Bonding with your horse

Twinkle Twinkle

Twinkle Twinkle

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How long did it take to get that special bond l have had Ellie since september last year and l feel it`s just now l am starting to click with her. I think it`s been a learning curve for me as l have always had geldings so having a mare has made me have to change a lot of ways l handle her.

The back lady was out checking her over before l start working her the other day and she mentioned that she thought Ellie has a lot of attitude which she i has lol and that she was the type of horse if in the wrong hands could be trouble.

When l first got her she was in a field with just 1 other mare who was submissive to Ellie and she got very dominant so l moved her to a herd enviroment and it calmed her down so much not being the dominant horse.

So really l think it has been trial and error and she is really going to be a lovely little mare who will go on and do a bit of everything with me. Sorry for the rambling chocolate cake for all. :)
 
I've always thought that some bonds cant be developed no matter how long you are together.

Ive seen loads of horses ive worked with and thought 'ooh i like you', have been offered a couple when they have been up for sale etc but i can honestly say ive never had the bond i have with my horse now, even though we are so far apart. I think some horses just click with you.
 
my old horse bolly took a long time but with rosc psychologically was really a matter of days when he went from being a nervous wreck couldnt go in a stable with him or ride him to him following me around the field and really started working well for me was just magical, he's so forgiving after all hes been through hes like a labrador and turned so quickly when he realised i was there to help him our relationship was pretty solid from the beggining :)
like i say though bol took me much longer at least 6 months till properly understood...
 
I knew instantly that my mare was for me. But she took at least 6 months to start to settle down, and it was a year before I can say we bonded. I have never bonded with a mare before. I have had my current gelding for 11 months, and it was only a few weeks ago that we finally 'clicked'. But once again, I instantly knew he was for me. I have had a couple of geldings 'given' to me. The first, I had doubts about but bonded with him inside of two months. He was a beautiful horse, sadly taken before his time. Another horse was also beautiful, but not my type at all. I never bonded with him, but was extremely fond of him. Sadly, he too was taken before his time despite us paying over £4k for an operation to save him.
 
Although in the end Lucy and I had an amazing bond I'd say it prob took over 2 years to get there. As many know when I took Lucy on she was agressive and dangorous to the point you couldn't even go in the field with her :( It took 6 months to gain her trust to let me in the field, another 6 months to let me bring her in groom and tack her up. After a year of owning her I was finaly able to try getting on her. I fell off her every day for atleast a year. I just kept going and eventualy she started to trust me more and more. I spent vertualy every single day of the twelve years I owned Lucy with her. The longest we were appart was 3 and a half weeks when I was in Hospital with a broken hip. The rest of our time appart over the 12 years prob added up to that in total. It took along time to bond with Lucy but that wasn't surprising due to her start in life :(

Herbie wasn't as bad as Lucy when I took him on but it's still taken a year and a half to get where we are today. I'd say it prob took him about a year to bond with me and trust that I wasn't going to let him down like everyone else had done before. Our bond is now growing every single day. :)
 
About a year to really bond with her, she was brought as a project so didn't matter if i totally fell in love. My mum did her mucking out and frooming etc....while I did my old horse and then i'd ride her and my mum Prince.

Took her to adult camp and started to do her daily and bond grew, she is now going nowhere love her to bits.

We have a lovely relationship and it has been commented on by people that see me riding her.
 
I felt I had something with Donovan fairly quickly, a matter of weeks.
But the bond is growing stronger and stronger now I have accepted that i can love another horse without anything bad happening.
 
I bonded with Jae straight away which is rare for me, he's just that sort of horse though. We are very much a team and my mum commented the other day how we look so much like a team when we are doing stuff.

My late mare I would say I 'got on with' from the beginning but it took flipping ages to bond, a good 2 years. She blatantly 'choose' me when I went to see her, I didn't really want her but somehow I ended up buying her! Once we did eventually properly become best mates she was so amazing, she wasn't easy but my god I could have ridden her into battle and she would have fought for me every step of the way.

I think it's harder to bond with mares but once you do they would do anything for you. Geldings are easier to bond with but I think they would transfer their affections easier too lol.
 
How would you all actually define bonding?

My horses seem to like me but then I am the bringer of food and other comforts, I don't fool myself that they would choose me above all others.
 
It's pretty obvious when you have bonded with a horse. It's when they save your arse because they trust you and care too! It's not when the walk up to their equine field bud instead of you.
 
Ok trying to think of other ways to tell you have bonded...

When your on the road and a massive lorry is flying towards you and you know your horse is frightened. However you lay your hand on their neck and say 'whoah' as the lorry goes flying past and they stand stock still for you even if they are frightened.

It's when you come into a jump on the wrong stride and they dig deep to get you out of trouble. Or you ask them am impossible turn in a jump off and they do it.

It's when your schooling and you only have to *think* canter and they do it.

It's when the vet is there and the horse won't let him touch him and the girls on the yard are struggling to hold on. You take your horse and stroke their nose and they calm and stand still.

Those to me are signs that you have bonded with a horse plus a million other things that pass silently between horse and rider!
 
As with people some are more open than others.

Had a few that were hard nuts and no matter what didn't want to bond ( ie mutual groom, follow around field doze next to you etc)

My little herd now all very close to eachother and me. Lots of 4 way ( me included in gang)grooming stood in a little circle each grooming / nibbling eachother. Follow me around when I poo pick and doze where I stand if I am gardening, chatting , hanging out washing they are very near me.

Yes I bring food in the winter but Trixie calls to me each morning when it's 9 - 9.30 for our morning hack and once taked up walks freely ( loose not being led / held etc) to the gate and waits for me to get hat / tabard etc on then off we go for our hack. She is in the paddock knee deep in lush grass to be tacked up yet still chooses to walk to gate for hack than eat grass. When we return I give her a few mins devouring grass while I remove tack, brush / wash her off if nec and then we wander back up to daytime paddock to rejoin herd.

I am a very lucky and contented girl :)
 
I knew the moment I saw Beau, she didn't take long to bond with me as she had only known a handful of people and no horses her whole life and I took her to a yard so she sort of clung to me a bit!

Really thought I had made a mistake with Ice as she was a very stressed little foal with one hell of a temper but after just over 3 years I felt I had bonded with her, till I moved recently (strange as she moved a couple times but was ok) when I thought she had lost the plot and couldn't deal with her. Am now bonding nicely with her again!!

Lottie, didn't take long, she was in a riding school having been on a hunt yard and took to being privatly owned like a duck to water!

I previously had a gelding who I could not bond with on any level and had to part with, he bonded with his new owner immediatly. Some people just don't click and I think horses are the same.
 
Im actually really interested in this as study psychology and doing attachment in humans and its really interesting learning theory suggests food acts as a stimulus and they learn by assiciation but CHEK OUT HARLOWS EXPERIMENT ON MONKEYS(i think it was 98%of baby monkeys chose a soft fake monkey mother and stayed hungry over a wire food providing one) i think this is really applicable to horses it is not necessarily the food bearer also reinforced by Schaffer and Emmereson on children in glasgow primary attachment was not with the person who feeds the child but who comforts them. sorry for garble but just some trivia for you guys... :) xx
 
When I bought my lad 4 years ago, he was not what I originally wanted at all!! He was an unbacked 3 year old stallion, that had been badly beaten :(

It took 6 months just to groom his back end, and a further 6 months to pick all 4 feet!! :eek:

After a year or so, he'd follow me where ever i'd go. He whinny's for me when he see's me, and the bond we have is incredible!!

Don't get me wrong, there were times when I'd get home from the yard all those years ago in floods of tears as it was just soooo hard!! But with patience and trust (on both parts), he's now my dream horse.

I have to say that it took about 3 of the 4 years of owning him before a true ridden bond came into it. Now it's almost like he can read my mind. I think trot, he trots, I think canter, he canters :) It's what I dreamed of when I'd go home crying, thought it'd never happen, and thankfully, it has!

... We of course have our bad days :rolleyes: but, I couldn't live without him now!! He's my star!! :D
 
Ellie whinny`s to me when she see `s me also if l am in the field she will not let another horse near me, I think that is more dominance. I think she was beaten before l got her if she gets scared of someone her ears go flat back and she really threatens them but she never does it to me this is what l am trying to get her to stop and she is getting better. A friend of mine could not get near her a few months ago now she can scratch her in the field wich is a big step forward.
 
i was an extreme nervous out of a riding school when i got my mare. it was a turbulent first year and a half. the first year i shared her with my sister who soon outgrew her, and when she moved onto horses i had to have meg all to myself. 6 months after that and me hating her i had about 5 lessons and after that we seemed to 'click' and we were away after that. further lessons really helped.
six years down the line i think we have a really good bond. last year she was on loan for 6 months and whenever we visited she'd come straight to me and fall asleep (i really think she disliked her loaners) so i was very pleased when she came back.
a non-horsey friend saw me and meg in the field the other day while me and her were "talking" and she said "wow, i've never seen a horse so close to a person before" and it made me feel a little warm inside! cheesy! :D

agree with stuff firewell said....if we're out riding and theres something she doesnt like i just scratch along the top of her neck either side of her mane and she immediately softens and relaxes.
although i knew i was really loved today! was scratching her withers in the field and when she was satisfied she turned her bottom on me like 'okay now do the other end!'
Grr :mad:
:rolleyes:
 
firewell said:
It's pretty obvious when you have bonded with a horse. It's when they save your arse because they trust you and care too! It's not when the walk up to their equine field bud instead of you.
Click to expand...
:)

Oh I know how I define it, just wondered what other people's interpretation was.
 
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