Bloody whelks. Bloody self pity. Bloody tomatohead.

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Right...

as some of you may know I have mostly spent the last week flitting between Intensive Care and Resuscitation and almost popping my wellies several times thanks to a massive massive allergic reaction to hair dye.

I'm finally out of hospital (and have managed to stay that way for a whole day, which is very noice thank you!) but am still on a drip and being pumped full of pain killers, sedatives and all that jazz to try and stabilise my bonkers heartbeat and get rid of the reaction, and my lovely consultant is coming to check on me and top up the squishy little bag of rainbow drugs...

Now, it's all very well and good being so off my face that I can't even stand up without toppling over like a drunken flamingo on a frozen lake, and sitting in bed all bloody day watching Masterchef... but I am
a) bored
b) fed up with being all ouchy
c) NOT AMUSED about having to miss the opening meets of BOTH the packs I hunt with
d) lonely - everyone is out doing my sodding horses all day, so I just have Nigella Lawson and Jeremy Kyle (and occasionally the doctor) for company
e) bruised to the point of looking like I've been throwing myself under trains
f) having a complete freak out about FF coming to do my horses on Thursday.

I no longer have a giant tomatohead; the swelling is now mainly on my neck, although I do have two cracking black eyes and generally look like something a particularly disgusting worm riddled cat would throw up...

There is also the small problem of being too drugged and weak to stand up for very long, let alone hold my knobby twatty youngster,who at 17.2hh at just 3yrs is a bit of an arse when he wants to be! I am DETERMINED to go and hold my horses for FF - I have managed to persuade my consultant to let me go, with the understanding that I am not allowed to get excited (fat chance) and have silly heart moments again, and that I must then go straight back to bedfordshire and not ride or do any hard work until I'm completely better.... but I will most definitely not be a morag wafting sex goddess...

more like a battered, cannula wafting idiot.

So now I would like some butterscotch angel delight, sympathy, and for someone to make me laugh.

Do your worst HHO.
 
Today my horse dragged me (water ski style including the fall and drag) across a very very muddy field, onto concrete and into the stable....kind of a little bit amusing. Although I doubt my bruises will be as bad as yours in the morning!!

Awww Strarzaan. Even when your feeling so poorly, you still manage to make me smile :)
 
Well I'm very pleased that my wallowing in a deep lake of self pity makes you smile.

I reserve the right to laugh a LOT at your misfortune today.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA



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ha.
 
Bleeding 'eck - all that for a hair dye? I take it your experience happened in a salon? Sue the blighters!

Next time I would recommend a really cheap DIY dye from Tesco - last one I bought cost me £1.50. My roots are coming through now (think grey haired old lady), so I've budgeted to put my hand in my pocket again during the weekly shop on Saturday.

Seriously though, you poor thing. Hope you get better soon. Your recent mishap hasn't affected your literary skills though. Well honed as ever. Keep your chin up and make sure the doctors stay on their toes. Not sure about holding the horse for FF though. Won't you frighten him off? (I take it this is the farrier?)
 
Haha!! you devil.

I'm waiting for the thread where you have finally made a move on FF.

I actually feel like driving down there, dressing up as you (minus the tomatohead) and asking the guy out!!!!
 
Sadly I feel too mean to sue the salon - they've been so lovely about it all, and it really was just a freak reaction as I've had my hair dyed just about every colour under the sun!

FF is the farrier.... and I think we can safely say I've scared him off already by being a raging lunatic and ninny, so I am now perfectly happy to humiliate myself further...and safe in the knowledge that I have no dignity left.

Anywhere.


And I have also completely given up on making a move... I have the lovely mechanic, and he has the terrible trout... but it is still nice to think that one is a little bit wanted and sexaaay.

Clearly not sexay at the moment avec ridic bruising and a drip in my arm, but heyho. I could always play the damsel in distress
 
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Oh no Starzaan! But you should go see FF on Thursday, then when you next see him when your tomatohead is gone completely he will be STRUCK by your gorgeousness!

Foolproof plan or what?

I take cheques.
 
Starzaan my dear, you have to play the sympathy card, it's clearly your best option. You are like a damsel in hair dye related distress... how could any man with a heart resist you?

I have no AD but I do have a caramel shape dessert thingy?

ETA: Ahahaha! I didn't see your damsel in distress bit until after posting this. Clearly it is a genius plan.
 
Caramel is acceptable....

And Dibbin, I no longer have a tomatohead, I just look like I've had my arse kicked.

And I also sound like I've been drinking vodka through a straw for five days....
 
Make your butterscotch angel delight with Baileys instead of milk - that'll cheer you up as it is quite possibly the most scrumptious thing on the whole earth!
 
Sadly FF is off on holiday next week... and my ponies need doing, so no can do on the waiting!

And Zoon, I would LOVE to make angel delight with Bailey's...but sadly, no drinkies for me until I'm off the druggies.

FORTY DAYS OF DRUGGIES.

Lucky lucky me.
 
Missed the whole episode til this thread.

Poor POOR you!!!!! You don't do things by halves do you?!

Hope you're feeling better soon, horrible things, these reactions. By the way, did anyone take any pics............:o:o;):p:D:D:D
 
When FF comes, just casually mention to him how you've been so lonely and bored lying in bed all day, and that you'd kill for someone to visit you. Hopefully he'll take the hint and when he does come round you can be lying in bed looking all lovely dressed up in skimpy lacy nightie things :p
 
Starzaan said:
Sadly FF is off on holiday next week... and my ponies need doing, so no can do on the waiting!

And Zoon, I would LOVE to make angel delight with Bailey's...but sadly, no drinkies for me until I'm off the druggies.

FORTY DAYS OF DRUGGIES.

Lucky lucky me.
Click to expand...

just think of it as 40 days until Baileys angel delight!
 
Oh good lord Starzan, how do you do it?!

Get someone else to hold the horses for FF. Then he will miss you, come round a day or two later with flowers and kisses (when you will be less tomato faced) and whisk you off on holiday with him and your drugs.

or at least, if your drugs are exciting ones thats what you can do anyway from the comfort of your own living room :D

PS are you SURE it wasn't a stray morag that caused your bruising?
 
Starzaan said:
I find your face offensive, but I don't complain about it!! :D
Click to expand...

*sniffle sniffle*

Thing is, at the moment ... your face is just offensive to everyone :D

(You have my deepest sympathy, obviously. How has the mechanic dealt with your sudden-onset elephantitis? Did he come to see you?)
 
Mechanic is being a bit of a knob actually..but hey ho!!

DIBBIN YOU RUDE SLAGGYPANTS my face has gone DOWN NOW! I am no longer a tomatohead, I'm a bruised-arms-and-face-and-neck-head, and sadly he knew I was in hospital and merely complained that I don't make him bacon sandwiches. He isn't aware that I almost died... but still, a BIT of sympathy wouldn't go amiss! I am a DAMSEL IN DISTRESS DAMN THEM!

Or rather, I am now... I WAS a damson in distress...


There are photos...I will post them when I can get someone to bring my phone in from the other room... but for now, I shall remain in my bed of pain. All bruised and high.


and ALONEY ON MY OWNY.
 
Rachiie said:
When FF comes, just casually mention to him how you've been so lonely and bored lying in bed all day, and that you'd kill for someone to visit you. Hopefully he'll take the hint and when he does come round you can be lying in bed looking all lovely dressed up in skimpy lacy nightie things :p
Click to expand...

Tell him you did it just for him. (Or maybe not, as probably that would just get you committed).
 
Well girl, you got you asked for he's most probably finally noticed you. But sorry no sympathy from me. You made umpteen poor bloody Whelks die mostly lack of oxygen and fear, your self pity astounds me and I still two dresses the Katie Price pink thing with sequinces and the black slinky one with chicken feather top and bottom and you let us down everytime. My diary has had some many dates scratched out, I'm not sure which year I'm in anymore:mad::mad::mad::mad:
 
Hmm, your mechanic sounds a bit rubbish. Surely he should have been wailing and gnashing his teeth at your bedside? I would have if I were him (I mean that in a non-madlesbiany way).
 
Are you not all madlesbiany for me :( :( :( :(


Echo Bravo, shut your chicken feathered trap please. My diary is too full of self pity to even contemplate your morags wafting around in that katie price creation...


Mechanic is very nice... but hasn't been to see me (I discouraged him at first as I was a giant tomatohead..but even one little visit would have been nice...seeing as I almost died and all...) and has spent the last few days whining down the phone about how he feels sick/tired/bored etc etc etc and is going to bed early.

Now, I can't really talk as breathing is still a bit iffy (feels like someone has their hands round my throat the whole time... delightful) and so I have just been humphing a lot and feeling more and more sorry for myself.

Dibbin, come and be madlesbiany please. I would like to feel wanted. You can have some of my morphine.
 
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