Being forced to sell...

[AutumnDays]

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you get over the guilt?
I'm having to put my little Arab x Appaloosa Filly up for sale, due to a marital breakdown, and being unable to afford to keep a horse, house and car on the road by myself. On the one hand, she's young, still a blank canvas, has only been with me 7 months and isn't my horse of a lifetime, but on the other... I feel so guilty to be having to sell her on! Having got to a stage where I was able to own my own again after a big break a few years ago, to having my heart horse taken from me due to colic last August, and now this!!
Just needed to vent to some people who would understand I guess. Thank you for reading

 

[poiuytrewq]

I’ve never been in that situ but didn’t want to read and run.
I really feel for you. Hugs

 

[MissTyc]

That is very difficult and makes an emotional situation even harder. I really do feel for you, but if she's not your heart horse then hopefully getting the best possible price for her will make your own life a little easier over the next few weeks/months. And maybe you could find a share horse to ride to stay in the game, so to speak?

 

[Wishfilly]

I'm sorry, that must really hurt.

I hope one day you are in the position to own again, and you find a lovely horse then.

 

[jules9203]

From what you've said you are making the right decision. For her and you. Stop feeling guilty, we are not supposed to break ourselves (financially!!!) for our horses. I'm sure you will do your best to find her a lovely home. XX

 

[cauda equina]

So sorry about your filly
Hope you're ok otherwise xx

 

[Spiritedly]

Not exactly the same but I had to sell my pony I'd had since he was born last year, he was 6 when I sold him and although I wanted to keep him he wasn't big enough for me and I couldn't afford to keep him just for someone to loan...and I was let down by a couple of loaners anyway....It was a hard decision and involved a lot of soul searching but I tried to think that I wouldn't have my mare and gelding, who are my heart horses in different ways, if someone hadn't had to make the tough decision to sell them at some point in their lives.
Your filly may not have been the 'one' for you but by having to make the decision to sell her she may find the person who she is the once in a lifetime horse for.

 

[palo1]

Not exactly the same but I had to sell my pony I'd had since he was born last year, he was 6 when I sold him and although I wanted to keep him he wasn't big enough for me and I couldn't afford to keep him just for someone to loan...and I was let down by a couple of loaners anyway....It was a hard decision and involved a lot of soul searching but I tried to think that I wouldn't have my mare and gelding, who are my heart horses in different ways, if someone hadn't had to make the tough decision to sell them at some point in their lives.
Your filly may not have been the 'one' for you but by having to make the decision to sell her she may find the person who she is the once in a lifetime horse for.

This is so true! I bought a horse of a lifetime from someone who had to sell in very sad circumstances (her health). She had had the horse from a weanling to 2y/o and clearly really hoped to keep him. It was awfully sad for her but that horse has been with me almost since she sold him and I have felt enormously lucky to have him. I can't imagine life without him. He has had the best of everything and will never go anywhere else. I am really grateful for the lovely start in life that he had too. You should be able to find your young horse a lovely home but it is very sad for you. I am sorry you are going through this.

 

[J&S]

I do know what this is like. I was able to pass my mare on to a great friend who kept her till the end. Another of my friends was in the same situation and managed to re home her horse with her farriers wife. Are you able to find a home for your horse with some one you know. I realise it is not a guarantee but will make the hand over more acceptable.

 

[SO1]

That is very sad to have to sell under those circumstances but easier to sell a nice youngster than having to think about what to do about a veteran in these circumstances.

If people never sold horses I would not have my pony.

Perhaps her breeder could help with advertising her for you. There might be someone out there who wanted her but was pipped to the post by you getting there first.

I hope in due course you are able to have a horse again and sorry that you are going through a difficult time.

 

[honetpot]

It is more normal to sell than to keep a pony. Most ponies are bought for children and most people can not afford two, so when they are outgrown they are sold, I think the idea of keeping a horse forever has come about because horses have become companion animals, and they can stay in work much longer.
I sell my youngsters when they are about three, I have them from weaning, and I try and give them the best in life so they go on and make someone a nice animal. Do not look on selling as a failure, just a stage in both your lives, and you will both go on to have a happy life.

 

[SO1]

What makes me sad is seeing elderly horses for sale due to owners not being able to afford them any more.

Young well bred sound youngsters are less likely to end up with bin end dealers or people who want a cheap riding horse but don't understand the responsibility that comes with owning an older equine.

Very few horses stay in the same home from youngster to veteran. I have had my pony since he was 5 and he is now 20 and when a new vet or other professional sees him they are surprised I have had him so long it is quite rare. When I got him at 5, I was his 4th home.

 

[sunnyone]

OP I'm sure your horse will sell easily and find a good home. BUT, as somebody who got divorced many years ago I know what an awful emotional experience it is, even if you're the one instigating it.
I looked at my options and kept my horse but ditched the house (I rented a room for a while) and soon after, that particular car as well. Horses are used these days as mental health supporters, at the time I was divorced this wasn't recognised but my horse and I knew!.
Look carefully at all of your options, and then keep those which matter to you.

 

[olop]

I was in the same situation as you some years ago, divorced and couldn’t afford to keep mine. He was 16 at the time and I just couldn’t sell as I couldn’t guarantee his future so sent him on loan to the local college. He actually hated it there and only lasted a few months but it gave me time to find a cheap field to rent whilst I got myself on my feet.
I really feel for you as it’s really not a nice situation to be in, especially with a youngster as you wouldn’t have that option. Before you do it try and see if you can find anywhere to turn her away for a few years on the cheap.
Sending massive hugs, hope your ok xx

 

[Getbackboys]

i amso sorry you are having to face this, life really sucks sometimes, but just a thought could you possibly loan her out or try grass livery with other yearlings, your situation may change we never know whats around the corner, hugs

 

[Birker2020]

I've never sold a horse but was in this position with Lari a few weeks ago, and I felt guilty like you.
But you have no choice so you need to do this for you.

 

[SantaVera]

I've been there , twice,so I do have some understanding of the situation. Hard as it is its a caring thing to do, you are doing the best for your horse,its not easy to relinquish ownership but its the best thing you can do at the time. Wishing you and your horse best wishes for the future and happier times ahead X

 

[WispyBegs]

Such sad circumstances, sometimes we just have no choice in life. I really feel for you.
Know that you’re doing it in the best interest of yourself and the horse, and when the right time presents itself to come back to horse ownership the right horse will be waiting for you.

 

[Tarragon]

A rubbish position to be in, but don't forget that it was you that set up your pony to succeed in its new home. I found a new home for one of my ponies and get a huge amount of satisfaction in seeing how well he is doing.

 

[Birker2020]

I think if you have a young horse who has no baggage, or no physical problems you can more or less rest assured that it will have a rosy future.
If you have something that does have baggage/physical issues then its not so clear cut.

This is why I really didn't want to sell my horse, because I was worried what kind of future he'd have and there was every possibility of him being passed from pillar to post which I suspect has been something that has happened quite a lot in the recent past.

I think your horse, who by virtue of it being young and unbroken (i.e. not with health issues) will be fine and you can rest easy. Although no one can guarantee that your filly will end up being in a home for life, I'd say she has more of a chance than the scenario I've mentioned above.

 

[AutumnDays]

Thank you all for your kindness and reassuring words xx

 

[Lucky Snowball]

So sorry to hear your situation. There are some lovely people and homes out there - try not to worry, just find the best home possible and look after yourself.

 

[I'm Dun]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I was in a similar situation. I had my own little yard and 3 horses including a stunning highland youngster. Following a very traumatic split from my partner it just got to be too much for me. My youngster has found the perfect home. They think he is the best thing ever. I get to see updates about what he's doing and it helps to know he's happy and he's making others happy.

I have one on livery now, doesn't cost much less, but its mentally and physically much less of a burden. I was very sad to do it, it felt to me like I'd given up/lost everything and the horses were the one thing I wasn't compromising on. But actually once it was done I just felt relief that my life was now so much easier. I hope it helps you too, even if its very hard to do.