. When you can get back on, just take it one day at a time. Start with getting on and going for a little pootle about. If and when you find you are struggling for confidence, get your instructor back and start again - even if it's being led over cross poles to begin with. You beat it once, you can do it again. On your side is the fact your accident was just that, it had nothing to do with his behaviour or your ability, it was just a slight momentary misjudgement and a very unlucky landing. That's what you need to tell yourself.

 

[Michen]

Thanks very much everyone. I wrote this whilst in hospital having cast removed in a pretty negative mindset. I had no issue with the surgery etc but I’m really squeamish and when I was in the room and saw my stitches etc everything started spinning. Plus was shocked at the weakness of my ankle so feeling miserable all in all.

Anyway chin up, could have been much worse and aa you are right, beat the confidence issue once so can do it again if needed!

 

[Leo Walker]

You might not have lost confidence. When I smashed myself to pieces I genuinely thought that was it. I've struggled on and off for years with confidence issues, and exploding my spine was just about the worse thing I could have imagined. I actually got back on my semi retired old cob while I was still in the metal body brace. I had to know how bad it was. And you know what? It was fine. I still had confidence ups and downs but it was better than before the accident in lots of ways, I certainly dont have any issues relating to it, other than a slight uneasy feeling galloping over rough ground. I think for me, the worst case scenario happened and I survived, so thats that. I dont ride anymore now because I'm too fat, but I am incredibly brave as a driver which if anything is more dangerous.

 

[Wimbles]

Confidence is a funny old thing. It definitely seeps out the longer you are away from riding.

I strongly believe that your mindset on the day that it happened has something to do with how you feel when you get back on. I was already struggling with my confidence when I had my accident and had 7 months off riding and nearly a year off jumping. When the time came to get back on I already had those fears still hanging on and then more on top.

I think the horse you ride has a lot to do with it too. If you have a horse that fills you with confidence then I can imagine that feeling will stick around. I only had young and inexperienced horses to get back to it on but I think you will feel very differently with your super boy!

 

[Michen]

Confidence is a funny old thing. It definitely seeps out the longer you are away from riding.

I strongly believe that your mindset on the day that it happened has something to do with how you feel when you get back on. I was already struggling with my confidence when I had my accident and had 7 months off riding and nearly a year off jumping. When the time came to get back on I already had those fears still hanging on and then more on top.

I think the horse you ride has a lot to do with it too. If you have a horse that fills you with confidence then I can imagine that feeling will stick around. I only had young and inexperienced horses to get back to it on but I think you will feel very differently with your super boy!

Thanks Wimbles. I got straight back on before I realised how bad the ankle was, my boy was fantastic leaving the meet cantering alongside the quad bike that was opening gates for us and then on the road with hunt sabs revving their engines up his arse and my dangly leg. I have tons of faith in him and don’t feel nervous about getting back on in general, just the thought of jumping but you are right- I was in a really confident frame of mind when it happened.

It does make me laugh as on the Facebook horse groups it’s littered with people with broken bones asking how soon till they can ride again etc. We must all be mad!

 

[paddy555]

can't help with the confidence but can with the broken ankle and riding bit. Mine was in an air boot. When it came off I got an ankle brace (around £50) and bandaged it on very tightly and then crammed the whole lot in a lace up boot. That gives you a lot of confidence as not only are you scared of riding till you get going again but you are even more scared of damaging the ankle again. When it was bandaged up it wasn't going anywhere! The physio excercises I was given were boring but I found the horse was the best physio. Put the stirrup a little longer and the gentle movement of walking on the horse was the perfect physio, and a lot more fun. As the ankle improves you can raise the stirrup to exercise it more. The more walking you do on the horse the more it strengthens. I rode for a long time with the ankle brace bandaged on as it became scary riding doing gates etc as you thought you were going to hit the ankle on the gatepost.

 

[SpringArising]

The obvious but difficult part of horses is just accepting that shit happens and not letting it get to you too much. My motto is 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'. The outcome COULD be bad, but it could also be awesome! And for me the possibility of it going right and the feeling that goes with that beats the possibility that it could go wrong.

 

[Michen]

can't help with the confidence but can with the broken ankle and riding bit. Mine was in an air boot. When it came off I got an ankle brace (around £50) and bandaged it on very tightly and then crammed the whole lot in a lace up boot. That gives you a lot of confidence as not only are you scared of riding till you get going again but you are even more scared of damaging the ankle again. When it was bandaged up it wasn't going anywhere! The physio excercises I was given were boring but I found the horse was the best physio. Put the stirrup a little longer and the gentle movement of walking on the horse was the perfect physio, and a lot more fun. As the ankle improves you can raise the stirrup to exercise it more. The more walking you do on the horse the more it strengthens. I rode for a long time with the ankle brace bandaged on as it became scary riding doing gates etc as you thought you were going to hit the ankle on the gatepost.

Thanks very much this is helpful to known I need some new short boots and was thinking lace ups would be good for ankle situ.

Did you ride stirrupless with the air cast on at all

 

[paddy555]

Thanks very much this is helpful to known I need some new short boots and was thinking lace ups would be good for ankle situ.

Did you ride stirrupless with the air cast on at all

I have to admit I tried but it didn't really work too well. You are unbalanced. Also you lose any ability to get off quickly which is a bit scary that you may damage the ankle. Also it is not easy using your legs as one is away from the horse's side.. I did however do lots of lunging and long reining which was better than nothing as I was breaking a youngster at the time. Presumably your air walker has the pump and the air sacs in it? If so then I really pumped them up hard for support with the more difficult horses. When the walker came off and I put an ankle brace on I put the walker back on for anything I considered "dangerous" with the horses. If I was likely to be pushed sideways for example or lead something a bit strong. I also put the walker back on if I felt it was getting tired and a bit vulnerable.

 

[Michen]

I have to admit I tried but it didn't really work too well. You are unbalanced. Also you lose any ability to get off quickly which is a bit scary that you may damage the ankle. Also it is not easy using your legs as one is away from the horse's side.. I did however do lots of lunging and long reining which was better than nothing as I was breaking a youngster at the time. Presumably your air walker has the pump and the air sacs in it? If so then I really pumped them up hard for support with the more difficult horses. When the walker came off and I put an ankle brace on I put the walker back on for anything I considered "dangerous" with the horses. If I was likely to be pushed sideways for example or lead something a bit strong. I also put the walker back on if I felt it was getting tired and a bit vulnerable.

Thanks paddi that’s useful to hear. Probably would have been easier in the cast/back slab I had on until today.

Guess I will get proficient at lunging and Boggle will get better schooled as he’s ridden by a pro instead of me and my peg leg!

How is your ankle now? Did you regain full use?

 

[Gloi]

When your ankle has recovered enough to ride I really recommend these ankle braces. https://www.physioroom.com/product/...BNmebIdKk2KDVa2pXqhXF3M2rGM37DZxoC_GwQAvD_BwE
I have a lot of ankle problems due to ligament damage and tried lots of different braces and found these to be the best by far and you can wear them with most footwear and under boots.

 

[paddy555]

When your ankle has recovered enough to ride I really recommend these ankle braces. https://www.physioroom.com/product/...BNmebIdKk2KDVa2pXqhXF3M2rGM37DZxoC_GwQAvD_BwE
I have a lot of ankle problems due to ligament damage and tried lots of different braces and found these to be the best by far and you can wear them with most footwear and under boots.

yes that is what I had and also where I bought it from, they were very good. It was also the make the consultant suggested.

Michen I did regain full use of the ankle, everyone said I would get arthritis in it but 10 years on and absolutely nothing.

 

[Michen]

My reply might be particularly unhelpful, but it’s based on me (not you).

I’ve struggled over the years with nerves & confidence. Greatest with the SJ (really leaves me feeling sick), but to a certain extent the XC too, although when my Adrenalin is up I kind of enjoy it, sort of - but the ill feeling in the lead up doesn’t make it worth it any more.

A few years back I pushed through it and my ability to deal with it was very horse dependant, with not a lot of rhyme & reason - but if I felt right on a horse I could force myself to do it. And I actually I wasn’t that incompetent, but that didn’t make me feel any better!

Over recent years I’ve just swallowed my pride and accepted it’s not for me.
I retain an interest in Eventing but take much more pleasure from not being the competitor. For a while I did pure dressage to a reasonable level, which scratched an itch, but now I have no competitive aspirations at all.

These days I take pleasure in improving horses behind the scenes. And I’m 100% okay with that.

For you, just take each day as it comes for now. Get healed, back in the saddle and see how you feel. Maybe consider some sport psychology sessions while you are off?
When you start up again only surround yourself with positive training and keep it at your own speed - anyone on your side will support you.

I got so much pleasure from watching Boggle be bought on and competed earlier this year, I can quite see why its so enjoyable for people in a different kind of way. That said I would feel sad if my days of competing at 27 years old are over, I get such a sense of accomplishment at the end of XC though agree, SJ makes me feel sick however small!

Will see how it goes when I'm back on board. Thank god this has happened now, rather than earlier this year when I was still terrified of the horse himself. Whilst he's still incredibly sharp I feel completely at home on him so hopefully that is half of the battle.

 

[ihatework]

I got so much pleasure from watching Boggle be bought on and competed earlier this year, I can quite see why its so enjoyable for people in a different kind of way. That said I would feel sad if my days of competing at 27 years old are over, I get such a sense of accomplishment at the end of XC though agree, SJ makes me feel sick however small!

Will see how it goes when I'm back on board. Thank god this has happened now, rather than earlier this year when I was still terrified of the horse himself. Whilst he's still incredibly sharp I feel completely at home on him so hopefully that is half of the battle.

No I get that and I do think one of the biggest factors is having the right horse. When I was Eventing a bit in my late 20’s ironically the horse I did the most with and felt the safest on, was also the sharpest I’ve owned.

 

[Michen]

When your ankle has recovered enough to ride I really recommend these ankle braces. https://www.physioroom.com/product/...BNmebIdKk2KDVa2pXqhXF3M2rGM37DZxoC_GwQAvD_BwE
I have a lot of ankle problems due to ligament damage and tried lots of different braces and found these to be the best by far and you can wear them with most footwear and under boots.

Thank you very much- I’ve jhst ordered one!

 

[DiNozzo]

I was very much the same when I broke my ankle (although I fell down the stairs not off hunting!), because I was so terrified of the changes in my life due to the inconvenience of a cast, breaking a bone, etc.

Actually, I realised that the worst that I could imagine had come to pass, and it was fine. Boring and slightly more difficult for a few months, but okay generally. I'd focus on that.

Yes, it happened, but you're coping fine, even if it is unpleasant. You can do this.

 

[SpringArising]

Be careful lunging too. I broke my foot earlier this year and lunging was probably more detrimental than had I decided to ride, as he was strong and fresh and would jerk me around. I was hopping around the arena on one leg at times trying not to damage my bad foot!

 

[Ambers Echo]

Echo Annagain, Leo W and others who say don't assume you will lose confidence. I used to be a terrified jumper. Almost phobic. I slowly improved and by last summer was flying. I was at a XC clinic jumping 90cm/1m fences when my leather snapped and I fell and got tangled up in Amber's hooves. I went to A&E and I was on a board for ages as I had severe bruising to my lower back, right over my spine, and I was being sick so they were also concerned about concussion. My back was literally black from the bruising. Like you I was worried I would have lost my confidence but I refused to let my mind go there and when I did get back on I was pleasantly surprised that I was fine. I just visualised myself flying over jumps and I went back a few steps but within a week or 2 it was as if it had never happened. Good luck x

 

[Cortez]

Well, if you think like that you're already defeated, aren't you? The only way to find out is to do it and see how you feel.

I got back on 5 weeks after smashing my femur and knee when a horse went over backwards on me just to see A). If I could do it, and B). If I was frightened, (I could, and I wasn't). My physio was horrified, but I needed to know. I didn't ride again for another 8 weeks, but was actually back riding at work when I was still on crutches on the ground. I've also ridden (and competed) with a hard cast on a broken ankle - quiet horse, 'though I'm not foolish; if there had been a problem, or if I wasn't comfortable doing it then I would have waited.

 

[Red-1]

I did all the tendons in my right ankle, I used what would be like a Robert Jones bandage on a horse, so gamgee or cotton wool (more comfy with cotton wool) to a fair thickness then bandage with an exercise bandage or two, so it is all very firm.

I then had to use OH's XL boots (massive), but not do the zip up as it would not, but either bandage or tape it shut.

That made the ankle feel protected, but I could not get my foot in the stirrup as I could not move the ankle at all... so I had to buy a stirrup at 90 degrees to normal so it hangs open. I got Royal Rider plastic ones, with a cheese grater foot plate so I would not lose it again.

Managed to get round a BE100 like that, for my sins! Was so happy and relieved that I set the air jacket off for the one and only time by dismounting to hug the saint of a horse for looking after me.

When I broke my kneecap and had a full leg cast on, I did have a little sit on and pootle round. It was because I did not re-mount after breaking it and did not fancy 3 months brooding about it. It did work for me, felt fine when I got back on.

 

[dixie]

You have to stop thinking about it negatively. I wouldnt have even written your post if it were me (because mentally I wouldn't have written something negative) I do not allow that thought process into my head. Its ALL positive, NEVER any doubt and I will always be good at something and I know I am more than capable.

A few years ago I was addicted to watching the 'jumping fails' videos on youtube ... what an idiot! Why would i watch those types of videos!!! I scared the life out of myself and wouldnt go over a cross pole!! You wouldn't find me watching anything negative nowadays. Its all about positive thinking.

I won’t watch those videos either for the same reason. I once got concussed sj which was videoed. I watched it a couple of times and then deleted it as it was not doing my confidence any good.