*Bit of a rant* Unpleasant girls at yard!

[Lauren_abigail]

I haven't yet posted a 'ranty' thread yet, so apologies that I'm having to make one now.

But. Why is it that there always seems to be a couple of people at a yard that ruin it for everyone??

I am a yard that has around 40 liveries, I've been there since October last year and up until recently have absolutely loved it. I've made some brilliant new friends, the horse is happy, generally a great place to be.

However, there are 2 girls (well, one teenage girl and one adult woman) who are very pally and seem to take serious enjoyment out of making other people at the yard uncomfortable. Constantly bitching about the way everyone keeps there horses, the way they ride, even the way some talk!

I went competing at the weekend with a couple of the girls from the yard, nothing massive but a couple of 2'3 and 2'6 classes. The horrible pair came along to watch with the sole purpose of slagging off every rider from our yard, within hearing distance.

It drives me mad!!!

Does anyone else have experience of a couple of 'nasties'? I have kept quiet so far but I'm afraid that I will lose the plot with them at some point.

Note: Most of this nastiness isn't actually aimed at me, but other girls on the yard, but still winds me up!

 

[OWLIE185]

Just ignore them.

 

[PleaseVenus]

I've experienced this.. a girl at the yard had lost confidence on her own horse started slagging others off who were happy or doing well with their horses. It seemed like she was putting others down to make herself feel better.

It creates a really bad atmosphere and maybe it is just clicky but sometimes I think it stems out of jealousy and insecurity. I know it's really hard to ignore, especially when it feels like everything you're doing is being watched or criticised but as long as youre having fun and doing the best for your horse then that's what matters.

 

[cobgoblin]

Well the best thing for you and all the other girls to do is laugh at them. There is no defence against laughter.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

Well the best thing for you and all the other girls to do is laugh at them. There is no defence against laughter.

^^this. or call them on it-publicly ask them where their mounts are if they go to watch without them. Make loud comments about armchair critics they are doing it because they are getting away with it.

 

[Lauren_abigail]

Yes, you are all quite right! And everyone does try to ignore them but one lady is really getting down about it.

She has had a succession of terribly mis-sold horses, she has finally got herself something she feels happy and confident on and this pair can't help but tell her how awful her horse is (which it absolutely isn't!)

If they were fantastic horsewomen, I could almost understand, but neither of this pair are the next Charlotte Dujardin!!

Grrrr.

Although, I do feel better for having a moan!

 

[Lauren_abigail]

^^this. or call them on it-publicly ask them where their mounts are if they go to watch without them. Make loud comments about armchair critics they are doing it because they are getting away with it.

^^ haha, this really made me chuckle.

I haven't heard of the term armchair critics before but I shall certainly be using it!

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Try need called out. Ignoring it only makes people like this more secure as they won't assume anyone will stand up to them.

Next time they are belittling people loudly I would just as loudly say something along the lines of 'well the opinions of little minds are worthless' and I'm sure they will take the hint.

 

[chocolategirl]

After running a DIY yard for over 20 years, I feel your pain OP. most yards have at least one bad apple, mine being no exception sadly. The thing I always find most puzzling though, is that it's generally those that live in glass houses that throw the largest stones! Like someone else said, just try and laugh it off, that type really hate that! Why oh why people can't just be nice to each other is a complete mystery to me? My MO is to always try and be encouraging of people and I love to see folk doing well and making achievements no matter how small. I'll never understand this culture of nastiness in people but it does seem to be the way of the world.

 

[samleigh]

^^^^
This !

 

[Lauren_abigail]

After running a DIY yard for over 20 years, I feel your pain OP. most yards have at least one bad apple, mine being no exception sadly. The thing I always find most puzzling though, is that it's generally those that live in glass houses that throw the largest stones! Like someone else said, just try and laugh it off, that type really hate that! Why oh why people can't just be nice to each other is a complete mystery to me? My MO is to always try and be encouraging of people and I love to see folk doing well and making achievements no matter how small. I'll never understand this culture of nastiness in people but it does seem to be the way of the world.

It does seem to be those in glass houses! It's just a shame that it spoils the atmosphere of a usually lovely yard.

I had always rented my own yards before I moved here for exactly this reason as I didn't want to deal with people being unpleasant however found it a lot of work on my own! *sigh* I suppose this is what you get for being on a large diy!

 

[Ladyinred]

Ignore them and remember they must be deeply unhappy people to act this way. My worry would be that the adult is passing her nastiness and sourness on to the teenager.

One day karma will bite her bum.

 

[Lunchbox legend]

I have a little trick for dealing with people like this. For every one nasty comment they make, I come up with 2 positive ones. It depends on the situation so sometimes I just think them, sometimes I return fire with singing my own praises with the promise that it'll continue until they stop (careful though, this only works with family and friends who are only having a gripe, not with people who are flat out to cause harm), or if I'm with a friend we start listing positive things about each other. Sometimes listing the positive things with a friend starts getting silly and we just end up laughing and not taking the nasty people/comments seriously. It's really good because it diverts from the nasty and you end up feeling quite good about yourself.

It's also really annoying to the offenders when you smile and say thank you to them, as you walk away, for the opportunity to think of how wonderful you are

 

[Clannad48]

My favourite response to bitchy comments is "If I had wanted your opinion I would have kicked your kennel"

 

[Barnacle]

I can't stand people like this. What I like to do is really call them out and embarrass them. Next time you hear them, loudly say "Oh are you two slagging everyone off again?" and move on. Or "Oh listen to those two going on about so-and-so's insert-criticism-here - they're always at it. Jibber jabbering and gossiping away." It's amazing how stating the obvious in a silly way like that will silence people. I don't try to get one over. It's more effective to just make a statement and move on. And once you've done that openly a few times, everyone else is on your side and those people will feel like right numpties.

 

[shetland pony]

'For you to insult me, I have to value your opinion in the first place' Thats my fave comeback! Or just point out that they are being rude and hurtful and they can keep their comments to themselves. Stick up for the people they are being mean to by saying well I thought you did very well etc.

 

[Tobiano]

why do people have to be so awful?!

I wouldnt sink to their level OP. If they say something horrid about someone else, you say something nice but not as if you have heard the horrid comment (ie make it seem as if you havent even heard it) and if they say something horrid to you just smile brilliantly and say 'thank you!' which will confuse them. Failing that, ignore. Perhaps you can adopt the tactic of Reginald Perrin (anyone under 50 will have to google him) who hated his mother in law and whenever he thought of her would picture a grunting hippo lumbering through mud

 

[Lauren_abigail]

My favourite response to bitchy comments is "If I had wanted your opinion I would have kicked your kennel"

^^this!


I laughed out loud reading this!

 

[Illusion100]

They're kicking about everywhere aren't they!

Bitchy females that have to put others down in a pathetic attempt to raise their own self esteem. (Note this is not a permanent fix, hence why they have to keep at it more and more).

Careful kicking their kennel though.......you don't want to catch mange.

 

[hackneylass2]

Tobiano, I am with you, and yes, I have used the exact same tactic! It works!

 

[Nosey]

A colleague I worked with never bitched but gave people funny nicknames (not usually to their face!) & it just used to make me smile & diffuse the situation if I was tempted to have a moan about them! One particularly inefficient person called Steve was christened Stevie wonder for example-silly I know but it helped us have a little laugh & quickly move on!

 

[concorde]

People like this usually only continue because people allow them to.
My technique is to pleasantly but openly confront their behaviour.
Eg say " oh there you two go , bitching again ! " and SMILE .
Puts them on the back foot and makes them look , and feel , small.

 

[ridefast]

why do people have to be so awful?!

I wouldnt sink to their level OP. If they say something horrid about someone else, you say something nice but not as if you have heard the horrid comment (ie make it seem as if you havent even heard it) and if they say something horrid to you just smile brilliantly and say 'thank you!' which will confuse them. Failing that, ignore. Perhaps you can adopt the tactic of Reginald Perrin (anyone under 50 will have to google him) who hated his mother in law and whenever he thought of her would picture a grunting hippo lumbering through mud

Agree. Kill it with kindness! Getting bitchy back won't make you any better. People who behave this way are unhappy for one reason or another, you don't know what's going on in their private lives. Whilst it's not an excuse for their behaviour, meeting negativity with negativity will never result in a positive

 

[hollyandivy123]

or there is the a line from a play called CYRANO DE BERGERAC or Roxanne which is a 1980's film remake of the play.

sometimes keeping it simple is the best comeback

Lead character cyrano has a big nose...............someone thought it would be a good idea to make a comment!


VALVERT: Your nose is . . . very big.
CYRANO: Yes, very.
VALVERT: Ha!
CYRANO: Is that all?

 

[JillA]

Sorry, haven't had time to read all replies but this is nothing more or less than bullying. And as with any bully, the best thing you can do is stand up to them. Take them to task - each time they make spiteful comment, ask them to back it up, justify it, point out flaws in their argument and generally prick their self satisfied bubble. Reasonably and without raised voices. They will collapse like a deflated balloon.

 

[Goldenstar]

Well the best thing for you and all the other girls to do is laugh at them. There is no defence against laughter.

This is true , and ignore as well .
Don't rise to it .

 

[pansymouse]

Try being nice to them and ignoring their comments (selective deafness is marvellous skill) - the first will freak them out and the second starves their fire of oxygen so hopefully it will just burn out. In my opinion any acknowledgement of their comments and comebacks just fuels the fire and brings you down to their level. They are seeking attention so when they don't get it they'll give up. Remember they are unhappy insecure people who are unable to face their demons so externalise the pain.

 

[Lauren_abigail]

*Update*


Well, I can't believe it!!

Said lady at the yard who was feeling quite downtrodden by these girls had a horse up for sale (nothing wrong with the horse, just a bit too flighty and mareish for her) and the 2 unpleasant ones have bought the mare between them (for a ridiculously low price might I add)

They are now going around and telling anyone who will listen how they have improved the horses way of going no end since they have had her (literally, about 2 days) and talking complete rubbish about the seller!

Makes my blood boil!

I know the right thing to do is rise above it and ignore it but it's becoming more and more difficult!

 

[fatpiggy]

*Update*


Well, I can't believe it!!

Said lady at the yard who was feeling quite downtrodden by these girls had a horse up for sale (nothing wrong with the horse, just a bit too flighty and mareish for her) and the 2 unpleasant ones have bought the mare between them (for a ridiculously low price might I add)

They are now going around and telling anyone who will listen how they have improved the horses way of going no end since they have had her (literally, about 2 days) and talking complete rubbish about the seller!

Makes my blood boil!

I know the right thing to do is rise above it and ignore it but it's becoming more and more difficult!

Having worked with people who loved to get in a huddle and bitch about other colleagues, I can guarantee that each slags off the other when their back is turned even if they are all pally face to face. Perhaps you could start a little rumour about one of them with the other and leave them to drive a nice fat wedge in!

 

[Molly'sMama]

'Telling anyone who will listen'. Don't listen, then- remove their power. If you can't avoid them, .. Actively show your support for the seller,
''I actually saw her going really well with x, it says a lot about her capabilities that she knew to let something not worth her time go. It's nice for her that she's sold her to you now, so she buy something decent."

BUT I'm an inflammatory person! I can't let things go haaha./