Best way of staying out of yard politics?

[Ly1327]

Hey, I am on a large yard with its fair amount of yard drama, bitchy comments and those group chat messages that start ‘a friendly reminder’.

Any tips on how to stay out of it? What do you need to do if say the finger of blame gets pointed in your direction even though you haven’t done anything. Just wondering just incase for further if it does happen

 

[Barton Bounty]

Dont be talking about people behind their back…. He said she said is the most common fight on yards.

If you keep yourself right you won’t get in trouble, i always say stick to what concerns you and stay in your own lane

Edited to add… the most common thing is jealousy! People cannot seem to get on and be happy for each other.. I really do not understand that concept

 

[smolmaus]

What do you need to do if say the finger of blame gets pointed in your direction even though you haven’t done anything. Just wondering just incase for further if it does happen

If you haven't done anything, you haven't done anything.

I will let people gossip AT me if they want and give them the reaction they're looking for but there is no reciprocation. I joke with the trusted circle that some people must think I've been lobotomised because I've never seen, heard or noticed ANYTHING

 

[SDMabel]

I've always found this easy as i dislike people , i go to the yard to see my horse , spend time with my horse and not for the social side.

Although saying that im now at a small yard where everyone is genuinely lovely and its a breath of fresh air.

Keep your head down, be polite but dont invest too much time into people would be my grumpy advice

 

[lynz88]

I just don't get involved. I say hi to people and chat here and there about little things but otherwise stick to my own. I don't get involved in gossip nor take part. I'm very much like SDMabel....I go to the yard for my horse. I just keep to a small crowd of people that I already knew and trust and just be on my way. I do accept that people probably talk about me but I don't care. Let them talk....

 

[Jambarissa]

I mainly keep my head down and look very busy.

Make sure you don't join in any bitching, you will occasionally agree but just keep it to yourself.

Agree it is often jealousy, I was heavily criticised (which turns to picking a problem with everything you do) when my 2 beautiful horses became pasture ornaments while I was unwell.

I do have a tendancy to side with the underdog though so have gone out of my way to be friendly and helpful to whoever is on the receiving end of the mean girls - not necessarily recommended unless you can face the backlash!

My yard has a lot of general gossip and one or two people who get off on forcing people off the yard. Yo does not get involved. It's toxic.

 

[MuddyMonster]

Smile and say please and thank you to everyone but also use headphones.

I smile and say hello, make small talk whilst waiting to the use the tap to everyone but will wear headphones the majority of the time. People then have to make a conscience decision to interrupt you and most people won't.

Don't question or comment on anyone's horse management and don't give an opinion, even when pushed I don't generally explain my management much when asked either.

My stable is in quite a high traffic area so I do pick up a fair bit of gossip but just make a conscience decision to not get involved.

I also ride and hack mainly on my own - partly by choice as I do long rides, partly by the times I ride and partly as it stops cliques forming. I do ride with people but not the same one or two all the time.

Don't use or borrow stuff that doesn't belong to you.
.
That just about covers it, I think

 

[Red-1]

If I hear someone saying something unkind, I tend to have a job that needs doing elsewhere and leave. If I hear someone's opinion, I tend to note what their opinion is but don't have a view (refer back to having an important job to do elsewhere).

If someone is really unkind, I would comment that the comment sounded unkind.

If you really don't join in with gossip, the gossipers soon leave you alone.

As regards messages, just don't respond. Unless it gets really awkward in that bullying is taking place, in which case I would do an "I" statement, that I found the comments unkind. If necessary, I would leave the chat group. People can message me directly if there is something I need to know.

 

[SOS]

I would also like to know the answer to this. I generally keep my head down, crack on with my horses and exchange pleasantries with anyone there but beyond that I am there to spend time with my horses and I am often on a time limit. If people bitch I ignore it and never comment on other people and their horses. If there was a real issue such as lameness which was ignored etc I’d bring it up with the YO.

Unfortunately my YO recently pulled me aside to say other liveries were feeling put out that I rarely ask to hack with them or joined them for a cup of tea. Whilst YO “completely gets” I am there to enjoy my horses by myself I’ve been asked to make more of an effort. I really like the yard and it’s convenient for me so I will make the effort but it’s shown you can’t win sometimes.

Edited as was too outing

 

[Jambarissa]

Oh yes, headphones!

My husband does the horses a few mornings in winter, woman in the next stable is a right natterer (and bitcher) and he says he purposefully ignores her until she taps him on the shoulder then he'll take ear buds out, answer one question then put them straight back in and get on with it.

I just could not be that rude but it takes up so much time and mental space I might need to try it.

 

[Jambarissa]

I would also like to know the answer to this. I generally keep my head down, crack on with my horses and exchange pleasantries with anyone there but beyond that I am there to spend time with my horses and I am often on a time limit. If people bitch I ignore it and never comment on other people and their horses. If there was a real issue such as lameness which was ignored etc I’d bring it up with the YO.

Unfortunately my YO recently pulled me aside to say other liveries were feeling put out that I rarely ask to hack with them or joined them for a cup of tea. Whilst YO “completely gets” I am there to enjoy my horses by myself I’ve been asked to make more of an effort. It’s led to an uncomfortable situation for me where I feel I need to invite someone if I want to hack or go out somewhere and build extra time into my day to have a cup of tea. I really like the yard and it’s convenient for me so I will make the effort but it’s shown you can’t win sometimes.

Wow. I can't imagine trying to complain to the YO about that. And that they'd actually take it on board and say something to you.

 

[Identityincrisis]

I would also like to know the answer to this. I generally keep my head down, crack on with my horses and exchange pleasantries with anyone there but beyond that I am there to spend time with my horses and I am often on a time limit. If people bitch I ignore it and never comment on other people and their horses. If there was a real issue such as lameness which was ignored etc I’d bring it up with the YO.

Unfortunately my YO recently pulled me aside to say other liveries were feeling put out that I rarely ask to hack with them or joined them for a cup of tea. Whilst YO “completely gets” I am there to enjoy my horses by myself I’ve been asked to make more of an effort. I really like the yard and it’s convenient for me so I will make the effort but it’s shown you can’t win sometimes.

Edited as was too outing

That’s ridiculous!

I’m a loner and keep to myself, I have 1 friend at the yard who I chat to but the rest get a ‘hi,bye’ and that’s it.

I would feel very put out being told to ride with others, i go to relax and being around people is not relaxing for me! Never mind the fact my time is limited anyway so any time i have at the yard i don’t waste on tea and gossip

 

[SEL]

When the bitching starts suddenly remember that you need to fill a haynet / wash a bucket / check your horse hasn't lost a flymask etc.

If the Whatsapp is a general "please can people remember to sweep up" then I would either ignore or just put "noted" back. If it was me that had forgotten to sweep then I would apologise.

 

[KittenInTheTree]

I would also like to know the answer to this. I generally keep my head down, crack on with my horses and exchange pleasantries with anyone there but beyond that I am there to spend time with my horses and I am often on a time limit. If people bitch I ignore it and never comment on other people and their horses. If there was a real issue such as lameness which was ignored etc I’d bring it up with the YO.

Unfortunately my YO recently pulled me aside to say other liveries were feeling put out that I rarely ask to hack with them or joined them for a cup of tea. Whilst YO “completely gets” I am there to enjoy my horses by myself I’ve been asked to make more of an effort. I really like the yard and it’s convenient for me so I will make the effort but it’s shown you can’t win sometimes.

Edited as was too outing

Is your YO on glue only, or something stronger?! Because this is not normal. It's weird, intrusive, and honestly kind of pathetic that they felt it necessary to coddle the other liveries feelings to this degree.

 

[Ratface]

Dear Heaven! I'm immaculately polite and helpful to the YO and her grooms, take biscuits and carrots for all, sweep up 'my' courtyard, pick up any poo that Old Horse and/or his girlfriend have deposited on their way in, skip out their stables, groom them and pick out feet, immediately shut all gates behind me, pay for everything that Old Horse needs before it's bought and ignore any (to me) contentious topics of conversation. ("Better be off soon, Fatty Chatty Carrie Cattywill be wondering where I am!" She won't, but they're not to know it.)
One of Mother's sayings was "Don't rise, dear. Don't rise".

 

[Nasicus]

I would also like to know the answer to this. I generally keep my head down, crack on with my horses and exchange pleasantries with anyone there but beyond that I am there to spend time with my horses and I am often on a time limit. If people bitch I ignore it and never comment on other people and their horses. If there was a real issue such as lameness which was ignored etc I’d bring it up with the YO.

Unfortunately my YO recently pulled me aside to say other liveries were feeling put out that I rarely ask to hack with them or joined them for a cup of tea. Whilst YO “completely gets” I am there to enjoy my horses by myself I’ve been asked to make more of an effort. I really like the yard and it’s convenient for me so I will make the effort but it’s shown you can’t win sometimes.

Edited as was too outing

Christ almighty! Your YO needs to get a grip!

 

[Barton Bounty]

Christ almighty! Your YO needs to get a grip!

I agree and Im not one for dissing others, but me and my horsey time is the priority lol

 

[littleshetland]

I would also like to know the answer to this. I generally keep my head down, crack on with my horses and exchange pleasantries with anyone there but beyond that I am there to spend time with my horses and I am often on a time limit. If people bitch I ignore it and never comment on other people and their horses. If there was a real issue such as lameness which was ignored etc I’d bring it up with the YO.

Unfortunately my YO recently pulled me aside to say other liveries were feeling put out that I rarely ask to hack with them or joined them for a cup of tea. Whilst YO “completely gets” I am there to enjoy my horses by myself I’ve been asked to make more of an effort. I really like the yard and it’s convenient for me so I will make the effort but it’s shown you can’t win sometimes.

Edited as was too outing

It's a livery yard....not the bloody brownies.
You have my sympathy.

 

[lynz88]

Jesus SOS....that's almost as bad as "other people in the workplace are upset you don't join in on forced "fun""

I don't understand why so many people feel that they need to be coddled/are so thin skinned and can't mind their own business.....

 

[Flowerofthefen]

It's actually so much nicer staying out of it all. I was on a big yard once and went up a lot earlier than everyone else and I was up earlier in the evening so missed most people. I did the same at the weekend. A friend can't help herself and gets involved in all sorts on her yard and it completely stresses her out.

 

[cindars]

Thank goodness only been on this one yard since we moved here about 40 years had a YO who wouldn't take any messing about

 

[eahotson]

Wow. I can't imagine trying to complain to the YO about that. And that they'd actually take it on board and say something to you.

Me neither.Each to their own.

 

[Jellymoon]

I would also like to know the answer to this. I generally keep my head down, crack on with my horses and exchange pleasantries with anyone there but beyond that I am there to spend time with my horses and I am often on a time limit. If people bitch I ignore it and never comment on other people and their horses. If there was a real issue such as lameness which was ignored etc I’d bring it up with the YO.

Unfortunately my YO recently pulled me aside to say other liveries were feeling put out that I rarely ask to hack with them or joined them for a cup of tea. Whilst YO “completely gets” I am there to enjoy my horses by myself I’ve been asked to make more of an effort. I really like the yard and it’s convenient for me so I will make the effort but it’s shown you can’t win sometimes.

Edited as was too outing

Wow, I’m sorry, I wasn’t going to comment on this thread as I haven’t been on a yard for years, but that is crazy! I think you’ve been behaving brilliantly, minding your own business, and how weird of the YO to agree to even talk to you about that. I think I would stand my ground on that one, I might even say to all of them exactly what you said in your first paragraph. Why should you suddenly start joining in the gossiping and group hacks when you are perfectly happy as you are.

 

[WBGG]

I agree with the above ideas. I try to be friendly and helpful to all and never join in bitching about others as it will undoubtedly get back to them. I will chat if I have time but respect the fact that people are busy and need to get on and expect the same in return.
As for hacking I normally hack alone or occasionally with my yard buddy but I am happy to show yard newbies the local hacking routes if they ask. We are lucky to have a great bunch of people on our yard, so it's no hardship really.
Basically treat others as you would want to be treated.

 

[saddlesore]

Are there other yards you would consider? I’ve had horses for over 30 years and been on some bloody awful yards. Been on current one for nearly 15 years and there’s genuinely NONE of that p**h. I’d suggest considering elsewhere- this is meant to be our leisure time!

 

[PeterNatt]

Just get on with it and ride your horse!