Being Brave.

[Firewell]

Hello all,
I guess I am writing this just to get my thoughts onto paper really and to have the support?!
I have decided to put my beloved horse up for sale. This isn't an Ad or anything as, well we live here in America lol. I have tried my best since getting back into riding to start where I left off since having my 2nd baby but I simply do not have the time. I could say it's fine to only ride him 3x per week and to go up briefly to check he has 4 legs (if I can even do that) on the other days but I know it's not fine. It's not fine to my beautiful horse who is used to being number 1 and then number 2 on my list. Not number 4 which is what he is right now. He's not ready for this semi-retirement, he has too much life left and too much to offer someone else.
It is frustrating me when he needs more work and I only have 30 mins. It's not fair when I dump him back out in the field soaking wet after washing him down because I don't have time to dry him properly. I have tried having dressage lessons but I am not enjoying it as much as I should. There's no competition to aim for. I could enjoy him as a pleasant hack but this on light work he is not. He is spooky and excitable because of course he is bored and fresh.
I have advertised him and I have had a few calls. Mainly from young ladies, students of 3* and 4* eventers looking for a partner to have fun on eventing. I have had calls from older adult amature riders with the time to compete and for him to be their baby. I know he will love feeling special again and he will love showing them how brave and good he is at his job. He wants to go hacking, and up the gallops and XC schooling. Not a quick plod round the field or in the school for a quick pointless session *again*.
I know I am doing the right thing for both of us, but it is still so hard. He is my dream horse but then the dream changes. The horse suitable for me in my 20's is not the horse that is suitable for me in my 30's with 2 babies.
I think I will buy something else. Something smaller that I can share with my children in the future. Something of a different ilk. I have been looking at a 14.3hh Costa Rican horse. Yes very different! Not a jumper or a dressage horse but a pretty little hacking horse that I can not feel guilty about. Something I can pick up at the weekends and meet my friends to explore this beautiful countryside. Something to relax on, have a canter and look at the scenery.
I can always return to a competition horse in the future. So for now I am getting my beloved Jae's back done, his jabs and his teeth to make sure he is tip top for his next home and I am going to be oh so picky! Only the best for my beautiful boy .

 

[Sheep]

So sorry to hear this, but it sounds like it is probably the right decision, you are so brave to put him first. I'll miss your updates on him, but please keep us posted on how you get on. X

 

[Firewell]

Thank you.
I had a long chat with my husband tonight. He was so sweet. He said I underestimate my own abilities and that if I get a more docile horse to fit into my current lifestyle Iwill end up fruatrated when I do have more time. He has urged me to get a sharer. I was certain I had made my mind up but I promised him I would go and try some different horses before I hand the keys over to someone else so to speak. Just in case I'm like 'eugh ford after a bently' sort of thing.
He also said if I sold him to take a 6 month break as he wants to go off travelleing before the kids start school, which I must admit is a tempting offer!

 

[Sheep]

Thank you.
I had a long chat with my husband tonight. He was so sweet. He said I underestimate my own abilities and that if I get a more docile horse to fit into my current lifestyle Iwill end up fruatrated when I do have more time. He has urged me to get a sharer. I was certain I had made my mind up but I promised him I would go and try some different horses before I hand the keys over to someone else so to speak. Just in case I'm like 'eugh ford after a bently' sort of thing.
He also said if I sold him to take a 6 month break as he wants to go off travelleing before the kids start school, which I must admit is a tempting offer!

He sounds like a great guy! Yes, don't rush into a decision if you aren't 100% about it. Is
loaning / leasing an option out there?

 

[madlady]

You obviously adore him so would a sharer be a viable option for you? If you get a good one they could give him the amount of work that he needs and you would still be able to do what you can with him until you are in a position to start doing more.

I would say it's certainly something to consider.

The other thing to think about though is that as your children grow you might want to take things a little slower (I know my days of flying around a XC course are long gone nowadays I'm a happy hacker and a safe horse is more important than anything) so your original idea of getting a different type may indeed be the right thing.

I really don't envy you the decision.

 

[FfionWinnie]

If it's not a financial decision could you loan him for a while to see if you are sure.

Personally, the horse I had before I had a child would never suit me now (and she's 7 in April).

I had a TB before and now I have a sporty cob who gives me hours of enjoyment and no stress at all - and she's pretty competitive too!

 

[ester]

Don't be too quick to get rid of him completely, you took him with you for a reason. x

 

[NiceNeverNaughty]

yeh give it 6 months and try getting a sharer. You went to such an effort to take him with you. Things with little ones can seem all consuming but 6 months can change things a lot. Once he’s sold, he’s sold but by giving yourself some time you can make sure you wont regret it.

 

[Caol Ila]

Agree with above posters. Look into getting him a leaser. That way, he's still yours but you get a break.

 

[MyBoyChe]

Well done for realising that your priorities have changed, you are now a grown up with a family and responsibilities, things move on and change and we have to change with them. That said, I agree with the posters who say, you took him with you for a reason, dont be too quick to get rid. Could you retain ownership and find him a semi pro rider or lease/loan to a young, competitive rider who can do all the work. Maybe, in a few years time, when you have a bit more time, he will be ready to slow down a bit and can become your horse again? Your hubby sounds a good chap and Im sure he will support you whichever way you go.

 

[Sheep]

Thinking back to my first reply (around 4.30am this morning....) I think you are right to try and find an alternative for him, BUT as others have suggested, don't rush into selling. You worked so hard to get him to the USA, as Ester points out, and perhaps a temporary break might do you good - even if he went to someone else for a while and you did get something more low maintenance to play with, to take the pressure off until you have more time for J.

 

[LeannePip]

Could you not loan him out to one of the students? he would get out being busy but it would not be such a final decision - agree with the others, after all the trouble you went through to get him there would be a shame to do something almost irreversable.

Not an easy decision to have to make though

 

[ihatework]

Lease him for 2 years, go travelling, do the baby thing then have him back.

 

[stencilface]

Lease him for 2 years, go travelling, do the baby thing then have him back.

This. You went to all the effort to take him there only two (?!) years ago, honestly horses don't care what they do - don't put human emotions onto him, I know he is great - but he is a horse! Loan him and then sell him if you want, or have him back. I think if you make a permanent decision now you might regret it, you have two kids under 3 - I would question the sanity of most of your decisions tbh, as you must be shattered!

 

[TGM]

Lease him for 2 years, go travelling, do the baby thing then have him back.

Agree with this! At the end of that period, you'll either realise that you are not missing him that much, so you will be happy to sell him, or you will be desperate to have him back, which you will still be able to do! If you sell him now and regret it later, you will be stuffed!

 

[TPO]

Lease him for 2 years, go travelling, do the baby thing then have him back.

This.

Alternatively, and only because you yourself have mentioned this frequently before but, as money isn't an issue for you why don't you put him onto full livery with a rider/trainer you like? Even if it's just for the 6mths that you are away. Then it's 6mths later, your children are 6mths older and Jae will have had 6mths of work perhaps putting you in a better situation to make a more permanent decision?

 

[Poorlypony]

I am normally just a lurker but am posting because like everyone else I think selling him would be a serious mistake.
I have two little boys and know all about maternal/equine guilt. However it is still really early days for you. When my second son was 7 months old I found a babysitter I trusted and had 2 mornings a week when I went and rode which really helped my sanity. Could you do something like that and I stick him on full livery or get a sharer? If that doesn't work out loan him for a year or two.
You have invested too much in him - time, money and emotion to sell now. I also doubt long term you will be happy just to hack and then you will be gutted you let him go.
Never make serious decisions when sleep deprived and in the eye of the new baby storm!

 

[j1ffy]

I don't know your or Jae in person and I feel strangely sad reading this! Like many on this forum I've followed your posts for many years and seen the amazing progress you've made with him, and the clear bond that the two of you have. Life does change, as do our equine needs, but as others have suggested maybe investigating leasing him (I think that's more common in the US, isn't it?) so you can retain some control and the option to take him back one day. He's a lovely horse and has transitioned so well to life over there x

 

[Firewell]

Thanks everyone for having our best interests at heart <3. The young lady coming to try him I think would lease or buy. Obviously there are pros and cons to both.
I do feel differently after this baby. Maybe it's because I took a break. Maybe it's because I fell off at 6 weeks pregnant and felt that fear when falling that it's not only about me anymore. (Not fear Terror that through my selfishness I would lose my baby. I didn't of course and everything was fine but I can look at my darling FW 2 now and think omg, what if you had been hurt, what if I had never met you ). Now I have in my head what if I fell and and hurt myself and couldn't take care of my babies? I have my husband and he would obviously care for them but my perspective has changed. Now if he spooks or has an excited buck all I can think is 'agghhh don't fall off' when before I'd feel mildly irritated give him a boot and forget about it 30 seconds later.
He's a sensitive horse and he can feel me tense I am sure.
Things are different. Are they temporary or permanent I don't know.

 

[TGM]

I felt the same when my daughter was young, but the older and more independent she became, the more I felt able to take risks again. I can't guarantee that it will be the same for you, but wise to keep your options open if you can.

 

[Broodle]

I totally understand this post! My youngest is 9 months and I am horsehunting again. I am looking at very different horses now to the types I used to like! The reality is with kids that there is less time... You need a horse that can cope with having a week off because you've got a poorly child, and that can then be ridden on the buckle because you're knackered and just want to sit there and relax.

Maybe the posters above are right that you should keep your options open, but from over here it looks like you may well be happier with a different horse.

If you're in the position to lease jae and buy another, to give you time to see how you enjoy the new one I think that could be a good option. But honestly if you don't see yourself out competing seriously again before the kids are in school then I'd sell.

Good luck x

 

[Fiona]

I'm firmly in the 'don't sell' camp too......

My impression of riding in the USA (especially in horsy areas) is that trainers/pupils have a much closer relationship than is normally the case over here in the UK.

I'd really hope you could find a lovely teen/20 something who would treat him like cut glass and would keep him with a rider you respect so you would have no qualms leasing him for 1-2 years....

Who knows how you will feel by then.....

Fiona