Belle finally made me cry :( *long sorry*

HollyWoozle

HollyWoozle

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www.farandride.com
Well, this morning I was full of hope. I have had 3 good lessons on Belle in a row, she has walked up the road for them fine and we have had no problems tacking up, mounting etc. and have really come along nicely. Mum even took a few photos of one of them and my bottom is even in the saddle in canter. :P We can now canter 15m circles (before we struggled even to canter a few strides going large). Anyway, I was feeling really positive.

Today I had planned to hack out with another rider for the first time with Belle. I think she needs to gain confidence from another horse so this seemed ideal to just walk around the village, past the scary things, with a quiet horse and rider. It's been really cloudy and windy here but we decided to go for it still. Got Belle and tied her up and she was a bit uppity, as you'd expect in the wind, but not too awful. Was in a bit of a rush so had a quick brush, picked out feet and got saddle on with no probs. Then I thought I'd get my high vis on ready so that when her bridle was on, we could just go. As I zipped up my tabard, the noise made her freak and she broke free. "That's fine", I thought, it's happened before and not a big deal. Got hold of her and calmed her down and then managed to get bridle on without too much of a struggle (it's always a bit of one!).

Then it all went really wrong. Instead of my mum coming out to help me get on and walk me up the street, she sent another lady that works for mum part-time (which is not really a problem). Anyway, the lady tried to hold Belle as I went to get on and Belle just freaked entirely, reared up a bit, which she never normally does, and just started leaping around like a wild thing. We were in a little enclosed area which is mostly post and rail and she just charged around it and kept leaning over the fence which totally horrified me as I knew she'd get her bridle stuck. Three times she got her reins wrapped around a post and leapt back, rearing up to get free, but I couldn't get hold of her at first without making her worse. Eventually I tempted her with a treat and calmed her best I could and just got the tack off as fast as possible. She was still in a major panic so I just opened the gate to the field and let her go.

She shot off like a ROCKET, galloping, bucking, rearing, snorting, sliding in the mud. She was so wild that I actually let the other horse out of the field to save her the stress of it. After that I sat in the hay and cried. :( I just was feeling so positive and then today she was a danger mostly to herself but to me too I suppose. I managed to stay calm and quiet with her but I just don't understand what set her off. She was in season two weeks ago and usually comes in every 3 so it's not that, I guess it was just the wind. I don't want to give up on her but maybe I am just not competent enough to keep her, perhaps she should go somewhere else where someone who knows what they are doing can sort her out. I think it was just fear but I just don't know anymore. :(

Sorry for the length, I am just really sad.
 
I have days exactly like this with paddy.
I can get him in and he will pace his stable, jump around, squish me against the walls, jump back and yank his headcollar, rear, and generally be vile.
He will also then jump about, snort, buck, spin, run backwards and rear when i get on and try and take him out for a ride on his own!
Sometimes i just want to bang my head against the stable wall and scream!
Im really lucky that my non horsey mum (not ridden for 40 years due to an accident and untill now has ben VERY nervous around horses) loves paddy to pieces and he loves her. And she keeps me calm and just reassures me that its a bad day and tomorrow will be a better one.
Often it is....the next day he will be a dope on a rope and be calm and chilled and stand in his stable like butter wouldnt melt and will hack out like an angel.

It is the most heart breaking, infuriating thing to have a "jeckyl and hyde" horse.

Dont loose faith in your ability. It sounds like setbacks aside, things are getting better with you and belle.
I completely understand how you are feeling, but think of all of the good rides, thats how i get through the really rubbish days with paddy.

My poor boyfriend really cops it sometimes when i get home after an awfull ride! He makes the mistake of asking how paddy was and then gets tears, rants, the classic "i cant do this any more". At these points he calms me down and reminds me that when i came home yesterday i was grinning from ear to ear and was really pleased with him for hacking out alone or that we had had a wonderfull time jumping and bored him to tears telling him how wonderfull paddy was.

I really pick my moments with him. If there is going to be tonnes of people at the yard hacking out, i dont try and hack him out alone otherwise he will hear them and it just makes him go mad!
If he is really really wound up/being completely stupid, i will not do something that will involve a conflict/battle. Either i will lead him out in hand or do some schooling. For example if its a stupidly windy day or something he can hear in the distance has set him off.
Sometimes, just a 20 min rest in the stable with some hay is good for calming them down, and get them settled before trying to work with them.

A couple of weeks ago i did 10 days leading paddy out in hand as i was waiting for a physio and wanted to give his back a rest before using my new saddle (his old one had made him sore).
I lead him round all of the rides, and made him sniff, walk up to, touch noses with anything that makes him go nuts. That made the world of difference.
On sunday i hacked him past someones driveway with some boards on it that normally causes him to leap in the air, spin, rear, snort at and he walked past them like he never had a problem with them!
I really think the leading out helped us bond a bit too and he seems to be a bit more chilled out since.

These are all things that have helped me with paddy recently, i dont know what youhave tried with belle?
But honestly dont give up on her, as horrid as it may seem at times, you have made progress and this is just a blip! You will get there with her in the end!

Sending big understanding hugs!
 
Don't get down. I think most of us (unless they own complete saints) have moments when it just goes horribly wrong. However, I know only too well what it's like when you're worried that your horse is going to hurt him/herself and at the same time you're worried about getting hurt yourself. Whenever it happens to me I just try and learn from it and think what I can do the next time to avoid similar problems. It sounds as if you've been doing really well so don't be disheartened. I find 3 steps forward and one step back is all too familiar!
 
Please dont let it get you down or put you off!!!! We have all been there - many many times and i don't know how many times my friedn has said to me that the most difficult things are the most worthwhile!!! When things are bad just try to think of a time when they were good!! I know it's hard I've been there myself. They will get better and you will find soon that you have 4 good lessons in a row and then 5 good lessons in a row before she has a marey moment :-) Let us know how you get on!
 
As usual, your comments have all made me feel much better, thank you. It's just what I needed. :) I know some horsie people near me but none of them ever seem to be having these sorts of problems, at least not that I hear about, and I end up feeling like some sort of failure owner with a nutjob of a horse.

Belle is not nasty at all and not particularly naughty, I think nearly all her problems stem from fear. It is just so frustrating when we overcome things and then all of sudden she has lost faith in everything again. My Mum keeps saying we could sell her as she is worried about my safety and that I'm not enjoying it but I don't want to give up. Belle is the sort of horse that needs patience and kindness and I think that because she has the potential to be a good eventer or something she would get passed around from pillar to post, everyone looking to get the best from her but not patient enough to deal with the worst. I don't have any aspirations when it comes to competitions, all I want is a fun, happy riding horse that I can ride around the countryside, jump the occasional log, have a safe canter here and there.

I guess I'll just persevere and if in a few months time, I'm still struggling, maybe I'll reconsider. Belle is probably wasted on me but I guess I'll keep hoping that we get through all the **** and have some fun times together. She's 8 tomorrow. :)

Thanks again everyone.
 
Ahh happy birthday for tomorrow Belle.

Hang on in there, maybe really go back to basics and do in hand work and long reining etc to get her out and about and more confident. Its actually quite pleasant on a summers evening going out with the horse in hand and having a nice walk.

You will get there in the end, honestly!
 
The in-hand thing is a good suggestion but I feel like it would be a danger. We have to do a lot of roadwork to get anywhere and although she is very brave in traffic etc. and nice to lead, I just feel like she'd be even more on edge. I know that sounds weird but I feel safer on top on the roads if that makes sense.

She tends to be worse before I get on, she doesn't like the idea of being tied or restricted (but somehow having a rider on her feels different). She used to panic and break free all the time but that is very minimal now, she has got a lot better. I bought break-tie things so that she can't hurt herself and if she breaks free, I just re-tie her quietly and it's fine. She still doesn't like to be tied though and she can't relax very often, she fidgets and chews at the knot or moves about.
 
You shouldn't be dealing with this on your own, it is dangerous. Whereabouts are you? Maybe someone could recommend a good trainer who could help. To be honest, I agree with your mum, you should sell her if you can find someone who wants her who can deal with her. However, that might be difficult at present, so before deciding anything, you should get some good, recommended, help.
 
Tinypony said:
You shouldn't be dealing with this on your own, it is dangerous. Whereabouts are you? Maybe someone could recommend a good trainer who could help. To be honest, I agree with your mum, you should sell her if you can find someone who wants her who can deal with her. However, that might be difficult at present, so before deciding anything, you should get some good, recommended, help.
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Hi Tinypony - I never ride her alone at all, I just normally have to tack her up on my own and then my mum comes out to help me. My main concern today was that Belle would hurt herself but we were fortunate and she seemed to be OK, just panicky. If you had seen us the last few times, nobody would ever know that we sometimes have these struggles! Mum and I are looking into professionals who might be able to come and give me some tips on how to handle her and we have also ordered some books on the subject. Thanks for your advice. :)
 
I hope you can work something out, so that you can ride happily every time.
I meant that you shouldn't be having to deal with any of this, ridden or on the ground, without expert help. My main concern is not that Belle will hurt herself, but that you will get hurt. So take care, and remember, we might be able to recommend someone good to help you.
 
Thank you. :) I always wear my hat when handling her and now have a body protector for all my riding. I will talk more with my mum (as she's my funding, hehe) about professional help and may well ask on here for some suggestions. I just want a happy Belle and a happy Holly. :)
 
OP, definately know how you're feeling as I too have had days where I've been scared both for the horse and myself. The weather is weird at the moment and lots of horses act strangely when it's like this. I know of someone who might be able to help and is generally able to travel. Pm me if you don't want to say where abouts you are on the forum and I'll let you know his details if he'd be able to come out. Hope things get better.
 
:( This is how my horse was. I sent him back though because he was just not safe for me to allow my daughter to be around him. It's sad though because it is supposed to make us happy. No great advice, just big hugs x
 
Don't worry :)
Easier to say than do, I know but we all have days like this and even the steadiest of horses can have a complete b**ch of a day and be horrible!
Lots and lots and lots of ground work helps build up a very strong bond (don't try anything you know is dangerous, eg I know my pony is difficult to lead too so I won't lead her out in hand on the roads if I can help it!) - grooming can help, and if you can lunge her too.

I know the feeling of you'd rather be riding than on the ground - mine is exactly the same! If she decides to start pratting about, there is no way I'll get off 'cause I know I'll be squashed!
I guess its just step by step (and from what you've said they have been good positive forwards steps so well done!)...and horses being horses, there's always gonna be a setback at some point!

Good luck, don't be disheartened and remember I think most people know where you're coming from! :) x

(for an attempt at some hope for you...my mare was rescued when she was 2 and she was in such a state - unbroken, untrusting and fairly wild - we were told many times to have her put down and she was deemed as dangerous and unreachable. However, we kept at it - she is 15 now and she hacks, jumps, schools, shows...she still has her spirit and she can still be a bit of a pratt, but it does work out eventually ;))
 
Have a big hug and a large hot choccy.

It does sound like you are getting there with her :). I think though that you will have to accept that she may always have the stress/flip factor, and then you will have to decide if you are going to be okay with that.

Do you do much handling on the ground? I use a pressure halter to get Dizz's (well, almost any horse's) attention. We work on the ground and that way she is easily handled; if I don't do it then she has the potential to be a nightmare :(. Just like your girl, Dizz takes a great deal of confidence from the rider/handler.

How about some de-sensitization sessions? Teach her that the scary things aren't scary.
 
Thanks everyone and Mrs M, I could use a hot choccy! Ta. :)

I really would like to do some ground work and desensitisation stuff with Belle, the truth is that I just don't know where to begin. Apart from pony club as a child and happy hacking, I don't have much expertise on the matter which is why I think I would benefit from a professional's advice.

I guess part of the issue is that Belle is not in a situation to be regularly handled. By that I mean that she lives out 24/7 on my parents' land (about 30 mins from me, I go there 6 times a week) and gets ridden just 2 or 3 times a week. I don't really have the time for more riding as I work for my mum pretty much full time and have a house and fiancé of my own to care for back here. I would like to do more in the evenings but usually people are too busy to come out with me and I can't hack alone (plus I need to get home and cook the dinner!).

I just feel deep down somewhere that I can crack this, that I shouldn't give up, even if it takes me years.
 
((((((((((hugs))))))))))) from one horrid horse owner to another :p ;).
It's hard when you have days like this. You have been doing well with her and i don't think the wind would have helped at all if it's anything like it is here (i swear our house is about to take off) I havn't done Herbie while the weather has been bad it's just not worth it at the mo. I think i would be asking for trouble.
With the desensitisation stuff you just need to think of things that scare Belle and put her in a controlled situation with the scary thing near by. You reward her when she relaxes and reassure her when she is tence. When she is relaxed and comfortable you can get closer to the scarything and reassure her if she gets tence and just keep working closer and closer slowly but shorely till she trusts you and she'll walk right into the situation just because you asked her to. It's a good way of gaining a horses trust and respect for you and making it trust you in all situations. Don't do this alone though always make shore someone is around to ensure you are safe. I wish i was closer and i would be happy to help you out.
Don't give up wait for the weather to settle and maybe she'll be ok again. Hope my waffling makes some sence to you. Sorry if it doesn't. Just Let me know if i can be of anyhelp at all. :)
 
Have you thought about sending her for some schooling so from someone that specialises in problem horses as they could help her get the confidence she needs and try and get her hacking out and that for you, i know someone that had a very nervouse horse that they sent away and they managed to get her hacking confidently and more relaxed. PM me if you want to know the number.
 
Oh I so know the feeling!!! Had a fab few weeks with L, going on longer hacks alone and in company, cantering on our own in the school... then she changed completely. In the space of a week, i cannot even walk 5 paces in the school, the slighest leg pressure sends her rodeoing like a mad horse :( :( We're trying her on regumate now :( , but I would be completely lost without my trainer and vet behind me!! So, chin up, try not to think about it when you next do something with her, and keep going. If you haven't got an instructor, i would really try and find a good one :) Hugs x
 
*hugs Laura and all the other huggers too*

I have thought about lots of things, including sending her away for schooling, but am on a limited budget and I really think she'd be more upset to be moved. She was far more sensible when we went to see her for the first time, it seems that the move really knocked her confidence. She's actually lost confidence since she's been here though I try really hard!

For everyone offering recommendations of help, I am in Hertfordshire and the horses are in Bedfordshire. Thank you.
 
I'll have a think about trainers, but as you say, they can work out pricey.
I will just add a word of warning about using a pressure halter. You need to know what you are doing, particularly if your horse has a tendency to go up when she's upset. Pressure halters can be a quick fix for some things, like bargy horses and bolters, but need careful use with a rearing horse. Especially Be Nice (Be Nasty!) halters. Some horses object big-time to the poll pressure from them.
I agree that rather than sending her away, it might be a good idea to have a trainer come to you, and work with both of you. I guess you need to talk to Mum about funding!!
 
Sorry you feel you have had a set back. I have a pony that it very difficult and has taken me two years to get anywhere near reasonable with him.

When I read your first post I actually groaned out load when I got to the part about it being windy. I really wouldn't have gone ahead with my plans to ride in this sort of weather. Which can be annoying but with a horse like yours you have to think of the safety side of it. I still wouldn't ride by boy in this sort of wind, not even in the school let alone on the road.

I have another horse that will be on his toes in the wind, but safe. Theres a big difference.

It a shame that you have had a set back but don;t be disheartened, you wre making progress before (three good rides in a row?) and can do it again.

Just pick your riding times carefully!
 
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