Being positive in riding

Trinket12

Trinket12

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The timing of this article couldn't have been better, I am very guilty of the second point. I just came back from my lesson today, and after the initial pleasure wore off, I started to give myself a hard time about what I did wrong, and how I was such a bad rider and surely I should not be making mistakes after riding for two years......

6 Ways Positive Psychology Can Make You a Better Rider
 
JFTD-WS said:
Ah yes, because of course, after 2 years, you're an expert and should never be making mistakes. I mean, all these guys riding round Badminton and Burghley haven't been riding that long, and they never make mistakes or screw up, right? ;)
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That's it! It's like you're inside my head :D Never mind that I ride a stubborn 31 year old, who can be very conveniently 'deaf' when I ask for something :rolleyes:
 
i spend the last two years going to confidence coaches and reading sports psychology books, and it wad the best investment of time I ever spent. It completely changed the way I think about riding, and I enjoy it way more.
 
It's not just riding that I give myself a hard time about, not that that makes it any better! I'm aware of the thought pattern so use techniques my therapist has given me to counter it.

I also try to remember, that when we make mistakes our brains grow (I know it's slightly more scientific than that) so I am working on embracing that. That's why it's called a 'lesson' I'm learning!

Today's lesson was quite good, my turn on the forehand was spot on and leg aids were much better :)
 
You're right, the people who are getting nothing wrong can't be learning much.
Mark Rashid said to a student, "The only difference between me and you is, I'm not afraid of making mistakes." Mistakes/experiments are where the learning happens.
There's a good para in one of the books about the people celebrated as top achievers in their sport, like Willie Shoemaker and Babe Ruth - they lost *far* more contests than they won, but they just kept on turning up and playing the game.
Think of how you treat your horse; reward the try...
So often, people climb on and start hunting for "faults" straight away. Not walking off from the mounting block actively enough! Boot. Seeming a bit "lazy" after standing in the stable for hours! Smack.
Look for something to reward; if you are in a slow patch, choose a small easy task and reward that before you try the harder one again.
Be kind to yourself and reward your own tries too! You sound very dedicated - in a year, you will look back and realise how far you've travelled :)
 
exactly greymare!
one of the handiest things I ever learnt was to 'debrief' properly after every competition. A sports psycholgist explained that you have to sit down and unemotionally analyse and say 'what was good?, what could be better?' So even if I went in and fell off, I'd still step back unemotionally now and go 'well it was bad , i fell off because I pushed him out of his rhythm so he refused and I was too far forward and fell', but what was good was I jumped the other 12 jumps in a good rhytmn and he jumped well.

It;s such a lightbulb moment to not go 'oh im a bad rider cause x happened', because you naturally never balance it off and go 'god im an amazing rider because i did x'. People go so hard on themselves.
 
I keep a journal that I fill in after my lessons. What was good and what needs work, I stay away from “wrong”. I also try and reflect on where I was emotionally that day, because that can often effect how I am in my lesson.

It also helps for me to look back on and see how far I have come!

Any day with horses in it, is a good day 😃
 
paddi22 said:
i spend the last two years going to confidence coaches and reading sports psychology books, and it wad the best investment of time I ever spent. It completely changed the way I think about riding, and I enjoy it way more.
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Any recommendations for reading paddi? I did get the one about the chimp (!) but didn’t get on with it so haven't finished it?
 
Interesting read. I often think if I could just switch off my brain, I’d be great! Something can go really well and the second I start to think about it and doubt whether I can do it again, lo and behold, I can’t do it!
 
I did the opposite to paddi22 - I STOPPED thinking about psychology and trying to make myself positive. Occasionally I watch Karl Greenwood and he makes me smile, but generally thinking about confidence issues makes me think I have one. Now I just get on and do what I want to do, and damn well enjoy it.

I also sometimes watch videos of the pros getting it wrong (I don't mean totalling it - that's horrible - just missing a stride / catching a horse in the mouth / getting out of whack) and that reminds me that mistakes are OK, and we all make them. I know they're at much higher level than me, but if it's OK for them to make them over hard stuff, it's OK for a total amateur like me to make them over easy stuff occasionally.

tallyho! said:
Meh... been riding for as long as I can remember and I still forget to thread the girth through the martingale. Sometimes I even forget to put the headcollar over BOTH ears. There is NO hope for me....

Still... I keep turning up.
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I got on the other day and walked my mare around the arena with her reins crossed over under her neck.

I mean, I did notice as soon as I was up, but I was fiddling with my phone (equilab!) so I didn't bother to correct it instantly - BUT I was out at arena hire and being watched by the previous people (who ran over time and I had to kick out of the arena - they were very grumpy about not being allowed to continue jumping 5 minutes after their slot ended!). They must've thought I was a right idiot!
 
I watched some vids of sj rounds yesterday to help me get a better sense of courses, heights etc. I def prefer watching vids of people more at my level, and I find it more encouraging to know that it’s ok not to have a perfect round. That horses sometimes miss a stride etc. I think I need to get more accustomed to watching jumping and hopefully I’ll get in less of a flap about my jumping.
 
thats an interesting point about thinking 'positive' JFTD. One of the big things is that the concept of 'positive thinking' almost has the opposite effect. It shouldn't be a case of having to think positive, it should be a case that your plan is solid that you don't NEED to think positive, you know you have put the groundwork in before the show (schooled courses, horses fed right, you trained higher jumps at home). theres no point thinking positive, because you can think positive but if you are in the wrong class, or on the wrong horse, or have the wrong riding methods, then all the positive thinking in the world can't fix that.

Really good advice one coach gave was that you thinking shouldn't be 'positive', it should be 'realistic, useful and accurate'
 
I like watching amateur low level videos too, Bernster. I also like watching pros at low level (I didn't say that in my last post, but I don't mean watching people ride around Badminton, I mean watching people like Harry Meade schooling baby horses over fences, or George Morris riding clinic horses etc) and comparing and contrasting what they do and how they manage it. If even the pros miss occasionally, or do things I don't "like", it's ok if I have the odd screw up.

Not that I've ever seen Harry Meade do something I don't like :cool:

paddi22 said:
thats an interesting point about thinking 'positive' JFTD. One of the big things is that the concept of 'positive thinking' almost has the opposite effect. It shouldn't be a case of having to think positive, it should be a case that your plan is solid that you don't NEED to think positive, you know you have put the groundwork in before the show (schooled courses, horses fed right, you trained higher jumps at home). theres no point thinking positive, because you can think positive but if you are in the wrong class, or on the wrong horse, or have the wrong riding methods, then all the positive thinking in the world can't fix that.

Really good advice one coach gave was that you thinking shouldn't be 'positive', it should be 'realistic, useful and accurate'
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Which is all very true. But if you have a brain like mine, even if you've done all the preparation in the world, the 1 in a million chance that you'll have a freak screw up can still seem like an inevitability when you have an audience. So for me, even realistic thinking is, by my definition, positive. That's where the psychology stuff gets complicated - because "realistic" for one person is pessimistic for another, and ridiculously optimistic for a third.

You need a firm grounding in reality to be realistic, and that can be hard to get. Some instructors flatter clients to avoid depressing them / demoralising them. Some are harsh and never give any praise. Some people are bumptious and over-confident. Some are not. Some seem confident, but are very self-critical. Trying to get a handle on the reality is easier said than done.
 
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Thinking about books and instructor styles: as JTFD says, one size definitely doesn't fit all.
Have heard people say the "Chimp" book suits men more than women... ?
Also have known people whose confidence has been ruined by someone who mistakenly thought what they needed was to be "taken down a peg".
Was sent a supposedly "inspirational" book by a friend recently; I hated it, and she found the one I'd sent her no good either!

The crossed reins story made me smile - just tell people it is a *very* advanced schooling method your trainer devised to engage both halves of your brain !
RE embarrassing yourself; I recently finished a cryptic crossword at a local cafe - distracted by this achievement, I walked into the men's loo - thank goodness there was nobody else in there.
:oops:
 
Haha GM!

I like the discussion. Many people would assume I’m pretty confident horse wise and be surprised at how lacking in confidence I can be, but that is only in certain situations and it fluctuates. I’d say I’m quite self critical and tend towards the negative. Is that realistic? Not sure, as that’s a subjective term as JFTD points out. I see folks out doing way more than me who’d id say are probably fairly similar to my riding level and the difference there is outlook/confidence/risk tolerance, call to what you will.
 
It’s probably just me, but now with kids, I don’t even get as far as thinking anything. Just making it to the stables sans cherubs, brushing off just enough mud to get a saddle on and having a pootle around the lanes and a canter on the verges would have already made it a perfect ride.
 
Bernster said:
I like the discussion. Many people would assume I’m pretty confident horse wise and be surprised at how lacking in confidence I can be, but that is only in certain situations and it fluctuates. I’d say I’m quite self critical and tend towards the negative. Is that realistic? Not sure, as that’s a subjective term as JFTD points out. I see folks out doing way more than me who’d id say are probably fairly similar to my riding level and the difference there is outlook/confidence/risk tolerance, call to what you will.
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I'd say I'm similar - I do a lot of ballsy things, but I'm hyper-critical and get a bit silly about some things - to the point where I read paddi22's previous post with a paranoid subtext of "this person has seen me ride and is telling me I'm not competent enough to do stuff" which is daft (as I don't think I know p22 :p ). And I see people out who are less competent than me, doing lots of stuff I wouldn't do - and I'm not sure if I'm irrational or they are - or if my personal view of my own competence is incorrect. And I don't take the word of an instructor because they could be being overly nice ;) It's complicated!
 
I really like the concept of embracing and learning from failure - Matthew Syed's Black Box Thinking. He says the people who do best in sport are the ones who make the most mistakes because they aren't afraid to fail.
 
Another disadvantage is if your self worth is dependent on your achievements. I recently realised this is why I'm such a perfectionist and am so hard on myself. I suppose I'll have to do something to try to change it.
 
Got me thinking about competence - and people's perception of it.
One thing that really motivates me is when strangers assume I can't do something - when they know nothing about me or my abilities. It really gets me going! And it is always rewarding to see the surprise on the face of someone who has underestimated you.
The local student riding club in my teenage years was open to students from both the Uni and the Poly.
To this day it still annoys me to remember how the Uni woman chairing the meeting assumed the Poly students, me included, would all be novice riders - before she had even bothered to say hello to any of us.
:mad: </rant>
For some reason, I want to say "Joss Naylor" here, so I will.
Joss Naylor, guys.
 
The power of thinking positively is enormous.
Those of us who ride who are thinkers have to be careful to order our thoughts as thinking can be counterproductive if you think about the wrong things or the think about things in the wrong way .
A good book written by a rider is That winning feeling by Jane Savoie and also Bounce written by a table tennis player whose name I have forgotten .
 
I struggle with seeing the negatives more but am bringing myself around! As my OH films most of my jumping attempts I find them really useful to look back on. Sometimes i'll come out of a class saying 'oh god I rode absolutely terribly, I bet it looked awful' then look back and actually it's not that bad! I can then say actually, I kept him going forward then, we had a nice line into that jump, my lower leg looks great there and I think that really helps.

I am a perfectionist and often feel pressure from just my yard as because I go out and compete often they have a sense that i'm much better than I am (I do not encourage this!) so I feel like I've let others down if I don't get placed etc etc. Particularly since I had an absolute superstar pony who just did everything for me. It's also assumed i'm pretty confident but as I've spoken about many times on here, i'm really not and it takes a lot of courage for me to get round a course. But then looking at videos I don't look nervous so again that's something I can use to think more positive.

It is difficult as so often we focus on what is going wrong and not what is going right :)
 
chippers - agree, and I think focusing on achievements in the sense of scores or rosettes doesn’t help. It’s hard not to as that is the formal measure of a comp but I really try to think of things that I can control, like getting him to soften and bend in the warm up, relaxing my leg, thinking shoulder in to get him straight - rather than what score or placing did we get. Have fun! That’s a big one that I try to remember to have as a main goal too.

But interestingly a lot of time when I’m speaking to people at the yard, it’s about whether they got a rosette or if they placed, and that all adds to pressure which can also impact your confidence I think.
 
Oh definitely, at the moment i'm just focusing on getting round and enjoying it, it's an added bonus if we place. However I am always so pleased if we don't come last :D
 
I really like this thread. I struggle with confidence and positivity about my riding all the time. Any time I see a video or photo I'm constantly critical of myself. I do sometimes feel that being an adult and only riding two years now that I am so disadvantaged to those that have ridden all their life.

I really try to push that out of mind and focus on my journey with my horse. Also taking a little positive each ride as a step closer to our goal. That seems to really help.

I do wonder why we are as humans so quick to criticise ourselves!
 
mule said:
Another disadvantage is if your self worth is dependent on your achievements. I recently realised this is why I'm such a perfectionist and am so hard on myself. I suppose I'll have to do something to try to change it.
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I think this is me too! Do you have any advice on how to change this?
 
JFTD-WS said:
I like watching amateur low level videos too, Bernster. I also like watching pros at low level (I didn't say that in my last post, but I don't mean watching people ride around Badminton, I mean watching people like Harry Meade schooling baby horses over fences, or George Morris riding clinic horses etc) and comparing and contrasting what they do and how they manage it. If even the pros miss occasionally, or do things I don't "like", it's ok if I have the odd screw up.

Not that I've ever seen Harry Meade do something I don't like :cool:



Which is all very true. But if you have a brain like mine, even if you've done all the preparation in the world, the 1 in a million chance that you'll have a freak screw up can still seem like an inevitability when you have an audience. So for me, even realistic thinking is, by my definition, positive. That's where the psychology stuff gets complicated - because "realistic" for one person is pessimistic for another, and ridiculously optimistic for a third.

You need a firm grounding in reality to be realistic, and that can be hard to get. Some instructors flatter clients to avoid depressing them / demoralising them. Some are harsh and never give any praise. Some people are bumptious and over-confident. Some are not. Some seem confident, but are very self-critical. Trying to get a handle on the reality is easier said than done.
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Having an audience is what bothers me. Not in a riding lesson but if I'm at a show. Dressage is ok but I get dead nervous when competing in show jumping. The jumps don't bother me, it's the people standing around watching.
Fiona36 said:
I think this is me too! Do you have any advice on how to change this?
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No, not yet anyway! I was thinking about some things recently and realised it.
 
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